If I was Going to Regret It Anyway

From that day on, exchanging letters with Eleanor became the greatest joy in Daryl’s life.

 

Of course, along with the joy, there was a considerable amount of guilt for deceiving Eleanore.

 

He promised himself every time. When he received her reply, he would write back saying, ‘It seems it will be difficult to exchange letters in the future.’ He intended to make that letter the last.

 

But as soon as a letter from Eleanor arrived, such promises melted away like a snowman under the sun.

 

Every word she wrote, every letter, was so precious and dear to Daryl that he read the letter over and over again. The thought of never receiving another letter from her made him feel as if he was losing a part of himself, as if everything was going dark.

 

‘Well, I can’t just not respond to what Eleanor has written…’

 

Rationalizing his actions, he would eventually write a reply and send it, only to be hit by guilt afterwards. It was an endless cycle.

 

Then one day, Eleanor mentioned she wanted to invite Wilson to dinner as a way of thanking him for the art supplies he had gifted her.

 

It was an unexpected invitation, but Daryl wasn’t flustered.

 

Originally, Daryl had planned to make an excuse at the right moment that ‘Lewis Wilson had gone on a trip.’

 

As long as he was exchanging letters with Eleanor under Wilson’s name, there was a risk that their stories wouldn’t align if she ever met the real Wilson.

 

In fact, Wilson had once expressed a desire to travel after retiring.

 

Daryl hastily arranged for Wilson to leave the mansion and go on a trip, with the condition that Daryl would pay for all expenses. He also asked Wilson to send periodic travelogs.

 

This allowed Daryl to write about actual places Wilson visited in his letters to Eleanor. Eleanore seemed to enjoy Wilson’s travel stories very much. Perhaps it was because of the monotony of her rural life. Daryl meticulously transcribed the contents of Wilson’s travelogs into his letters.

 

Vinnie was a stray that Daryl had taken in when she was pregnant, not long after he had arrived in Wembury.

 

The old Daryl would have certainly ignored her.

 

‘…But Eleanore would never have ignored this dog.’

 

With that thought, he couldn’t just leave her be.

 

Even if Eleanor didn’t know, he no longer wanted to do anything that would upset her. He had made enough mistakes three years ago.

 

The puppies Vinnie had were also adorable to Daryl. Eleanor was affectionate and had given considerable love to the horse she received from the empress.

 

So, Daryl thought that Eleanor would undoubtedly love these puppies too.

 

Eleanor was naturally a very affectionate person and had also shown considerable love to a horse named Molstead that she received from the empress.

 

As expected, it seemed that Eleanore found the puppies extremely adorable. Daryl only regretted that he couldn’t see her reaction in person.

 

Daryl returned to his desk and picked up another letter. It was a letter from Philip.

 

Philip regularly reported on the business. The tone of the letters was always the same.

 

‘Though it’s overwhelming without the Duke here, I’m doing my best. I hope you return soon, but I won’t insist.’

 

When Daryl mentioned that he was thinking of taking a long vacation, no one, including his family, tried to dissuade him. It probably meant that he had looked precarious over the past few years.

 

Philip was the only one Daryl had told about following Eleanore.

 

‘Are you really sure about this?’

 

Philip had asked him that several times with a worried look.

 

Even when Daryl had shut himself away for months after divorcing Eleanor, Philip had never offered premature consolation.

 

In other words, Philip thought that what Daryl was doing now was even more foolish than at that time. In fact, it was.

 

Daryl himself was well aware that what he was doing now had no future.

 

But it didn’t matter.

 

After all, when Daryl lost Eleanor, and when he read his father’s letter, his life was as good as over.

 

Philip would never know, not now, not ever.

 

How happy Daryl was to be able to see Eleanor’s smiling face from a distance, to contribute to her happiness in even the smallest and most insignificant ways.

 

After all, Daryl was never allowed more than that in his lifetime.

 

So this was the greatest happiness he could have.

 

****

 

[To Mr. Wilson,

 

How was Redip? Have you left that place by now?

 

Either way, I would love to hear more of your travel stories. The stories you tell are very interesting and exciting. I knew you were a good writer from the many letters we’ve exchanged, but I didn’t know you were also good at writing travelogs. How about publishing a book with your writings once your nationwide tour is over? I always think it’s a shame that I’m the only one who gets to read Mr. Wilson’s letters.”

 

“I have finally decided on the names for the puppies. I’m worried you might think they are too obvious and common after much deliberation. But please know that I didn’t choose them lightly.

 

The names of the four siblings are Spring, Summer, Autumn, and Winter. I chose names that complete a set of four, as it’s a rare occasion to have four siblings. The one with a hint of pink in the fur near its face reminded me of flowers, hence Spring; the only black one looked like skin tanned by the sun, so Summer; the one that turns a bit brownish in the light is Autumn; and the whitest one made me think of snow, thus Winter.

 

I’m quite nervous about whether Mr. Wilson will like these names. My palms are sweating so much that it’s hard to write this letter. If Mr. Wilson doesn’t like them, I will humbly accept it and think of other names.

 

There’s another piece of good news today. I’ve blazed a new trail for walking. Having lived on flat land while in the capital, I find the sea and the rugged mountains of Wembury incredibly fresh and to my liking. I keep discovering landscapes that I want to paint wherever I set foot, feeling like I’m on a treasure hunt. Walking up the sloped paths every day seems to have significantly improved my stamina. Since coming to Wembury, I feel reborn every day.

 

When you return to Wembury, I would like to show you the walking trails and wonderful landscapes I’ve found. I hope I’m not bothering you by writing too often to someone who’s traveling. Please feel free to reply whenever it’s convenient for you.

 

1. L. Townsend.]

 

After entrusting the finished letter to the butler of Wilson’s mansion, Eleanor walked the trail with Emily. In the past, she would quickly run out of breath just walking up a slightly sloped path, but now she could stride up even the steeper mountain paths with ease.

 

“Madam, how far are we going today?”

 

Emily asked with a worried expression.

 

“We won’t go far. Just a bit further than where we went yesterday.”

 

“But you said the same thing yesterday and then we went up for another 30 minutes.”

 

“Did I?”

 

“Yes, you did. At this point, it’s almost mountain climbing, not a walk. It’s hardly a hobby befitting a lady.”

 

“What does it matter? I’m not a lady anymore.”

 

Eleanore said playfully, to which Emily responded with a serious look.

 

“You are a finer lady than any other woman I know,” Emily said.

 

Eleanore smiled slightly, embarrassed.

 

“Thank you for saying that, even though I’m dressed like this.”

 

Eleanore was currently wearing a simple and comfortable dress focused on practicality, along with sturdy boots. If one were to judge by her attire alone, she might not seem like a noble at all.

 

These days, this was almost always her outfit. She had a few formal dresses for going out or meeting people, but she had left all the dresses she used to wear at the mansion in Loud.

 

A man wearing a straw hat came walking from the opposite side of the road. He was a woodcutter who lived nearby, someone she had met a few times while walking in the area. Despite having almost gray temples, he looked robust and full of energy.

 

“Hey, good day to you.”

 

“Hello.”

 

Eleanor greeted the man with a straw hat with a bright smile.

 

“You’ve come quite far today. Didn’t you say you live down there by the hill?”

 

“Yes, that’s right. I’ve been trying to extend my walking distance a little bit every day.”

 

“At this rate, you’ll end up reaching the top eventually.”

 

The man laughed heartily.

 

“That would be nice. The view from the summit must be the best, right?”

 

“…Madam.”

 

Emily looked serious at Eleanor’s words. It was because, given Eleanor’s recent behavior, it didn’t sound like a joke at all.