That’s how Erin became even more uncomfortable for me. I had to say I didn’t want her around anymore, but even that wasn’t easy.
It was because Raynan had become just as uncomfortable as Erin.
There was no particular reason, but I started avoiding him without knowing why.
I even thought about speaking through Amelia or Roman, but it didn’t feel right.
Dodging Raynan here and there with various excuses, I worried about what he might think if I even passed messages through others.
Even though facing him made me uneasy, it wasn’t like I wanted to hurt Raynan’s feelings.
Thankfully, avoiding him wasn’t too difficult. Edwin started seeking me out more often than usual.
Seeing Edwin, who made me feel better just by looking at him, made me happy, but at the same time…
“Do you think Edwin has also heard about how awkward things are between the Duke and Erin?”
“Yes.”
To my quietly murmured question, which was almost like talking to myself, Cecile firmly said yes.
“Right. I think he’s been coming by often on purpose, to cheer me up. I hope he’s not overdoing it.”
To my words, Amelia comforted me in a gentle voice, as if telling me not to worry.
“If that were the case, Chase would’ve stopped him, or he would’ve mentioned it to Lady René.”
“R-Right, that makes sense…”
“Of course. So you don’t need to worry at all about Sir Edwin’s schedule.”
I often feel this way when I look at Amelia, but she’s someone who can change the atmosphere just with her tone or voice.
Her light tone made it feel like everything really was no big deal.
“Still, isn’t it kind of bad that even Edwin’s hearing those rumors?”
“Think of it as a good thing. Wouldn’t it be more worrying if Edwin had no idea at all?”
“You’re right. Rumors really are tricky to deal with…”
Amelia had a point. They say the person involved is the last to hear the rumors, but when you’re the one being left out, it just feels… miserable.
Anyway, thanks to Edwin trying to lift my spirits, I was at least getting through my days a bit more lightly.
I felt a little bad watching Edwin work even harder than usual to keep things upbeat, but at the same time, it made him all the more lovable.
Because of him, even when Raynan came to find me, I ended up too busy having fun with Edwin. After a few times like that, Raynan started turning back whenever Edwin was around.
Since Edwin was always in the middle of things, I thought it seemed pretty natural…
But maybe that was just how it looked to me.
“Can we talk for a bit?”
He found me at a time when Edwin wasn’t around. And the look on his face when he asked to talk… felt oddly serious.
“Ah, um… what do I do…?”
I glanced at Cecile and Amelia. But they quickly took the hint and stepped away.
Unable to rely on their help, I could only show a troubled expression.
“Have a seat, first.”
“No, it’s just that, today I…”
I had to think of something. A natural excuse. My mind was racing.
My eyes darted around as fast as my thoughts, and Raynan crossed his arms, watching me with amusement.
“Ah! I have something scheduled now…”
“Scheduled? What kind of schedule?”
“Well… I think it was a lesson on the history and traditions of the Loerian family.”
“I thought that already ended?”
“Ah… right, it did. Then maybe… etiquette for high society?”
“That’s tomorrow.”
Wow… even with his own packed schedule, he remembers mine too?
I tend to give up easily. Realizing I couldn’t use my schedule as an excuse, I accepted it with grace.
“I’m feeling a bit dizzy right now… Can I rest a bit and come find you later?”
In times like this, a vague health excuse is always best.
I put a hand on my forehead and swayed slightly. Raynan quickly stepped forward and brushed my hand aside.
A cool hand touched my forehead. My racing thoughts froze instantly.
This isn’t what I wanted…
“You don’t have a fever, and your face doesn’t look bad either.”
What I saw on his face wasn’t worry—it was determination. Today, Raynan was clearly set on having this talk no matter what.
Wasn’t there any other way to get out of this? I may give up quickly, but I also tend to cling to things.
As I started darting my eyes again, Raynan cupped my face with both hands.
His slowly focused gaze seemed to say: Stop avoiding and look at me.
Normally, I might have been drawn in by his eyes and ended up staring at him as if hypnotized. But today, I instinctively turned my gaze away to avoid his.
That’s when I heard a low, dry laugh from him. Before the laughter even faded, Raynan spoke in a weary voice.
“Yeah. This is exactly what I mean.”
“Sorry?”
I turned my eyes to him without thinking. And this time, I couldn’t look away so easily.
His eyes, more serious than ever, held me in place.
This is why I tried not to look at him…
A frustrated sigh escaped me before I knew it.
“What’s the problem, exactly?”
“Could you, um, let go of my face first…?”
“Then you’d just run away, wouldn’t you? I can’t let that happen.”
“Run away…? That’s not—”
“You’re dodging the question again. I asked what the problem is.”
“There’s… no problem, I think.”
I replied with an awkward smile. But Raynan gave a knowing smile in return, like he wasn’t buying it.
