I really believed we could go back to how things were.
Admitting how I felt was hard, but I thought nothing would be too difficult after that.
If you don’t wish for anything, shouldn’t there be nothing to struggle with?
But that was a huge misunderstanding on my part.
“Are you feeling better now?”
“Oh, yes! Of course! I’m totally fine!”
I’m doomed. Completely doomed.
I must’ve looked more natural back when I was avoiding him.
I should’ve run away the moment my face started burning the second I saw Raynan.
I smiled and said hello, thinking maybe it was just a little hot, and then felt something was off.
If even I could tell how stiff my face was, how must it have looked to others?
I answered Raynan’s question and then hurried past him like I was fleeing.
Wow. Honestly. Even reading a book out loud would’ve been more natural than that.
I seriously wanted to crawl into a hole and hide.
“Today renee is so lively.”
At Amelia’s cheerful compliment, I looked around, turning my head this way and that.
It was because I wondered if this big mansion might actually have a mouse hole somewhere.
“Are you looking for something?”
“Huh? Oh? No? Just, um… I was just thinking again how well-kept this place is.”
To think this huge mansion was so well maintained that you couldn’t even spot a single mouse hole.
Raynan really did choose capable people and manage them well.
It was a random comment, but Amelia didn’t ask anything. That made my face heat up even more.
It felt like she could see straight into my heart.
But what Amelia knew wasn’t really that embarrassing.
What I was really worried about was, if Amelia could tell, wouldn’t others catch on soon too?
After that, I kept running into Raynan. But just seeing him made my face burn, and I couldn’t stand how clumsy my words and actions became.
So, in the end, I started avoiding Raynan all over again.
This time, it was pretty obvious. Whenever I saw him anywhere, I’d quickly turn and walk in the opposite direction.
Whenever he saw me like that, Raynan tried to stop me, but then hesitated and just let me go.
He must still be worried about the time I cried.
I didn’t mean for that to happen, but I felt kind of bad for making Raynan so cautious around me.
“Haah… This is frustrating.”
I couldn’t help but feel annoyed at myself for acting so weird in front of him.
The one who most wanted to act normal was me.
That way, I could see Raynan’s face just a little closer, a little longer.
I hadn’t even been able to properly look at him since realizing how I felt. Instead of calming down, my longing only grew.
Just a little. Please give me just a little more time.
I asked him silently, even though I knew he couldn’t hear.
Maybe if just a bit more time passed, I could calm down.
Then things might go back to the way they were.
In any case, Raynan didn’t seem like he’d go out of his way to ask me what was going on, so I figured I’d bought myself some time.
*****
Strangely, as time went on, the atmosphere around me gradually darkened.
Even Cecil, who usually didn’t show much emotion, sometimes had a heavy expression on her face.
It made me worry that maybe she’d heard something bad from Raynan because of me. But thankfully, there was someone who lightened the heavy mood.
“Oh my, what’s with these flowers?”
“I’ve been growing them whenever I had time. I thought they’d be nice in your room, so I brought them.”
Edwin probably noticed the mood too, but he acted like usual. Thanks to him, whenever he showed up, everyone looked a little more relaxed.
The bouquet in Edwin’s arms was filled with pink, yellow, and white flowers.
The color mix was beautiful, and the flowers themselves were very pretty. He’d brought so many, they even covered his face.
Just imagining him walking all the way with that huge bouquet made me burst out laughing.
Maybe Edwin thought I laughed because I liked the flowers, because he looked so proud.
“It looks heavy. Let me take it. You could’ve asked Chase to carry it.”
“I wanted to give them to you myself.”
The bouquet I received from Edwin was quite heavy even for me.
It must’ve been even heavier for Edwin… His heart was prettier than the flowers.
“Thank you. They’re so beautiful. I really love them. I’ll arrange them myself in a vase.”
“Wow, really?”
Edwin was the one who gave the gift, but he was the one smiling more happily.
“But next time, maybe bring a few at a time. I’m worried it’s too heavy for you to carry all at once.”
“Okay. I’ll do that.”
Edwin nodded sweetly at my words.
I handed the flowers to Cecil and sat down on the sofa. Edwin was already munching on cookies next to me.
Maybe because he’d been worried about me lately, Edwin visited me whenever he had time.
