Chapter 07
“Are you being wary of Sienna?”
My older brother, who had come to visit my room, asked. I couldn’t answer him easily.
“No. Not at all.”
“Then why not try opening your heart to her a little?”
“I have opened it.”
“That’s a lie.”
“……”
I lowered my gaze to the documents I had been reviewing, avoiding his eyes.
He was right. Saying I had opened my heart to Sienna was a lie.
When I tried to open my heart, her very presence felt like a threat. That fear made me hate myself, and in turn, I kept cursing myself again and again.
“I know why you’re struggling.”
“I’m sorry.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry for. It’s just part of becoming a family. Clashing and adjusting to each other.”
“I want to do well too. But…”
Sienna always misinterprets what I say.
If I were to say that aloud, it would only seem like I was trying to slander her. So I swallowed the words with a sigh.
“I’ll do better. Please don’t worry.”
“Alright. I believe in you.”
I was thankful for my brother, who always cared so much about me.
Though I wasn’t a particularly affectionate sibling and our relationship was drier than most, he always treated me kindly.
When I had first come to this house, having lost my memory, he had even carried me around in place of our busy father.
“By the way, how’s your health?”
“I’m fine. I’ve been taking my medicine regularly.”
“And the nightmares?”
“……”
“You’re still having them, huh.”
“They’re getting better.”
“Selena, you’re not good at lying. Why do you keep having those nightmares? I’m really worried about you.”
“I don’t know, either.”
“Still no memories coming back?”
“No. I don’t remember anything when I wake up.”
The nightmares came often. Something horrific would appear, making my heart pound and leaving me wishing I could just die from the fear.
There was only one thing I remembered — the scream of a young girl. But that scream was actually coming from me, from my real self.
Whenever I awoke to my own screams, I’d be drenched in cold sweat, my heart racing uncontrollably.
“Have you considered getting psychological therapy again?”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Okay. Try anything that might help.”
After expressing all his concern, my brother left the room, saying he had to practice swordsmanship.
Left alone, I continued reading the same documents over and over, unable to absorb a single word.
Should I go to Sienna and tell her she’s misunderstanding me? Or should I tell her I want to resolve the misunderstanding?
Is she doing it on purpose?
Maybe it’s my poor communication skills that are causing all the misunderstandings. I didn’t want to doubt Sienna.
Even if she was doing it on purpose… I could understand why she might hate me.
Because of me, the noble daughter of a prestigious count had grown up as a maid, deprived of the love of her family.
Even so, it doesn’t justify Sienna’s actions…
In the end, I put the quill down and shook my head. The real issue might be me, for wanting to suspect her and blame her.
If I just watch my words, she won’t have a reason to misunderstand.
I directed all the blame inward. I couldn’t forgive myself for ruining someone else’s life due to my lost memories.
Only I knew how much I hated and resented myself. My unstable mind, my weak heart… I despised it all.
“Phew. Get a grip. Everything will be okay. Everything…”
I truly hoped it would all be okay. I really meant it. But that was just my wish.
Sion was practicing swordsmanship in the training ground when he turned at the sound of someone calling him.
“Brother!”
There was Sienna, smiling brightly as she ran toward him. Sienna and Selena looked remarkably alike — enough to be mistaken for twins.
Of course, their vibes were completely different. Selena had an introverted nature and gave off a calm, intellectual air.
In contrast, Sienna seemed lively and energetic, her features more dazzling than Selena’s, with a delicate and sharp impression.
“Wow. Is that a real sword?”
“Yeah. It’s dangerous, so don’t try to touch it carelessly.”
Sion sheathed the sword. Sienna handed him a towel with her usual radiant smile. As he wiped his face and neck, he asked:
“Are you adjusting well?”
“It’s a little tough, but I think I’m doing alright.”
“That’s good to hear. Catching up on ten lost years must be exhausting. You’re doing great, Sienna.”
“Not at all. And Selena is helping me a lot.”
“Right, I meant to ask… It seems like there’s a bit of a misunderstanding between you and Selena.”
“A misunderstanding?”
Sion fidgeted with the handkerchief. Unlike their father, who seemed to be swayed by Sienna’s words, Sion wasn’t so easily convinced.
Ever since Selena came to this house, he had practically raised her himself in their father’s stead. He knew her well.
Selena was someone who would rather suffer alone than mistreat Sienna.
“Even if she misspoke, I’m sure she didn’t mean it. Why don’t you try working things out with her? And rely on me and Father too. Depending only on Selena isn’t good for either of you.”
