If I was Going to Regret It Anyway

“…Madam.”

 

It was after Daryl had left the Loud residence. Emily approached cautiously.

 

“Yes, Emily. What is it?”

 

Eleanor responded calmly as if nothing had happened, but Emily knew she was pretending to be unaffected.

 

She had seen Eleanor with that expression many times before. There was so much Emily wanted to say, but she couldn’t bring herself to say any of it.

 

“Are you really… going to leave Wembury?”

 

After much hesitation, that was the question she managed to ask. Eleanor wore a faintly bitter expression.

 

“I don’t know. I think I need to think about it.”

 

“…..”

 

The moment Daryl showed tears, Emily must have been the most surprised, aside from Eleanor. Unlike the other servants in the house, Emily had once served Daryl as her master.

 

When Daryl visited a few months ago, Emily felt that he had changed a lot compared to before. But the way Daryl acted today was so unbelievable that even seeing it with her own eyes, Emily found it hard to believe.

 

[That’s because I, you…]

 

The words Daryl hadn’t finished. It was all too clear what he was going to say next. Emily was still young and couldn’t claim to know much about love between men and women. At best, she had read about it in books. But it was impossible not to know. All of Daryl’s actions around Eleanor, the words he said today, the expressions he wore. All of it revealed his deep admiration for Eleanor.

 

Yet, Eleanor seemed unaware of it. At first glance, it seemed impossible to Emily that Eleanor wouldn’t know something so obvious.

 

‘Is she pretending not to know, or perhaps…’ 

 

Maybe she unconsciously believed that Daryl couldn’t possibly harbor such feelings for her. Considering the words Eleanor said while pressing Daryl today, it seemed she hadn’t considered the possibility that he still had feelings for her.

 

To Emily, it was the simplest and most obvious answer. But that didn’t make it any easier for Emily to bring it up. It wasn’t her place to interfere, and she was afraid of reopening Eleanor’s wounds. After divorcing Daryl and leaving the duke’s family, Eleanor had never once brought up that time on her own.

 

During the year she spent at the duke’s residence, Emily thought she knew how much emotional pain Eleanor had suffered. Or so she thought. The fact that Daryl had another woman, that the necklace Eleanor thought was a gift for her had gone to that woman, and that Eleanor had witnessed it herself, Emily only learned today.

 

Emily now understood why Eleanor had locked herself in her room all day after returning from the palace banquet three years ago, and why she had suddenly started putting up walls against Daryl. It had seemed strange at the time. The relationship between the two had been better than ever before. Seeing Eleanor in her new dress, Daryl saying she looked beautiful, and her blushing shyly…

 

At that time, they truly seemed like a loving couple.

 

‘Who would have thought such a thing had happened…’ 

 

If that was the case, it was natural for Eleanor to be deeply hurt. The heart she had started to open must have closed again.

 

Emily suddenly resented Daryl.

 

How could he meet another woman while having such a beautiful and kind wife? Even seeing Daryl pleading with tears, she felt no pity because of that. Yet, the reason she was contemplating was because of the slim possibility.

 

‘…Could it be that the Madam still has feelings for the Duke?’ 

 

It was a thought that suddenly occurred to her today. While saying that it’s all in the past and it doesn’t matter anymore, perhaps Eleanor’s sharp demeanor in front of Daryl was because of that.

 

It was the first time Emily had seen Eleanor treat anyone with such an attitude. In Emily’s eyes, Eleanor was someone who didn’t know how to hate others. She had forgiven and embraced Emily, and even became friends with Layla, who had treated her so harshly. Of course, she showed a firm and cold demeanor in front of detestable villains like Cecilia or the shameless relatives who visited a few months ago.

 

But the intense emotions she showed today were only in front of Daryl. She had been worried continuously. Wondering why Eleanor, who says she’s happy, sometimes had shadows on her expression. If it’s because she can’t forget the old feelings, and that’s why she rejected Benjamin’s proposal…

 

Of course, all of this could be Emily’s speculation. Eleanor was human too. It could simply be that she hates Daryl. After all, Daryl had done too many things that wouldn’t be surprising.

 

Emily quietly swallowed a sigh. She didn’t know what the right thing to do was.

 

“I’m sorry. You must be surprised. I talked about moving again just a few months after moving so far away…”

 

Awakened by Eleanor’s words, Emily quickly responded.

 

“No? Not at all, Madam. Your will is the most important.”

 

As she hurriedly waved her hands, Eleanor smiled brightly.

 

“Thank you, Emily.”

 

“…”

 

Even though she thought she shouldn’t be like this in front of Eleanor, Emily couldn’t stop her expression from turning gloomy.

 

****

 

After meeting Eleanor and returning, Daryl holed up in his office.

 

Herbert repeatedly went to talk to him, but there was no response. He didn’t care for meals or sleep. It was as if he had returned to the time right after Eleanor had left the duke’s residence.

 

Herbert regretted saying unnecessary things. Given the circumstances, it seemed that Daryl had clung to Eleanor and was rejected again. Herbert hadn’t urged Daryl to confess simply out of concern for his master. Herbert personally wished that Eleanor would become the mistress of the duke’s residence again. But that was just his own selfish desire.

 

If Eleanor had rejected Daryl even after he sincerely sought forgiveness and opened his heart, there was nothing more he could do. Clinging on any further would have been wrong towards Eleanor. As harsh as it might sound to Daryl, he had no choice but to forget her.

 

It was when Herbert was deep in a sigh that he saw Philip, the secretary, walking towards the mansion’s entrance.

 

“Is the Duke in his office?”

 

“Yes. He has been shut in there all this time.”

 

“…..”

 

Philip looked down with a troubled expression.

 

He felt a considerable amount of self-reproach for how things had turned out. He thought that if he had handled the situation better in front of Eleanor, perhaps it wouldn’t have been discovered. Of course, if one were to be rational, it wasn’t Philip’s responsibility. Eleanor had already been quite certain when she came to the duke’s residence. In fact, Daryl did not blame Philip.

 

[Arrange everything regarding Wembury. I won’t be returning there. Send all the overseers home except for Henson.]

 

Keeping Henson was just in case of an emergency. Daryl also instructed to reduce the regular reports he received daily to once a month. Philip was to receive them instead, and unless there was something special, there was no need to report to him. Despite having waited for such instructions, Philip couldn’t be happy. Daryl’s face as he spoke looked as if he was a dead man. The decision to finally let go of Eleanor seemed nothing more than resignation.

 

[…Are you really okay with this?]

 

Daryl gave no answer to that. He was clearly looking at Philip, but his eyes held nothing.

 

Philip had come after handling the work according to Daryl’s instructions. Eleanor had not yet gone down to Wembury since then and was still staying in the capital. But even that was now a matter that didn’t need to be reported to Daryl. Philip went to the office and knocked on the door.

 

“Duke. It’s Philip.”

 

There was no answer. Philip waited for a moment before opening the door.

 

He quietly entered the room and then, without realizing it, his eyes widened. Daryl had collapsed over the desk. An empty glass was rolling at the tip of one of his hands.

 

“…Duke!”

 

Philip cried out loudly as he rushed to Daryl.