As I stood silently, just looking down at him, he left his warmth on the back of my hand for a long while before finally parting his lips.
Then he simply lifted his head and looked up at me.
It was an unfamiliar angle, but he didn’t seem to mind at all.
“Amelia’s on leave until today. I don’t think she’ll be moving right away.”
“……Okay.”
“Starting tomorrow, don’t leave Amelia’s side. I’ve already told her to sleep in the same room as you, so even if it’s uncomfortable, bear with it for now.”
“Okay.”
“No matter what happens…….”
He spoke softly, then stopped midway.
After briefly lowering his gaze and falling silent, he soon met my eyes again.
“No, never mind. Just don’t get hurt. Just stay right here by my side.”
It sounded a bit forced, but Raynan had a very serious expression.
“Renee, promise me. Promise you’ll do that.”
As I silently looked down at him, Raynan, seeming a bit anxious, pressed me for an answer.
He looked so desperate that I couldn’t bring myself to speak right away.
“Renee, promise me.”
“Yes. I promise.”
I couldn’t tell what kind of expression I was making. Whether I smiled, or just looked blank.
After hearing my reply, Raynan nodded with a solemn face.
“Good. That’s enough.”
Then he pulled the hand he had been holding. His hand wrapped around my waist.
“If you get caught up in something and get hurt or wounded because of me, I think I’d be really sad.”
Raynan spoke in a serious voice. There was sincerity in that voice.
Without thinking, I raised my hand and gently stroked his hair as he rested against me.
A faint feeling of resentment bubbled up. Sometimes Raynan’s words, his eyes, and his actions made me misunderstand.
Made me think he really liked me.
But that couldn’t be. Raynan often made me feel like I was truly his fiancée.
But such a misunderstanding would do me no good. No, maybe I was already getting hurt little by little.
Getting hurt…
That makes it sound like I actually like him.
At the end of my endlessly spiraling thoughts, I was startled by another ridiculous assumption and quickly shook my head.
Instead of falling back into thought, I gently stroked his hair resting against me. The soft strands slipping through my fingers felt just like Raynan.
Soft and pleasant, but slipping away through my hands—just like him.
****
The next morning, I buried my head in the bed and couldn’t bring myself to crawl out from under the blanket.
It was because the memory of yesterday kept popping into my head, making my face flush. Being under the covers felt like the smartest way to hide this kind of face.
“What was I even thinking…….”
Why did I hug him and even stroke his hair?
Well, I mean, we’ve had physical contact like that before, but still……
“My heart’s never raced this much before.”
I just couldn’t calm down. I stayed under the blanket, skipped meals, and quietly mumbled to myself so no one could hear. I guess everyone started to worry.
Amelia and Cecile both cautiously came over to say something, but I only reached a hand out from under the covers to let them know I was okay.
I wasn’t sure if they got the message. But that didn’t seem like the most important issue at the moment.
“Lady Renee, are you sure you’re not sick?”
That was Amelia asking for the third time. Just like earlier, I was going to answer with my hand, but this time, I peeked my eyes out from under the blanket.
“Can you call Austin for me?”
“You are sick, aren’t you? Where does it hurt? How bad is it?”
When I asked her to bring Austin, Amelia looked shocked and sat down on the bed, checking my face.
But she could only see my forehead and eyes, so maybe she felt frustrated. She tried to pull the blanket down.
But I held on tight, and when I wouldn’t let go, she sighed and asked worriedly,
“Are you in a lot of pain? Should I call Carlson instead?”
“No, I’m not really in pain… I just have something I want to ask Austin. Please, could you get him for me?”
Even though she looked confused, Amelia signaled to Cecile. Cecile understood her and quickly left the room.
“Lady Renee, are you really not sick? Should I take a look?”
Erin’s voice came from behind Amelia.
“I’m not sick.”
At my answer, Erin gave me a strange look. She was about to sit on the bed but changed direction after glancing at Amelia.
“If something’s wrong, please tell me. We’ve spent time together, so I might be able to help somehow.”
Erin said it kindly and tried to lift the blanket I was holding. But I just slipped further back under it.
“Ah……”
I heard Erin’s small, flustered voice, but I didn’t have the energy to worry about it.
“Lady Renee, Austin is here.”
Thankfully, Cecile brought Austin quickly, and only then did I come out from under the blanket.
“Everyone, please leave the room.”
Amelia looked the most surprised. She hadn’t expected me to send even her out.
“Sorry, Amelia. Just for a little while, can you step out too?”
Amelia gave me a worried look, but didn’t argue and left quietly.
“Are you feeling unwell somewhere?”
“Not exactly unwell… But lately, my body’s been acting weird.”
“What kind of weird?”
“Um… Sometimes my heart races so much it’s hard to breathe, and I suddenly feel super hot, then it just goes away again.”
“Hmm… Any other symptoms?”
