Chapter 33
‘If you’re going to go, just go. What’s wrong with you, you’re making people sick…’
What the hell is wrong with him, I thought, looking at Thierry with anxious eyes.
“Are you going to eat?”
Bakken, who had been following Thierry with bated breath, said suddenly.
“Oh, yes.”
“I was wondering if you’d be lonely on your own.”
Bakken wondered what was wrong with him, too, the way he looked so suspiciously thin.
‘I wonder if they’re all going to turn away because it’s too hard…’
Maybe it was better if I left first.
“… It’s okay, I’ll leave now.”
“Okay. I hope you enjoy your meal. Oh, and please be careful on the stairs, I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”
I glanced once at Thierry’s broad back, which stood like a sculpture with his back turned to the end, once at Bakken, who smiled through narrowed eyes, and then casually turned my head straight ahead, and then slowly made my way down the stairs.
It bothered me that I didn’t hear the slightest sound of movement behind me as I descended the stairs, but that was it.
***
“You don’t look back once.”
“Check… and come back.”
Thierry turned his head to stare at Alicia as she went downstairs. When she was down one floor and out of sight, he turned to Bakken.
“Oscar was following behind her, wasn’t he?”
“Isn’t he?”
I felt like I was going to fall on Thierry’s face, which had been as cloudy as the sky since yesterday. Realizing that at this rate, it would fall on him, Bakken laughed in disbelief.
“If we’re going to do this, we might as well just get rid of the stairs altogether.”
“I don’t think so.”
“You mean…?”
“I’m going to get rid of them.”
Rather than answer, Bakken flicked his right ear with the palm of his hand, as if checking to see if it was working right now, and Thierry, staring at him unconcernedly, continued.
“While you’re down there, get me a ruler for the new construction drawings.”
“Huh…?”
He gestured once more at the stiffened Bakken to hurry up and headed for his office. Of course, by the time he reached his desk, Thierry’s attention was solely on Alicia.
Thierry remembered the panicked face he’d seen earlier. His lips pressed together.
“… Why does she look like that every time I see her?”
The pent-up frustration in his voice leaked out.
His voice was cool and calm, but his eyes were somehow somber.
“I told you not to say hello, so why do you keep doing it…”
Thierry knew, Alicia was afraid of him. But it was hard to see it every time.
He wanted to improve their relationship somehow, and since she didn’t realize she was Lari right now, it was the only way to get closer.
He tried to be more friendly and spend more time with her, but after a few days, he hit a wall.
Alicia became withdrawn from me whenever I said anything. I wanted to tell her the truth when her eyes would glare at me like she wouldn’t let me off the hook.
It’s because you’re Lari. As long as you remember you’re Lari, everything will be okay.
But the moment I said it out loud, I knew Alicia would look at me like I was crazy. The way she’d mentioned Lari at the hunting festival had made her even more wary of what she was imagining.
Thierry gulped hard, like a man swallowing something hard. It was a bigger emotion than he’d ever imagined, and it was almost painful to swallow.
He slumped down on the couch, shielding his eyes with one arm.
“I don’t know how… She hasn’t changed.”
If I didn’t know Lari so well, I would have used my ignorance as an excuse to push her away, but I knew her so well that her expression was too revealing.
Her pupils dilate when she’s panicking, her eyes roll when she’s embarrassed, or when she’s smiling, one corner of her eye sometimes closes in a more frowny way.
And when she’s scared, her eyes dip down and she fidget and can’t keep my hands still.
“It would have been okay if she changed a little, just a little.”
I knew I would have recognized her no matter how much she changed, but the reality of having to put up with it was overwhelming.
I wanted her to be easygoing, but I resented the way she kept being so hard on me. And the fear in her eyes, the way she looked like she wanted to avoid me, made me want to avoid the room.
No. In fact, I was afraid Alicia would run away from me first. So much had been forced on her so far, and I felt like there was no turning back from doing something more.
Suddenly, Thierry’s fierce gaze softened into pity. How could he even try to get close to her now when she was acting like she was going to start a fight the moment she saw him?
“… If anyone saw you, they’d think I was eating you.”
I felt sick to my stomach, even though I knew why Alicia was doing it. It even made me feel a little mean.
I recognize you, and you don’t recognize me.
