Chapter 38
I turned my head, pretending not to see the loneliness in Raynan’s eyes.
“Still, it’s nice to have a space for memories, especially when it’s easy to reach.”
“I guess.”
“Yeah. By the way, did you and your brother get along well?”
“I don’t know what the other brothers were like, so I don’t know if we’re close or not. I don’t think I have any particularly good or bad memories.”
“I think that was good enough.”
“Maybe.”
“It’s not like you only remember getting hit and fighting.”
“How about Renee?”
“I was alone.”
“Alone?”
Raynan raised his eyebrows as if he had heard something unexpected.
I don’t remember talking about my family relationships, so why are you so surprised?
Rather, when I was giving him a questioning look, Raynan shook his head and said as if it was nothing.
“No, I was a little surprised that you were alone.”
“Is that so? I had friends who said they envied me because I was alone, but I was jealous of them.”
“I see.”
“I used to think that maybe I’d still have friends when I got home, but they got annoyed when I talked about it.”
As I was talking about various things alone, I could feel Raynan’s gaze touching me.
“Duke?”
“No, I think this is the first time I’ve heard anything about you other than Edwin.”
“Was it like that?”
“Yeah. When I think about it, that’s right.”
Raynan nodded and spoke as if he had just realized something, and immediately smiled.
“I see. Maybe it was all an illusion.”
“Yes?”
“No. Do you like it here?”
“It’s really nice.”
“Then let’s come often from now on. You’ll be comfortable here because people won’t notice you.”
“I think I’ll be noticed by a lot of people on the way there.”
Raynan responded with a serious expression to what was said as a joke.
“I guess that wouldn’t be bad in its own way. Shall we go back now?”
He slowly got up and held out his hand. His hand, which had gone earlier than expected, was still on my knee.
I saw a hand that was big enough to wrap my hand.
It suddenly felt natural for me to hold out his hand.
Is it okay, even if I get used to it?
I suddenly became anxious that the person I thought would never become comfortable was gradually becoming more comfortable and getting used to it without me even knowing it.
“Renee?”
I suddenly came to my senses when I heard his voice.
What were you thinking?
I shook my head and took his hand.
The way back to the main building was not as scary or embarrassing as the first time.
The anxiety that appeared out of nowhere did not go away, and perhaps that was why the sensations of the places that Raynan touched felt even stronger.
The same thing was my heart that was beating fast.
I was still confused as to whether my pounding heart was because of the words I was unfamiliar with, or because of Raynan sitting behind me.
What was certain was that when I looked for words, Raynan would probably come to mind for a while.
As soon as we arrived at the riding range, Raynan left in a hurry. It seemed like it took longer than expected.
I realized this on my way back to Edwin’s bedroom with Chase waiting for me.
While running through the Duke’s residence, I received more attention from people than I expected.
Sharper gazes fell on my entire body. The whispering voice was cautious, but full of interest.
“Hah, again. This was going to happen anyway.”
Chase, who couldn’t see me walking while sighing, spoke in a mixed tone.
“But… I guess you’re not mentally ready yet.”
“In the future, there will be more and more unpredictable things. Don’t mind it. Aren’t you usually the type of person who doesn’t pay much attention to people?”
“I don’t think anyone would care if I did.”
“Not with the Duke.”
“Yes. Don’t worry about it. It’s just the beginning.”
“Good idea.”
Thanks to Chase, I finally calmed down and arrived at Edwin’s bedroom.
“Renee!”
Edwin came running as soon as he saw me, as if he had been waiting. Then he asked with a flushed face.
“Renee! I heard you finally got to ride a horse?”
It seemed that rumors was faster than me.
*****
A lot has changed since that day when I went on a picnic pretending to be horseback riding with Raynan.
My horseback riding lessons, which had been postponed, started to go smoothly.
There is still little I can do properly on my own, but being able to ride a horse was a big improvement.
And I definitely felt a little more comfortable dealing with Raynan.
I still couldn’t relax, but I didn’t feel as tense as before.
“Renee, you’ve become so prettier these days.”
“I know. Haven’t your clothes also become more luxurious?”
What changed most of all was people’s attitudes.
People who used to cringe and shrink back at the mere sight of Chase standing next to them now came up to me, even if it meant pushing him aside.
Everyone had a fake smile on their face.
Even people I had never properly greeted spoke to me in a friendly way, as if I was meeting an old friend.
Insincere flattery was added to the mix.
Nothing had changed in me, but people were looking at me differently.
“Isn’t it the same as usual?”
I tried to say, but no one listened. They said it wasn’t, that I was being modest. Instead, they raised their voices even higher.
“I guess it doesn’t matter what I say.”
After finally getting rid of the people and muttering in a tired voice, Chase asked back as if he was dumbfounded.
“Have you finally realized that?”
