…Maybe in the original novel, I was destined to die at Ares’ hand.
By opposing Leia and tormenting her, even the ‘author’ chose to kill me to punish evil. If I had committed such heinous acts, wouldn’t Ares have erased me from this world for the sake of his beloved Leia?
What are the chances of receiving such absolute love in one’s lifetime? In that regard, I was truly fortunate. To experience this love, even momentarily in place of Leia, is an enormous blessing.
Even if I can’t believe that he will never leave me, I have no doubt about the sincerity he shows me now. That sincerity, at least, is purely mine. It’s something only I can fully enjoy.
However, simply knowing his feelings doesn’t resolve Ares’ anxiety or my distrust.
We need a different approach now.
“Ares.”
At my call, he quietly looked at me.
“I’m sorry for making you anxious because of me. But beyond appearances, I want you to believe in my sincerity.”
“I believe you.”
Ares replied immediately without hesitation. But that answer didn’t bring much joy.
While he answered easily with words, perhaps Ares also wants to believe in me rather than actually trusting me. He constantly watches my reactions, and whenever I falter, he becomes anxious.
I wanted to point this out. But I had to be very careful.
“I see. Then it’s up to me to prove my trust to you.”
My love for Ares must be proven through actions. I had to show something more than just words to Ares, who is always watching me.
But does something that can be trusted without visual confirmation even exist in this world? To prove my feelings to Ares requires much more complex and difficult things than kissing his lips in the palace garden.
Honestly, it’s exhausting. Even though Ares and I confirmed our feelings and became lovers, nothing is easy. Secretly loving him was hard, and being in a relationship is also challenging.
Sensing the weight in my words, Ares cautiously added.
“Bianca. Even without all that, I believe in what you say.”
I chuckled and shook my head.
“No. That’s not true. You say you believe my words, but you’re always anxious. I finally understand what I need to do.”
Ares’ expression seemed somewhat hurt, but I decided not to mind. He needed to be honest with himself.
I removed the smile from my face and spoke firmly to him.
“There’s something I want to tell you. Even if my reactions or expressions don’t match your expectations, don’t misinterpret my sincerity. I’ll also be careful not to judge your true feelings based solely on your reactions.”
“Bianca, I…”
“I might make faces you don’t like, or act unexpectedly, just like today. If you become anxious every time that happens, we might quickly tire of each other.”
I continued speaking without giving Ares a chance to interrupt.
“I love you too. But I don’t think we can suddenly close the distance that has existed between us for years without a word. I want us to take our time getting to know each other.”
I know this is extremely selfish. But honestly, I wish Ares would believe my words and not feel anxious without me having to do anything. That’s why, in truth, I felt a bit disappointed in him.
Suppressing the urge to pour out my feelings of hurt to him, I spoke again.
“I know that Leia Saturnus was the woman closest to you. But I’m not as sociable as she is. If you ever try to see Leia’s shadow in me, remember that it greatly displeases me.”
I am not the type to quickly become close to people like Leia. Even with Metis, my closest confidante, I strive to maintain basic etiquette and prefer relationships with a certain distance.
Even if it’s not what Ares wants, I have no intention of forcing myself to change my nature to suit him.
When I explicitly mentioned Leia, he seemed a bit flustered.
“Seeing Leia’s shadow in you… That’s an exaggeration!”
“Perhaps. That’s why I said ‘if’.”
I thought it would be better to discuss the issue of Leia openly between us. This was my way of closing the distance with Ares.
He opened his mouth as if to say something several times but then closed it again. Soon, he sighed deeply and nodded.
“…Alright. I’ll remember what you said.”
At his response, I relaxed my tense face and smiled gently.
Ares is truly a good person. Despite having many things he might want to argue with me about, he chose to swallow his words and acknowledge mine instead.
I can’t deny that I feel selfish and heartless, hiding so much from him while he’s trying to understand me.
Unfortunately, though, my pride, which I’ve held onto for so long, is as precious to me as my love for him.
…I can’t stake everything on this love the way Ares can.
If there’s a difference in the depth of love between Ares and me, this is probably why. Unlike Ares, who can blindly imagine a happy future, I have mountains of tasks and thoughts to deal with before facing death.
I don’t want to force myself into an idealized, unbelievable love. I will love in the way that feels most true to myself. This is how the villainess in a novel, who can’t expect a happy ending, loves.
