Chapter 08
After realizing my past life, I began seeing another world in my dreams.
I have never had a dream that was entirely black and white or composed solely of sounds, perhaps because I recall what it was like to see in my past life.
Because of that…
Even though I was wandering through snow-covered mountains in just a torn dress, I knew right away it was a dream.
But even though it was a dream, the cold that pierced my skin was still real. The strong wind felt like it was freezing my bones, and I could see tiny ice crystals forming in my vision.
I clenched my teeth and kept walking forward without any clear path.
‘So cold, way too cold.’
How do I survive this? Where can I go to find some warmth?
Even when I hugged myself tightly and rubbed my arms, the goosebumps wouldn’t go away.
As I forced my shaky legs to move step by step, I saw something glowing warmly in the distance.
It was a round orb, glowing amber.
It was about half the size of my body. Warmth radiated from its center to the edges.
I ran to it and hugged it tight.
‘Warm…’
As I held onto it with all my strength, the biting cold melted away. The orb warmed my slow-beating heart.
It wasn’t scalding hot like lava, but just the right kind of warmth. Like the sun.
But for some reason, the orb felt familiar. Like its energy was washing away the grime on my soul. Pure and comforting.
‘What is this thing?’
Half-asleep, I realized something was off.
First, the pillow I was lying on was never this firm. And the bed sheets I felt in that vague dreamy state were soft like waves—but now, they felt rough.
Where am I? This isn’t my room.
My senses were giving me confusing information. But what really felt strange was the warm, firm thing I was holding onto.
Almost like I was hugging a man’s chest.
Instead of the usual “sunshine” smell from my pillow, I could smell a familiar peppermint scent. Even as I slowly opened my eyes, darkness was all I saw.
Whatever I was hugging was still in my arms. A sudden idea popped into my head, and I whispered it out loud.
“…Russell?”
I called his name absentmindedly, without any title.
There was a pause. Then I heard a page turn, and he said in a calm voice:
“…Do you always call out for men in your sleep?”
“Waaaah!”
I screamed and quickly pulled away.
People say dreams reflect your inner thoughts—I wanted to deny that more than anything right now.
Russell sighed and closed his book. Soon after, I heard the bed creak as he sat on the edge.
But… why is my right hand still warm?
No—before that, I need to figure out where I am.
“Where… are we?”
I was so embarrassed I couldn’t even speak properly. I worried Russell might think I was ridiculous.
“My room.”
“…What?”
I couldn’t help but let out a shocked sound.
My cheeks burned with embarrassment.
“Don’t get any weird ideas. I didn’t touch you.”
Of course he didn’t. Since I lost my sight, my other senses got sharper. If he had touched me, I would’ve noticed and woken up.
I tried to piece together what happened. I remembered waiting for the emperor and Russell to leave the parlor…
Then things got fuzzy.
I remembered parts of Russell talking with the priest, but not much else.
If this really was Russell’s room, I needed to leave. I started crawling off the bed.
“Sorry for the trouble. I’ll be going now—”
My hand slipped off the edge. I felt like I was falling, but then I smelled that same peppermint scent.
Russell had caught me.
It didn’t take long to realize that.
“You shouldn’t push yourself. The priest said you’re not sick, just extremely exhausted.”
“But still…”
“Worried about what others might think? We’re engaged now. Spending a night together shouldn’t be a big deal.”
My mind went blank. Oh right. I met the emperor, and now I’m officially engaged to the Duke of Glacies.
‘I’m really going to be the duchess of this castle…’
It felt like wearing clothes that didn’t fit.
Russell seemed to guess how I was feeling.
“Just lie down for now.”
“But…”
“Or would you rather I force you?”
Left with no choice, I gave up arguing and laid back down.
I don’t even know anymore.
My forehead was hot, and my head was pounding. I can’t think straight.
It feels like I walked right into a trap Russell set up. Then his voice turned more serious.
“Do you want to break off the engagement?”
I thought for a while before answering.
“It’s not that I want to… I just worry I’m not good enough.”
Even just walking from the dressing room to the garden took two days of practice. Thinking I’d have to keep doing that made my temples throb.
“What do you think of me?”
Was he seriously asking that now?
Annoyed, I gave a cheeky answer.
“You look like a monster. You’re huge like a bear. With all those scary rumors, I figured you were some kind of violent beast.”
“…Are the rumors about me that bad in the capital?”
“The North is pretty isolated. So stories tend to get exaggerated.”
Russell seemed genuinely speechless. Good.
“Do you still think that about me?”
“Hmm?”
“I’m asking if you still see me that way.”
His voice was low, but not hurt or upset.
“Well… I can’t see your face, which is a shame. But I don’t think someone who saved me could be a bad person.”
“You should be careful not to get scammed.”
There was a hint of amusement in his voice. I was too tired to reply, so I changed the subject.
“By the way, if you’re the emperor’s son, why did you come to the North?”
“I have my reasons. That’s all.”
“That’s vague…”
“You’re kind of sharp-tongued, huh? Is that your usual personality?”
Oops. Maybe I’d slipped into my old way of speaking because I was sick. I started rambling, trying to cover it up.
“Ah, it’s just… since I’m in pain, talking is hard. You know how it is—when people are sick, everything feels like a bother, and they get a bit cranky, right?”
“Is that so.”
He stood up from his chair and sat down heavily on the edge of the bed. The fresh mint scent around him became stronger. What is he planning to do now? A sense of unease rose in my chest.
“Fiana. What do you want to do?”
Before I could ask what he meant, he kept speaking.
“Do you still want to go back to your family home? Or do you want to stay as the Grand Duchess?”
The fact that he’s asking that means he’s noticed I don’t trust him completely—and that I’m unsure about the title of Grand Duchess.
Suddenly, my heart sank. If I returned to the Duke’s estate—my family home—they would surely look down on me, say I was a useless burden who had the nerve to come back alive instead of dying out on the streets.
I tried to hide my anxiety and asked him,
“Why are you asking me that?”
“I want you to be clear, Fiana.”
This man is telling me to make a firm decision—if I want to be the Grand Duchess, then I need to act like it.
To stop doubting him.
Or, if I still have doubts, at least not to show them so obviously.
His voice echoed in my ears.
“Are you going to return to House Lucianos? Or will you stay in the North?”
The huge ducal mansion in the capital…
It had once been a warm greenhouse that protected me—and also a prison that trapped me.
I parted my lips slightly.
“Well…”
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• ❁ • ❁ • ❁ •By Freya• ❁ • ❁ • ❁ •
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Advance chapters of this novel are available of my kofi channel
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