~Chapter 35~
I blinked in surprise at the sudden question and asked again.
Count Cloud repeated himself.
“You’re making the exact same face my sister did when she was in love. I didn’t realize it before, but do you like the Grand Duke? Then why did you reject the marriage?”
“…”
“Oh, don’t tell me it’s because of that rumored man…”
“That’s just a stupid rumor!”
Count Cloud looked shocked, covering his mouth like he had just realized something, and I quickly denied the rumor, getting worked up again.
He went quiet for a moment, surprised by my reaction, then spoke again.
“Then why did you turn down the marriage?”
“What do you mean, why…?”
“Because of that little one? Or maybe because the Grand Duke’s already been married? Well, if I was in your shoes, I wouldn’t want to marry a divorced man either. You’re the Knight Commander, after all—you’ve got nothing to be ashamed of.”
“…I don’t really care about things like that.”
“Then really, why? Doesn’t the Grand Duke like you too?”
“…”
I suddenly found myself at a loss for words.
The Grand Duke likes me? More than that—I like the Grand Duke?
No way…
My head started to feel fuzzy.
“The Grand Duke likes me?”
“You really don’t look at it, but you’re pretty clueless. Who takes care of someone like that if they don’t have feelings for them? Only someone with way too much free time would.”
“But that’s just because I saved Seri…”
“Even if you did save him, no one would go that far. They might send a thank-you gift or something, but that’s it.”
“…”
My mind was in chaos.
I couldn’t stay in that room any longer.
In the end, overwhelmed by my feelings, I stepped outside.
Just before I left the room, I heard Count Cloud and Sertien talking.
“…Did I do something wrong?”
“Uncle really is a dummy…”
I walked away and ended up standing still in a quiet corner of the palace.
I… like Latryne?
‘I guess I really do…’
I really am dense. I only realized my feelings now.
No wonder I got so flustered when Latryne looked after me, even though I never felt that way with people like Phaedris or Ered.
I also always overreacted when Latryne got close to me, and I acted so unlike myself whenever he was around.
I suddenly felt like crying.
Because there’s no way Latryne feels the same.
I could admit that I liked him, but I couldn’t believe that he liked me back.
The reason he looked after me so much… wasn’t because he liked me.
It was probably because I reminded him of Erias. Even if he didn’t mean to, I must’ve caught his attention because of that.
Erias had ended up that way, and now here I was—looking just like her—constantly throwing myself into danger. Of course he couldn’t just ignore it.
Maybe he turned down the marriage because I looked like Erias too.
I was quick when it came to giving up on feelings.
This was hopeless.
Not only was it impossible, but he already had a child, and he couldn’t forget his ex-wife.
If I forced anything to happen with Latryne, we’d only end up hurting each other.
‘Why did he have to look exactly like my type and act exactly like my type too?!’
Thinking about it, there was no way I wouldn’t fall for him.
He really was my type in every way.
Still, I decided to let go of my feelings now, so it shouldn’t be a problem anymore.
Having made up my mind, I felt oddly relieved.
Determined to move on, I decided to get some fresh air and left the palace to buy clothes for Sertien—and a few for myself too.
I could’ve asked someone else to do it, but staying idle felt dangerous. I didn’t want to be swallowed up by sadness.
After a quick shopping trip, I changed into my new clothes and returned to the palace.
And right at the entrance, I ran into Latryne.
Since the meetings didn’t start until tomorrow, he seemed to have some free time.
He was dressed more casually than usual—in a white shirt and black pants.
Since I was so used to seeing him all formal and polished, this look felt a little strange.
‘…He looks really handsome. Wait—what am I thinking…?’
I’d just made up my mind to move on, and here I was again, thinking like this.
If anything, realizing my feelings made them even stronger whenever I saw him.
Shaking my head to snap out of it, I walked over to Latryne.
As I approached, he gave me a faint smile and asked,
“Where did you go?”
“Ah… um…”
The moment I saw his smile, I forgot what I was going to say.
Pulling myself together, I replied,
“I just went out to buy clothes for Sertien. And while I was out, I picked up some for myself too…”
“So that’s why you’re dressed like that.”
I had changed into more comfortable clothes than before.
Trying to sound playful, I said,
“Yeah, even if I’m just your bodyguard in name only, I thought I shouldn’t dress the same way all the time. Oh, what do you think of this outfit? Doesn’t it look like it’ll suit Sertien well?”
