“Instead of standing, why don’t you sit down? My neck hurts looking at you.”
I gestured toward Ian.
“Duke?”
“…Yes.”
Still seeming somewhat disoriented, he reluctantly sat in the chair by the bed, following my cue.
Though he was complying with the patient’s request, his expression didn’t look good.
‘I can see exactly what you’re thinking.’
By now, this fragile man was probably feeling a deep sense of responsibility and guilt about my injury.
He must be repeating to himself that this was all his fault.
If I didn’t clearly draw the line here, he would retreat back into his old self, distancing himself from everyone.
And if that happened, all my efforts would be for nothing.
I couldn’t let that happen.
As I studied him closely, I finally spoke.
“By now, you’re probably thinking that all of this happened because of you. You’re probably telling yourself it’s better to stop trying to play the part of a husband, to give up on any social reputation, and to just distance yourself again like before… Then, a year later, we’ll get a divorce, right? Isn’t that what’s going through your head?”
As I spoke with an air of certainty, Ian slowly lifted his gaze, looking at me in bewilderment.
His expression clearly showed he was surprised that I knew exactly what he was thinking.
He was too predictable.
I sighed deeply.
“I told you, I’m fine, and I’ll continue to be fine. I even said it wasn’t your fault while I was fainting, but I guess you didn’t hear that?”
“It’s not that…”
“I understand why you’re like this.”
I slowly closed and then reopened my eyes.
“You’ve always been like this. Ever since your tenth birthday.”
Ian flinched.
A moment later, his expression hardened.
“How do you know that, my lady…”
“Isn’t it basic manners to know at least a little about the person you’re going to marry? Just as you know me, I know you too.”
I answered lightly, raising my eyebrows.
‘Sorry, but I can’t exactly tell you I read it in the original story.’
It had happened when Ian was ten years old.
The nanny who had always protected him from his violent mother, the empress, was brutally killed.
The perpetrator was none other than the empress herself.
When young Ian had eagerly asked to see Elisio on his birthday, the nanny had arranged a secret meeting for them in the crown prince’s garden, avoiding the empress’s watchful eye.
When Ian returned to his palace, happily clutching the music box Elisio had given him, the empress killed the nanny on the spot, using the absurd justification that she had endangered the prince.
‘Because she had taught him not to get close to his rival, Elisio.’
Traumatized by the sight of his nanny’s death, young Ian trembled and vomited, and the empress whispered coldly in his ear.
I still remember those words.
“Look closely, prince. Pain and suffering are proof of weakness. You are experiencing this because you are weak.”
“Feel nothing. Don’t be shaken or let it linger in your heart. Useless emotions will only cloud your judgment.”
“You must not love anyone. Especially not those who are your rivals. Anyone you love will die or suffer misfortune.”
“Loneliness is an illusion, prince. Don’t let it sway you. Emotions will only erode you. Kill your heart and follow reason.”
“A future ruler must live this way. Remember your mother’s words.”
Those words lingered in Ian’s unconscious mind like a curse for a long time.
Even I, who didn’t particularly like Ian, couldn’t help but feel sympathy and pity for him when reading that part.
The more I thought about it, the less I understood the empress’s intentions behind gaslighting Ian so senselessly.
Unless she truly wanted her son to be unhappy, she shouldn’t have said such things.
If that’s not abuse, I don’t know what is.
‘I can understand why Ian is so shaken by the fact that I got hurt.’
This incident might have reawakened the trauma Ian had barely managed to overcome.
But I absolutely refused to let him revert to his old self.
“Duke, as I said before, I’m fine. And you saved me in that situation.”
“You were taken hostage and threatened because of me.”
“Did I die because of it?”
I asked, challenging his reasoning, and Ian frowned, as if not understanding why I was being so stubborn.
I leaned back against the pillow and let out a shallow sigh, looking at him with a skewed gaze.
“I might be out of line here, but don’t you think you’re being a bit too self-centered?”
“…What?”
“How many people in the capital’s aristocracy do you think don’t have enemies?”
Ian looked bewildered.
“Surely you don’t think this happened because it was specifically you, do you?”
I narrowed my eyes.
“My father, Marquis Alpheus, faced several assassination attempts when he was young too. By other nobles who saw him as a thorn in their side.”
I wasn’t sure if Marquis Alpheus had ever truly been in danger or not.
But being from the founding family of the kingdom, surely there must have been at least one family who had tried to take his life.
If not, oh well.
What mattered now was changing Ian’s mindset of “It’s all my fault.”
“Do you know what that means? Even if I hadn’t married you, I would’ve faced a threat to my life at some point.”
“That’s…”
“And who knows? Maybe I really would’ve died in one of those attacks.”
“My lady.”
Ian spoke in a low, sinking voice.
Who said anything about me really dying?
It was just a figure of speech.
I shrugged casually and continued.
“What I’m saying is that the fact I was attacked or injured isn’t your fault. If anything, the fact that I’m alive is thanks to you.”
“……”
“You saved me, after all.”
Ian stared at me for a long time with an expression I couldn’t quite read — perhaps it was confusion, or maybe bewilderment.
Even though I was mixing in a bit of sophistry, the part about it not being his fault was completely sincere.
The ones who attacked Ian for no reason were the weird ones.
And if we were assigning blame, shouldn’t the emperor feel guilty too, since it was his faction that attacked us?
“I already told you,” I said, tilting my head while still leaning against the pillow.
“Just because you keep someone close doesn’t mean your feelings will harm them.”
There are people who would be happy by your side, I had said. Like Diana, for example. Or Diana.
Ian’s deep blue gaze wavered.
“But if you’re still worried, well…”
I rolled my eyes playfully and added with a mischievous tone,
“Why don’t you try becoming the greatest swordmaster on the continent? That’s way cooler than digging yourself a hole alone, don’t you think?”
I hadn’t seen him fight much, but what little I saw was kind of impressive.
The reason I’d managed to bite the mage’s arm and escape was because Ian, a swordmaster, was right in front of me.
“Anyway! Stop thinking about weird things and get a grip. Got it?”
Ian opened his mouth slightly, then closed it firmly at the sight of me glaring at him.
‘Hmm, I guess it’s too much to expect an immediate answer.’
Honestly, it was already a relief that Ian hadn’t interrupted and had listened to me this far.
‘At least I can worry less about him digging a metaphorical hole now…’
As I thought that, something else crossed my mind, and I bit my lip lightly.
Now that I think about it, there was one more thing I hadn’t said.
“And… um, Duke.”
Just moments ago, I had been speaking without hesitation, but now I found myself faltering.
Ian furrowed his brow slightly as he looked at me.
I glanced away and let out a small sigh.
I felt awkward for some reason.
“…Thank you. You saved my life.”
“……”
“Now that I think about it, you’ve saved me twice, but I never properly thanked you. I only got mad.”
I said in a small voice, sneaking a glance at him.
Ian’s expression became hard to read.
He frowned a little, opened his mouth, then closed it again.
His face was strangely animated despite not saying a word.
There was a long, silent pause, filled with some kind of meaning I couldn’t grasp.
Just as Ian, his eyes full of uncertainty, was about to speak—
Bang!
“Your Grace!!!”
Hmm, I was wondering why it had been so quiet.
♧♧♧
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