Huh? Why am I like this?
I hurriedly wiped my tears with my hands, but they flowed even more, as if a dam had burst. I couldn’t believe how much water was coming from my small body; the tears were pouring out uncontrollably.
“Waaah!”
Eventually, I began to cry out loud as if I had truly become a child. I really didn’t understand why I was crying. I wasn’t six years old, nor was I the real Arcadia, so why did I feel so sorrowful and wronged?
Was it because of the strange dream I had during the day? Or was the real Arcadia’s soul, which I thought had disappeared, somehow with me?
It felt as if I wasn’t myself. At this moment, it seemed like I had not just possessed Arcadia’s body but had truly become Arcadia herself.
“Uuuhhh!”
I cried with my heart heaving as if the country had fallen, and he embraced me. Even though my tears and snot soaked his clothes, he held me tightly—so tightly I could barely breathe.
“It’s okay, you can cry as much as you want. I’m here now.”
As he whispered while stroking my head, I cried even louder and sobbed uncontrollably.
I wanted to tell him. That I had been so weary all this time. I had wanted to give up so many times, but I couldn’t.
And…
“Why did you give up on me so easily?”
I pounded my fists against his chest, pouring out my resentment. He might only think of the time he said to get rid of me while I was in my mother’s womb, but the truth is, he abandoned me twice. Once in my mother’s womb, and again when he chose to take his own life, leaving behind a young child.
“Was I really such a worthless existence?”
Didn’t you worry about leaving your young daughter all alone? How was a child supposed to survive in this harsh world? If the image I saw in my dream was truly Arcadia’s memory, then that life could not have been happy.
And now I think about it. What kind of life did Arcadia live after you died? Perhaps, just as you lived solely for revenge, the lonely Arcadia also made twisted choices.
My father, Karim Iskas, did not avoid the blows and took them head-on. And when I had cried so much that I had no strength left, he gently kissed my wet cheek.
“I promise. I will live the rest of my life only for you and your mother.”
He wiped the tear stains from my face with his large hand.
“So cry just for today, and from tomorrow, smile brightly.”
The bitterness that had settled deep within me was slowly melting away. After that, I received several more kisses filled with love, and soon I fell into a deep sleep.
I woke up in a daze only when we arrived at the Grand Duke’s residence. My mother, completely exhausted, looked as though she might faint when she saw my swollen face from crying.
That day, I fell asleep under the tender touch of my mom and dad. The two of them chatted softly beside me. As their soothing voices became distant like a dream, I met Arcadia again.
Arcadia was curled up in a corner. He wore the same dirty and tattered clothes as when I last saw her. Now I noticed she was barefoot, not even wearing shoes.
Next to her, in stark contrast, was another young Arcadia with long hair, adorned in a beautiful dress, jewelry, and elegant shoes.
I looked at them and softly said, “I’m sorry.”
I didn’t know why, but it felt like I had to say I was sorry first. I felt a strong guilt for being this happy as a fake, not the real one.
“In return, I’ll do my best to live hard. I will never let you down.”
The two children looked up at me simultaneously. Soon, a small smile spread across their faces. Their figures gradually became faint and turned into sparkling light that seeped into me. I felt my heart fill with an incredibly warm glow as I opened my eyes.
When I came to my senses, it was already midnight. The soft moonlight streaming through the window wrapped me warmly.
And I was not alone. My mom and dad were sleeping beside me, with me in the middle.
The problem was that they were holding me so tightly that it was suffocating. I tried to carefully pull away, but instead, I ended up getting more firmly trapped in their embrace.
Ugh, I can’t breathe!
After struggling a few times, I soon gave up and sighed inwardly.
Why are these people crowding around me here when they have their spacious bed?
Help me! I’m independent and much prefer sleeping alone!
☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾𖤓 ☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 𐦍 ☾𖤓
Since that incident, I have changed a bit. I had become more childlike, I suppose. Just as Dad said, my parents indulged me as much as I wanted. Sometimes I threw tantrums and stubbornly insisted on things.
But all of this was not as calculated as before; it was a natural expression of my feelings. I even wondered if my mental age was regressing.
Then, on a day when it was snowing heavily, I enjoyed a snowball fight with the kids as promised. While I was having fun making snowmen without realizing my clothes were soaked, a maid from the castle came out to call us.
“Milady, young masters, it’s time to come inside for a snack. If you stay out any longer, you’ll catch a cold!”
The glutton Derek was the first to shout “Yay!” and dash inside, while Lucas, the leader of the kids, picked up the scarf I had carelessly thrown aside.
“Thanks, Lucas.”
I smiled brightly and expressed my gratitude. Lucas made a slightly awkward face and quickly turned his head away.
Lucas was the main culprit who had initially incited the other kids to throw stones at me. He had really annoyed me back then, but now that we had become friends, he turned out to be quite a nice kid. He was responsible, and above all, ever since he acknowledged me, he had always treated me with respect.
While the other kids sometimes tried to cross the line thinking we were friends, Lucas never did. Instead, he took on the role of the strict enforcer, scolding the others whenever they acted out.
Moreover, he had a surprisingly thoughtful side that looked out for others.
Hehe, how cute. I’ll make good use of you in the future.
With that thought, I followed the kids while grinning, and suddenly I looked up to gaze at the sky.
White snow was falling heavily from the cloudy sky. In the past, I used to think that the snow looked like large dust particles falling down, but strangely, now I feel that the fluttering white snowflakes resembled flower petals.
Flower petals. Come to think of it, the illusion that the magic scroll had shown me was quite beautiful too. It really looked like snow was falling. Although back then, I was too annoyed by being teased by that kid to think it was pretty.
By the way, who was that kid? Seeing him command assassins at that age, he didn’t seem like an ordinary child. And there was also a strangely familiar feeling about him. Perhaps I had seen him somewhere else before?
While I was lost in such thoughts, Lucas called me from the door.
“Arcadia, hurry up!”
“Oh, okay!”
I stopped my thoughts and dashed into the warm, cozy house.
After washing up and changing clothes, we devoured steaming hot cocoa and sweet cake.
I repeated this life of playing, eating, and sleeping well. But it wasn’t just about playing.
I started studying with the children of the Vassal family, and I was shocked to find that my academic performance was significantly lower than the other kids.
Part of it was because I was younger, but these kids had already been in early education for several years.
No way. I can’t let my dignity suffer like this. I have to become more competent than these kids!
Determined to catch up in a short time, I immersed myself in studying. Eventually, when I burst a blood vessel in my nose, my mom took the books away from me. She said she couldn’t let me study at the expense of my health.
In the end, I cried and clung to my dad. My mom seemed a bit shocked to see me clinging to him instead of her. On the other hand, Dad had a subtly proud smile.
“Libby, Arcadia is right. When you’re not allowed to do what you want, you want to do it even more.”
“But are you saying I should just watch her not sleep and study at this age?”
“Well, that’s not okay. You have a point there.”
Wait, is he a politician? What is this? This cowardly way of speaking, where he tries not to upset anyone?
🤣