“Not really, besides that…”
After hearing my explanation, he asked a few more questions seriously, like a proper check-up.
Things like, do you have this, do you feel that—but none of them matched my condition.
“You’re not unhealthy or anything.”
It was a result I couldn’t tell if I should be relieved or disappointed about.
“If anything, you’re quite healthy.”
“Then how do I get rid of the symptoms I mentioned?”
“I think they might be caused by stress or emotions. Has anything been bothering you lately?”
“Bothering me…”
“Usually, when you’re mentally exhausted or very worried, this can happen.”
“I see.”
“Or maybe… it’s perfectly normal.”
“Normal?”
“Yes. Isn’t your relationship with the Duke going quite well lately? So perhaps…”
“That’s enough. Thanks for coming all the way here.”
For some reason, I didn’t want to hear the rest. No, it felt like I shouldn’t.
I could already guess what he was about to say, and maybe it was exactly what I was trying to avoid the most right now.
“Of course. If you ever feel uncomfortable or unwell again, don’t hesitate to call me.”
“Okay.”
The room immediately filled up again after Austin left.
Amelia returned looking more anxious than usual, clearly having waited nervously.
“Where does it hurt? What’s wrong?”
“Huh? He said I’m fine.”
“What?”
Did I sound like I was lying to keep her from worrying? Amelia looked like she didn’t believe me at all.
“Really. He said I’m just stressed lately.”
“Because of stress?”
“Yeah. Just… lots on my mind these days.”
Even though I trailed off, Amelia didn’t seem to find it strange.
She had heard about the recent party incident, and there had been quite a few changes compared to before.
So to her, my words probably didn’t sound weird at all.
Maybe because Cecile and Erin were there, she didn’t ask any further.
“But I’ll still report to the Duke.”
“Okay.”
Either way, Raynan would find out eventually. And he’d probably hear about the talk with Austin too.
Even if I said the same thing to Raynan that I did to Amelia, he probably wouldn’t find it strange either.
As soon as Amelia left, Erin immediately scooted right up next to me.
Maybe I should’ve hidden under the blanket again. But my distracted mind had made me miss the chance.
Erin started spouting concerned words.
Of course, it felt more like she was warming up to say what she really wanted to ask.
After taking a deep breath, she lowered her voice so only I could hear.
“I have something I’ve been wondering… Lady Renee, are you really pregnant?”
I already knew Erin was pretty persistent when it came to gossip or other people’s business.
“Why do you want to know?”
If I gave her a proper answer, she might keep pestering me forever.
So I answered with an uninterested tone.
But this time, Erin’s determination to find out seemed stronger than usual.
Even though I brushed her off, and even though Cecile gave her a sharp look, Erin just smiled and said,
“Well, if you are, then you need to be more careful, right? Since we’re looking after you, we should know.”
“Hmm. It’s fine. I’ll take care of myself.”
“So, is it true then? Are you pregnant?”
“Hmm… pregnant, you say?”
She had lowered her voice so Cecile wouldn’t hear, but I responded a little louder on purpose.
That’s when Cecile realized what Erin was asking and let out a small sigh before speaking.
“Lady Renee, it’s only natural for us to know about your health.”
Erin looked like she’d found a strong ally. But her face froze after hearing the next part.
“But we don’t need to know everything. No matter what, our job is to do our best in taking care of Lady Renee.”
She was talking to me, but her gaze was fixed on Erin.
Erin glared back for a moment, then quickly changed her expression and looked at me.
“So, is it true?”
For my sake? Not at all. Right now, Erin’s eyes looked exactly like they did when she was talking about someone else’s love life.
Those sparkling eyes meant she had no plans to give up.
At times like this, I had no choice but to use the method Roman once taught me.
“I’m not sure, to be honest.”
“If you don’t know, who would?”
Erin laughed like I had just told a joke. I motioned her closer, like I was going to tell her a big secret.
She eagerly leaned in, and I whispered in a serious tone,
“Ask the Duke. He knows.”
At my words, Erin visibly pouted in disappointment.
“But we used to be such close friends……”
She kept going on and on, saying she was hurt, that I didn’t know how much she cared, how worried she was, and so on…
Thanks to all her chatter over the past few days, I’d gained the skill of hearing from one ear and letting it out the other.
At this rate, maybe one day I’d be able to treat her presence like she wasn’t even there, even if she was stuck to my side.
Erin’s chattering suddenly stopped. Then she started staring at me like she was trying to figure something out.
“What?”
I wanted to ignore her, but her stare was too persistent, so I finally asked.
“It’s nothing. I just wondered… what is it about you that the Duke likes so much? Did he ever tell you?”
Erin once said there’s nothing more fun than hearing about someone else’s love life.
I wasn’t sure if she was just pretending to be curious, or if she really was.
But suddenly, a thought popped into my head.
I grinned and replied,
“Erin, it’s all thanks to you.”
