“The day I sent Cecilia, I swore to her that I would protect you at all costs.” When Retina heard her father’s thoughts for the first time, she couldn’t keep her mouth open for a while. He had a look she hadn’t seen since he cried as he hugged her mother, who had become a cold corpse.
It was not a face of crying or laughing. Various emotions mingled transparently in her heart, overwhelmed by the longing for someone.
Retina approached the Duke, who seemed particularly small, and knelt down in front of him. Only today did she come to know her father’s honest heart, always seeming cool and emotionless, showing its true colors.
“I’m sorry that this is the only way I can protect you,” the Duke said, his rough hand gently cupping Retina’s cheek. Leaning against the Duke’s leg, Retina closed her eyes comfortably and held the Duke’s hand.
“In your eyes, I may still seem like a seven-year-old child, but I am also an adult now. I have reached an age where I can decide my own path.”
Blushing and angry, even if their intentions clashed, they were ultimately a family who shared blood. She didn’t want to resent him for deciding on her behalf, knowing that his actions were for her sake.
So, this must be his attempt to resolve things through conversation.
“I’m not asking you to dismiss the marriage alliance without any thought. If I were to rise to a position comparable to Prince Ragulas without a marriage alliance, no one would easily harm me.”
“It’s easier said than done. Right now, I can’t even protect you under the names of Deneuve and Lencia. Even if we can suppress the nobles’ clamor for now, if public opinion turns against us, both families will be in danger.”
If Retina were to formally join the Deneuve family, the situation might improve, but the fundamental issue wouldn’t be resolved.
If both families were to support Retina after her secret was revealed, they might not openly show disgust, but instead, they would find a way to attack Deneuve using it as an excuse.
Who would willingly send away their precious daughter to live in the northern regions? As the Duke of Deneuve, who had much to safeguard due to his many possessions, he couldn’t ignore Retina, who was as precious to him as the jewels that adorned him. Thus, he chose the safest option.
“I’m not talking about Deneuve,” Retina said, lifting her head as if to wipe her face on the Duke’s palm.
“Then what alternative do you propose?”
“I will sever ties with Deneuve. No, I will renounce my citizenship in Rudenheim. But for that, I need your help, Father.”
“To renounce your Rudenheim citizenship. But to marry Raglaras, your status must be Rudenheim.”
“No. I won’t go to Ragulas. I just want to seek the protection of the kingdom as a person from the northern regions.”
“Are you saying that you have ties to the northern regions?” the Duke asked.
Retina smiled at the Duke’s question. The Empress herself had instructed her not to be treated lightly. To become someone whom no one could ignore with her own strength.
She finally understood what it meant. She couldn’t endure as the beloved darling of her family. She had to become strong, not for the family, but for herself.
“Yes, Father. I will become one of Raglaras’ people.”
Retina never doubted that she was a descendant of Ignace. The old stories her mother had told her, their pride. Everything she had thought to be fabricated tales for the persecuted, with their silver hair, turned out to be true.
If she became one of Raglaras’ people, no one would dare judge her right or wrong, even if they discovered her silver hair. Just as they treated the worn-out Prince Raglaras.
“I hope I become an uncomfortable presence to the nobles.”
If they couldn’t accept her, then they would have to find a way to accept her. There, Retina sought her father’s support, knowing he would be a stronger ally than anyone else.
So that no one would dare to pull her down.
* * *
After finishing the conversation with Retina, the Duke of Deneuve found the item he had tucked away in the innermost part of the first drawer. Wrapped in a blue ribbon, the white box contained a neatly arranged rocket, gleaming as if brand new.
The Duke picked up the rocket and pressed the button protruding from the top. Click. The lock released, and the rocket split in half.
“Cecilia…”
Tracing the portrait of a woman inside the split rocket with his finger, the Duke swallowed his saliva. The woman, smiling kindly as she faced forward, resembled Retina but exuded a gentler aura.
The first and last lover in his life. She appeared unexpectedly in his life, teaching him how to love and show affection in a life where he knew nothing of such emotions.
