If I was Going to Regret It Anyway

Layla looked at Daryl with a twisted expression and without speaking for a while, then she opened her mouth.

 

“…Then all the more reason you shouldn’t skip meals. As brother said, to live…you have to eat.”

 

“….”

 

The soup in front of Daryl had already cooled down and hardened.

 

“I’ll tell the maid to bring out another meal. Please make sure to eat it before it gets cold this time.”

 

Daryl did not respond.

 

Layla watched him for a moment, then quietly left the place. After returning to her room, she sat lost in thought for a long time, then suddenly got up and went to her desk. She spread out a piece of paper and picked up a pen.

 

[To Miss Eleanor Townsend, 

 

I have something urgent to discuss and would appreciate if you could spare some time for me. 

 

Layla Lloyd.]

 

****

 

The day Layla visited the Townsend residence, it had been raining heavily since morning. Despite coming by carriage, her shoulders and the hem of her skirt were quite wet from the short walk to the front door under an umbrella.

 

The maids who came out to meet Layla with Eleanor wiped her wet clothes.

 

“You must have had a hard time coming here in such bad weather, Miss Layla.”

 

“Not at all. It was me who wanted to see you.”

 

Eleanor was smiling as if to welcome Layla, but there was a very slight hesitation in her smile. Surely it was due to the anxiety about what Layla might want to talk about.

 

“It’s good that you’re still in the capital. I thought you might have already gone down…”

 

“It’s quite a long journey. I had some things to do since I returned to the capital.”

 

“Ah… I see.”

 

Layla did not want to bring up the main topic right away. It would be against manners, and she herself was not yet fully prepared mentally. However, almost all of her consciousness was focused on the conversation they were about to have, making it difficult to even carry on normal small talk. It seemed Eleanor felt the same way.

 

“…Eleanor.”

 

After fiddling with her teacup for a while, Layla struggled to start talking.

 

“Yes, Miss Layla.”

 

“I know it’s rude to ask such a question…But when brother came here last time… May I ask what you talked about?”

 

“….”

 

Eleanor’s expression faintly clouded over.

 

Layla watched her anxiously.

 

“I know. It’s between the two of you, and it’s not my business to interfere. But…you see, Eleanor. The truth is…”

 

“Are you here to talk about the Duke?”

 

Eleanor interrupted Layla and asked.

 

“….”

 

Layla could not answer right away and just looked around restlessly.

 

“If that’s the case, please leave now.”

 

It was a low but chillingly cold voice.

 

“…Eleanor.”

 

It was a voice cracked from a suddenly dry throat, then Eleanor spoke.

 

“The issue with the Duke was settled conclusively that day. As Miss Layla said, it’s not something you need to interfere with, and there’s no need for you to. I’ve received a promise that there will be no repeat of the problem from before.”

 

“….”

 

Layla bowed her head. She had expected Eleanor to react sharply, uncharacteristically, when she brought up Daryl’s name last time. So, in fact, she had braced herself for a similar response today. But she hadn’t expected it to be this severe.

 

“…However, if it’s a different matter, then it’s okay. I’ve been concerned that we didn’t properly exchange greetings when I visited last time. Since you’ve come all this way, please tell me how you’ve been.”

 

Eleanor spoke in a much more relaxed tone. It seemed she felt sorry for Layla, who was so surprised that she had become rigid and speechless. In a way, this was exactly what Layla had wanted.

 

She couldn’t know how long she had yearned for a day like this, sitting face to face, drinking tea as if nothing had happened, enjoying a pleasant time. Perhaps today could be a stepping stone to more such occasions in the future. Even if they couldn’t live together in the same mansion again, they might at least be able to be like ordinary friends. If she pretended not to be aware of Daryl’s situation.

 

Layla bit her lip quietly. But she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Daryl was barely living. He was self-harming to the point of nearly attempting suicide, and he didn’t even realize that what he was doing was self-harm. There was no guarantee that such an incident wouldn’t happen again.

 

“Miss Layla?”

 

When Layla showed no response, Eleanor tilted her head in confusion.