Everyone in the Estarion household was incredibly busy. Their father, Count Estarion, held a senior position at the imperial court with a heavy workload.
Sion was also overwhelmed with duties as a knight, and Selena was busy managing the household.
“Honestly, it’s not something Selena should be handling alone. Helping you adjust is something all of us should be doing.”
Because Selena had the most flexible schedule, she had taken on Sienna almost singlehandedly. But now, Sion decided to make more time and lessen Selena’s burden.
Focused on that resolve, he failed to notice how Sienna’s expression was darkening. Her eyes, tinged with red, looked like they were glaring at him.
But soon, she masked her gaze and smiled sweetly as she asked:
“I’m curious about something. Brother, you’re good at foreign languages, right?”
“Well, most noble families learn at least one or two.”
“I see. Then do you know what ‘****’ means?”
Sion’s face hardened in an instant. Seeing that, the corner of Sienna’s lips twitched slightly.
“Where did you hear that word?”
“What does it mean?”
She asked carefully, pretending to gauge his reaction. Sion clammed up, refusing to answer.
The foreign word Sienna mentioned translated to “useless bitch” in the imperial tongue.
It was a harsh term. If any servant had said that to Sienna, they needed to be punished immediately.
“It doesn’t mean anything important.”
“Selena says it sometimes when she looks at me. I was just curious what it meant.”
“Selena said that?”
“Yes.”
Sion’s expression grew darker. Sienna glanced up, watching his reaction. After a long pause, he asked again:
“Are you sure?”
“What do you mean by that? Are you saying I’m some kind of idiot who doesn’t know what I heard?”
She snapped back in a firm voice, and Sion quickly shook his head.
“That’s not what I meant. Sorry if it came off that way. I just thought maybe you misheard the pronunciation. It’s a foreign word, after all.”
“I may be ignorant, but I don’t confuse what I hear.”
“Sienna…”
Sienna pouted, her eyes glistening with tears.
“I’m sorry. I guess I said too much. I just… felt so pathetic.”
“Why would you think that?”
“Whenever I see Selena, I feel so small. She’s so pretty and elegant… she even speaks foreign languages and knows everything. But I’m ignorant and don’t even know proper etiquette… I feel like I don’t belong here.”
“No, you’ve made Father and me so happy by returning.”
“I lived as a maid for ten years. Maybe if I hadn’t come back here, I wouldn’t feel so ashamed. But ever since I returned, I just… I hate myself.”
Each word she spoke was heartbreaking. Sion gently patted her with awkward hands as she began to cry.
He had thought Sienna would only feel joy from regaining her status and family. He didn’t expect she would carry thoughts like this. And yet…
Did Selena really… call her a useless bitch?
He didn’t want to doubt Selena — but he couldn’t fully believe Sienna either.
Maybe Sienna misheard something that sounded similar.
Sienna noticed his hesitation. She had anticipated he wouldn’t believe her so easily.
“Brother… to be honest, I’m a little scared of this place.”
“Scared?”
Sienna’s lips trembled. Her teeth clacked between her parted lips.
She clung tightly to Sion’s arm, carefully reading his expression.
“Is someone bothering you? Sienna, don’t hold it in. You can tell me anything.”
“I’m ignorant and don’t know anything. I’ve only just arrived here and have no one on my side.”
“Are the maids mistreating you? Are the servants ignoring you?”
“Ah, no, of course not.”
“Then who?”
When she hesitated, Sion pressed her. He was already upset that the sister he had only just recovered had grown up in hardship, and now she was saying her own home frightened her.
“I’m your brother. I’ll always be on your side no matter what. Trust me.”
“But… you’re also Selena’s brother, aren’t you?”
Sion’s eyes widened in shock.
“Are you saying Selena’s been tormenting you?”
That can’t be… no way.
Even as he denied it, countless doubts rose in his mind.
He had noticed the tension between Selena and Sienna — the neglected state of Sienna’s hair, her rough hands, her quiet confessions, the tension over embroidery and pastries.
Once planted, doubt doesn’t go away easily. It grows — little by little — into certainty.
“What’s going on in this house behind Father’s and my backs?”
Sion asked in a shaken voice. Sienna struggled to hold back her smile.
“The other day… when I fell down the stairs, it was Selena who pushed me.”
“…What?”
“I was angry that day and said harsh things to her. So I thought I deserved what happened. But after that… I just couldn’t help being afraid of her.”
Sion’s face filled with shock and disbelief.
