Chapter 06
Too much stress eventually started affecting my body.
“Ugh!”
“My lady, I’ll go get you some pain relief potion. Please take it and get some rest, okay?”
“No… The pain relief potion should only be used in emergencies. So— ugh!”
My body wasn’t in great shape. I had been prone to sickness ever since I was little and would get headaches even from minor things.
If the headache lasted long enough, I would always end up vomiting like this.
“My lady, you look pale.”
Rosie anxiously paced before rushing out of the room. She soon returned, forcibly handing me a potion.
“If you don’t take this, I’m going to tell the Count that you’re vomiting again.”
“Rosie…”
“My lady, please. Why suffer when there’s medicine?”
“Pain relief potions are very valuable—”
“My lady, you are more valuable than a potion!”
With a loud shout, Rosie opened the potion. The cork popped, and a white mist gently floated out.
“Please drink it, my lady.”
With a sigh, I gave in to her determined voice. Since the potion had already been opened, I couldn’t just put it back. I took it and drank it down in one gulp.
Pain relief potions made by priests using divine power were extremely rare—just one bottle cost as much as a commoner’s yearly living expenses.
That’s why it felt wasteful to use one on something as trivial as a headache.
“I wish there was a drug that just numbed the pain.”
It would be great to develop one, but in this world, making medicine was seen as a rebellion against divine power. So most people avoided such work.
Because of that, the pharmaceutical field was quite behind the times. Ordinary folks who couldn’t afford to see a priest had no choice but to rely on home remedies or shady doctors.
“My lady, are you feeling better?”
“Yeah… a bit.”
“See? That’s why I told you to take the potion! Your complexion looks so much better now!”
Rosie chatted happily as she cleared away the empty bottle.
Sure enough, once the headache subsided, I felt like I could breathe again. The effect of the pain relief potion was nothing short of miraculous.
“Try to lie down for at least another hour. I’ll bring you something to eat.”
“Alright. Go on then.”
I laid my tired body on the bed, but resting wasn’t exactly comfortable. Sienna’s words kept replaying in my head.
“I think she’s afraid that she’ll be pushed out of the household because of me.”
It felt like my true feelings, which I had tried so hard to hide, had been exposed. And it felt like my brother was blaming me.
“I really am awful. I took Sienna’s place, and yet I feel uncomfortable because of her.”
I sighed and got up to pull a book from the shelf. It was filled with diaries I had written since I was little.
I pulled out the very first one, the one I started writing after I was kidnapped and returned.
[My name is Selena Estarion.]
A strange line to begin a diary, but it reflected my reality.
“My memory isn’t intact.”
I had no memories from before arriving at the Count’s estate. I always thought I had lost them due to the trauma of the kidnapping—but now I knew I wasn’t even the real Selena.
“So then… who am I?”
Who was I to resemble Sienna so closely, and why didn’t I have any memories?
Just as a tightness formed in my chest from the unanswered questions, a knock came from outside.
“Come in, Rosie.”
But it wasn’t Rosie. It was an unexpected guest—Sienna.
I quickly put the diary away and greeted her.
“Sienna, are you feeling better?”
“Ah… yes.”
Sienna avoided making eye contact with me. It was probably because of the anger she had shown during our last conversation.
“Your bruises are fading. That’s a relief.”
“More importantly, Selena… um…”
“It’s okay. Really.”
I knew what she was trying to say, so I spoke first. I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable.
“It’s understandable. I don’t blame you for thinking that way. So, you don’t need to apologize.”
Still, her expression looked off. Not uncomfortable because she couldn’t apologize… but more like she was angry.
Had I said something wrong? Did I hurt her feelings somehow?
Just as my mind started to race, Sienna asked with a neutral expression,
“Could you teach me how to embroider? I’ve learned to sew, but never embroidery.”
“Of course. When would you like to start?”
“Any time is fine.”
Sienna’s eyes curved into a small smile. I thought I saw a faint red in her eyes.
Feeling threatened by her presence was like sinking to the lowest level… so I tried my best to ignore the ominous feeling.
But perhaps I paid the price for ignoring my instincts, because not long after, something happened.
“Wow, Sienna. This is amazing. It tastes so good!”
One afternoon, Sienna brought over an apple pie she had baked. Her cooking skills were nothing short of incredible.
