“Ares.”
In the midst of persistent headaches, I called out to him, touching my forehead and tightly closing my eyes. He responded with a noticeably tense voice.
“Please speak.”
“I can’t pretend not to have heard the words you’ve already said.”
“Ah…”
I couldn’t tell what expression he had. I couldn’t bring myself to meet his eyes.
Looking into his eyes, it seemed like he might burst into tears.
Were you as troubled as I was? Just as I struggled to avert my gaze from you, pretending not to know, were you also burdened with hiding those emotions from me?
We were truly pitiful.
Moreover, the feelings I had for Ares were fake, set up by the ‘author.’ But Ares’ feelings for me were not part of the author’s script; they were genuine love.
Realizing this fact, my breath caught, and my chest felt tight.
How could my fake affection compare to his real love? I didn’t choose to love him by my own will; it just happened naturally!
Yet Ares could have abandoned those feelings, but he chose to carry them in his heart for years, facing a difficult path by his own free will.
Did he think his feelings weighed the same as mine? Well, I could never think that way.
No matter how I thought about it, I had no right to coldly reject his confession. Even considering the pain he endured all this time, I couldn’t bring myself to casually dismiss him.
Summoning courage, I raised my head. Trying my best to maintain a composed expression, I spoke to Ares.
“I’ll think about it. It won’t take long. Please give me some time. I’ll let you know my decision soon.”
Even if I had to subject him to days of hopeful torment, I had to at least pretend to seriously contemplate his confession.
It was the only proper way to respond to his love.
If I don’t reject him, can’t I just accept his love? However, I could never easily accept his confession right here and now, claiming that I had reciprocated his feelings all along like you did. Not only was it uncertain whether I could overcome the setting of the novel where Ares is supposed to love Lea, but also because I was soon scheduled to leave this world.
Until I meet the ‘author’ and find out what Bianca concealed from me, or if there were any lies involved, I couldn’t guarantee anything to him.
Ares responded with a trembling voice, “Thank you for saying that, Bianca.”
He walked quietly towards me and placed a small box on the table where I was seated.
“This is…?”
He managed a strained smile. “I asked Mimas about the actual items you donated to the soup kitchen. They said it was a pair of earrings and a head ornament.”
I stared at the box, my expression rigid.
“So… Although these weren’t originally yours, I chose something that might suit you. I ordered them to be made, and they happened to be completed today, so I came to deliver them.”
Ares was a man with a delicate side I hadn’t anticipated.
Come to think of it, when Lea visited our house, she mentioned that he visited the soup kitchen, met Mimas, and then left. I recall hearing something about my earrings and accessories during that time.
He must have come to the city to find these jewels and ended up encountering me. And that’s how he saved my life.
However, I couldn’t simply accept this without giving him a clear answer to his confession.
“Ares, I can’t accept this.”
I extended the box towards him, but Ares shook his head, smiling gently.
“It’s not mine to give. Even if you don’t accept me, please just take this.”
Perhaps he was concerned that I might reject him further, Ares quickly took a few steps back.
“It would be better for you to return home before it gets darker.”
“…Yes.”
However, contrary to my response, I remained seated without moving a muscle. With my limbs completely devoid of strength, it would take a while before I could regain enough energy to stand.
“It’s better for you to leave first, Ares.”
I hoped you wouldn’t witness my feeble state. The image of me, whom you fell for, was always confident and full of grace as the flower of society.
Ares hesitated for a while without giving a quick response, but eventually, when I didn’t look at him and remained motionless, he reluctantly stepped back.
“…Then, I’ll go first. Bianca.”
“Take care on your way back.”
I managed to utter the customary farewell. After a while, the slow footsteps descending the stairs echoed.
Finally, I raised my head and took a deep breath. Still, the stifling feeling in my chest didn’t dissipate.
Our paths had become too entangled.
Moreover, just as I discovered his feelings, time was running out.
Sitting in the teahouse, I chuckled.
Only now did I realize the reason behind Ares’ unexpected actions.
Because his heart was directed towards me, he reacted sensitively every time I involved him with Lea. He loved me, so he chased me out of Metis’ salon, leaving Lea behind. Since he was always watching over me, he noticed that I intentionally avoided him.
So, he couldn’t approach me.
A surge of warmth welled up in my chest.
I was angry at my foolishness that even his gaze couldn’t discern. I regretted not considering confessing just to protect my pride.
The time I wasted until my debut in society at the age of 20 was too regrettable. Our silly situation of silently pining for each other while making unrequited love gestures was too absurd.