Even if he finds it difficult to love me as I am, there’s nothing I can do. I don’t have the time to mold myself into the person he desires just to win his love. If he can’t love me for who I am, he can leave me as the novel dictates, and I will wait for the end with a heart already prepared for the pain.
Smiling at Ares, I spoke to him.
“You said you don’t regret loving me, right?”
He replied with a weary smile.
“That’s right. I still don’t.”
I felt a bit more at ease.
After all, Ares will be the first and last love of Bianca Uranos, one of the most distinguished women in society, so shouldn’t I endure this level of emotional struggle?
Just then, there was a knock on the door.
“Bianca!”
It was my mother’s voice. It seemed she came as soon as she received the message from the security bureau.
“Your mother is here.”
I got up and opened the door. My mother stood there, dressed as if she had hurried out for an urgent errand.
“You’re here?”
Seeing my calm demeanor, my mother’s anxious expression softened a bit.
“Do you know how worried I was when I heard you encountered bandits in the mountains?”
“I’m sorry for worrying you. But fortunately, nothing happened. Ares protected me.”
Ares, who had been standing behind me, bowed his head to my mother.
“Sorry. I thought it wouldn’t be dangerous since it’s a place I frequent often, but I ended up causing you concern.”
His straightforward attitude without making excuses was met with a calm acceptance from my mother.
“It’s alright. As long as it doesn’t happen again. Both of you are safe, so I won’t ask any more questions.”
“Thank you, Marchioness.”
Soon, someone from the Duke of Stanley’s household arrived. Since the Duke and Duchess were away, the family’s butler came in their place.
An official from the Security Bureau explained the upcoming procedures to me, Ares, my mother, and the Jupiter family’s butler.
“Once the on-site investigation at the mountain where Lord Jupiter and Lady Uranos were attacked is complete, we will inform each family of the results. If the report is accurate, Lord Jupiter’s actions in firing the gun will likely be deemed self-defense.”
“Of course. The pistol is carried for self-protection, after all.”
My mother raised an eyebrow and replied to the official, who then cleared his throat and agreed.
“Ahem, yes. The Marchioness is correct.”
“Then we’ll take our leave now. We’ll await your prompt communication.”
“Certainly.”
We all followed my mother out of the Security Bureau.
“Bianca.”
Just before I got into the carriage, Ares called out to me. I told my mother I’d be right back and approached him.
He took my hand and led me a bit away from everyone. As I looked up at him with a puzzled expression, he spoke with a serious look on his face.
“It seems I startled and made you uncomfortable in various ways today.”
“It’s alright. Thanks to you, I was safe.”
I expressed my gratitude to him once more. However, Ares slightly shook his head.
“It’s not just that. I’ve been thinking about what you said earlier in the room…”
His words made me look at him quietly.
To be honest, I had been feeling heavy-hearted and worried that my firm words might have hurt Ares’ feelings. Unconsciously, I clenched my fists in tension.
But Ares continued with a gentle smile, dispelling my anxiety.
“You were right. I think I was getting impatient because you weren’t showing the side of you that I wanted to see. I won’t act so hastily from now on.”
I felt considerably relieved. If I ever show emotional instability in front of Ares again, he won’t harshly question me.
I felt sorry for keeping the truth from him. However, I believed my secret wouldn’t significantly affect Ares’ future. After all, he had a happy future awaiting him.
That was a real relief.
“Thank you for understanding my feelings.”
I responded to him with a smile and a light kiss.
Back at the count’s residence, I collapsed onto the bed. After a day filled with tension, both my body and mind were completely exhausted.
It had been an unusually long day. The excitement I felt in the morning about going out with Ares now seemed like a distant memory.
They say extreme fatigue can keep you from sleeping. That was exactly my situation. I was insanely tired, yet my mind grew clearer.
I gave up trying to force myself to sleep and started to reflect on the day.
The events of today happened between Ares and me, so they wouldn’t have been described in the original novel.
Who knows how this incident will affect the relationship between Leia and Ares in the future? Anyway, all I can do is brace myself and wait for the next ‘pillar.’
I suddenly chuckled to myself.
If today’s event had been written by the ‘author’ in the novel, wouldn’t it be a typical romance plot?
A man and a woman are on a date in a secluded place when suddenly some thugs appear and cause trouble, and the dashing male lead saves the day with his skills… something like that.
Since this world itself is a novel, it seems such dramatic situations happen to me as well.
It almost feels like I’ve become the protagonist. Heh.
