If I was Going to Regret It Anyway

Daryl Lloyd fiercely swung open the door to his wife’s room.

 

The gazes of Eleanor and the maids in the room turned towards him simultaneously.

 

His face was flawlessly sculpted without a single misplaced or incorrectly drawn line. The slightly wrinkled corners of his eyes and the slightly protruding cheekbones hinted at how mentally preoccupied he had been for the past few months. However, even in such a haggard state, he remained aesthetically pleasing—an attractive man.

 

Daryl, slightly out of breath from his rush, scanned the room while trying to regain his composure. His eyes wandered over the wide-open wardrobe door and the scattered items here and there, eventually landing on the half-packed travel bag.

 

“What are you doing?”

 

“Honey.”

 

“I asked you what you are doing!”

 

Unable to contain himself, Daryl raised his voice, causing these maids’ faces to turn pale.

 

“Just wait outside for a moment.”

 

At Eleanor’s timely command, the maids quickly exited the room as if they’d been waiting for the word.

 

“Why are you so angry?”

 

Eleanor asked nonchalantly.

 

“I’ve already asked you twice, don’t make me repeat myself for the third time.”

 

“As you can see, I’m getting ready to leave.”

 

“Leave? From here? On whose terms?”

 

Eleanor tilted her head slightly to the side.

 

“From the beginning, everything was agreed upon in the contract. Surely you haven’t forgotten? We agreed to maintain our marriage for exactly one year, and after that, we’d divorce. Tomorrow marks precisely one year since we got married. You may or may not have been aware of it.”

 

“…In society, they call that an anniversary. Didn’t you know that?”

 

“Of course I do, but why?”

 

Eleanor looked genuinely puzzled.

 

“That’s why I’ve been getting ready, so I can leave as soon as the sun comes up tomorrow. Does that answer your question?”

 

A thousand fires burned inside him, yet Daryl still held it together with all his might.

 

“Wait another day. At least until dinner.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I have something prepared. There are also things I want to say.”

 

“You can do it tonight.”

 

“……It’s not our anniversary yet.”

 

“What’s the point of a wedding anniversary when we’re going to divorce tomorrow anyway? Unless it’s a divorce anniversary, then that would be a different story.”

 

Daryl’s face stiffened. But Eleanor continued without paying it any mind.

 

“Oh, is there a formal ducal succession celebration or something? Congratulations. It’s commendable. After enduring a marriage I didn’t want for a whole year, it’s only fair to expect some compensation. However, I’d rather not attend, because I’m sure it’ll dampen your spirit if I stick around unnoticed.”

 

“……”

 

“I’ll offer my congratulations separately. Congratulations, honey. No, I suppose I should say Duke Griffith now.”

 

“……Eleanor.”

 

“Excuse me, could you please leave?I still have to finish packing.”

 

“Don’t go.”

 

Eleanor turned once at Daryl’s words, then looked back at him.

 

“What?”

 

“Don’t go. Continue staying by my side.”

 

For so long, Eleanor’s expression had been indifferent and dry, but for the first time, surprise flashed across her face.

 

“What do you mean? What about our contract?”

 

“As I’ve said before, any contract can be terminated as long as there is mutual agreement.”

 

Eleanor looked at Daryl with furrowed brows, her gaze endlessly cold and empty.

 

“I don’t understand. Why are you suddenly saying this?”

 

“……”

 

The reason was obvious. However, uttering that simple word proved to be too difficult. Was it because Daryl himself hadn’t fully accepted that fact yet?

 

Daryl couldn’t even understand it himself. Was what kept his mouth shut the unwillingness to acknowledge his own emotions, or was it the fear of being rejected by the other person?

 

“…Because I want it to be that way.”

 

“What?”

 

“Because I don’t want you to leave. Because I want you to stay as my wife. Is that not enough, do you need another reason?”

 

Eleanor wrinkled her face at the somewhat whining words, as if dealing with a tantrum-throwing child. She remained silent for a while, deep in thought. As seconds ticked away, Daryl’s inner turmoil intensified in real-time.

 

“Earlier, you said that a contract can be terminated if there’s mutual agreement, right?”

