Chapter 25
“Ruena, I truly missed Mary. If her seat were vacant, who do you think would be best to fill it?”
Her eyes widened. Eventually, she adjusted her posture as if to offer loyalty and replied.
Fortunately, Letitia seemed to understand her properly; Luena appeared interested in privilege.
“Please trust me!”
Her eyes sparkled with determination.
It’s human nature to covet power. Even in her current unfavorable situation, it was evident she was considering future matters.
Arden wouldn’t abandon her. Judging by what was visible, it was the right decision. However, she had already been abandoned once.
The problem was that she was the only one who knew this fact. Yet, it seemed to work in Letitia’s favor, so it didn’t matter.
“Go quickly.”
Upon Letitia’s words, Luena promptly left the bedroom.
Thud.
“…Sigh.”
After the door closed, Letitia breathed heavily and slumped onto the bed. Was she running a fever, seeing things blur before her?
She placed her palm on her forehead and let out a sigh.
“Have I reached my limit?”
Her feelings towards him hadn’t grown stronger than before.
Even after her return, her body wasn’t as well as before. It was natural; without love, her body was dying. Arden still didn’t love her.
Ultimately, her death was inevitable. She felt weak, her body easily fatigued, and a sense of dehydration engulfed her.
The thirst never ceased, and her vision flickered constantly.
Even after eating, the insatiable hunger remained. If she ate too much, her body rejected it.
Though she seemed to others as someone with a short and delicate appetite, she had no choice but to eat less. Everything within her was gradually coming to a halt.
What she couldn’t understand was that despite not loving him enough to give her all as before, the symptoms remained the same.
Upon her return, Letitia even more fiercely rejected him and resented him.
Love was not entirely absent, but if asked if she simply loved him, she would shake her head.
It wasn’t just one feeling.
The only thing she could be certain of was that Arden didn’t love her. That was clear enough for her to understand.
That couldn’t be love.
Cutting off her only means of support and leaving her lonely in this vast palace wasn’t love.
That couldn’t be love.
She was withering away just like in her previous life.
The agony enveloping her entire body, the endless spread of despair, the weight on her shoulders—none of these had changed.
This fact tortured her even more.
One strange thing was that the nature of the pain was entirely different from what she had experienced before. Dizziness or nausea wasn’t as frequent.
Unable to bear the nausea any longer, she got up from the bed and opened the window wide. The cool breeze brushed past her face, and only then did she feel a bit better.
Suddenly, a knocking sound accompanied the appearance of the court physician, Verotin.
Letitia turned her body, standing upright as if nothing was wrong.
“Your Majesty, I heard you were looking for me. The maidservant informed me that you seem to have caught a cold.”
“You mentioned it before. You said if my condition worsened, I should send for you.”
Verotin nodded slowly.
“Your condition hasn’t been good lately. They said you’ve caught a cold and called for me.”
“May I examine you for a moment?”
Letitia sat on the edge of the bed. Verotin cautiously began to examine the Queen’s body.
Watching his expressions change rapidly, shadows crossed her face.
“It looks pretty bad.”
It was what she expected. However, she didn’t know her body was deteriorating so rapidly.
She waited patiently for Verotin to speak.
“I cannot discern the reason, but you don’t have much time left. At best, you won’t live for more than a year.”
Yes, he had said such things to me before. So, this time too, Verotin would pronounce a death sentence on me.
Come to think of it… I lasted quite a while after hearing such words last time. Even after receiving a death sentence, I endured for two more years before facing death.
Letitia reminisced about the past events. As her expression darkened slightly, Verotin hesitated to speak.
“Your Majesty…”
Knowing he was a cautious person, she understood that it wouldn’t be easy for him to talk about someone’s impending death. She fully comprehended his position.
“It’s okay, go ahead and tell me.”
Letitia stared intently at Verotin with a composed tone.
She was truly unfazed.
Dying was scarier than anything, but what was even more terrifying was the prospect of repeating the same life.
In the end, the image of herself being abandoned resurfaced, and a bitter smile crept onto her lips.
“I apologize. I’ve overstepped.”
She felt like she had been struck on the head.
Everything in the room seemed to move slowly. Verotin’s voice, rambling beside her, seemed to elongate.
“A coronation?”
Was this really happening? She attempted to struggle to break free now.
It felt like events were constantly unfolding around her, as if grabbing hold of her ankles.
She desperately wished for a life different from before, struggling to live even a little longer, yet it felt like she was being dragged away, as if being told to die.
It seemed like there was only one place she belonged to.
“Your Majesty? Are you alright? Your complexion suddenly looks terrible.”
In his concerned tone, Letitia barely grasped reality.
With a vacant expression, she turned her head to look at Verotin.
He spoke with a smile that couldn’t be hidden.
“It’s a coronation. You need to be careful at first. You’re tired and not feeling well, but it’ll get better over time.”
“Is there anything else wrong with my body?”
“No, nothing noticeable. You’re a bit weak, but there’s nothing significant.”
So, was her recent poor health due to a new life growing inside her?
Letitia looked at her stomach with an unbelieving expression. Her hands trembled as she reached out to touch it but quickly withdrew.
“Is it really a coronation?”
She hoped it wasn’t. So, with an expression of disbelief, she questioned Verotin, denying the reality, hoping it was a mistake.
Now, at this moment, she’s pregnant!
It’s difficult enough to look after herself, let alone a child. Her worry outweighed her joy.
Something unexpected had grabbed hold of her. She had never considered having Arden’s child. In her previous life, she had hoped for it, as she never got to share a bed with him, but it was an impossible wish.
Arden’s child. Her long-awaited child. It felt awkward and unreal.
She tentatively wrapped her hands around her belly.
“Why now?”
She couldn’t just be happy about this situation. How should she accept it?
If her relationship with Arden had improved, she might not have been uncertain about anything. So, she was confused. Now, having a child felt like it was telling her not to leave, asking her to stay a little longer, disrupting all her plans.
But first, she had to prevent this news from reaching Arden’s ears.
Instinctively, she grasped Verotin’s hand and looked into his eyes.
“Verotin, do you understand that you are my physician?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Don’t tell anyone about my coronation.”
“…May I ask why?”
He looked puzzled.
If it’s a coronation, it’s a matter for the palace staff, why not talk about it?
So, it was understandable from Verotin’s perspective that he didn’t understand.
“I want to tell you. As you know, my relationship with His Majesty these days… I don’t know how he would react if he heard I was pregnant.”
“He’ll surely be pleased.”
“But what if I lose the child due to poor health after announcing it? Won’t everyone be sad then?”
Letitia smiled softly.
She hoped to appear like a mother worried about losing her child.