 

Layla suddenly stood up. Then she knelt on the floor.

 

“Miss Layla!”

 

Eleanor exclaimed in surprise and stood up.

 

“Miss Layla, what are you doing? Please get up.”

 

But even as Eleanor pulled on her arm, Layla did not move from her kneeling position.

 

“I’m sorry, Eleanor. It’s all my fault.”

 

“What? What are you talking about?”

 

“Everything. For tormenting you, for being mean… I’ve been regretting it all along. But because of my pride…Because you didn’t blame me and kept treating me kindly, I just pretended nothing happened and went on like that. I’m really sorry.”

 

“…Why are you saying such things all of a sudden? That’s ancient history now.”

 

“Time passing doesn’t erase wrongdoing…I know it must seem absurd from Eleanor’s perspective. I understand if you don’t forgive me because it’s too late and out of the blue.”

 

“….”

 

Eleanor looked down at Layla with a cloudy gaze and then quietly closed her eyes.

 

“There’s nothing to forgive. As I said, it’s really a thing of the distant past, and even then, I knew that Miss Layla must have had her reasons. I also knew that you felt sorry, even if you didn’t say it. I have no resentment towards you, Miss Layla. Really. If anything, I’m grateful. Thanks to you, life at the Duke’s residence could be a bit more enjoyable and warm.”

 

“….”

 

Layla trembled slightly with her head bowed.

 

“So, please stand up now, Miss Layla. Okay?”

 

Eleanor took Layla’s hand and gently helped her to her feet. Noticing that Layla’s cheeks were wet with tears, Eleanor sighed softly.

 

“Don’t cry. I’m okay.”

 

Eleanor took out a handkerchief and wiped Layla’s tears herself.

 

Layla meekly allowed Eleanor’s touch as if she were her older sister.

 

“…Thank you, Eleanor.”

 

Layla said in a nasal voice.

 

“No, Miss Layla. And you shouldn’t think about it anymore, okay?”

 

“…Yes.”

 

Layla continued to keep her head down even after sitting back down.

 

“Eleanor.”

 

“Yes, Miss Layla.”

 

Layla called Eleanor and hesitated for a long time before finally speaking again.

 

“…Even if you decide never to see me again…even if you really cut ties with me, I’ll understand. So please, just this once…allow me to talk about my brother.”

 

“….”

 

Eleanor’s expression darkened again.

 

Layla hurriedly continued.

 

“I’m not trying to force anything. You don’t need to answer. It’s okay if you forget right after hearing it. So just…please listen. Please. I’m begging you.”

 

“….”

 

Eleanor looked down without saying anything.

 

Layla took that as permission to continue.

 

“After meeting Eleanor recently…my brother collapsed. The doctor said it was due to an overdose of a nerve stabilizer.”

 

“…What?”

 

Eleanor asked, her eyes widening involuntarily. Layla quickly waved her hands.

 

“No, no. I don’t think he was trying to die. But it’s clear… my brother is not in a normal state. Both mentally and physically.”

 

“….”

 

Eleanor hesitated with a complicated expression.

 

“Is he really that sick?”

 

“What?”

 

“Does he have a serious illness? How bad is it?”

 

Layla looked at Eleanor with a blank face.

 

“What do you mean…my brother is sick?”

 

“Isn’t he?”

 

Eleanor also seemed confused.

 

‘Could it be…? No, if my brother had a serious illness, Hardy, being the family doctor, would have told me about such an important matter.’ 

 

Layla tried to calm her flustered heart. Then it must have been a misunderstanding on Eleanor’s part.

 

“No. He’s definitely not well, but it’s not like he has a specific illness. Eleanor…why did you think that?”

 

“…Because if it wasn’t that, he wouldn’t have any reason to regret.”

 

“…What?”

 

“He apologized to me, crying. If he wasn’t dying of some disease, there’s no reason he would do that.”

 

“….”

 

Eleanor’s expression had become as cold and hard as ice.

 

Layla opened her mouth slightly without realizing it.