Chapter 45:
The dream had been strange for some time. Every time it ended in a dream, but why did she still see Arden’s figure when she opened her eyes? Leticia blinked and closed her eyes several times. Still, the sight of him was so vivid that she rubbed her eyes repeatedly.
“It’s not a dream.”
Leticia sat up, leaning against the bed. Arden, who had fallen asleep leaning on the chair, looked like a painting. Sunlight fell on him, making his golden hair shimmer. If she touched it, it would probably feel like soft silk. She wriggled her fingers and then clenched her fists.
She pulled her knees to her chest and fixed them with her arms. Lowering her chin gently, she tilted her head to the side and took in his appearance. He didn’t look like a living person with his eyes closed, sleeping. Was he even breathing?
Suddenly afraid, she carefully got out of bed after a long hesitation. As she stopped her movements at the rustling sound of the bedding and looked at him, still asleep leaning on the chair, his eyes were thankfully still closed.
After confirming that his eyes remained hidden under his eyelids, she fully stepped out of the bed. Though she didn’t remember closing the door, the window was tightly shut.
Arden, sleeping motionlessly, looked like a beautifully made doll. His appearance was so meticulously crafted that it brought satisfaction just by looking at it. Despite the distance that felt vast, she had built up enough resilience to quickly return to reality.
Warm sunlight filled the room, creating a cozy feeling. She slowly approached Arden, who was sitting still without moving. She did nothing but sat in front of him and admired him.
Swish- his eyes opened.
For a moment, it seemed as if a blue ocean unfolded in her eyes. His golden hair shimmered continuously like sand on a sunlit beach.
“Did you sleep well?”
She spoke to him as if nothing was unusual. Arden, still not fully awake, leaned his face on his arm and just stared at Leticia sitting across from him.
His lips, resembling red flower petals, moved slightly.
“Dream?”
Leticia shook her head. His peaceful face, with its drowsy gaze, gradually started to distort. His blue eyes began to create waves. He straightened up from leaning on the chair and covered his face with both hands. At his shallow sigh escaping through his fingers, she tilted her head slightly and asked,
“Why are you so surprised?”
“Well, who wouldn’t be startled when someone is staring at them so intently?”
He retorted while rubbing his face. True, she had also been somewhat startled by Arden’s presence when she woke up. It was sad that even as a married couple, being in the same space felt awkward.
“Aren’t you hungry? I’ll ask Luena to bring the meal to the room.”
“Do that.”
A typical answer came. The two awkwardly ignored the strange atmosphere between them.
Leticia pulled Rena’s sleeve and called her. After delivering meals to others, she brought water to the palace for the queen’s private use. Arden ignored the maids who were coming in one by one.
“Are you going to keep doing this?” Rena asked.
“We’re married, so what? Is it embarrassing now?”
“That’s not it. Her Majesty should bathe too.”
Arden’s eyebrows arched at her words. It was true that he hadn’t washed up, and he had fallen asleep in the same clothes he wore yesterday.
“I’ll prepare, so change comfortably.”
“Thank you.”
Arden sighed at her relentless tone and had to leave the room to avoid becoming a hindrance.
The clattering sound filled the room.
In the morning, Rena’s favorite foods were set out on the table. By now, Leticia was curious about Arden’s likes. She had never asked him what he liked. He was the same.
Arden was seeing through her favorite foods.
Even now, the meal spread out before him consisted entirely of what Leticia liked. From the soft and warm soup filled with mushrooms and basil to the chicken dish. There was also properly grilled steak. Alongside, the appetizers and drinks included a refreshing taste that Leticia liked.
Leticia was disappointed, but she only touched the glass containing the appetizers. She did not bring it to her mouth.
“Your Majesty, what kind of food do you like?” She asked, bringing up a question that, to others, would have been ordinary, but not to them. It seemed to have a significant impact, as Arden’s head involuntarily turned.
“I have no preferences.”
“So, is that why you always instruct me to prepare dishes I like?”
“Yes.”
Arden nodded as he put a piece of meat into his mouth. She still had her doubts. Could there be something he liked more? Just because he didn’t have any preferences didn’t mean he didn’t like any food.
“Is there nothing you particularly enjoy?”
“Seems like food matters after all. As long as it fills my stomach, it’s not important to me.”
“…I see.”
She regretted asking.
She withdrew her hand, which had been poised in curiosity, from its place at the table, where she had taken her to hack it to pieces
Arden smiled faintly at her wavering figure. Truly, he was someone unpredictable. Whenever he gave answers she hadn’t expected, she struggled with how to respond.
When her soothing voice stirred people’s hearts, she felt as if the sandcastles she had built in her mind were crumbling.
It felt like the inner sandcastle of her commitment not to love disappeared in a moment.
No sorrow or resentment, returning to the starting point as if it weren’t anything.
“I have something I’m curious about too.”
“Ask away.”
“Why do you hate me so much? Did I do something so wrong that you hate me enough to die?”
Arden frowned as if annoyed. She closed her mouth tightly at the face that didn’t understand. Whatever she said, he wouldn’t believe.
He wasn’t the Arden she abandoned. He didn’t know that she had chosen death as the only way out.
Leticia was now clearly alive before him.
To her, this life she had experienced was different from Arden.
“Your Majesty, just as there’s no clear reason why people come to love and love someone, there’s no grand reason to hate someone.”
“Even no reason…?”
“Think of it as cowardice born of the sorrow and misery of a woman who wanted to be loved. Just as you look for reasons to me, you should look for reasons to you.”
“I didn’t know love was so important to you.”
“If I didn’t know, I should know now.”
Leticia wiped her mouth and got up from her seat. It didn’t matter if he thought it was strange.
“Today, I’ll attend the banquet. As you can see, I’m feeling better, so I don’t feel like staying trapped in my room. But did you come here because you have something to say? Or perhaps you’re curious why invitations were sent to nobles’ letters…”
“I don’t need to explain everything. You must have your own thoughts. But there’s one thing I hope you remember.”
He stood up straight and replied immediately.
“Who you cared about with small matters. What those actions meant.”
“…Because I’m the queen.”
“Do you really think that’s all?”
“…Isn’t it? If I’m criticized, it’s almost the same as Your Majesty being criticized. So, I acted accordingly.”
“What exactly are you!”
Arden approached her with a face that was hard to endure and grabbed her hand. He held her wrist tightly, suppressing his anger. His calm blue eyes flashed with intensity.
“Now I understand. It wasn’t me pushing you away—it was you.”
He released Leticia’s hand and chuckled in resignation.
