I’d Rather Abandon Than Be Abandoned

RATBA Chapter 15

 

The Duke seemed unable to understand.

What exactly Nathan meant by “Claudia’s help.”

Perhaps that’s why he looked utterly dazed, as if his soul had left his body.

‘Of course, he’d be confused. Could he ever have imagined that a man would declare in front of him that he intended to sleep with his daughter?’

Nathan’s statement must have been far too shocking for a conservative, uptight duke like him.

But that didn’t mean they could back out of the plan now.

As the still-stunned Duke stood in front of them, Nathan approached me.

Then, with his large hand, he carefully cupped my face.

Thanks to the effect of the potion, we were able to touch each other without issue.

Unsurprisingly, the Duke seemed deeply shocked.

“Your Highness? It looks like the curse of the royal family has disappeared…! How can this be?”

The Duke’s voice trembled, clearly shaken by what he had witnessed.

But Nathan didn’t seem to be finished yet.

His face moved closer to mine.

His face turned slightly to the side, his eyes slowly closing…

Realizing what was about to happen, I closed my eyes as well.

Soon, we shared each other’s warmth and breath, our lips meeting.

I immediately heard the Duke gasp in horror beside us.

“Wh-what on earth is this…!!”

Had we gone too far?

The Duke seemed so shocked that he was practically on the verge of fainting.

He was getting on in years—if we didn’t stop, he might collapse from the shock.

“Should we stop here? If we go any further, your father might pass out.”

Despite my words, Nathan didn’t release my lower lip, which he had lightly bitten.

“Just a little longer. We need to make sure it’s clear.”

With that, there was no choice.

I wrapped my arms, which I had initially reached out to push him away, back around Nathan’s waist.

In response, his movements became even more intense.

It wasn’t until a long time had passed that we were finally able to pull apart.

“…Did you see that, Father?”

Wiping my moist lips with the back of my hand, I checked on the Duke.

His face was pale.

He didn’t say anything, likely overwhelmed by everything he had just witnessed.

Nathan calmly explained to the Duke, as if nothing out of the ordinary had just happened.

“As you’ve just seen, the curse doesn’t affect the two of us. I intend to inform the Emperor of this as well. That should make me a strong candidate for the throne.”

The Duke still didn’t respond.

Even though this was what he had always wanted—me becoming Empress.

I shook my head at Nathan, who seemed to want to continue the conversation.

“He’s probably very shocked. He’ll need some time to process it.”

Nathan nodded in agreement.

Before leaving with Nathan, I informed the Duke:

“Let us know when you’ve made your decision. We’ll be waiting.”

“…Wait.”

The Duke, who seemed frozen in place forever, finally snapped out of his trance.

He walked toward me and pulled me behind him, as if trying to shield me from Nathan.

“Father?”

I carefully observed the Duke’s expression.

He was glaring at Nathan with eyes full of hostility.

Had he subdued his enemies with that same look when he was still a knight?

It looked like flames were burning in his eyes.

If he had a sword, he would probably have swung it at Nathan without hesitation.

“I need an explanation for what I just witnessed.”

The Duke didn’t stop there.

“Such behavior in front of a father—treating his daughter like this—is simply unacceptable. Even if she were from a lowly family, it would still be wrong.”

“Father…”

“You should not treat a child you’ve raised with all your heart so recklessly.”

It seemed the Duke had entirely misunderstood the situation.

In his eyes, I was just an innocent girl, and everything was a wicked plot devised by that black-hearted, scheming prince.

“P-please calm down! His Highness has done nothing wrong! This was all my idea!”

“Don’t try to stop me! This is not something to just let go!”

The Duke shouted, his voice booming as he scolded me for trying to intervene.

Startled, I took a step back without thinking.

And in that moment, I lost my balance.

“…?!”

I wobbled, falling backward.

Had I not been caught, I would’ve hit my head on the corner of the table behind me.

A concussion—or worse—was only a breath away.

Thankfully, Nathan moved quickly, catching me by the head and waist before I fell.

‘I nearly had a serious accident… If Nathan hadn’t caught me, I would’ve been in real danger…’

I had to take a moment to calm my pounding heart.

