I Will Disappear, Grand Duke

 

“No, no…”

“Let go, let go of this…!”

Julia was tormented by nightmares throughout the night.

As he looked at her sweat-covered forehead and trembling lips, Fernan’s mind was filled with countless thoughts that night.

At first, he was overwhelmed with the desire to resurrect the beasts he had already slaughtered so brutally, just to cut them down again in a more painful way.

Next, he agonized over how to explain the current situation to Julia, who was trapped in such deep trauma.

“It seems that part of her memory has been lost due to severe shock. If you try to force her to remember, it will only strain her mind further.”

“Then what should I do?”

“It would be best to wait until she recalls things on her own. Until then, it’s better not to stir up any memories.”

Recalling the doctor’s words, Fernan anxiously tapped the table.

He had failed to grasp the extent of Julia’s fear.

She had probably never encountered monsters in her life, so that alone would have been shocking. And to make things worse, she had nearly been kidnapped.

It was no wonder she had lost her memory.

“Damn it.”

He muttered lowly.

According to the knight who had gone out on reconnaissance near the Holy Kingdom, the place had already been laid to waste.

The Holy Knights from the central altar had urgently stepped in, but the war with the beasts would continue for a long time.

Of course, Julia could no longer return there.

No, regardless of everything, Fernan could no longer let her go.

Most of those who had stayed at the convent had died. His lieutenant had only rescued one woman and about a dozen children.

Perhaps it was better to let her continue to misunderstand the situation like this.

Let her believe that she had been caught by the man who had been desperately searching for her and forcibly dragged here.

That might be better than having her remember the painful memories she had endured.

Fernan lowered his gaze.

Meanwhile, the dark surroundings gradually began to brighten with the dawn of morning.

It was late in the morning when Julia finally opened her eyes, her face looking much more composed.

Sitting alone in the empty bedroom, she spent a long time collecting her thoughts.

Fragments of what had happened yesterday came to mind.

So, she was now in Fernan’s villa, located in the Grand Duke’s territory. She couldn’t remember how she had ended up here.

Rising from the bed, she walked to the window, pulling aside the curtain and opening the window. A sharp winter breeze rushed against her face.

Beyond the window was an unfamiliar scene. A vast plain, and a lake.

Her mind was filled with confusion, but there was one thing she was sure of.

“The Grand Duke… he’s been looking for me all this time.”

Julia bit down hard on the inside of her mouth. She couldn’t even begin to guess how he had found her.

But if things continued like this, she would inevitably be dragged to his castle.

Having reached that conclusion, Julia turned and approached the door.

When she opened it, the hallway was empty.

Realizing this might be her only chance, she quickly began to walk.

Descending the stairs and reaching the landing, she suddenly came face to face with Fernan, who was climbing the stairs.

Startled, Julia stared at him with wide eyes, her expression soon hardening.

Fernan, too, said nothing as he gazed silently at her.

“Let me go. I’m leaving.”

Her voice, clearer than it had been yesterday, broke the silence.

Hearing her speak, Fernan realized that her condition had somewhat stabilized, and he responded.

“Where do you think you’re going, dressed like that?”

Fernan blocked her way, glancing briefly at her, who was without a shawl.

Undeterred, Julia replied immediately.

“I’m going back to where I used to live.”

“You can’t go there.”

“I will go.”

Without another word, Julia hurried past him and descended the stairs.

Fernan didn’t try to stop her; he simply followed her slowly.

Entering the lobby on the first floor, Julia glanced around briefly before opening the front door.

As she squinted against the strong winter wind blowing through the gap in the door, something heavy landed on her shoulders.

When she turned around, she saw Fernan draping his coat over her shoulders.

Julia’s face hardened as she shrugged off the coat. She thrust it back at him, almost throwing it, and stepped outside.

As she was about to descend the steps at the entrance, her wrist was suddenly grabbed.

Fernan spun her around, firmly placing the coat back on her.

He carefully fastened the oversized garment to prevent it from slipping off.

“Go wherever you want.”

His low voice fell over her.

“But you cannot go to the Holy Kingdom.”

Julia furrowed her brow. Finally, she voiced the question that had been filling her mind.

“How did you know I was in the Holy Kingdom?”

It had been a year since she left him. She hadn’t just run away—she had even thrown herself off a cliff.