“Before Emma the kitchen maid came, there was a chef from the South. He made really great apple pie, but this is even better.”
Sienna grinned brightly, her hair still tousled. Though her nails had been trimmed, faint traces of dirt still lingered.
“Oh, about the embroidery—lavender flowers are really hard to do.”
“Yeah, they are. Why don’t we try something simpler first and save that for last?”
“That works too.”
We shared apple pie and chatted about small things—like when Mrs. Miller would arrive to assist with Sienna’s education, and the preparations needed before the ball.
Then, as evening came and the family gathered in the sitting room—
“Father! Do you want to see the embroidery I did?”
Sienna proudly spoke up.
“Embroidery?”
“Selena’s been teaching me lately.”
“Let’s see it then.”
My brother raised an eyebrow—as if asking when I had time to teach her embroidery.
“Sienna’s very talented. She even baked that apple pie perfectly.”
“Apple pie?”
“She made one recently, and we shared it together.”
Just as I was about to explain in more detail, my maid Rosie called me.
“My lady, Mr. Hans said there might be an issue with the paperwork he submitted earlier.”
“Really?”
I excused myself from Father and my brother and went to see Hans.
After discussing the budget documents, I returned and was about to open the sitting room door when—
“Hahaha!”
It was Father’s laugh. He rarely showed emotion, and I had never heard him laugh out loud before.
Clearly, Sienna’s bright and cheerful presence had brought great change to the household.
“What is this? A flower or a caterpillar?”
“Oh, come on! Brother, it’s supposed to be lavender!”
Father had become more expressive, and my usually reserved brother was joking around with Sienna like real siblings.
From behind the door, I could feel how warm and lively the atmosphere was—an atmosphere where there was no place for me.
Because I was fake.
A fake can never replace the real one. That’s probably why the house had felt so dull before Sienna arrived.
“Ah…”
I couldn’t breathe. Tears welled up.
I hated myself. I felt pathetic for being jealous of Sienna.
“Honestly, I didn’t even plan to do the lavender, but I wanted to try, so I gave it a shot.”
“You should’ve asked Selena for help.”
Then Sienna replied to my brother,
“Selena said lavender was too hard for someone at my level and that I should try something else.”
I gasped and quickly pulled my hand away from the doorknob, covering my mouth.
What Sienna said wasn’t a lie, but the nuance was different.
The way she put it made it sound like I had said something condescending or discouraging. But I never spoke like that.
I wanted to burst in and explain myself, but saying anything in front of her might seem like I was putting pressure on her—or just making excuses.
“Selena? Did she really say that?”
My father’s voice rose sharply. My heart pounded. My hands trembled.
Why was Sienna doing this? Or… had I really said it that way?
I didn’t trust my memory. I had no memories from my childhood, and even now I often had lapses.
So maybe I had said something negative without realizing it.
Even if I insisted I hadn’t, my family knew about my memory issues—they wouldn’t believe me.
“It wasn’t really a negative comment. I just meant my skill level was still low, so I should wait and try again later.”
“The way you say things makes all the difference.”
Now my brother spoke.
I could imagine the look on his face, and my heart sank even deeper.
“Did Selena say anything else?”
“Um… Brother, please don’t ask.”
“Tell your father. It’s okay.”
“Well… remember how I said we shared some apple pie?”
“Yes.”
“Selena said it was delicious… but then compared it to the chefs’ skills.”
I gasped.
She twisted my words again, subtly altering the meaning to paint me in a bad light.
I had to speak up. I had to explain that I never meant it like that. So I opened the door and stepped in.
“I’m sorry… I wasn’t eavesdropping on purpose, but I overheard and thought there might be a misunderstanding.”
All three of them looked at me. Sienna’s face went pale.
She fumbled and reached out to clutch Father’s sleeve.
Father carefully watched her expression. Then his gaze turned to me—and I stopped breathing.
Because—
“Selena.”
His face was cold and rigid. A mix of anger and disappointment in his expression made my heart drop.
“Sh-She’s right! It wasn’t meant to sound negative. So p-please, don’t misunderstand.”
Sienna quickly tried to defend me. My brother’s jaw clenched.
What were they thinking?
Looking at the shadows on their faces, I knew…
Everything I said now would only sound like an excuse.