The Duke’s recent behavior needed to be addressed.

The Duke, for his part, looked restless, too.

“Are… are you alright? I apologize, I got too carried away.”

Before I could respond, Nathan stepped forward.

Standing between me and the Duke, he completely blocked us from each other’s view.

Thanks to him, I couldn’t see the Duke’s face, but I could tell from his voice that he was embarrassed.

“I-it was a mistake on my part. Please, step aside for a moment so I can check on my daughter.”

“Daughter?”

The Duke, who had been so firm a moment ago, now couldn’t even raise his voice, likely because of his earlier mistake.

Nathan, seizing the opportunity, spoke decisively:

“You nearly let her hit her head, and now you’re trying to act like her father? Shameless. As her husband, I’ll take care of Claudia’s condition. You should step back.”

“….”

The Duke had no response.

Oddly, I felt a pang in my heart, as if something sharp had pricked it.

‘Why is he acting so defeated? When he used to treat me like nothing more than a tool…’

It bothered me, even though I knew he didn’t deserve any sympathy.

Meanwhile, Nathan, still holding me, led me out of the room.

Once we were far enough from the drawing room, I spoke to Nathan.

“You were very enthusiastic earlier. That kiss… I thought you’d stop at just holding me.”

Honestly, I hadn’t expected him to actually kiss me.

It worked in my favor, though, since he was playing along so well with my plan.

“The Duke’s attitude was extremely irritating. I wanted to see the shock on his face.”

“In any case, thank you. Keep pretending to love me like that in front of others. Until it’s certain that my previous engagement is completely nullified.”

He didn’t reply.

But since Nathan wasn’t a man of many words, I didn’t think much of it.

“The guest room on the third floor should be fine for you. I’ll take you there. Follow me.”

“No.”

He stopped me as I was about to climb the stairs, shaking his head.

“We’re supposed to be acting like we’re in love. And now you want separate rooms?”

“Ah…”

He moved closer to me.

The deserted hallway, coupled with his proximity, made me tense.

Perhaps that’s why.

The hot breath grazing my neck sent shivers down my spine—it felt incredibly sensual.

“Let’s go to your bedroom.”

His voice in my ear was rough and dry, like desert sand.

I didn’t expect it to make me tremble like this.

I found myself wanting to press my lips against his throat, which was right in front of me.

It seemed I wasn’t the only one thinking along those lines.

He gently pressed his knee between my legs. It was an obvious move.

And my answer was equally obvious.

“Alright.”

I took his thick finger in mine and led him to my most private place, my bedroom—a place no man had ever been.

I don’t clearly remember how we shared our passion in the bedroom.

What I do recall is that his energy was overwhelming, almost too much for me to handle.

He didn’t tire out, and his relentless advances were hard for me to keep up with.

But it wasn’t all hardship.

Though it was difficult at first, the pleasure I felt afterward was beyond words.

The best part?

It was when everything was over, and he whispered into my ear:

[I feel like I could stay inside you forever. I don’t want to leave.]

That’s when I completely lost control, kissing him fiercely.

Of course, my memory isn’t entirely clear—I had very little sanity left at that point.

Either way, from that day on, we started living together in my bedroom.

We couldn’t return to the palace just yet.

Mari was still being held hostage.

So, we had no choice but to wait for the Duke’s approval for our marriage.

It required more patience than I had expected.

The Duke hadn’t given us any indication of his decision since that day.

Now, after five days of waiting in vain, I had no choice but to admit it.

I had underestimated the Duke.

It was clear that he was deliberately stalling, hoping to crush us with frustration.

“I’m sorry, Your Highness. I’ve trapped you here at the Duke’s estate. Are you very bored?”

Sitting next to me on a bench in the garden, he answered nonchalantly.

“I’m not bored. It’s been less than a week.”

“You must be so busy, but you haven’t been able to return to the palace because of me…”

“No. I’m not busy.”

“…I heard from your attendants. They told me you barely have time to sleep because you’re constantly working on imperial duties and monster hunts.”

“….”

“I know everything, so don’t try to lie to me.”

He sat beside me, quietly scratching his chin, as if he were deep in thought. Then, after a brief pause, he said:

“You’re right. I’m usually busy.”