I staggered as I stood up. Even if I waited here longer, it didn’t seem like the ‘author’ would appear.
In the emptiness that settled in my chest, the disappointment was overwhelming, and my legs kept giving way as if drained of strength.
There were few places in the city to store my private carriage, so I had come here by public carriage. Outside, it was already getting dark, and the street lamps were lit.
The commotion with the crazy carriage seemed to have been handled by the city guards, who were now on the scene. Only a few guards remained, checking if anyone was injured.
I mechanically headed towards the public carriage station. However, there was not a single carriage waiting.
“Sigh…”
A sigh escaped involuntarily.
Was today the day some novel’s ‘pillar’ appeared? Why was everything so turbulent?
“Bianca.”
…Ares, you’ve been waiting for me to come out all this time instead of going straight back.
“I will take you back to the marquis’s residence.”
I slowly turned around to look at Ares. The surroundings were already quite dark, so I couldn’t see his face clearly.
I didn’t have the energy to manage my expression. Perhaps my face wasn’t showing any emotions right now.
Despite my lack of response, Ares persistently continued speaking.
“I registered a private carriage not long ago. Let me take you with my carriage.”
“Ares…”
“Just, please accept it as a gesture of goodwill. Because I unintentionally revealed my feelings to you, you probably can’t imagine how nervous I am right now!”
“…”
I stared at him in silence. Unlike me, who couldn’t muster any courage in front of him, Ares was truly brave.
Even though he might be afraid of distancing himself from me, he reached out to me again.
Oh, what should I do? I didn’t want to give him false hope, but I also didn’t want to inflict unnecessary disappointment.
Honestly, I wanted to hold his offered hand.
Because, I too, love him.
Facing each other, Ares and I stood there, confronting each other for a moment. The awkward silence weighed heavily between us.
Ares was the one who finally broke the heavy silence.
“Bianca. If you’re truly uncomfortable, I’ll make sure you safely return to the marquis’s residence using the public carriage.”
I smiled faintly. His concern for me was palpable.
“If it’s not too much trouble, please take me in your carriage.”
How could I treat Ares with coldness? Knowing how difficult it is to summon such courage, I, who had loved him silently for so long, understood better than anyone.
I could barely see Ares’ expression in the dim light, but the darkness was a relief. At least, my expression wouldn’t be visible to him.
“If that’s what you want, I’ll get the carriage. Please wait here for a moment.”
I nodded in response to his words. He quickly walked away to fetch the carriage.
How should I treat Ares from now on? I didn’t know what to expect when I meet the “author.”
As if the sound of a creaking body, difficult to move, would be heard, I forcibly moved towards the carriage. Ares stood up in the carriage and extended his hand towards me.
“Hold on.”
Normally, I would have thought of it as his usual courtesy and felt a bit excited, gladly taking his hand. However, now that I knew his true feelings, even accepting that courtesy felt delicate.
“Bianca.”
Ares patiently called my name once again.
I looked up at him, and finally, I gently placed my hand on his.
He is a wise person who can well distinguish between courtesy and sincerity, so even if I accept his manners, he won’t misinterpret his intentions.
I decided to trust Ares.
Sitting side by side, the carriage quickly headed towards our home through the night streets. The sound of the carriage wheels echoing in the street somewhat alleviated the awkward silence between us.
Due to the fast-moving carriage, the cold wind brushed against us. My body, which had been trembling since earlier, now felt like it was warming up.
Click. My body seems to have sensed the mental shock before my mind did. I had experienced something similar at a party hosted by Marquis Saturanos.
However, I didn’t want to feign vulnerability in front of Ares. The image I desired was that of a woman, a fortress that wouldn’t crumble in front of anyone. Even though it was Ares, my demeanor remained unchanged.
Being delicate and cute was Lea Saturanos, not me.
The original novel described Lea, who struggled to adapt to high society and showed a weak side, finding comfort and love through Ares. Oh, indeed, wasn’t she the perfect heroine, embodying everything men desire, even invoking protective instincts!
But Ares fell in love not with that perfect Lea Saturanos but with me.
He loved me from the moment he first saw me, which, clearly, was before the beginning of the “author’s” novel. The novel started with Ares and Lea accidentally kissing.
Even after the novel began and he met Lea, was there really no change in his feelings?
‘…If I’m curious, I should ask’.
“Ares.”
“Yes.”
He answered while driving the carriage, keeping his eyes on the road ahead.
“Have you always had feelings for me?”
