If I was Going to Regret It Anyway

It was a frank review, but strangely there was no nuance of sarcasm or belittlement. Marianne spoke with a bright smile.

 

“Don’t worry though. That’s why I’m here, isn’t it? Leave everything to me. I’ll transform you to the point where even His Lordship will be surprised. I’ve already arranged for a top-class tailor and jeweler.”

 

“Um, Viscountess Jennings.”

 

“Yes, Eleanor?”

 

“Since it came up, I don’t want to spend too much money on clothes or jewelry.”

 

“Oh, it’s okay. His Lordship said to bill him regardless of the cost.”

 

“Even so. I want to avoid unnecessary luxury as much as possible.”

 

Marianne blinked her eyes and looked at Eleanor.

 

“Are you already worried about His Lordship’s household expenses? Even if you buy clothes or jewelry, it won’t have much impact on His Lordship’s wealth.”

 

“I just hate wasting.”

 

To be honest, she didn’t want to owe more to him.

 

Philip said that considering the Lordship’s status, the scale of the wedding couldn’t be reduced, but she wanted to minimize the money spent on dressing up her body, such as clothes and jewelry.

 

“That’s strange. There’s nothing more thrilling than spending your husband’s money. That’s the best part of marriage.”

 

Marianne grumbled discontentedly.

 

“Well, I understand for now. Shall we start the lesson? Time is pressing and there’s a lot to learn, so there’s no time to waste. Let’s start with posture and walking.”

 

“Yes, please.”

 

About an hour into the etiquette training, Marianne’s eyes widened in an exaggerated expression.

 

“Your understanding of etiquette is excellent? I don’t think I need to teach you much. Are you really a debutante?”

 

“I was strictly educated by my mother since I was young. I also received instruction from another chaperone a few years ago.”

 

“I see. Honestly, I was worried about making a debutante into a proper lady in a month, but this should be no problem. Let’s review for about a week and then go straight to the field.”

 

“By field, do you mean attending parties?”

 

“Yes. You can accompany His Lordship to the royal party next week.”

 

“Next week? At a party at the palace, me?”

 

“Yes. Didn’t you hear? His Lordship plans to announce the marriage there. Normally, it’s customary to have a separate engagement party, but this time, due to the urgency, he said he would skip it.”

 

Needless to say, all of this was news to her.

 

“…I see.”

 

“He said he was planning to attend alone, so I guess that’s why he didn’t tell you. But at this rate, there should be no problem going together. I’ll talk to His Lordship.”

 

“No, you don’t need to. I’ll tell him myself.”

 

“Will you?”

 

Eleanor nodded, but she had no intention of bringing up the issue first with Daryl. She intuitively realized that the reason Daryl wanted to go alone to such an important place was not because of her debut or etiquette issues. Daryl wouldn’t want to show Eleanor in a place where many nobles, including the royal family, gather. She was the only flaw in the perfect Duke’s house, a fatal scandal.

 

“You seem to be quite smart for your age, so you must know that you have been a burden to the Duke’s house just by existing.”

 

Eleanor remembered all the words Daryl had said to her when she was sixteen, six years ago, without missing a single word.

 

There were scenes in life that remain vividly in the mind as if engraved. For example, the worried expression of her mother watching her ride a swing for the first time when she was young, or her fingers counting the number of strawberries on the cake on an unknown birthday. The moment she first saw Daryl, it was also like that.

 

He was the most beautiful man Eleanor had ever seen until then. A slightly angular and slender face line, a straight and smooth nose. And intense eyes that seemed cold and indifferent at first glance, but seemed to be stirring something deep inside. The moment she met his gaze, Eleanor felt an unfamiliar throbbing in her chest. Eleanor turned her head away in confusion at the strange feeling she felt, and couldn’t look his way again until Daryl left with his father. But even though it was only a few seconds, the image of the moment she made eye contact with him was deeply embedded in her brain.