“What? Did you know?”
“For them, what matters is not the content of what you said, but the fact that you answered back. They got a chance to say a few more words.”
Chase, who used to give me various advices, has become my source of information these days.
Perhaps I’m not the only one who feels more comfortable with him than before, but he’s slowly becoming more comfortable with me. It might have been natural as we spent more time together.
“If you knew, why didn’t you tell me?”
I said it as if I was complaining without realizing it, but Chase responded indifferently.
“I thought you were enjoying it.”
“Is that possible? Then wouldn’t it be better to just keep your mouth shut?”
“I think it’ll be similar no matter what you do.”
As I listened to Chase say that it was okay because it was someone else’s business, I suddenly felt tired.
“I’m really tired, I’m tired.”
“I find this situation quite funny.”
“Funny? That I’m struggling like this? What have I done to you that’s so wrong?”
“For a while, they just watched you, but now everyone is acting like you’re already a Duchess.”
Chase responded in a sharp voice to my words that came out in tears.
When I turned my head in surprise, I saw Chase’s face with a similar expression as usual. He tilted his head, wondering if he had heard wrong, and continued his sentence with a sigh.
“Hah. It’s scary how people’s attitudes have changed, really.”
“Well, it looks like the Duke has become quite annoying these days.”
“Why?”
“I guess he’s thinking that even though he succeeded, why can’t he do the same? In the past, you were even careful about your breathing, but these days, you seem to be showing off in front of me.”
“Hmm…”
It was not something that could be done with ordinary courage. It seemed like there were more brave people than I thought.
As an experienced person, if I could go back in time, I wouldn’t have done something like that.
“It’s not that the Duke is usually annoyed by the number of people who bother him, it’s that I have a hard time keeping an eye on him.”
“Huh?”
“Why?”
“You’re bothered by the Duke?”
“No matter what, do you think I will treat the Duke the same way I treat you?”
“That’s not it…. Do you have time to meet the Duke?”
“Oh, well….”
Chase looked at me with an expression.
We spend most of our time together, but have you had time to meet Raynan?
“Anyway, thanks to you, Roman’s in a bad mood.”
“Really? It didn’t seem that way at all.”
As Roman’s story was added, doubt arose. Even though I was seeing Raynan every single day, I never felt anything like that.
“Isn’t it rather good?”
Chase must have heard him, because he shook his head.
“On the good side?”
“Yeah. It’s certainly less scary than it was when I first saw it, or should I say, less rigid?”
“Well, maybe it has nothing to do with you.”
“Maybe. I don’t know. I’m so tired right now, I don’t want to think about anything. Will I ever be more tired than I am now?”
“It will be okay soon. Once you become officially engaged, the ones who will fall apart will fall apart.”
“Who won’t?”
“Don’t worry about it in advance.”
“… Yes.”
I’ve been worrying more and more, but for once, I’m going with Chase’s advice.
I was too tired to worry or think right now.
“Oh my, you’re Renee, right?”
No matter how long it had been since I left, I once again heard a voice pretending to be overly friendly.
Chase was right in front of me, but the other person easily pushed him away and linked arms with me.
It was a face I had never seen before. But she started chatting as if she’d just run into a friend she’d been chatting with earlier.
I felt so tired that my body became so heavy that it was difficult to even stand.
Was that why? For a moment, I felt dizzy. I stumbled slightly but did not fall.
Should I be thankful that it’s because of a woman who has no intention of letting go of my arms?
However, the woman who held me up from falling did not notice my condition at all.
She was just busy spewing out words that were meaningless and uninteresting to me.
“Renee.”
“Young master Edwin!”
I turned to Edwin’s voice, which I was always happy to hear.
When Edwin appeared, the woman quickly removed her hand from my arm and greeted him.
Suddenly, my arm was pulled away and I visibly stumbled, still feeling dizzy.
This time, it was Chase who held me up so I didn’t fall.
“You look sick.”
Edwin ran in front of me without even looking at the woman.
Edwin, who was looking at me with a worried face, grabbed my hand and dragged me.
“Let’s go. You’d better rest.”
But his busy pace soon stopped. Edwin suddenly turned his body around and looked at her who had spoken to me just a moment ago.
The woman was about to approach with a smile, but Edwin spoke in a rather firm voice.
“Don’t bother Renee.”
“I’m not bothering her. No, young master Edwin…”
The woman tried to continue speaking, but Edwin did not give her a chance to make an excuse.
The way he stomped his feet while walking clearly showed his inner thoughts that something was not right in his mind.
It wasn’t just walking. The eyes were full of energy and the cheeks were puffy.
“Renee, aren’t you sick?”
As I entered the bedroom, Edwin looked at me first.
“No. I’m healthy.”
As I deliberately exaggerated and moved my body vigorously, Edwin’s expression softened a little.