“No, you know it too. You’re avoiding me.”
Yeah. There’s no way Raynan wouldn’t notice. Even Cecile and Amelia think I’ve been acting weird lately…
Though they never asked anything, trying not to make things harder for me.
I was grateful for their consideration—more than ever now—but somehow, Raynan asking me directly made me feel a little… hurt.
If only he could’ve given me just a bit more time…
But I had no words. How could I speak about something I didn’t fully understand—or was purposely trying to avoid?
I was afraid that the moment these faint feelings became words, everything would suddenly feel too real.
I shut my mouth tightly and stayed silent. He looked down at me quietly for a moment.
“Just staying quiet like that doesn’t mean I’m going to back off.”
His hands dropped from my face. When the chilly air touched my skin in place of his warmth, I flinched for a moment.
Then his hand moved toward my lips.
Carefully, his finger brushed over my lips and slowly pressed down on my lower lip.
Surprised by his unexpected action, my lips parted. But he still didn’t remove his finger.
Instead, he only touched my lips more gently and deliberately.
“Looks like you’re ready to talk now.”
No, I’m not? My mouth opened because you pushed your finger there, obviously?
I wanted to protest, but as always, I kept it to myself.
Of course, with his finger there, I couldn’t speak properly anyway.
“Renee.”
“……”
“You have to answer. Renee.”
“…Yes.”
Because of his finger, my voice came out barely above a whisper, like a breath. Still, he smiled, as if even that was enough.
“Good. Then tell me. What exactly is the problem? Why do you keep trying to avoid me?”
When I went silent again, he looked slightly frustrated. The hand that had been resting on my cheek moved gently, as if to comfort me.
His touch was so careful, and in his eyes that gazed down at me was a kind of unease.
“If you just stay silent like this, I won’t know. I need to know what’s making you act this way so I can fix it, don’t I?”
“…You don’t have to fix it.”
At my barely spoken words, Raynan’s expression brightened for a moment, but then turned somber again.
“So you’re just going to keep avoiding me forever?”
“That’s…”
“That’s?”
“That won’t happen. Just… if you could give me a little time…”
Suddenly, I felt embarrassed, like I had made too big a deal out of nothing.
How did it even end up like this?
I smiled awkwardly, trying to hide my embarrassment. But no matter what expression I made, Raynan just looked at me seriously, unwavering.
“I’ve been waiting patiently, even up to today.”
I instinctively tried to bite my lip, but remembered just in time and parted them instead.
The sigh that escaped my mouth bounced off his finger and went right back in.
Raynan slowly moved closer, as if searching my face for something. But even someone like him—who usually seemed to see right through me—seemed to struggle this time.
“Wait, about Erin…”
“Erin?”
“Yes. That rumor bothered me a bit. If it’s true, then I really shouldn’t be here.”
“Renee, there’s nothing like that. You know how many rumors float around this mansion.”
“Yes. That’s why… I said it’s okay even if it’s not resolved.”
“Let me make this perfectly clear—whether it’s about Erin or anyone else, don’t believe those rumors. They’re nonsense.”
“Okay.”
“And don’t suffer through it alone because of something like that.”
“I feel embarrassed for making such a fuss.”
“A fuss? This? Not at all. You can make a fuss. You can get angry too.”
I listened quietly to Raynan’s gentle voice, trying to comfort me. His eyes met mine steadily, without hesitation.
After carefully studying my face, my eyes, for a long while, he let out a small sigh and said,
“I don’t like it when you carry everything by yourself. And I hate that you keep avoiding me…”
There was a slight tremble in his low voice at the end.
His expression, his voice—it really did seem like he was genuinely worried about me. Like he truly didn’t know what to do because he was so concerned.
It was the same look that had made me misunderstand him so many times before.
Even though I had tried to look away and step back, the faint emotions I’d buried always found a way to creep back in.
Maybe I already knew. That if I faced Raynan, I’d have to admit it sooner or later.
That’s why I’d been avoiding him all this time… but now, I couldn’t pretend anymore.
“I think…”
“You think?”
I think I like you.
In the end, the emotion I had avoided had finally taken shape and come out. Raynan had pulled it out of me so easily, making all my efforts to avoid it seem meaningless.
The emotion that had finally taken form and found its name suddenly filled every part of me.
The pounding in my chest, the fluttering feeling, and the overwhelming rush of emotion swirled through me fiercely. At the same time, a matching wave of uncertainty, frustration, and sadness wrapped tightly around me.
What always came before the feeling of love… was reality. The reality surrounding me.
This had never been something simple from the beginning.
Even though I was with him now as his fiancée, I knew too well how difficult it was in reality.
More than anything, our relationship already had an end.
He was just following the terms of our contract—so why did I fall for him on my own, get my hopes up on my own, and end up loving him?
I really felt like crying.
