If I was Going to Regret It Anyway

[Miss Townsend,

 

Thanks to your concern, the letter arrived safely. I was able to receive it the day before leaving Elquin.

 

I am truly grateful that you care so much for the puppies. However, I hope you did not spend too much time worrying about their names. It was never my intention to burden you with that request.

 

I am currently in Redip and planning to travel north along the eastern coastline. I suspect I will arrive near the capital when the moon changes.

 

It’s the first time since becoming an adult that I’ve spent so long without working. Honestly, for about a week after coming down to Wembury, I didn’t know what to do with myself. There was plenty of time, but nothing to do. It’s quite funny, isn’t it? A man of my age not knowing how to take a break.

 

With no work to immerse myself in, I naturally found myself deep in thought, especially about the meaning of life. I always thought I had everything I needed in life, but it turns out I have nothing at all. Of course, it’s all my fault. I didn’t know what was most important in my life, and I failed to cherish what was truly precious.]

 

The hand writing the letter suddenly stopped.

 

Daryl hesitated for a long time with the pen in his hand, and eventually crumpled up the letter. With a dark look in his eyes, he washed his face several times before taking out a new piece of paper.

 

Daryl wrote the same content up to his arrival in Redip, then changed the following:

 

[…It’s only been two weeks, but I already miss Wembury. It seems I’m not suited for traveling. If I give up on my plan to travel around the empire and suddenly return one day, please don’t tease me.

 

I look forward to hearing from you again.

 

Lewis Wilson.]

 

After carefully reading the newly written letter several times, Daryl put it in an envelope. He called the butler and handed him the letter.

 

“Send this letter after a week.”

 

“Yes, Master.”

 

The butler received the letter with both hands and bowed his head. After the butler left the room, Daryl stood up and walked to the window.

 

The place where Daryl was, was neither the capital nor Redip, but a mansion on a high hill overlooking Eleanor’s house.

 

After finding out that Eleanor had bought a house in Wembury, Daryl also purchased a nearby mansion. Then, he settled most of his ongoing business and left the rest to Philip before coming down to Wembury.

 

Leaving the capital did not guarantee Eleanor’s safety. In fact, such a secluded and sparsely populated place had worse security than the city. A young and beautiful woman like Eleanor could not help but attract attention wherever she went. Precautions had to be taken to avoid any misfortune.

 

After the exhibition, Daryl could hardly sleep at night due to his worries about Eleanor. He would doze off only to be jolted awake by relentless nightmares. Even while living in the same capital, he found it unbearable, let alone after sending Eleanor to the far ends of the land. Therefore, it was inevitable, not a choice, that Daryl followed her to Wembury.

 

Eleanor seemed to be living happily in Wembury. The seemingly dull routine of the countryside suited her well.

 

Daryl had a professional investigator thoroughly analyze the environment surrounding Eleanor. He checked if there had been any bandit sightings in recent decades, any natural disasters like storms, or any other potential threats.

 

Fortunately, Wembury was peaceful and a good place to live in all aspects. It was clear that Eleanor had made a well-informed decision to move there.

 

However, Daryl could not completely let his guard down. He had the entire population of Wembury investigated to ensure there was no one who could harm Eleanor. Men with violent tempers or bad drinking habits were closely monitored to prevent any encounters with Eleanor.

 

Just in case something happened, Daryl had people accompany Eleanor. Disguised sometimes as farmers, hunters, or passing travelers, they escorted her whenever she went out.

 

Perhaps it was the good weather, or maybe it was because she was far from the capital, but Eleanor spent more time outside than when she was in Loud. She often went horseback riding, walked on the beach, or painted.

 

The only time Daryl could watch over Eleanor, even from a distance, was when she was outside painting on her easel. Eleanor was so focused on her painting that she hardly noticed her surroundings.

 

Daryl would watch Eleanor paint for hours, hidden behind a tree with his hat pulled down. It was a very static scene, just sitting and moving the brush, but he never tired of watching it. Instead, he felt moved just by the fact that he could see Eleanor with his own eyes.

 

Sometimes there were moments when she would exchange a few words with a maid, chuckle as if amused, or burst into laughter. Those moments made his heart swell.

 

Seeing Eleanor’s smile was Daryl’s salvation. He had hardly ever made her laugh during their time together. His days had been filled with causing her pain, sadness, and broken promises.

 

Therefore, it was alright that the smile was not meant for him. Even knowing that she could smile because she was not with him, he no longer found this fact sad. As long as Eleanor was happy, that was enough for him.

 

Daryl never sought Eleanor’s love in the first place. He had no right to harbor such feelings, not just because of his past wrongdoings, but also because of his father, Frederick.

 

The Duke’s family had committed an unforgivable sin against Eleanor. Bearing that terrible secret alone was an immense burden.

 

In fact, Daryl was often tempted to reveal the whole truth. However, he was not sure if doing so would truly be in Eleanor’s best interest.

 

Eleanor regarded Frederick as her benefactor. She was willing to marry a man she did not love, out of gratitude for Frederick’s will. Now, she had paid off her debt of gratitude and obtained the happiness she desired.

 

The thought of how much shock and betrayal Eleanor would feel upon learning the truth was unimaginable.

 

To this day, Daryl was unsure of the right choice. But in moments like these, when he saw Eleanor’s smile, he felt an urgent need not to do anything that would take it away. Then one day, a guard reported that Eleanor had visited the village alone.

 

[She asked if there was a library or bookstore in the village. It seems she even inquired at the general store if they sold books. Unfortunately, she didn’t find any.]

 

Hearing this, Daryl felt a strong desire to fulfill Eleanor’s wish. He arranged for a large number of books to be brought from the capital and donated them to the village chief to establish a library.

 

Lewis Wilson was someone Daryl had prepared in advance to act on his behalf for such occasions. There had been a precedent where Eleanor suspected Daryl due to the security arrangements at the mansion in Loud, so caution was necessary next time. Daryl asked Wilson to fulfill his request in exchange for settling his business debts.

 

Daryl arranged for a mansion in Wembury for Wilson and had him donate the books to the village in his name. As expected, Eleanor seemed suspicious that Daryl might be behind this. However, after meeting Wilson in person, her doubts appeared to be resolved.

 

It was not unreasonable. Lewis Wilson was his real name, and the facts about his wife’s passing, his children living in the capital, and his recent retirement were all true. It was a result of thorough preparation to ensure that even if Eleanor were to investigate, she would not find anything amiss.

 

On the day Eleanor met Wilson, Daryl wrote a letter in his name. To ensure it would not be traced back to him, he had the butler rewrite the letter.

 

It was not a letter written with the expectation of a reply. It was merely a way to convey, hidden behind Wilson’s name, the feelings he could not express in person.

 

But the response from Eleanor was filled with pure joy and gratitude, something Daryl had not dared to hope for.

 

How many times had he read that letter? It must have been at least a hundred times. Even though he had memorized it and no longer needed to look at it, he continued to read and gently touch the handwriting Eleanor had penned.

 

The fact that his feelings were accepted by Eleanor, and that they brought even the slightest joy to her heart, was overwhelmingly moving.

 

It was a sweet ecstasy, something he had thought he would never dream of in his lifetime.