Throughout the meal with Ian downstairs, an awkward atmosphere lingered between us.
It hadn’t been this uncomfortable since the morning we had breakfast together right after I transmigrated into this body.
The difference was that back then, I had stared at Ian while he ignored me, but now, it was Ian who was intensely watching me while I tried my best to avoid looking at him.
‘It seems like I’m the only one feeling awkward now.’
Otherwise, why would he be looking at me with such a fervent gaze?
I focused all my attention on my plate to avoid making eye contact with him.
“So, tomorrow I’ll probably return earlier than today. I heard there’s a hill with a good view on the outskirts of the city. It’s a popular spot among tourists. How about visiting it?”
“…”
“Madam?”
“Oh, yes. What did you say?”
Startled, I looked up at him. Ian, who had been gazing at me, had an odd expression on his face.
“I said that I’ll be home earlier tomorrow, and I suggested we visit the hill on the outskirts of the city. Unless you plan to stay at the academy all day.”
“Oh…”
I let out a sound that was somewhere between a sigh and a groan, slowly rolling a chickpea around my plate with my fork.
‘Right, part of the reason we’re staying in the Nomos Empire for ten days is so the emperor could give Ian and me some free time…’
Now that I think about it, Ian had asked me before we left if there was anywhere I wanted to go. Not only had I not answered, but I had also pushed any thoughts about it to the back of my mind.
It was a light suggestion, and going wouldn’t be a bad idea. But…
‘I can’t seem to give an answer.’
For some reason, it felt like something was lodged in my throat, making it difficult to speak.
After several attempts to swallow nothing but air, I hesitated and finally replied.
“That sounds nice, but I’m not sure if I’ll have time tomorrow.”
“Are you busy?”
I could feel his gaze piercing through me.
“From what I understand, you have no official appointments besides the tour. Do you have prior plans?”
“No, it’s not that.”
“Then what is it?”
His questions were a bit too persistent.
“After touring the campus today, I realized walking around such a large space was more tiring than I expected. I was thinking of taking it easy tomorrow and returning to the residence early to rest.”
I knew it, but I really wasn’t good at lying. I desperately tried not to meet Ian’s gaze, but I could still feel his persistent eyes poking at my cheeks, and I eventually had to look up.
“Would that be okay?”
In the end, Ian reluctantly nodded.
“…I understand, we’ll postpone it. After the ceremony, we’ll still have five more days to stay.”
The fact that he didn’t suggest canceling altogether meant he was planning to take me there after the ceremony was over.
‘Since when did he become so persistent?’
But I couldn’t come up with any more excuses, so I clamped my mouth shut.
We continued our meal in silence, and by the time dessert arrived, I opened my mouth again.
“…Ian.”
“Yes, what is it?”
“When we return…”
“Yes?”
“Should we stop spending every weekend together?”
Ian, who had been raising his glass to his lips, froze. He didn’t drink and simply placed the glass back on the table.
“Why?”
It was so like Ian to ask calmly, even as his face noticeably twisted in displeasure.
I rolled my tongue in my mouth several times.
‘Does this really need to feel like déjà vu?’
This was similar yet different from when I had barged into Ian’s office right after I first transmigrated into Eloise’s body.
Back then, I had also gotten straight to the point, and Ian had also asked why.
Now used to the sight of his familiar sapphire eyes, I looked down.
‘Why, indeed.’
First, because I had come to fully realize that I was someone who would eventually have to leave, and second, because if I grew any closer to him, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to keep my feelings in check.
‘If I really have to leave, I can’t afford to have any regrets.’
I gripped the cutlery tightly.
“It’s just that this was all for the prestige of the duchy from the start, right? Now that your reputation has been restored to some extent, I don’t think you need to go through the trouble of setting aside time for me.”
“So now that the duchy’s prestige has been somewhat restored, it’s become a troublesome task… Is that what you’re saying?”
Ian’s question had a sharp edge to it.
“In conclusion, yes.”
I glanced up, and sure enough, he was looking at me with a displeased expression, just as I expected.
“……”
“……”
A hellish silence filled the space.
After staring at me for quite some time, he finally opened his mouth.
“That won’t do.”
“Yes, well, thank you for—what?”
“I said, that won’t do.”
The same mechanical words were repeated.
“…Why?”
Even I knew it was a foolish question, but before I could stop myself, I had already asked.
“You’re expressing quite clearly that you want to distance yourself from me, but I’m not so complacent as to just accept that without question.”
“Why would that be considered complacent…?”
“If this is punishment for my past neglect toward you, I’ll take it willingly. But if you’re avoiding me without any real reason, I won’t cooperate.”
“…Hah.”
A breath of disbelief escaped me.
‘Does this man not know how to beat around the bush at all?’
I had gone out of my way to offer a roundabout excuse, and yet here he was, bluntly telling me not to avoid him.
‘And why is my heart racing again?’
Suppressing the chaotic thudding in my chest, I stared at him in exasperation.
His lips twitched with something that could barely be called a smile.
Seeing that sly expression, the awkwardness that had been gnawing at me all this time was suddenly replaced with a subtle sense of competitiveness.
“But I don’t have much left to teach you now. Besides, didn’t you say you were busy? You mentioned that it was difficult to make time on the weekends.”
“It was you who asked me to make time despite knowing my situation.”
“……”
“And thanks to that, a lot of my time has been revolving around you lately.”
“No, I didn’t…”
“Wasn’t this something you had considered when you first made the proposal?”
Ian asked, his tone brazen but his expression as innocent as ever, making it all the more baffling.
‘That was when I didn’t know you’d start liking me.’
The situation had completely changed. I was trying to put an end to things, but Ian clearly had no intention of letting me go.
I was left speechless, staring at him as the dessert on my plate slowly melted.
Ian, watching my stunned expression, let out a light sigh as if he had no choice.
“…Fine, then let’s do this.”
He picked up the glass of water he had set down and took a sip.
“I’ve been giving up my weekends for you all this time, haven’t I? Even though, as you pointed out, I had quite a busy schedule.”
“…Yes, you have.”
Why was he setting all this up?
“Then, from now on, you’ll need to free up your weekends for me.”
“…What?”
“I have a lot of things I want to do with you. Didn’t you once tell me that you get back what you give?”
He calmly threw back at me the very words I had once used on him.
“No, I…”
What on earth was he saying?
This wasn’t how things were supposed to go.
While I was mentally repeating things I couldn’t bring myself to say out loud, Ian locked eyes with me.
“Unless you explain why, that is. Why you’re trying to avoid me.”
“……”
“Why exactly you’re going out of your way to distance yourself.”
My mouth clamped shut.
I hadn’t expected Ian to not notice, but I also hadn’t expected him to confront me so directly.
‘Does he not know how to just let things slide?’
But it seemed Ian wasn’t expecting an answer from me. He continued speaking calmly.
“Originally, I thought I would give you time to come to terms with everything at your own pace. But waiting quietly seems to only make you think of ways to run away. And you don’t seem inclined to explain why.”
“……”
“In any case, I have no intention of helping you avoid me.”
Though he wasn’t even physically close, I felt as if he was binding me tightly in place.
♧♧♧
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