 

Eleanor’s words brought a glimmer of hope to Daryl’s face.

 

“That’s right. We can nullify the entire contract, which is why we never had one in the first place, and we can be a normal, blameless couple like everyone else, so…”

 

However, just as Daryl’s words continued excitedly, Eleanor’s cold, one-sentence response cut him off.

 

“I suppose that also means that it can’t be terminated unless I agree to it.”

 

“……”

 

“In that case, raising the penalty fee tenfold was a wise decision.”

 

“……Eleanor.”

 

“I don’t know why you want to continue this marriage, but I don’t want it. All I want is for the contract to be fulfilled. Tomorrow, we’ll divorce, and you’ll become a real Duke, while I’ll return to the Townsend Manor, just as promised a year ago.”

 

Eleanor still showed no emotion. Perhaps it would have been less painful for Daryl if she had shown resentment or hatred.

 

“…Can’t you reconsider?”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I…..you…”

 

“It’s you who said a formal marriage would be sufficient.”

 

“……”

 

Before he could finish his sentence, Eleanor’s words interrupted him, and Daryl realized that she had never wanted his answer in the first place.

 

“You’re the one who asked me to marry you in the first place, you’re the one who brought me a contract that stipulated a divorce after a year, and you’re the one who coerced me out of my reluctance by citing my loyalty to the old duke. It was all you.”

 

“…Eleanor, back then, I…”

 

“Telling me not to delude myself into thinking I’ve become a real duchess just because I entered the duke’s estate, advising me to live as if I were dead for a year, and treating me as if I didn’t exist all this time.”

 

“……”

 

“Although life was several times, dozens of times more lonely than when I was living alone in the Townsend Manor, I held it together, all because of a promise. It was my duty to the former Duke and compensation for the burden you caused. That’s why I endured it. It was just one year.  I can’t bear it any longer, and I don’t want to.”

 

Those words, spoken calmly to Daryl, contained the truth that Eleanor had kept bottled up inside of her for a year.

 

Once, he had longed to hear his wife’s true feelings. But now, he wished he had never known. He never expected it to hurt so much, cutting his heart into pieces like this.

 

“Now please leave.”

 

“……”

 

“If you don’t leave, I will.”

 

“Eleanor.”

 

Daryl staggered forward and grabbed Eleanor’s wrist.

 

“I’m sorry, I was wrong.”

 

“……”

 

Daryl had never apologized to anyone in his life. Whether the gravity of his words reached Eleanor or not, her gaze subtly trembled.

 

“Just think about it one more time. You don’t have to answer right away. At least until tomorrow… Stay at the mansion for one more day, have dinner together… spend the night. And then give me your answer. If your feelings haven’t changed by then, I won’t hold you back anymore. So just one more day. Please, just one more day. I’m begging you.”

 

It was a desperate plea, but it did not sway Eleanor. Soon, her response came without hesitation.

 

“No.”

 

“Eleanor…”

 

“Last summer, do you remember the last time I asked you for something?”

 

“……”

 

“That day, I waited for you from dawn. But as the sun rose, passed midday, and eventually concealed itself completely, you never showed up. It wasn’t until midnight that you appeared, your clothes were filled with the scent of another woman’s perfume.”

 

Daryl swallowed hard, his throat dry as dust.

 

“…Eleanor, no, that’s…”

 

“Couldn’t you have at least changed your clothes before coming back? Couldn’t you have shown some consideration to keep me from smelling it? If you had even a little bit of remorse for keeping me waiting, or if you had remembered that promise in the first place… Did you ever wonder what that day meant to me?”

 

“……”

 

Daryl couldn’t muster any response. A faint smirk appeared at the corner of Eleanor’s lips, as if she had expected this reaction.

 

“But do I have an obligation to fulfill your request? For someone who has never respected me as a wife even once?”

 

“……”

 

Eleanor gently removed Daryl’s hand that was holding onto her wrist. His strong arm, twice the thickness of hers, dropped weakly as if it were a paper doll.

 

Without another word, Eleanor left the room. Left alone, Daryl stood there as if he were paralyzed, unable to move or think.