So how on earth had he found her? Julia couldn’t understand it.

As he quietly gazed at her, Fernan gave her a straightforward answer.

“The priest who lived with you in the Holy Kingdom.”

“…”

“I tracked him down.”

Julia’s eyes began to tremble. The priest he mentioned was undoubtedly Cedric.

How did he know about Cedric? Did he know that Cedric had helped her escape?

Julia’s lips quivered slightly in her confusion. Forcing her expression to remain calm, she spoke again.

“Even if that’s true, there’s no reason for you to bring me back.”

“…”

“Am I still useful to you?”

Julia’s face was certain as she spoke, convinced that Fernan had only searched for her because she still held some value.

At her question, Fernan’s eyes flickered ever so slightly, and he answered in a composed tone.

“You’re still my wife.”

Julia let out a small, bitter laugh. To anyone listening, it would sound as if they were a normal married couple.

The cold wind sent a chill through her. Julia shrank slightly and looked up at him.

“Your Grace, have you forgotten?”

“…”

“You were the one who didn’t treat me as your wife.”

Fernan had never respected her.

In fact, far from respecting her, he had always spoken harsh words.

Did he even remember the things he had said? Did he know how much those words had hurt her?

“I haven’t forgotten. Not for a single moment.”

Fernan met her gaze with darkened eyes and continued in a voice that lacked polish.

“I know. I’m not even worthy to be called your husband.”

“…”

“I regret all the wrongs I did to you, over and over.”

He spoke softly, not averting his gaze from her.

“It’s all my fault.”

At those words, Julia’s eyes wavered.

…He regrets it?

Lowering her head for a moment, she lifted it again, her expression now cold and hard.

“I don’t believe you.”

The words he spoke now were nothing but lies to ease the situation.

To her, Fernan had always been a fixed entity, defined by one absolute truth.

A man who hated her. A cold husband who had no reason to be kind to her.

A man who didn’t care if he hurt her.

Julia’s lips curled into a cold smile as she looked straight at him.

“It doesn’t matter if you say that now. Nothing will change.”

Her calm voice broke the silence.

“Neither your regrets nor your apologies mean anything to me.”

“…”

“I am no longer your wife.”

Yes, she had once loved this man. Her heart had fluttered at the way he looked at her, and she had been helplessly softened by his occasional kindness.

But that was all in the past. She had left that love behind when she left the castle a year ago.

Having abandoned the love that had always brought her pain, she had become happier than ever.

“If you’re truly sorry, then just let me go.”

“…”

“Forget that I ever existed. I’ll live as if I never knew you.”

Julia lifted her face, her expression solemn. She could see his eyes trembling, unfocused.

He remained silent for a long time.

Julia, avoiding his gaze, looked down at the ground and eventually turned away.

But as she took just a few steps away, Fernan suddenly grabbed her and pulled her back to his side.

“…!”

Startled by the sudden proximity, Julia’s eyes widened as she found herself face-to-face with him.

The faint light that had flickered in his eyes earlier had now completely vanished.

With an expression devoid of emotion, he muttered slowly, as if engraving each word.

“I know you hate even the sight of me.”

“…”

“But, Julia… I can’t let you go anymore.”

Fernan desperately clutched her hand as if he would never let go again.

He couldn’t bear to watch her leave him again.

To say he wanted her to be happy, that he would respect the new life she had created for herself, even if he couldn’t be part of it—such lofty ideals no longer mattered to him.

Even if she became unhappy again by staying by his side… it couldn’t be helped.

Her unhappiness, her pain, her resentment—they all belonged to him now. Every emotion and thought she had, they had to be his.

“Why…”

Julia’s eyes flickered with confusion as she pushed at his chest with her free hand.

But even that hand was soon caught in his grasp.

Fernan stared intently at her with eyes that had gone completely dark.

“Don’t leave.”

“…”

“Stay here, please.”

In that

voice, Julia heard desperation. But her expression hardened, and she quickly looked away from him.

As she struggled to free herself from his arms, she let out a trembling voice.

“I won’t. I won’t live the way I used to…”

As soon as she shook off his hand, she turned around and hurriedly stepped away.

She wasn’t going to be swayed again. Julia repeatedly told herself that.

She would never again live a life of helpless despair.

***