Even though she knew she was a victim of the elf’s trickery, a victim of her own forced soul transfer, she still had these ridiculous thoughts.
Then there was that tingling in his chest again.
Sometimes it was a heavy ache, like my chest was falling down, and other times it was a dull ache. It was a pain that made me strangely sensitive, even though I had never been cut by a sword.
Maybe it was the years of insomnia.
But even now, as he closed his tired eyes, sleep would not come. The heaviness in his head from lack of rest sometimes made his thoughts fuzzy, but mostly it made him cranky.
‘Maybe it’s because I know… Lari is back,’ I think to myself.
Even now, as before, the anxiety of losing her again in my sleep was gnawing at my nerves.
This insomnia was the price I paid for losing her helplessly in the first place, and it would never get better unless I lived with her every day.
Of course, for her safety, more than my own sleep, I need to keep her close at all times…
“You said you were going to kill a courtier in front of the Princess, so she’s afraid of you. Weren’t you trying to change your image?”
“… I’m just worried about Lari. She told me to be good to her, and I’ve been good to her…”
My head was as tangled as the situation. I’d tried to be affectionate like Bakken had said, but for some reason, I’d gotten further away.
I just tried it once, and it didn’t go well. I couldn’t make light of it, so I tried to vent to Bakken about the unexplained distance, only to get a pathetic look in return.
“… Naturally, as a Princess, I’m wary. The man who overturned my country and brought me to his place himself reversed his demeanor overnight, shouldn’t anyone be suspicious?”
“You said so yourself.”
“Of course I said take it slow. If you rush in, everyone will feel overwhelmed and avoid you. That’s why I told you to be sure of your lines, you might regret it.”
“… Damn, how am I supposed to deal with this?”
“Be patient, but don’t get your hopes up. You’re only disappointing yourself because you’re expecting something and it doesn’t live up to it. Don’t fret, let your guard down slowly, you have the Princess by your side now anyway.”
Thierry sat up stiffly, thinking back to yesterday’s conversation with Bakken. He rested his elbows on his thighs and held his head in his hands, unmoving for a long moment.
“If she feels uneasy around me, what should I do then…”
The cracked voice trailed off into thin air, and he ran a dry hand over his face and lifted his head. Outside the window, it was already dark.
Thierry scrambled out of bed and stormed out of the room.
***
“Your Majesty?”
I hadn’t done anything and it was already evening. I hadn’t moved much, and already my eyes were full of sleepiness.
I quickly cleaned up and got ready for bed, only to be frozen by Thierry’s unexpected appearance.
There was a knock on the door, and I answered it, assuming it was Marie, only to be greeted by a massive chest puff blocking my view.
“What are you doing at this hour…”
My stunned mumble was met with a bouncing of his pecs through his shirt.
‘Ugh…’
It was a jarring movement. I blinked, barely pulling my gaze away from his chest.
This time, I made eye contact with his red eyes, as if he’d been staring down at me the whole time.
“… Ah.”
“…?”
“Well, I was wondering if your ankle was okay.”
“… I’m fine.”
But did you come here to ask me this? You left without even looking at me earlier…? I slowly closed my eyes and opened them. I can’t get over this.
“And forget what I said yesterday morning, I think I overreacted.”
“You mean what you said in the greenhouse?”
He’s referring to something. I rolled my eyes, thinking back briefly. Was he asking me questions like a crazy person, like why I’m eating so little, or if I’m sick, or…
“Were you scared because I said I was going to get rid of it?”
Alas, it was the one where I said I was going to get rid of that arch.
I looked at him with a puzzled expression. I didn’t understand why he was acting like a child, even though he wasn’t new to being bossy.
“I was worried about Princess then.”
I was surprised and didn’t know when to respond. But Thierry must have taken that as an affirmation, because he added in an uncharacteristically impatient tone.
“I won’t scare you again.”
I was suddenly genuinely worried about Thierry.
‘What’s really wrong with you…’
They say people change when they’re dying, but was he sick or something? I didn’t understand why he would go through all this trouble just to trick me.
He said he’d stop at nothing if he found Lari, but I can’t tell him I’m Lari.
‘I’m frustrated.’
There was a silence. I stared at Thierry, at a loss for words.
