ITBFL | Chapter 33

Episode 33

I muttered words of resentment against him as I searched for a place that could block even a little more light.

But it wasn’t enough. Nowhere could completely block the moonlight.

‘Just like last time…’

My mind was already growing hazy.

Thorns sprouted in my heart, stabbing through my entire body, and the wounds they left behind felt like they were being cut open again with something even sharper.

The pain made my ears ring, drowning out even my own groans.

I tried to hold on to my senses, to stay grounded in reality, but it was difficult.

‘Am I going to die like this?’

In the original story, I died at the age of twenty-three.

And this year, I turned twenty-three.

‘…I need to go somewhere else. Somewhere with no light at all…’

I struggled to stand from where I had been curled up behind the sofa.

A wave of dizziness hit me. My blood felt sluggish in my veins, and my body swayed as my strength gave out.

At that moment, someone’s hand supported my back.

As I exhaled a trembling breath and opened my tightly shut eyes, something was draped over my head.

‘A blanket…?’

The blanket completely covered my head and body, plunging me into deep darkness.

A thick fabric shielded me from all light.

I took slow, deliberate breaths. The pain still crushed me, but at least I could breathe.

The feeling of death creeping closer gradually faded.

‘Who…?’

I felt the solid arm of the person holding me through the blanket. When my hand brushed against it, their grip tightened.

“…Who are you?”

Even I could hear how weak my voice was.

It echoed faintly in my ears, and even the slightest effort to squeeze out words brought me pain.

But the person didn’t answer.

“Are you from the Order?”

“……”

“Deserus? Commander Denver?”

Still no response. Were they not from the knights?

The effects of the medicine were spreading. The pain was subsiding little by little, but my consciousness remained clouded.

Everything that touched my skin felt unreal. My own voice, their presence—it all felt distant, like an illusion.

I remembered what Lord Julius had once told me—that the medicine worked by separating the mind and soul from physical pain.

Since the exact cause of my symptoms was unknown, that method was the most effective way to dull the agony.

Ah. Could it be Lord Julius?

“…Lord Julius?”

Once again, there was no answer.

As the pain eased, the tension that had locked my body in stiffness slowly melted away.

Then who could it be?

‘Is it you, Cassium?’

But strangely, I couldn’t bring myself to say those words aloud.

Whether it was because my body had relaxed or because of the medicine’s influence, everything felt hazy.

“If you’re not Lord Julius, then…”

My murmuring trailed off into my fading consciousness.

“No.”

At that moment, a reply came.

A clear voice.

Even through the muffled sounds around me, I recognized it instantly.

“……”

It’s you.

My lips parted slightly.

It was an impulsive response.

Cassium hadn’t meant to reveal himself.

But hearing Lize call out other names over and over—he had unconsciously answered before he could stop himself.

“…Where were you?”

After a brief silence, Lize spoke softly.

Did she know it was him?

Wrapped in the blanket and held in his arms, Lize seemed to struggle to speak, letting out a slow breath.

Cassium thought back to her on the last full moon.

‘That night, she was in more pain than I’d ever seen.’

Was she suffering the same way now?

He tightened his hold, ensuring no moonlight seeped through the blanket.

“Ugh, cough—”

Hearing her choke, he immediately loosened his grip slightly.

“…Trying to suffocate me? Guess it really is you, then…”

Her voice was weak, barely more than a mutter.

But it was directed at him—there was no doubt.

“…Hey.”

She called out to him.

She didn’t say his name, but Cassium knew.

She was calling for him.

Yet, he couldn’t answer right away.

If he responded… then what?

What was he supposed to say when she asked where he had been?

Could he really tell her the truth—that he had stayed by her side as her rabbit?

“…Fine. You’re not that bastard. If you really were, then this would be my imagination, just another dream.”

Lize mumbled softly, still leaning weakly against him.

“Because every time this happens… you always appear in my imagination.”

Her hand brushed against his face through the blanket.

Her lips parted as if to say something, then closed again.

He could feel her eyelids fluttering slightly before opening once more.

What was she thinking?

Cassium had no way of knowing what emotions were behind her gaze as she looked at him now.

Understanding someone’s feelings required removing one’s own bias.

He tried to erase his emotions, to view Lize rationally and objectively.

But he couldn’t.

It was already too deep.

“…It must be a dream. It really feels like you.”

“……”

“If you’re someone else, then say something. Tell me who you are.”

I’m real, Lize. This isn’t a dream.

The one in front of you is truly me.

The words surged to the tip of his tongue.

Every time they met, Lize always dismissed him as a dream or an illusion.

Because he always appeared in places he shouldn’t be, at moments he shouldn’t exist.

So it made sense that she thought the same even now.

“…It’s cold.”

Inside the blanket, Lize shivered slightly. It seemed the pain had given her chills.

Cassium pulled her closer, holding her more securely.

“How do you even know about my illness? Barely anyone does. Only Lord Julius might know.”

Julius. Again.

Cassium knew what that man had told her.

“Why don’t you make a deal with me?”

“…That’s why it doesn’t make sense. You don’t know anything about me.”

There Was Nothing to Say About That.

Cassium had only realized, after spending time with Lize, how little he truly knew about her.

What memories of pain she carried, how her expression changed when she encountered something she liked.

How much she hated him.

He hadn’t properly understood any of it.

If he claimed to know about her illness, it might wound her even more.

“Still…”

He shouldn’t answer.

It would only confuse Lize.

Besides, he couldn’t return to being human right now anyway. Letting her know he was here would serve no purpose.

At that moment, inside the blanket, Lize reached out.

“Can’t you just say it’s really you?”

Her hand grasped Cassium’s tightly.

“Can’t you tell me you haven’t really disappeared, that you’re right here?”

“…I can.”

Damn it.

He had answered before he could stop himself.

“…Is it really you?”

“……”

“Is it truly you?”

“…No.”

“Move this blanket away.”

Lize reached to pull it down, but Cassium caught her hand.

“You know you can’t. If you do…”

“How would you know that?”

“I just do.”

There was nothing else he could say. He couldn’t reveal that he had learned it while in his rabbit form.

“I have to see for myself. Right now…”

Lize tried again to pull the blanket away.

At that moment, a breeze swept through the slightly open window, pulling back the curtain. The faint moonlight grew stronger.

Cassium’s gaze, which had been on the window, snapped back to Lize as she yanked down the blanket.

‘No. If she’s exposed to that moonlight…’

Without hesitation, he struck the back of her neck.

It was the precise spot to make someone lose consciousness.

Lize, weakened by pain and the effects of the medicine, collapsed without resistance.

“I’m sorry, Lize.”

Cassium pulled the blanket tightly around her once more.

“I want to see your face while we talk, and I want to answer when you call my name. But…”

Maybe he had been a rabbit for too long.

Everything felt blurred.

He couldn’t quite remember how he used to speak to Lize, how he used to meet her gaze, what voice he used when he addressed her.

All of it.