Frustrated by the fact that I didn’t even know who I truly was, the words slipped out before I had the chance to think.
But once I said them, I realized—it actually wasn’t such a bad idea.
“That doesn’t sound too unreasonable. If it’s you, Your Grace, I’m sure you could find something out.”
I leaned toward Raynan with a hopeful expression. That’s how much this meant to me.
But to him, it was clearly an absurd request. His incredulous stare made me pull back instinctively.
“You said earlier that it’s not hard to confirm someone’s identity if you know who you’re looking for, so…”
My words, which sounded like a poor excuse, were drowned out by his soft laughter.
“You always manage to catch me off guard. I’ve never met anyone who asked to be investigated.”
“Well, this is my first time asking someone to dig into my past, too.”
I’d made the request in earnest, but he found it amusing, and that rubbed me the wrong way a little.
I pouted slightly without meaning to, and Raynan, still smiling, said,
“Actually, I already looked into you. There was something a bit off… but I’m not sure if it connects to Schneider.”
“You already did?”
“Of course. Did you think I’d just hire anyone to look after Edwin without checking?”
He said it as if it were obvious, but I couldn’t hide my surprise.
The stiff, suffocating first meeting I had with this father and son still played vividly in my mind.
If we had seemed even remotely close back then, I wouldn’t have gone through all that struggle.
So for him to say that so matter-of-factly—it felt surreal. He seemed to catch on to my thoughts immediately.
“I see. That’s what you thought.”
Once again, I was reminded that being honest was the best approach. Any half-baked lie wouldn’t have made it past him.
“Well, back then, it really did seem like you didn’t care much about Edwin.”
“Exactly. I wanted it to look that way, so I suppose I pulled it off. Anyway, I’ll ask Roman to do a more thorough background check.”
His words gave me some relief—but also stirred up even more anxiety.
“What if… what if I really do turn out to be one of Schneider’s people?”
What the hell would I do then?
Faces of those who had been kind to me flashed through my mind. Raynan and Edwin stood out the most.
I looked down, feeling a strange heaviness settle in my chest.
I thought he would say something right away—whether to comfort me or give me the cold, hard truth.
But to my surprise, he stayed silent.
I guess this wasn’t easy for him either. Just as I sighed quietly—
“Renee.”
“Yes?”
There was a seriousness in his voice I wasn’t used to. I looked up. He locked eyes with me and stayed silent for a long moment.
He looked like he was torn—thinking hard about whether or not to say what was on his mind.
Then, as if he’d made up his mind, he finally spoke.
“Why do you talk about your own life like it belongs to someone else?”
I wasn’t expecting that. I held my breath without realizing it and just stared at him.
There was no accusation in his eyes. No suspicion. Just… calm honesty.
“Renee, tell me. What are you hiding?”
Now came the question: What do I tell him?
“Well…”
The words stuck in my throat. Should I make something up—something convincing? No, I’d never get away with it.
But telling him the truth didn’t feel safe either. That could just make things worse.
And even if I did come clean… would he actually believe me?
Maybe some vague half-truth would be safer…
But nothing was coming to mind. What could I possibly say that wouldn’t make things worse?
Raynan just watched me quietly. I wondered if he had any idea how heavy his calm gaze felt.
I let out a breath and decided to go with something as close to the truth as I could allow.
“One day, I woke up… and most of my memories were just gone.”
“Your memories disappeared?”
“Yes. The only thing I remembered was that I worked here as a maid. No matter how hard I tried, nothing else would come back.”
“You mean it happened suddenly? Was there an accident?”
“I don’t remember. I wasn’t injured or anything. It was just… for some reason, only my memory was wiped.”
It wasn’t a complete lie. The truth was, I didn’t have Renee’s memories to begin with.
And compared to saying I’d possessed someone’s body, this sounded more… plausible.
Still, who would believe something like this?
“Luckily, my body remembered enough to get by. And I figured out my relationships by observing how people treated me.”
I kept glancing at his face as I spoke, and eventually I just stopped.
Raynan was still watching me in silence, deep in thought.
Would he believe me? God, I hoped so.
It was ridiculous, sure—but not impossible, right?
I didn’t say it aloud, but I was practically begging him with my eyes.
Maybe silence was better than saying more.
I was holding my breath just thinking about how he might respond.
The silence hadn’t lasted long, but it felt like forever.
Finally, Raynan opened his mouth. I was so focused on him that I realized my own lips had gone dry.
“I see.”
“…Excuse me?”
