If I was Going to Regret It Anyway

“I’m sorry, Peggy. I know you’re saying this for me. But I won’t marry Viscount Brooke.”

 

“…Miss.”

 

“Peggy, you said it’s time for me to be happy. But marriage isn’t my happiness. My happiness is living in this house with the people I love. I want to keep the Townsend name that my parents gave me. Living in someone else’s house with someone else’s name, one year of that was enough.”

 

“…”

 

“I understand that you’re worried about me, Peggy. But please don’t think that I’m enduring or sacrificing for someone else. This is the life I’ve chosen, and I’m satisfied with it. So please respect my happiness, Peggy.”

 

Her tone was gentle but firm. Now, Peggy could no longer add more words. She pressed her lips tightly, looking resentful, and stood up from her seat.

 

“…If it were Viscount Brooke’s and your child, it would be so beautiful.”

 

“Peggy.”

 

Eleanor was taken aback by the words Peggy muttered softly.

 

“Don’t regret later that you should have listened to me.”

 

With a sulky face, Peggy turned her head away. Eleanor quietly smiled bitterly.

 

****

 

The next day, Eleanor wrote a letter to Benjamin. She wanted to give an answer to his proposal and asked him to visit again when he had time.

 

She had no idea that Benjamin had such feelings for her. He had always treated Eleanor more than just kindly, but she thought it was all out of pity for her situation.

 

Now that she thought about it, Peggy had cautiously mentioned before that ‘Viscount Brooke might have a fondness for Miss.’ At that time, she dismissed it as impossible, but it turned out Peggy was not wrong.

 

[I knew that Miss Townsend had decided not to marry anyone, so I was just planning to wait by your side. I thought that someday, when the world’s turmoil quieted down and Miss Townsend finally felt at ease, if there comes a day when you want to reclaim the life you gave up on…..That’s when I would speak to you.]

 

It was a truly affectionate confession. Eleanor was very grateful that Benjamin had thought and cared for her so deeply.

 

But for that very reason, she couldn’t rashly respond to his feelings. If there was someone who could love him as deeply, he should meet a woman who could love him back just the same.

 

She couldn’t choose Benjamin just to be more comfortable or to live a better life.

 

After sending the letter, she was reading a book alone in her room when the butler, Harold, knocked on the door.

 

“Madam, you have a visitor.”

 

It was an unexpected visitor. It was too early to be Benjamin.

 

“Who is it?”

 

“It’s Annabel Townsend. She says she’s your aunt and that she’s met you once before at the Duke’s house…”

 

At that, Eleanor’s expression darkened slightly.

 

As she went down to the parlor, Annabel, who had been sitting anxiously, sprang up from her seat.

 

“Eleanor! It’s been such a long time. How have you been?”

 

Annabel rushed over to Eleanor and grabbed her hands. Eleanor felt her mouth tighten without realizing it.

 

“…Aunt.”

 

“Yes, it’s me. I’m sorry. I should have kept in touch more often, but I’ve been so busy with this and that…”

 

“…”

 

Eleanor silently stared at Annabel. Annabel smiled awkwardly.

 

“How you’ve grown even prettier. I was worried about how you were doing, but it seems you’re doing well, which is a relief.”

 

“What brings you here?”

 

The question was so direct it could have seemed brusque. Annabel’s expression twisted for a moment, but she forced a smile again.

 

“Child, do I need a reason to visit my niece? I ended up missing your wedding last time. It’s been on my mind. I kept thinking I should visit, but it was difficult to find the time. As you know, it’s quite a distance from our house to here…”

 

“I thought I would never see you again.”

 

At Eleanor’s words, Annabel clamped her mouth shut.

 

About three years ago, Annabel and her husband had taken money from Daryl under the condition that they would ‘never approach Eleanor again.’ Annabel even bargained to double the amount if that was the condition. Eleanor couldn’t understand why she would come to see her again, acting friendly as if such a past had never happened.

 

Actually, she had a guess.

 

“…Are you still angry about that time?”

 

Annabel cautiously watched Eleanor’s reaction as she asked. Eleanor looked back at Annabel with an almost expressionless, calm face.

 

“I’m sorry, Eleanor. I was wrong back then. As I told you, our situation was so difficult at the time… When the duke offered such a large sum of money, I couldn’t refuse it. Were you very upset? I’m sorry. Life was so hard every day… Please understand me, okay?”

 

Annabel spoke earnestly, her eyes even welling up with tears. She then conspicuously dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief.

 

Eleanor was surprisingly unmoved. She felt neither sympathy for Annabel nor resentment or hatred towards her. The only emotion she could discern was a faint contempt.

 

“Please state your business.”

 

“…Eleanor.”

 

“If you have no business, please leave.”

 

Annabel bit her lip slightly. She bowed her head for a moment and then looked up at Eleanor again. There was a strange glint in her eyes that was hard to identify.

 

“Now that I come to you with this… I really have no face to show…”

 

“Are you still having difficulties?”

 

Eleanor asked calmly, and Annabel clamped her mouth shut.

 

“Have you come to ask me for money? Like you did last time?”

 

“Eleanor.”

 

Annabel looked at Eleanor with a slightly pale face. She hadn’t imagined Eleanor would react this way.

 

“…I’m not just asking for it. If you could lend me a little, I’ll definitely pay you back. I can’t say when, but I will—once things get better.”

 

“No, Aunt, you won’t pay back the money. Instead, you’ll come again saying you’re in a difficult situation.”

 

“…Eleanor.”

 

“You couldn’t come while I was at the Duke’s house because of the promise you made with the Duke, and after the divorce, you naturally thought I’d be penniless again, so you didn’t come. And now, you suddenly show up because you must have heard the rumors that I make a lot of money as a painter.”

 

“…”

 

Annabel had no response to Eleanor’s pointed words.

 

‘That person wasn’t wrong.’

 

‘Those people came for my money. They crawled all the way here, sniffing the scent of bread crumbs to lick up.’

 

Eleanor had her suspicions too. She just didn’t want to believe they were true. She didn’t want to think that the only relatives she had ever met face-to-face, the people related to her by blood, could be so base.

 

But, sadly, Daryl was right.

 

“…Knowing all that, do you really have to say it like that?”

 

Annabel spoke as if she was offended.

 

“I have my pride and shame too. But how desperate must I be to do this? We’re family, aren’t we? I’m your Aunt. Your cousins are just little kids much younger than you. Don’t you feel sorry for those kids who are struggling with hunger?”

 

“No, I don’t.”

 

“….”

 

Annabel’s mouth dropped open in disbelief.

 

“How can someone be like that? That money is of no use to you anyway! What are you going to do with all that money you’re hoarding? Wouldn’t it be better to think of it as doing a good deed and lend some? I’m not asking for an enormous amount, and you’re so rich! Even a stranger you meet on the street would be kinder than you!”

 

“I feel the same way.”

 

“What?”

 

“If you were a complete stranger I met on the street, I think I could have been kinder to you than to my Aunt.”

 

“…”

 

Annabel glared at Eleanor with a flushed face. Eleanor indifferently turned to look at Harold, who was standing behind her.

 

“Please show her out.”

 

“Wait, wait! Eleanor!”

 

Annabel was furious, but Eleanor didn’t even glance back as she headed straight to her room.

 

“How can there be such a girl in the world? That’s why you were thrown out by the Duke! You’ll be punished by heaven for living like that! Are you listening to me? You’ll be punished by heaven!”

 

Annabel continued to rage as Harold and the other servants held her back and chased her out.