“I’ve thought a lot since that day. As the head of the family, I wondered whether it was right to hold onto you, who were leaving to revive the family, or to let you go as you wished. You were the one who abandoned me, but I kept thinking of you with a more distressed look than mine.”
Recalling himself retreating from Retina, he approached her first this time. He brought his face close to hers, stopping just a fist away, wondering what she was worrying about with that small head of hers.
“Back then, even though I thought it was wrong to part like that, as you said, I ran away. I hated you so much for denying our relationship to others that I didn’t want to say anything.”
He was afraid to face the reality that, while he had devoted everything to Retina, he was nothing to her. Listening to her felt like admitting he had been abandoned by her. Knowing it would hurt Retina, he spoke harshly.
“But do you know what conclusion I came to in the end?”
Herald could never give up on Retina. She was everything to him. Even if they sometimes argued or spent some time apart, the idea of parting ways with Retina was inconceivable to him.
“Even if you resent me, I can’t let you go.”
“If I stay by your side, Your Highness,”
“Don’t say anything if you’re going to tell me that you chose to leave for my sake rather than because you got tired of me.”
He placed his finger on Retina’s lips to stop her from speaking. Since hearing from Sat why Retina had broken up with him, he has decided not to listen to her excuses.
“It’s true that because of my illness, I’ve kept people, except for Deneuve and Illian, at a distance and haven’t received support from the Emperor’s faction. But support from nobles isn’t everything in politics. Although my public activities were limited, I’ve built my own strength. On the surface, it seems like I’m meeting the new nobles for the first time now, but I’ve been in contact with them for a while.”
Herald continued his story calmly. Retina didn’t fully trust him. Even if she could hold on for now with Deneuve’s support, she was constantly distancing herself from him due to the fear that without the backing of the established powers, the foundation would eventually crumble.
“My situation isn’t as bad as you thought.”
So, instead of pleading with Retina, he needed to instill trust in her. It might seem unstable to His Majesty, the Emperor. However, with the families that had long been at the heart of Rudenheim being purged for corruption, new winds were blowing in Rudenheim as well.
“If you are leaving because you truly don’t love me anymore, I won’t hold onto you. But if that’s not the case…”
Herald lowered himself onto one knee, dropping below Retina’s eye level until he was looking up at her.
“Your Highness! What are you doing? Please get up!”
Retina tried to lift the crown prince, who was kneeling before her, but he didn’t budge. Like a knight pledging loyalty to the emperor, he held his position firmly.
“If you still love me, will you marry me?”
Kneeling on one knee, Herald extended something towards Retina. It was a ring, crafted to fit her finger perfectly. This was different from the times when he’d only talked about marriage. This was a formal proposal.
There was no luxurious restaurant playing classical music, no bouquet of flowers as if from a garden. Retina was wearing a simple shirt instead of a dress, and Herald was dressed even more plainly, in travel clothes with a robe draped over him.
Despite lacking all the formalities others might have, it wasn’t the right setting for such a proposal, with the voices of drunken people outside the open window of their modest inn room.
Especially considering that the people involved were the Crown Prince of the Empire and the Grand Duke of the Kingdom. If anyone heard the story of their proposal, they would be furious, accusing it of being a lie.
“I know this situation is strange. When I had the ring made, I planned to propose in a grand place, under brilliant lights. I never expected to propose on a wooden floor with only moonlight,” Herald said, lowering his head, embarrassed by the situation he had created.
He had intended for Retina to receive a unique, extraordinary proposal, fit for a noble lady. This was indeed a proposal most would never experience in their lifetime.
“I feel like if I don’t do this now, I might never get another chance.”
“Why, why are you doing this? Why go to such lengths for me?”
Retina was at a loss for words as she looked at what the Crown Prince was proposing to her. Deciding to leave the one who was clinging to her and loved her deeply was not an easy task for her either.
But every time she tried to distance herself, the Crown Prince would always approach her, looking at her with the same loving eyes as if they had never parted. While her love for him was real, his love for her was more blind and devoted.
“Because I still love you.”
Love is the word that dismantles all situations and judgments.
Seeing the Crown Prince’s bright smile reflected in the moonlight, Retina finally broke down in tears. She didn’t even have the chance to take the ring he offered before she buried her face in her hands and sank to the floor.
All the emotions Retina had suppressed and endured poured out like a storm. She forgot the Crown Prince was before her and wept uncontrollably.
Herald was the first person outside of her family that Retina had opened her heart to. Although she had overcome many of her struggles with her family’s love, the scars of her childhood melancholy lingered in a corner of her heart.
She worried that her unique condition might bring misfortune to those around her or that she might one day cause someone close to her the same pain her mother had. Even though she had moved past her childhood memories, the anxiety that had persisted for so long was nearly impossible to shake off in an instant.
But Herald… Herald Rudenheim had demolished every wall she had built. She didn’t know how to respond to his infinite affection, which always supported her whenever she wavered.
“You could love someone else, someone else, instead of me,” she sobbed, tears blurring her vision no matter how much she wiped them away with the back of her hand. Once the tears started, they wouldn’t stop, and Retina cried like a child.
“Why won’t you listen, no matter how much I tell you? I can’t be without you,” Herald said.
He approached the collapsed Retina and wrapped his arms around her. He gently patted her trembling back, accepting her outpouring of emotions without reservation.
Had Retina ever been this honest with her feelings before? She acted as if she had nothing to hide, but Herald realized he had never seen her true feelings. This made him feel that while Retina might have liked him, she hadn’t been able to rely on him as a life partner.
“Before, I was the one crying, and now it’s you. We’ve become a couple of crybabies. If people knew, they’d point fingers at us.”
“We’re not married yet, you know? Hmph.”
“But since we broke up, we’re not even a couple.”
Herald’s joke, meant to stop Retina’s tears, seemed to provoke her instead. She pulled away from his shoulder and glared at him.
Even faced with her sharp gaze, Herald didn’t lose his smile. He lovingly wiped away her tears, gazing at her with adoration.
Their eyes met. In the dark room, illuminated only by moonlight, they looked at each other’s faces. Neither of them was dressed up, which allowed them to be completely honest and unguarded, just like on the day they first met. As their gazes read the emotions on each other’s faces, a small spark ignited.
Herald made the first move. He leaned in slowly, placing his lips on the tear-stained petals of Retina’s lips. The salty taste of her tears lingered as he kissed her and held her close.
‘She’s lost weight again.’
Though he had managed to help her gain some weight before, she felt lighter in his arms as he carried her to the bed. In the small room, it only took a few steps to reach the bed, where he carefully laid her down. The bed was far inferior to those used in the ducal mansion or the imperial palace, but it was better than nothing.
“If you don’t want this, tell me now,” Herald said, standing at the edge of the bed with one knee up.
He watched Retina closely as he shrugged off the robe from his shoulders, waiting for her response, ready to stop if she wanted him to.
“Once everything is off, I won’t stop.”
