Ian almost doubted his ears.
But there was no mistake—Eloise had just referred to herself in the third person. After briefly scanning her with a complicated expression, Ian spoke.
“You’re drunk.”
“Yes, can’t you tell? I tried so hard not to let my guard down at the party.”
“Haven’t you always refused to drink?”
“…Oh, really? I didn’t even know that.”
“……”
“I really tried not to get drunk, though.”
Since when could you avoid getting drunk just by trying not to?
If you don’t want to get drunk, isn’t it simple enough not to drink in the first place?
That thought rose to the tip of his tongue, but he swallowed it down and gave her a dry look.
He had planned to finally figure out what was going on in Eloise’s mind tonight, but at this rate, they weren’t going to have anything resembling a proper conversation.
Ian shook his head slightly and extended his hand.
“Take my hand.”
“Oh, an escort~”
With a little cheer, Eloise smiled faintly.
Her expression was softer than usual, almost as if a few screws were loose.
It was an unusual sight, to say the least.
“Yes, an escort. So, please take my hand.”
He waited for her to take his hand as he’d been taught, but instead of doing so, Eloise just stared at his hand without moving.
“…My lady?”
“No, no! There’s still a long way to go.”
Eloise interrupted him, pouting as she muttered.
“This kind of escort won’t do.”
“……”
“You understand? This won’t do!”
The soft smile she had worn just moments ago was gone, replaced by a sharp tone.
She then lifted her eyelids to make direct eye contact with Ian.
Her turquoise eyes, tinged with emerald, were gleaming with displeasure.
“Do you really think you can get away with just this? If that’s what you’re planning, you should change your mind before it’s too late.”
“…What on earth are you trying to say?”
Ian responded in a tone laced with a sigh.
He had no idea what she was talking about.
He had thought she was just moderately drunk, but now it seemed she was completely inebriated, only just managing to stay upright.
Eloise, however, continued to glare at him stubbornly with a deeply furrowed brow before letting out a deep sigh.
“You think holding my hand is enough? Do you really think that’s enough? You have no idea how lonely I’ve been….”
“…Excuse me?”
“You don’t know anything! You don’t even know why I’m going this far, do you? Of course, you wouldn’t! Ugh, you’re like an empty-headed robot!”
“An empty… what?”
Ian furrowed one eyebrow in confusion at her incomprehensible words.
Meanwhile, Eloise’s expression grew even more contorted, almost to the point of tears.
“…I really might hit you. What’s so special about being a Sword Master, huh? Damn it.”
Finally, she mumbled as she pushed away Ian’s outstretched hand. For the first time, Ian’s face showed signs of genuine bewilderment.
“My lady, you should watch your words.”
“What’s so great about you, really? Well, you are pretty great! But is being good-looking all that matters? Actually, it’s not just that you’re good-looking… but still!”
“……”
“I just wanted to meet someone good, not just someone great, and be happier….”
Damn it, Eloise muttered as she rubbed her cheek with the back of her hand, glaring at Ian.
It was almost impressive that she had managed to maintain her composure throughout the party until she reached this point.
“My lady, please take my hand.”
“…Just answer me one question.”
As her sudden question broke the silence, Ian, who had been extending his hand toward Eloise again, replied.
“What do you want to ask?”
“Are you willing to acknowledge it?”
“Acknowledge what?”
“How much you’ve made things difficult for me. How much I’ve suffered and agonized alone. Would you listen if I told you…?”
“……”
“Of course, you wouldn’t. I can’t even talk to anyone about it.”
Ian’s hand hovered in midair. He raised his gaze to meet hers, his expression hardening as he stood frozen in place.
“You wouldn’t understand anyway, so I’d rather live well without you.”
Damn it, I really hate this.
Eloise muttered as she let out another heavy sigh.
“…But I can’t do that, so please be kind to me. Not just by offering your hand like this. Be gentle.”
“……”
“Don’t make me feel lonely. You don’t even know how miserable that can be….”
There was a faint quiver in her last words, which Ian easily noticed.
His blue eyes wavered slightly, and just as he was about to say something.
“Seriously, what do I even see in a guy like this….”
Mumbling, Eloise suddenly swayed. Ian instinctively moved quickly and caught her.
“My lady?”
“Mmm….”
In Ian’s arms, Eloise looked peacefully asleep, a stark contrast to the sharp-tongued woman who had been lashing out at him just moments ago.
Her shallow breaths brushed against his ear.
Was she really asleep? After all the yelling she had just done?
“……”
Ian’s expression softened as he gazed at Eloise in disbelief.
There were traces of tears around her closed eyes.
He quietly mulled over her words that had echoed in his ears.
‘…Miserable.’
It was hard to believe that those words had come from the same Eloise who had acted so emotionless over the past two years.
Ian’s eyes lingered on the redness around her eyes before he looked away.
‘Did she cry like this in the garden that day too?’
Because she felt lonely, miserable?
If Kyle were here, he might have seized the opportunity to berate Ian, saying, “See? I told you so.” But at that moment, Ian wasn’t preoccupied with Kyle’s potential scolding or accusations.
“‘Miserable,’ you say, Your Highness.”
“That’s a sign of weakness.”
“So don’t feel anything.”
“Just don’t feel anything.”
“Do not become attached.”
“You don’t need anyone by your side.”
“It will only bring you misery.”
“……”
Why those words resurfaced now, Ian couldn’t say. Or rather, he knew exactly why. He bit his lip, a bitter taste of the past suddenly washing over him.
‘…Such useless thoughts.’
He shook his head, trying to dismiss the thoughts that clung stubbornly to his mind.
This was the kind of marriage it had been from the start.
Eloise was merely there to fulfill her role as the Duchess.
There was no need to delve into her innermost feelings.
All Ian needed to do was give her what she wanted and keep her as his Duchess.
That was it. There was no need to draw parallels with his own childhood.
“Because you won’t understand anyway, I’d rather live well without you.”
“Seriously, what do I even see in a guy like this…?”
Yet, the memory of Eloise’s muttering lingered in his mind, gnawing at his thoughts.
‘She said she liked me.’
They hadn’t had anything resembling a proper conversation, but somehow Ian felt as if he had finally grasped the answer to a question that had been plaguing him for so long.
The reason for her distant behavior and the way she spoke as if there was always an inevitable end.
‘How ironic, to realize it now.’
From the very beginning, they had been misaligned.
What difference did it make to understand now?
At least, that’s what Ian told himself.
All he could do now was fulfill his basic obligations to her, as she had asked.
“…It seems it would be best to discourage her from drinking in the future.”
Muttering under his breath, Ian carefully lifted Eloise and carried her to the bedroom. However, he didn’t notice that his touch was much gentler than it had been moments before.
♧♧♧
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