“Our child has grown so much already, already finding her own path. She resembles you in appearance and personality, but it seems she takes after me more in character.”
He continued the one-sided conversation as if it were familiar and natural.
“If you were alive, you would surely have tried to persuade her to choose the safe path.”
I often nagged you to tone down your quirks too. The Duke’s smile was tinged with loneliness.
“You would have been a little less patient.”
Cecilia was accustomed to enduring. She never showed her wounds to others, enduring until they festered and rotted away. Behind her endlessly bright and positive face lay a woman embracing festering wounds beneath her smiling facade.
“Was it wrong to leave you alone at the estate while you were pregnant? Was it wrong to send you away from the castle? I’ve always thought about it and regretted it. I wondered if my love ruined you.”
As the Duke of Deneuve, who handled all the affairs of the estate in place of his deceased wife and two sons, he was constantly busy.
Thanks to Cecilia, who took care of their two sons while pregnant before their wedding, he was able to relinquish his duties at the mansion and often left the castle for affairs in the capital.
Occasionally, when he visited the estate, he would check on pregnant Cecilia and the child’s condition. Each time, Cecilia reassured him that everything was fine with a few words. So, he genuinely believed everything was fine, unaware of what she endured in the castle.
“If I had known about your wounds back then, if I had dared to take revenge on those who dared to harm the Duchess, would your wounds have healed a little?”
No, that’s not it. Cecilia was a delicate woman, so she must have felt guilty for the innocent lives lost because of her.
“Today, of all days, I miss you more.”
Lowering his head, the Duke wrapped his hands around the rocket. Hearing Retina’s words about being a noble from the northern regions, he thought of Cecilia, who came from a noble family whose roots vanished during the war.
If he had known Cecilia was alive, she wouldn’t have had to hang herself. The thought haunted him as he sent Retina away first.
He still couldn’t escape the loss of Cecilia more than a decade ago.
“Even after sending you away, I’m still a selfish man.”
“So, you’re the only one who will accept me.”
Pressing his lips to the rocket, he carefully placed it back into the box. The box, still tied with the ribbon just as it was originally, was securely stored in the depths of the Duke of Deneuve’s first drawer.
* * *
And time passed, bringing forth the morning of the day the equestrian event was to take place.
“Miss! Are you really going to wear that? Really? Seriously?” Lena’s nagging followed Retina as she groomed her riding attire.
Retina looked up at Lena, who had been trailing her since morning. “Yeah. Do I need different attire for riding?”
“There are plenty of riding dresses available, but of course, you’re stuck with men’s trousers! And noblewomen don’t ride to showcase their equestrian skills like men do. They ride to enjoy swaying gently on horseback or something like that!”
“I’ll be riding a horse, though.”
“What?”
“I ride well.”
Chuckling, Retina dismissed Lena’s words and adjusted the buttons on her sleeves. With her long hair tied up high and clad in form-fitting riding attire, Retina looked more like a fearless knight than a delicate noblewoman.
“Even if everyone finds you strange, I won’t know a thing about it!”
“It doesn’t matter. As long as the person I want to impress is pleased, that’s enough for me. Besides, I doubt they’ll dislike me just because I’m wearing trousers.”
“…Miss, did you just brag to me? Did I hear that wrong?”
“It’s bragging. Bragging about a lover. I wanted to try it at least once.”
“Oh, Miss!”
Retina left Lena behind, rolling her eyes, and walked ahead. Lena always reacted so positively whenever teased, making it hard not to do it every time.
“I’ll be back soon.”
Before leaving the bedroom, Retina turned back to face Lena standing there. Lena, seeing Retina becoming more dignified rather than fragile, felt tears welling up. ‘I’m glad Miss found a lover before the equestrian event.’ Of course, Miss was beautiful in any form, but still. Lena, unable to bring herself to mention the dress she couldn’t get for Retina, smiled and bid Retina farewell with a smiling face.
“Take care.”
May nothing untoward happen there. Lena watched Retina’s back as she headed to the young lords waiting at the entrance of the mansion, wishing for her safe return.