He’d chatter about what happened that day, and I couldn’t help but wonder how many hours were in his day.
“They said I might get to use a real sword soon.”
“Oh my, already?”
“Yes. I’ve been paying extra attention in swordsmanship class.”
“But isn’t a real sword dangerous?”
He’s still just a child, after all. When I spoke in a worried tone, unexpectedly, Chase—who’d been standing nearby—spoke up.
“The swordsmanship class is longer than other classes, and he’s been doing extra training too, so it should be fine.”
“Hmm… Well, if Chase and the instructor say so… But still, be careful.”
“Of course!”
Edwin looked more excited than worried. He also talked about how much Chase’s drawing had improved, and how he’d been tending to the garden now and then. It seemed he was busy every day.
Maybe it’s because he’s a kid. He had a lot of energy.
Even so, his stamina was impressive.
He could’ve skipped visiting me once or twice, but Edwin never did. If anything, he didn’t even give me a chance to go looking for him.
“But I did want to visit you at least once myself…”
“Coming to find you is better than just waiting!”
When Edwin said that with a bright smile, I had no words to argue.
With how often he came to see me now, any sense of distance between us was gone.
He whined and pouted sometimes. Like a child being affectionate with his mother, which made me happy.
Still, even when he whined, it was usually for my sake or over very small things.
He never asked for anything truly unreasonable. I wasn’t sure whether that made him kind or if it was just the nature of his position.
Being a mother was new to me, and it was difficult and confusing in many ways.
But seeing Edwin so happy just from our little chats and time together made me think—maybe this much was enough.
“So, is your injury okay now?”
“Of course. It was just a slight twist.”
“Let me see.”
I had heard he’d twisted his ankle while practicing swordsmanship. He said it was a while ago and already healed, but I had to make sure.
“It’s here. But since then, I’ve been more careful not to slip.”
“That’s good to hear.”
Edwin even soothed the worries I hadn’t voiced yet. Just when I was relieved that I didn’t see any obvious injuries, someone knocked on the door.
When Cecil opened it, Roman stood outside, looking utterly worn out.
“Roman?”
“Lady Renee.”
His voice was weak, but there was a weight behind it that made me stand up without thinking.
“Huh? Yeah.”
“There’s something I need to tell you.”
“Come in and sit down.”
It didn’t seem like something to say standing up, and more than that, Roman didn’t seem in any shape to be standing.
At my words, Roman slowly walked in. Was it my imagination, or did he seem to stagger with every step?
It wasn’t an illusion. Roman slumped onto the sofa.
Even Edwin widened his eyes in surprise at Roman’s strange condition and stared at him.
“Is something wrong? You look really…”
Worn out? Tired? Gaunt?
I was trying to find the right word when Edwin continued for me.
“Strange.”
“Master Edwin, what do you mean, strange?”
Roman replied in a voice close to a whimper. Normally, he’d have spoken more lightly, but the way he spoke now made it clear something serious was going on.
“So, Roman, what did you want to say? Did something happen?”
“There is. Something very serious.”
His quick, firm response made my face tense up too.
“Something serious?”
“Lady Renee.”
“Yes?”
“Why… on earth…”
His voice caught, as if something had hit him hard. He looked like he was trying to compose himself.
“Why?”
“Why… do you keep avoiding the Duke?”
“A-Avoiding? You must be mistaken.”
I stuttered without meaning to at the unexpected question. But then I composed myself and denied it.
Roman leaned forward, his expression grave, like he wanted to cut through any excuses.
“If something’s wrong, please tell me. I’ll fix it, whatever it is.”
“Fix? There’s nothing wrong.”
I felt a pang of guilt, but I met Roman’s gaze and said it confidently.
“That can’t be true.”
Roman clearly didn’t believe me. But before he could say more, Edwin cut in.
“Mother wouldn’t avoid Father. And even if she did, why would you come here to talk to her about it?”
Edwin, speaking clearly and confidently, became a strong supporter by my side.
I smiled proudly at Edwin, while Roman looked between the two of us with tired eyes.
“Master Edwin, this isn’t the time to be so relaxed.”
“Huh?”
Instead of backing down, Roman said something even more confusing.
Edwin and I looked at each other, trying to figure out what he meant.
But it wasn’t something we could answer ourselves, so we turned back to Roman again.
