If I was Going to Regret It Anyway

Benjamin opened the box, and at that moment, the contents absorbed the afternoon sunlight and shone brilliantly. It was a ring, with a diamond the size of Eleanor’s thumbnail surrounded by smaller diamonds crafted like petals.

 

“Viscount Brooke, this is…”

 

Eleanor trailed off in surprise. Benjamin looked at her with an intensity that was uncharacteristic of him.

 

“Miss Townsend, please marry me.”

 

Peggy’s small intake of breath could be heard from behind.

 

“…Viscount Brooke.”

 

“I know this comes as a surprise. But this is not a decision I’ve made lightly. I’ve thought long and hard, and I’ve concluded that this is the only way. To protect you.”

 

“Protect me? I am…”

 

“I am well aware that Miss Townsend is a strong person. Despite being left alone at a very young age and in a woman’s body, you’ve carved out and managed a life entirely on your own. But now that you’ve revealed your identity as a painter, you will face many new challenges. Some of these will undoubtedly be great adversities that Miss Townsend cannot handle alone. The world is a harsh and dangerous place, especially for a young woman like yourself. Having a husband can make an enormous difference in the same situation. I will be that shield for you. After all, the current situation is my responsibility.”

 

“That’s not true. I painted the picture, and I asked you to sell it, Viscount Brooke. So naturally, all the responsibility lies with me.”

 

“That’s not the case. If I had persuaded His Highness the Prince properly, none of this would have happened…”

 

“Viscount Brooke, you have always done your best for me. More than I deserve. And this time is no exception.”

 

Benjamin quietly lowered his eyes. Eleanor took a small, deep breath. Her heart was still racing from the shock.

 

“Therefore, you don’t need to feel responsible, Viscount Brooke. And certainly not to the extent of proposing… You shouldn’t decide on such an important matter in your life out of mere duty. I truly appreciate your deep concern for my situation. But…”

 

“It’s not mere duty.”

 

“What?”

 

“I didn’t propose to Miss Townsend out of mere responsibility or obligation. I…”

 

Benjamin remained silent for a moment, his expression thoughtful, then slowly continued speaking.

 

“I have cherished Miss Townsend for a long time. Since the day we first met, eight years ago, continuously.”

 

Eleanor’s mouth fell open slightly. She was too surprised by the sudden confession to say anything.

 

“Therefore, the thought of welcoming Miss Townsend as my wife is not something that just occurred to me. In fact, it has been a wish I’ve held in my heart for a long time. But knowing that you had decided not to marry anyone… I was content to wait by your side. If someday the world’s commotion quieted down, and Miss Townsend finally felt at ease. If the day came when you wanted to reclaim the life you had given up on… that’s when I planned to tell you. About my feelings. That if you would allow it, I hoped to share everything with you…”

 

It was a low but fervent confession. Eleanor could do nothing but blink blankly, unable to respond.

 

“But I can’t just wait any longer. If because of this incident Miss Townsend were to experience something dreadful that should never happen… I would never be able to forgive myself. It’s not because of responsibility. It’s simply my selfish desire not to see the one I love get hurt.”

 

Benjamin paused to look at Eleanor, then set the ring box down on the table.

 

“I won’t rush you for an answer. You’ll need time to think. Whenever you’re ready, please contact me.”

 

Benjamin picked up his hat and rose from his seat. Eleanor stood up a beat too late.

 

“…Viscount Brooke.”

 

“It’s alright if you don’t come out. Then.”

 

Butler Harold hurriedly followed Benjamin out.

 

“Miss!”

 

After Benjamin had left, Peggy, who had been too nervous to interrupt and had been pacing, rushed over.

 

“What’s all this about! A proposal, of all things! I knew it. I knew Viscount Brooke had feelings for you. Otherwise, why would such a fine gentleman remain unmarried…”

 

Eleanor was still in shock, speechless. Peggy grasped Eleanor’s hands firmly with her own.

 

“Of course you’ll accept, won’t you, Miss? You will, right?”

 

“…No…”

 

Eleanor regained her composure and shook her head.

 

“No. I can’t… I can’t accept the proposal. I won’t.”

 

Peggy’s eyes widened in shock.

 

“What? Why not? You heard everything Viscount Brooke said. It’s been 8 years. He’s been devoted to you alone for 8 years. Not everyone gets to experience such love. And it’s true that you need a husband. Of course, you’ve managed the Townsend estate admirably on your own, but it’s a fact that having a man in the house makes a big difference in certain situations.”

 

Eleanor silently looked down at her hands, which Peggy was holding.

 

“Why, Miss? You’re not still worried about the rumors outside, are you? There’s no need for that anymore. It’s all in the past, and you’ve paid off the debt to the late Duke over the past year. Don’t do this. It’s time for you to be happy. You deserve it. To have a wonderful husband, to see your cute children…You can live a life without envy.”

 

Tears had formed in Peggy’s eyes. Seeing this, Eleanor’s eyes also began to moisten faintly.

 

“No, Peggy. It’s not that…”

 

“Then why, Miss? Why do you say that?”

 

Eleanor took a moment to collect her thoughts before speaking again.

 

“…I can’t because I feel sorry for Viscount Brooke.”

 

“What? What do you have to be sorry about?”

 

“Viscount Brooke is a good man. He deserves someone much better than me.”

 

“What are you talking about? What’s wrong with you? You’re beautiful, you have money. Besides, Viscount Brooke likes you. He wants to marry you. How could there be anyone better for him than you?”

 

“I’m old and…I’ve already been married once.”

 

“Old? You’re only twenty-four, in the prime of your life. Besides, the marriage with the Duke was just a formal contract, and you’re still as pure as ever.”

 

“…Peggy.”

 

Eleanor raised her eyebrows in embarrassment, but Peggy paid no heed.

 

“And what’s wrong with remarrying? I know several people who have remarried after being widowed. If anyone points fingers, they’re the strange ones.”

 

“It’s not just that. You know as well as I do how people see me. If I marry Viscount Brooke, the rumors that have been following me will start to trouble him too. People will certainly bring up the Duke’s family if I remarry…I don’t want that. I may have distanced myself from society, but Viscount Brooke hasn’t. He has to meet people and socialize for business… I don’t want to cause him trouble because of me.”

 

Peggy bit her lip at Eleanor’s words.

 

“You always do this. You don’t want to be a burden, you don’t want to cause trouble… You even did it to me. Do you know how much that hurt me?”

 

“Peggy…”

 

“So what if there are rumors? So what if Viscount Brooke suffers a bit? You’re a couple. Couples are supposed to share both the hard times and the good times. Viscount Brooke knows all this and still proposed. He wants to marry you to lighten your load, because he loves you. And I feel the same. It hurts me far more to see the Miss I love suffering alone than to endure a little hardship.”

 

Peggy took Eleanor’s hands again, holding them tightly.

 

“Please, just this once, listen to me, Miss. Close your eyes and marry Viscount Brooke. You won’t regret it, I promise. You’ll see that listening to me was the right choice. Please, I’m begging you.”

 

At Peggy’s words, Eleanor bowed her head in distress.