I looked at him, feeling a little guilty.

“I’m sorry for keeping you here, Your Highness.”

Nathan’s eyes, usually calm and composed, flickered with a hint of amusement.

“I don’t mind.”

“…Huh?”

I was taken aback by his unexpected response.

“I said I don’t mind staying here with you. It’s actually quite nice.”

His words carried a warmth I hadn’t anticipated.

I felt my heart flutter, but I quickly brushed it off. This was just part of the act, after all. He was pretending to be affectionate to keep up appearances in front of my father and the rest of the household.

But still, a part of me couldn’t help but wonder—was he serious?

I shifted awkwardly on the bench, unsure of how to respond.

Before I could say anything, Nathan changed the subject.

“I’ve been thinking… We might need to step up the act a little more.”

“What do you mean?”

“We should intensify the appearance of our relationship. The Duke still hasn’t made his decision, and it’s been days. We can’t afford to waste any more time.”

I frowned, unsure of where he was going with this.

“What exactly are you suggesting?”

“We should make it clear that we’re… inseparable,” he said, his gaze locking onto mine.

“Inseparable?” I echoed, my heart skipping a beat.

Nathan leaned in closer, his eyes never leaving mine.

“We need to be convincing. More than just a kiss in front of your father. We need to act like we can’t bear to be apart, even for a moment.”

I swallowed hard, trying to maintain my composure.

“You mean… publicly?”

“Exactly.”

I couldn’t help but feel a bit nervous. Public displays of affection were one thing, but what he was suggesting felt much more intimate.

“And if the Duke still doesn’t give in?” I asked hesitantly.

Nathan’s lips curled into a confident smile.

“Then we make him. One way or another, he’ll have no choice but to accept our union.”

His confidence was both reassuring and unsettling. I knew he was determined to see this through, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that things might spiral out of control if we weren’t careful.

Nevertheless, I nodded in agreement.

“Alright. Let’s do it.”

That evening, we made our first public appearance as a couple at a dinner hosted by the Duke.

The dining hall was filled with noble guests, all eager to see how the relationship between the cursed prince and the Duke’s daughter would unfold.

Nathan played his part flawlessly. He was attentive, never leaving my side, and his touch lingered just long enough to make everyone around us believe that our connection was genuine.

I found myself getting caught up in the act too. The way he looked at me, the way he held my hand—it was easy to forget that this was all a facade.

As the dinner progressed, I could see my father watching us from across the table, his expression unreadable.

Was he convinced? Or was he still holding out, hoping this would all fall apart?

After the meal, as the guests began to leave, Nathan and I retired to my chambers.

Once inside, the tension between us shifted.

The act was over, but the lingering effects of our performance hung in the air.

Nathan loosened his collar and leaned against the doorframe, watching me intently.

“You’re good at this,” he said, his voice low.

“Good at what?” I asked, pretending not to understand.

“Playing the part. Acting like you’re madly in love with me.”

I smiled, walking over to him.

“You’re not so bad yourself, Your Highness.”

For a moment, we stood there in silence, the weight of everything that had happened settling over us.

Then, without warning, Nathan stepped forward, closing the distance between us.

He cupped my face in his hands, his eyes searching mine.

“I meant what I said earlier,” he murmured.

“About what?”

“About staying here with you.”

My heart raced as his words sank in.

Was this still part of the act? Or was he being genuine?

Before I could figure it out, Nathan’s lips met mine once again. But this time, it was different. It wasn’t a kiss meant to convince others or to prove a point.

It was real.

And in that moment, I realized something terrifying.

I didn’t want to stop.

The next morning, I awoke to the sound of birds chirping outside the window. Sunlight streamed into the room, casting a warm glow over the bed.

Nathan was still beside me, his arm draped over my waist.

As I stared at him, sleeping peacefully, a mix of emotions swirled inside me.

I had started this whole arrangement with a clear goal in mind—to secure my future, to break free from the constraints of my past.

But now, things felt much more complicated.

I wasn’t sure when it had happened, but somewhere along the way, I had stopped pretending.

And that scared me more than anything.

 

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