His short response threw me off.
“That’s all you’re going to say?”
“What, are you surprised I’m not freaking out?”
“Wait… are you saying you believe me?”
When I asked cautiously, he gave me a slightly mischievous look.
“Was it a lie?”
“No! I just… it’s not exactly the kind of story people believe easily.”
“Have you told anyone else?”
“I was too confused at first, and I was too busy trying to get a grasp on everything. More than anything, I had no idea how to even begin explaining.”
“Yeah. That’s fair.”
“And then before I knew it, the moment to say something had passed.”
“I get it.”
“But, Your Grace…”
“Yes.”
“It’s kind of a ridiculous story… but you believe me?”
“You’ve always been a bit odd. Honestly, saying you lost your memory actually explains a lot.”
“I’m… odd?”
“So you didn’t know.”
“Was I really that strange? In what way?”
“You lacked basic common sense—things even a child from the Empire would know.”
“Oh…”
I thought I’d been doing a decent job of blending in. Clearly, that was wishful thinking.
“Like with the Founding Festival.”
At the time, I genuinely thought I’d reacted naturally. Seems that, too, had only been in my head.
“And every time you left the mansion, you acted like everything was some kind of wonder. Like you’d never seen the world before.”
“Was I that obvious?”
“You were. The most blatant moment was that night we walked through town. You were more clueless than any noble girl I’ve ever met.”
Telling him the truth about Schneider had definitely been the right call. It was becoming clear—I was terrible at lying.
“What about what you said regarding your siblings?”
“My siblings?”
I couldn’t remember anything like that. When I asked again, puzzled, he gave a knowing look and explained.
“Back when I took you horseback riding. The first time I helped you up onto a horse.”
“Oh, that day. Did we talk about siblings?”
“I mentioned my older brother, and you told me you didn’t have any.”
“Oh…”
Now that he brought it up, I vaguely recalled saying something like that. Maybe something about envying friends who had siblings?
“I didn’t remember anything about my family. And making one up seemed worse. Saying I was alone felt safer.”
“I see. According to what I found out, you had a younger sister.”
“Oh, did I?”
“You weren’t close. Apparently you hadn’t spoken in years. But it didn’t seem like something you needed to hide, so it lingered in the back of my mind.”
“I understand.”
“Back then I let it go, but the more strange little things piled up, the harder they were to ignore.”
“I’m sorry. I just… didn’t know how to explain it all.”
“You don’t have anything to apologize for. You were doing your job just fine. That was what mattered.”
I felt my body go slack, the tension draining out of me. Just saying it—letting the truth out—felt like I’d conquered something enormous.
It felt like I had finally shaken off a burden I didn’t even realize I’d been carrying. Like I had confessed the deepest secret of all, without meaning to.
Raynan, watching me with a faint smile, murmured almost to himself.
“I didn’t expect you to be so honest.”
“…What?”
“Just saying. You surprise me. You’re… fascinating.”
“I’m glad I can be of some entertainment, then.”
“More than that. I’m glad it’s you.”
“…Excuse me?”
I had no idea how to respond to that. What did he mean, he was glad it was me?
Was he saying he was glad I was… strange?
I tilted my head, trying to make sense of his words. But instead of an answer, Raynan just gave me a look. A deep, unreadable one.
His eyes darkened with something I couldn’t place. There was no playful touch, no teasing remark—none of the casual flirtation he usually offered.
It was like he was seeing me properly, maybe for the first time.
“Duke…?”
“Yeah.”
“I know it came out of nowhere, but… thank you for believing me.”
“Mm.”
I started to wonder if he was even listening anymore.
He sounded like he’d say mm no matter what I told him. I almost wanted to test it with something absurd—but held myself back.
He believed me. That was enough.
I didn’t need to keep lying, and I’d already said my thanks. There was no reason to stretch this moment out any further.
“Then… I’ll be going.”
“Alright. I’ll see you later.”
“Yes.”
I stood, partly just to escape the weight of his stare. But as I turned, Raynan caught my hand.
Just like that time before, he slowly lifted it—then pressed his lips to the back of it.
His warmth against my skin made my heart skip.
The gesture was familiar. I could almost pinpoint when I’d seen it last.
That night. The night he proposed.
But this time… it felt different.
That night had been solemn, almost ceremonial. But now, it felt as if he was barely holding himself back. As if he was drowning in something he couldn’t name.
Like if he didn’t show me, in some way, he might explode.
So I didn’t stop him.