“…Yes…”
Latryne seemed a little off—like something about my words confused him.
“Well then, I’ll go try it on him and see how it looks.”
Before he could say anything, I headed off toward Sertien.
I could feel Latryne quietly following behind me.
When I opened the door to the room, Count Cloud was gone, and Sertien was playing with a ball by himself.
“Sertien!”
“…”
Sertien didn’t answer but slowly looked up at me.
I held up the clothes and spoke to him.
“I bought these because I thought they’d look good on you. Want to try them on?”
“Yeah. Okay.”
Sertien quietly got up and let me help him change into the clothes.
Just as I imagined, they suited him perfectly.
It was a white uniform-style outfit. Since both Latryne and I look good in uniforms, I figured it would suit Sertien, who resembles us both—and I was right.
“Wow, it looks amazing on you, Sertien.”
As I clapped and smiled, Sertien suddenly frowned and said,
“Why… do you keep calling me Sertien?”
“Huh?”
Caught off guard by his unexpected words, I paused.
He came up close and said,
“Call me Seri! I’m Seri! Mom should call me Seri!”
“…”
There was no way I didn’t notice.
Ever since I decided to move on from my feelings, I’d deliberately been calling him “Sertien” only.
I was trying not to grow more attached to him.
When I didn’t respond, Sertien suddenly burst into tears.
“…Mom… I hate you…! You won’t call me Seri… I hate you, I hate you…! Waaah!”
Hearing his cry so loudly made my heart ache, but I thought I couldn’t keep pretending to be his mom.
I wasn’t his real mother, and I couldn’t be one.
Holding back my emotions, I said,
“Sertien… I’m not your—”
“You are my mommm!”
Sertien cried so hard I worried he might collapse.
Startled, I instinctively tried to hug him, but he threw a blanket at me and shouted,
“I hate you, Mom! I hate Dad too! Why won’t either of you say anything? Get out, both of you!”
Sertien was so intense that I ended up getting kicked out of the room—with Latryne.
Feeling guilty, I said,
“I’m sorry. I guess I said something I shouldn’t have…”
“No. You said what needed to be said… Sertien would’ve had to face it eventually.”
“I just keep being a burden to you.”
I said it with a faint smile, but Latryne gave me a strange look and said,
“Looks like you’ve decided to call me Grand Duke again.”
“What? Oh… I guess I just thought I was being too casual before. Do you not like it?”
“No, it’s fine.”
“That’s a relief.”
I turned away and casually looked up at the moon that had risen in the sky.
“…Did I do something wrong?”
“What? No, why would you think that?”
“It just felt like… you’ve been keeping a bit of distance from me since earlier.”
Maybe I had pulled away too suddenly.
Thinking about it, I guess it was only natural for Latryne to feel that way.
“Oh… I’m sorry if it felt like that. I’m not very good at this kind of thing… Like I said before, I just felt like I’d been too informal with you. Please don’t think too much of it.”
“I don’t mind.”
The way Latryne kept responding like that annoyed me.
Maybe it was a little unfair of me.
He didn’t even know how I felt.
He made me fall for him… when in the end, all he ever saw was Erias.
So I blurted it out in frustration.
“…To be honest, isn’t the real reason you’re so kind to me because I remind you of Erias?”
“…”
Latryne looked heartbroken when he heard that.
But I didn’t stop.
“I just… felt like I couldn’t keep being close to you. It was getting too hard. Maybe it would’ve been easy if I didn’t have feelings for you.”
Great job. So much for letting go.
Even as I spoke, I thought to myself—I’d just promised to move on, and here I was basically confessing.
I guess I’m not the type to hold back what I want to say.
As expected, Latryne froze at my sudden confession.
He looked like he’d just seen something he wasn’t supposed to.
Silence stretched for a long time.
Maybe I shouldn’t have said it.
But I figured, since I was planning to keep my distance anyway, nothing would really change.
After a long pause, Latryne finally spoke in a strained voice.
“Why… why would you like someone like me?”
I knew it.
He was only saying that because he couldn’t return my feelings.
Because his heart still belonged to Erias.
But then, what he said next surprised me.
“…Litya… Despite everything, you still… Part of me wants to just take you and run away…”
It looked like Latryne was struggling with something deep inside.
