If I was Going to Regret It Anyway

“You…”

 

Daryl barely managed to open his mouth. Although it was Eleanor who was short of breath, Daryl looked as if he was the one suffocating. He hesitated for a long time after broaching the subject.

 

“…I didn’t mean to torment you. I never intended to confront you in the first place. I just…”

 

“Then you should have done a better job. Why did you get caught? If you were going to deceive me, you should have done it thoroughly so I wouldn’t find out at all!”

 

Eleanor’s accusation caused Daryl’s eyes to cloud over.

 

Honestly, Daryl himself didn’t understand why he was caught. He thought he had been thorough enough. In fact, until just recently, there had been no sign that Eleanor suspected anything.

 

Daryl really wanted to ask her. How did she find out?

 

Eleanor bit her lip.

 

“Why did you gift me that necklace?”

 

The problem seemed to be that necklace after all.

 

Given the timing, he could only think that it was because of it. But he couldn’t understand why.

 

He thought it was possible for Eleanor to reject the gift, given her personality. But he couldn’t comprehend how she deduced his existence from that gift.

 

He had thought about it until he came to the Townsend estate, but he couldn’t find an answer.

 

Eleanor was staring straight at Daryl.

 

“Out of all the gifts, why did you choose an aquamarine necklace, and yet you say you weren’t trying to torment me?”

 

“…What do you mean by that?”

 

Daryl asked with a puzzled face. Seeing his expression, Eleanor smirked bitterly.

 

“You’re feigning ignorance again. Did you really think I knew nothing?”

 

“I’m not feigning ignorance. Please believe me. I truly don’t understand what you mean by that.”

 

Eleanor’s face fell into shadow. She closed her eyes in pain and was silent for a moment.

 

“…It was the necklace you gifted to the opera singer Esmeralda.”

 

Daryl couldn’t believe his ears. He couldn’t believe that Esmeralda’s name had come from Eleanor’s lips.

 

Daryl had forgotten about that woman for years. If he hadn’t gifted the aquamarine necklace to Eleanor, he wouldn’t have remembered her again.

 

“How did you…”

 

Daryl stuttered with a cracked voice.

 

“That day, I went to wake you up in your office and saw the necklace by chance. There was a birthday greeting card with it, and I mistakenly thought…maybe you bought it as a gift for me.”

 

A self-deprecating smile appeared on Eleanor’s lips.

 

“It’s ridiculous, isn’t it? If I had thought about it a little more, I would have realized that it couldn’t be. After all, there’s no way you would remember my birthday.”

 

Daryl couldn’t say anything, his face pale.

 

“You remember, don’t you? Three years ago, on June 18th, we attended the imperial banquet at Her Majesty the Empress’s invitation. After the performance, that singer Esmeralda came to greet His Majesty the Emperor and Her Majesty the Empress. That’s when I saw the necklace, which I thought was my gift, around the singer’s neck.”

 

[I am embarrassed to say, but today happens to be my birthday. To present this stage on such a special day and to have received such generous praise from Your Majesty, it seems it will be a truly meaningful birthday.]

 

“It was then that I realized. The necklace wasn’t bought for me. The aquamarine wasn’t chosen to match the color of my eyes. For you, June 18th wasn’t my birthday.”

 

A feeling of numbness washed over me.

 

His body stiffened so much that he couldn’t even move a finger, let alone speak.

 

At the same time, a devastating realization hit him.

 

Why Eleanor’s condition suddenly worsened at the concert that day, why she had been rejecting Daryl ever since. It took three years to understand.

 

But it was a realization that came too late.

 

“I don’t want to blame you for that. I felt the same then, and it goes without saying now. You clearly stated it yourself when we signed the contract, didn’t you? That even after marriage, you would meet other women. If there was a mistake, it was mine. For misunderstanding on my own.”

 

“…Eleanor…”

 

His voice was so weary that he couldn’t even pronounce her name properly. The last syllable was barely a breathy rasp.

 

“But that doesn’t mean it was a good memory for me. Since then, I haven’t been able to even look at aquamarine jewelry. I couldn’t wear the ring my mother passed down to me. The aquamarine ring that matched my father’s and my eye color, the one she said was her favorite.”

 

“How could you give me an aquamarine necklace as a gift? And as a birthday present, no less. How could you give me the same necklace you gave to that woman three years ago and say it was chosen because it resembled my eyes?”

 

“No.”

 

Daryl mustered all his strength to squeeze out his voice.

 

“That’s not it. It’s a misunderstanding, Eleanor.”

 

“You call me that again. I’m sure I told you that we are no longer on terms to call each other by name.”

 

“…I’m sorry…I’m sorry, Miss Townsend. But…it really is a misunderstanding. The necklace from three years ago wasn’t bought with that woman in mind either. Even then… it was your eyes I had in mind when I bought it.”

 

Eleanore frowned at the pathetic excuse.

 

“What nonsense…”

 

“I swear it’s true. But back then, I thought you wouldn’t accept my gift, so I couldn’t give it to you. If I had known it was your birthday, I would have definitely given it to you.”

 

“Then why was the necklace on the neck of the singer Esmeralda?”

 

Daryl closed his mouth.

 

“I remember everything clearly. Three years ago, Esmeralda definitely said it was her birthday. She was touching the necklace, clearly looking at you, not His Majesty the Emperor. Besides, you said you didn’t even know when my birthday was, right? If it was a gift bought for me, why was there a birthday greeting card with it? It doesn’t make sense.”

 

“…That’s because…”

 

“Because?”

 

There was no excuse. No matter what he had thought when he bought it, the fact that he had given the necklace to Esmeralda was undeniable.

 

Eleanore looked at Daryl and suddenly laughed. It was a bitterly sardonic smile.

 

“It seems I am still quite the fool to you, even now. To think that you expect me to believe such an obvious lie…”

 

“No, Eleanor. No, Miss Townsend. It’s not like that at all. I…”

 

“Stop it. I don’t want to hear it.”

 

The coldness in her words left Daryl with no choice but to close his mouth again.

 

“Don’t try to deceive me anymore. I’m sick of being fooled by you.”

 

“I suspected that you were behind Mr. Wilson, but deep down, I hoped it wasn’t true. I found a lot of comfort in the letters exchanged under Mr. Wilson’s name. I didn’t want to believe that the kindness and affection contained within them were false.”

 

“It wasn’t false. Believe me, that much is true. Everything was sincere. There wasn’t a single sentence written with a false heart. Please, Miss Townsend. I really…”

 

“Even the name written in the letters was a lie, and you say the content wasn’t? What about the claim that you were traveling around the country? The claim that you were writing from your travel destinations? You wrote such blatant lies while picking out a necklace for your daughter, and you didn’t feel a twinge of conscience?”

 

“..…”

 

“How can you still speak of sincerity now that all the lies have been exposed? How can you ask me to believe you?”

 

“…..”

 

Every word from Eleanor pierced Daryl’s heart sharply. With his head bowed, this time he truly had no words to say.

 

Eleanor, with a slight redness around her eyes, glared at Daryl, then closed her eyes. She placed her hand on her chest and took deep breaths for a while.

 

“…I can’t stay in Wembury anymore.”

 

At that, Daryl suddenly lifted his head.

 

“No, Miss Townsend. There’s no need for you to do that because of me. You’ve said how much you liked living there. I’ll leave. So, Miss Townsend, you should stay…”

 

“It’s not a problem that can be solved by you leaving. The memories of that place have already been tainted. I wrote about my daily life in Wembury in great detail in those letters. How can I stay there and not be reminded? Reminded of how you deceived me. How you mocked my sincerity.”

 

“…..”