If I was Going to Regret It Anyway

“The scenery here is beyond words. But the mountain path is quite rugged, so it might not be easy for a lady to climb.”

 

“If I walk like this every day, eventually I’ll have the stamina to reach the summit.”

 

“Hehe, don’t push yourself too hard.”

 

The man burst into a hearty laugh. Instead of a greeting, he nodded his head and passed by Eleanor, descending the mountain path.

 

“Are you tired? Do you want to take a break?”

 

Eleanor asked Emily.

 

“No, Madam. I’m fine. I’m just worried that you’re overexerting yourself…”

 

“Not at all. Look, I’m perfectly fine.”

 

Eleanor proudly showed off her arm and smiled brightly. However, Emily still couldn’t shake off her worried expression.

 

Emily vividly remembered the time when Eleanor had fainted in front of her back at the duke’s residence.

 

Back then, Eleanor was truly fragile and precarious. She seemed like she could vanish into thin air at any moment, just like the heroines in the old fairy tales Eleanor used to read to her.

 

Compared to those days, Eleanor now looked completely different—healthy and happy.

 

The smile she gave Emily was also different. It wasn’t forced or hiding her true feelings like before.

 

Yet, there were times when Emily could still see glimpses of the old Eleanor.

 

During their happy moments, Eleanor’s expression would suddenly darken, or a hint of anxiety would appear in her eyes.

 

[Madam, what’s wrong? Are you okay?]

 

When Emily asked, Eleanor would quickly change her expression as if nothing had happened.

 

[Huh? What do you mean?]

 

Eleanor’s face, while smiling at Emily, showed no signs of distress. It was as if Emily had imagined it all.

 

Perhaps it was just a figment of Emily’s overactive concern.

 

In fact, Emily had been even more worried right after they had come down to Wembury.

 

She thought that Eleanor had left the capital because of her fame and had no choice.

 

Not just Emily, but most of the other servants thought similarly. They all agreed that there was no way she would come to such a rural place willingly.

 

But now, everyone agreed that Eleanor seemed happier than when she was in Loud.

‘It seems like the countryside life suits you well, miss. You might even decide to live here forever,’ Peggy said, almost complaining.

 

‘Don’t you think the Madam has been worried lately?’ Emily asked.

 

‘Worried? Quite the opposite,’ Peggy replied, scrunching up her face as if to say what nonsense.

 

‘I’ve known Miss all my life, but I’ve never seen her as happy as she is now. If anyone should worry, it’s me. When will Miss decide to return to the capital, or is she really planning to never marry…’

 

Peggy sighed deeply, still regretting that Eleanor had rejected Benjamin’s proposal.

 

Emily had seen Peggy grab Eleanor more than ten times, pleading, ‘Can’t you reconsider now?’

 

Eleanore had gotten fed up and now would frown just at the mention of Benjamin’s ‘Ben.’

 

Emily shared similar thoughts with Peggy.

 

Of course, Eleanor’s happiness was the priority, but it was honestly a pity that she abandoned both the life of an ordinary woman and a noble to live like this.

 

‘She’s still young, so beautiful, and on top of that, wealthy…If she wanted to, she could meet a good person anytime…’

 

Emily agreed with Peggy’s words.

 

Even though Eleanore earned a tremendous amount of money from her paintings, she hardly spent any of it on herself.

 

Her biggest expenses were donations, followed by the wages for her servants.

 

Eleanor paid her mansion’s servants nearly twice the typical wage. It was much more than what Emily received at the Duke of Griffith’s residence.

 

Despite their protests that it was too much, Eleanor wouldn’t hear of it.

 

Emily’s brother Jack also worked continuously for the Townsend family, so the two of them could support their mother without any shortage.

 

Nearly half of the servants who had worked in the capital followed them to this remote countryside, and that was precisely why.

 

Eleanor was an exceedingly generous employer. Not just in terms of wages, but in every other aspect as well.

 

While many high-ranking nobles often didn’t treat their servants and maids as people, Eleanor always treated everyone kindly with a smiling face.

 

Especially Emily owed a great deal to Eleanor. If it weren’t for Eleanor, her family would have been out on the streets, unable to handle her brother’s gambling debts.

 

‘So I really hope the Madam becomes truly happy.’

 

She had endured such hard times for so long over something that wasn’t her fault, so now she deserved to have nothing but peaceful and good days.

 

‘If she’s really happy living here, then it’s fine…’

 

Emily sighed quietly, making sure Eleanore didn’t notice.

 

“Shall we continue on?”

 

“…Yes, Madam.”

 

Emily quietly followed behind Eleanor, who was moving energetically.

 

****

 

[Miss Townsend.

 

Thank you for naming the puppies. Naming them according to the four seasons is a much more meaningful and better name than I expected. I can’t wait to call them by the names you’ve given them. By the time I return to Wembury, they will have grown much bigger than I remember.

 

I think the puppies will recognize Miss Townsend as their owner rather than me. I would like to say that you can take them and raise them if you wish, but then you might think of me as an irresponsible owner. Instead, I would be grateful if you could come and see them from time to time.

 

I am currently in Boyen, having left Redip. Although it is a coastal region like Wembury, the atmosphere here is quite different. It has been cloudy and foggy since I arrived, making me almost forget that it’s soon summer.

 

Wembury must be sunny today, right? I hope you take care not to walk too long, especially in the hot weather, as you might get heat exhaustion. And please don’t forget to stay hydrated. You might think I worry too much like an old person, but there’s nothing more important than health.

 

By the time I send my next letter, I think I will have arrived in the capital. If there’s anything you need, please don’t hesitate to ask. Whether it’s art supplies, books, or anything else, it doesn’t matter. There are many things that are hard to find in Wembury, so just write them in your letter, and I will arrange to send them to you.

 

[Being on a solo journey, there are times when I suddenly miss having a chat with someone. I’m not the type to easily mingle with strangers at travel destinations. That’s why the letters from Miss Townsend are a great joy to me. Please don’t worry and feel free to write as much as you want.

 

Looking forward to your reply,

 

Lewis Wilson.]

 

Daryl slowly put down his pen and re-read the letter he had just written, checking it over.

 

He had written ‘let me know if you need anything,’ but he was sure that Eleanor, with her personality, would say she was fine. He knew it, yet he wrote it out of pure selfishness.

 

It was because Eleanor’s birthday was coming up soon.

 

When he was married to Eleanor, he didn’t even know when her birthday was. Even if he had known, he probably wouldn’t have thought to prepare a gift or celebrate it.

 

Daryl opened a drawer. Inside, he took out a velvet box. When he opened the lid, there was a necklace inside.

 

The gemstone sparkled as it reflected the light. It was aquamarine, the same color as Eleanore

’s eyes.

 

But contrary to the brilliance of the necklace, the look in Daryl’s eyes as he gazed at it was utterly dark. He had bought a similar necklace before. But he had given that necklace to another woman.

 

To his own wife, to the woman he loved, he hadn’t even given a gift that he bought thinking of her. It was a mistake made because he hadn’t understood his own feelings at the time.

 

Or maybe he knew but wanted to deny it.

 

It was truly a foolish thing. If he had realized his own feelings just a bit earlier, maybe he could have prevented the terrible mistakes he made afterward.

 

After divorcing Eleanor, he developed a habit of buying aquamarines whenever he saw them, almost like a compensation psychology. Even though he knew he would never give any of them to her, he couldn’t help but buy them.

 

Daryl quietly bit his lip.

 

He was fighting the greed inside his heart.

 

Now that he was using the name Lewis Wilson, he wondered if he could give this necklace to Eleanor.