Chapter 40:
As he looked at her, the desire that had subsided surged again. He lifted Leticia’s chin with his hand, which was trembling with a hesitant gaze. Slowly blinking his eyes, he noticed tear stains on her flawless white cheeks. His gaze trailed down her long black hair, and he saw her hand clutching the blanket tightly.
His gaze swept over her trembling body. A wet pillow caught his eye.
This was the second time.
“I haven’t changed,” Arden said.
Leticia sighed at his words. She didn’t move, holding onto her chin. She remained quiet, as if sensing that she couldn’t escape.
“Then why did you come back?” she asked.
“Just for some conversation you might enjoy.”
As he answered Leticia’s question, he didn’t neglect to observe her body.
Blood pooled on swollen lips, and the blanket around her was disheveled. Even the edge of her thin slip showed blotchy stains.
The gaze that once seemed like it would never shed a tear now seemed locked in sadness. It shimmered with a golden wave, perhaps because it held transparent liquid.
He wiped away Leticia’s tears with his hand.
“…Conversation?” she asked.
“Yes, conversation. Or perhaps it’s the pleading you enjoy.”
Letting go of the hand that held her chin, Leticia leaned back and adjusted her posture. Her eyes darted busily.
“I hope Your Highness’s idea of conversation aligns with mine,” she said.
At Leticia’s words, a smile crept onto Arden’s lips.
Whenever it comes out like this, strangely, my heart twists. Perhaps it means a different kind of conversation.
“The conversation I have in mind…”
Arden leaned towards Leticia and reached out to touch her lips.
“It’s a conversation using words. But it seems your idea of conversation is different.”
A different feeling from before surged up as he touched her soft lips with his hand. However, he restrained himself and removed his hand from her lips.
“While we could engage in other forms of conversation, unfortunately, I didn’t come here for the kind you’re thinking of.”
He distanced himself from her and sat on the edge of the bed. Turning his head, he rested his chin on his hand, observing her reaction quietly. If he had said this much, surely she would understand.
But Leticia remained silent, lips pressed tightly together after a moment of hesitation.
Not knowing how to start the conversation, he waited for her to speak. But even after a few minutes, she remained silent.
“What should I say, exactly?”
He had come here for conversation, yet he didn’t know what words to use to initiate it.
“I want to sleep.”
“Are you asking me to put you to sleep?”
Her face contorted. Wasn’t it the same request she made despite saying she didn’t come here for such conversations? He ran his hand through his hair, furrowing his brows.
“It seems you’re misunderstanding. You can sleep without… mingling.”
The relief on her face was oddly satisfying.
“If I were to sleep… would things change?”
“…Change?”
“Yes, into what you desire.”
She glanced at him with an unassuming expression. Despite her guarded demeanor, Arden didn’t back down.
“I’ll pretend to be unyielding if you beg.”
His expression was resolute, a clear indication that he wouldn’t grant her request.
“Please put me to sleep.”
“Are you asking?”
“Pleading.”
Leticia’s face twisted in disdain at Arden’s words. Unfazed, he repeated himself.
“I’m pleading.”
“…Your method of pleading seems rather strange.”
“I’m inexperienced. So how should I do it? Teach me, show me how, and I’ll do it well.”
Leticia’s mouth fell open at his words.
“Pleading… It should be more desperate, more pitiful. It’s not about lifting your head so proudly, you know.”
Desperate and pitiful.
“Isn’t this face pitiful enough?”
“What do you mean?”
“You used to like this face, didn’t you?”
Leticia’s face flushed red. He approached her as she wished, lowered himself in front of her, and met her gaze. No, he even positioned himself lower than her gaze, gently lifting his head.
He took her hand, pressed his lips to her knuckles, and tenderly licked each finger.
“What are you doing?”
“When someone does something they wouldn’t normally do, it shows how desperate they are.”
Arden released her hand and buried his face in her lap.
“I’m desperate right now.”
“…”
“Leticia.”
His voice echoed ominously in the room. By the time only her soft breathing could be heard in his ears, her clear and delicate voice had gently subsided.
Though damp and frayed at the edges, it still felt like beautiful music to his ears.
“All right, I’ll put you to sleep. May I ask one thing?”
“Anything.”
Arden closed his eyes and waited for her question, leaning against her knee. As he held his breath, tranquility settled in.
“Do you love me, Your Highness? Even if it’s just a facade.”
“… ”
Arden furrowed his brow. As he struggled to answer, she grew increasingly despondent.
He didn’t think it was a difficult question.
If he didn’t love her, saying so would settle it. Why wouldn’t he answer a question with a clear answer? Though he didn’t expect it, his pretty lips remained sealed.
His expression seemed saddened, as if he had heard a tiresome story.
Tiresome.
To him, perhaps it was just a tiresome discourse about love. But to her, it was more important than anything else.
In hindsight, it was her mistake to have loved him. If she had boldly entered, she should have refrained from holding him in her heart until the end. Why couldn’t she?
His attitude was contrary to his handsome face. What about the words that came from his gentle and warm lips?
Whenever Arden opened his mouth, only words that pierced her heart so deeply she wanted to block them out emerged. The pain didn’t become familiar. It only entrenched itself as a larger memory, tormenting her.
Yet, despite everything, Leticia still held onto a glimmer of hope. Even if it was just a facade, if he mentioned possession as he said, wouldn’t there be at least a hint of emotion revealed? Even if it wasn’t love, perhaps he would say what I wanted to hear, even if it was a misconception.
“Ha…”
Seeing her release a deep sigh, she confirmed his feelings. Loving someone was hard enough, but what was even harder was whether their hearts connected. Unfortunately, the two of them weren’t on the same wavelength.
How long would these conflicting emotions be okay? She had thought accepting them would make things better, but it didn’t. The longer she stayed by his side, the more she withered away.
The emotions that once filled her heart had already overflowed and emptied.
“When will it be okay?”
She thought she had resigned herself, but the wounds kept piling up.
Though she already anticipated the answer, she couldn’t help but feel a bitter smile creep across her face due to the overwhelming disappointment. Arden, who had been silently lying on her lap with a grimace, finally spoke up.
“That…”
Leticia didn’t want to become any more miserable. So she interrupted him.
“I’ll sleep now. It was a tiresome question.”
Arden’s eyelids twitched at her resigned tone. A look of confusion briefly crossed his face. It was a surprise to see her attitude of not needing an answer even though she didn’t ask for one.
A small hand covered his eyes. As the shimmering golden eyes disappeared and darkness enveloped them, an unusual unease settled in his heart.
“Sleep well.”
“If you’re thinking of going anywhere, it’s better not to.”
“…I have nowhere to go, so don’t worry.”
Arden tightly grasped her hand. A faint whimper escaped between her lips, held so tightly it was impossible to escape.
“There’s no use fretting over that pretty head of yours. So just give up.”
Suddenly, the view changed. She lay on the bed, blinking at him. Her hazy eyes stared at him for a while.
“I guess, I’m just anxious.”
Leticia closed her eyes without resistance. His hand would probably delve into her skirt without warning, rummaging through her body as if clearing away tender flesh.
“…You’re quite audacious.”
A hint of laughter laced her voice as her eyes slowly opened. Arden slid his hand around Leticia’s waist and pulled her into his embrace. She looked puzzled as her face met his chest.
“This way, you won’t be able to escape.”
In a tone slower than before, he whispered as he tightened his grip.