 

Thinking about it now, it might have been excitement. If there hadn’t been a meeting immediately afterwards, the sprout that sprang up in her heart in that short moment might have grown into a more romantic emotion, feeding on girlish fantasies. Then, the proposal she received at the reunion six years later might have come to Eleanor in a completely different impression.

 

Unfortunately, however, that sprout was trampled and crushed by the very person who planted it in just a few hours. Daryl’s tongue was as cruel as his beautiful face. Every single word of all the words Daryl left behind turned into a thousand thorns and was still stuck in her heart.

 

Until the day she met Daryl, the scandal surrounding her mother and herself was nothing more than a vague and intangible existence like a monster under the bed. This was because her mother had raised Eleanor in complete isolation from the outside world, so she never actually heard people’s slander.

 

So Daryl was the first hatred Eleanor had ever encountered, with a face and a voice. His expression, his tone, everything was filled with contempt and hatred for her. Receiving it all in person, she barely managed to keep from collapsing as her legs threatened to give way.

 

After Daryl left that day, Eleanor lay on her bed and cried for a long time. It was a deep wound, as he was the first person she had ever harbored a tender affection for, even though it was only for a few hours.

 

Perhaps she should never have been born. It was the first day Eleanor had thought of that.

 

“Anyway, I’m relieved. With this, I can comfortably teach you the most important skill.”

 

At Marianne’s words, Eleanor came out of her reverie.

 

“Skill? What skill are you talking about?”

 

“The skill at night. To please His Lordship.”

 

Marianne smiled with a sultry lift of her eyes. Eleanor felt her expression harden without realizing it.

 

“…I don’t intend to learn that.”

 

“Oh my, what are you talking about. There’s nothing more important than that as a wife’s qualification. Especially if your husband is someone like His Lordship.”

 

“…”

 

“You may not feel it yet, but you can’t hold a man forever with just beauty and youth. The reason men look for women is only one. Then isn’t polishing that skill the surest way?”

 

Eleanor averted her eyes without a word. Marianne laughed.

 

“You seem to be shy. How cute. But you’ll definitely thank me later. I can guarantee it.”

 

Marianne seemed ready to start the mysterious night skill lecture right away. Eleanor made an excuse that she wasn’t feeling well and sent her away. But even after being alone, the feeling of desolation did not easily go away.

 

Daryl had made it clear through the contract that he had no plans to have a marital relationship with Eleanor. So this couldn’t have been his directive.

 

“Is this normal? Do they all learn this knowledge from the chaperone before getting married?”

 

She thought blankly, but Eleanor soon shook her head. No matter how she thought about it, it couldn’t be. At least according to what she learned from her mother Sylvia and the former chaperone, Baroness Hamilton, it was unimaginable.

 

“Did someone pay for this in the middle? To deceive me into such a shameless act, to embarrass me in front of His Lordship?”

 

She was aware that it was an excessive thought, but it also didn’t feel completely impossible. Even considering the attitude of the servants from the first day, it wouldn’t be surprising if there was more harassment. As she recalled the events of the day, she felt sick. It was an excuse, but she really felt her physical condition deteriorating.

 

Eleanor originally had a stomach disease. It was a disease that developed because she had a habit of suppressing negative emotions and not expressing them outwardly. When she was mentally stressed, it immediately affected her body.

 

Soon, she felt a burning pain around her solar plexus. When she was in Loud, Peggy used to give her warm milk with honey when this happened. Eleanor rang the handbell. But even after waiting and shaking it two or three times, no one appeared.

 

Eleanor groaned and struggled to get up. She opened the door and looked out, and Emily appeared belatedly.

 

“Did you call?”

 

She didn’t seem to care about being late.

 

“…Call Peggy.”

 

She didn’t have the energy to say anything else right now. But Emily just stood there as if she hadn’t heard anything.

 

“Didn’t you hear? Call Peggy.”

 

“That maid is no longer here.”

 

“…What?”

 

Eleanor unknowingly widened her eyes.

 

“What do you mean, she’s not here?”