“Because he was afraid of being a burden…”
Finally understanding Luan’s true feelings, Aachen buried his face in his hands.
‘He must be heartbroken. If Lyn ever said something like that to me, I’d be devastated.’
Because she had Chevelyn, Hilane could relate. Even without experiencing it firsthand, she could understand how Aachen must feel.
“Your Grace.”
Hilane gently placed a hand on Aachen’s shoulder.
“I’ll go speak with the young duke for a moment.”
“You will…?”
Aachen lifted his head, looking at her with puzzled eyes.
“There’s something I want to say to him.”
“…Alright. Could you… tell Luan that I’m sorry?”
It was clear that Aachen regretted raising his voice earlier.
“Of course. By the way, is there anything Luan likes? I feel bad that he went upstairs just like that.”
“…He likes cocoa. He has a sweet tooth.”
Aachen gave a faint, bittersweet smile as he answered.
“Would you make it for him yourself? He’ll like it even more that way.”
“…Alright.”
At Hilane’s suggestion, Aachen moved to the kitchen.
***
Hilane knocked on Luan’s door, holding the cup of cocoa Aachen had made.
“Luan.”
“…Your Grace?”
A few moments later, the door clicked open. Luan wasn’t crying.
“May I come in for a moment?”
“Yes, please.”
‘He must like reading.’
Luan’s room was filled with books, almost like a small library.
Hilane handed him the cocoa before sitting down on the sofa.
“You must enjoy reading.”
“……”
Luan didn’t respond, as if he wasn’t sure what to say.
“This was made by the duke. Drink it while it’s warm.”
At the mention that Aachen had prepared it, Luan stared at the steaming mug.
“…I don’t understand why you speak so formally to me.”
“?”
“I’m only half a noble. And I’m not even his real son… so why…?”
Seeing Luan shrink into himself, Hilane spoke carefully.
“Luan Belzette. Do I need any reason other than your name to treat you with respect?”
“…You don’t dislike me?”
Hilane had spoken formally out of respect, but perhaps it had only made him feel more distant.
Wanting to put him at ease, she softened her tone.
“Why did you say that? What if I were a terrible person?”
“……”
“What you said could have been used against you.”
“Do you… pity me? Do you think I’m pathetic?”
Luan’s eyes widened in shock at her words.
“Yes. I pity you, a child forced to live like an adult. And I pity the circumstances that left you with no other choice.”
Luan tilted his head, as if he couldn’t understand.
“But I told you I’m not Father’s real son. I should be nothing but a burden to you, Your Grace…”
As he spoke, tears rolled down his cheeks.
“I-I don’t belong here….”
His hiccuping, tearful voice pierced Hilane’s heart.
‘He’s still so young, so fragile… How much has he suffered?’
Hilane reached out and gently wiped away his tears.
“I don’t resent you in the slightest. I just hope you’ll come to like me and my daughter.”
“…This is strange.”
“Luan, when I first saw you, I thought you were like me.”
Luan’s eyes widened in surprise.
“I used to believe that if I sacrificed myself, those around me would be happy.”
“……”
“I felt like nothing I had truly belonged to me.”
Luan, who had frowned in disbelief at first, slowly started listening.
“The moment your name—Luan—was joined with ‘Belzette,’ it must have felt like you had to erase the person you used to be.”
“H-how do you…?”
Luan was stunned by how accurately Hilane understood his feelings.
“Because I, too, once lived by imitating someone else.”
“…Please, tell me more.”
Luan’s voice was cautious, but he wanted to hear her story.
“I lost my mother and younger sibling at a young age. I was the only one left behind.”
Feeling a strange kinship with her, Luan hesitated before speaking.
“The day my father came to take me, he shielded me in the carriage and said… ‘I’m sorry I didn’t come for you sooner.’ My mother….”
Luan bit his lip, unable to continue. Sensing his struggle, Hilane spoke gently.
“There’s something my mother said that I’ll never forget.”
“?”
Hilane had grown up believing that her mother only loved her younger sibling.
After all, she had never received even half the affection given to her sibling.
Had it not been for the words she overheard one night, she might have believed that for the rest of her life.
‘Esh… I’m sorry I couldn’t love you more. You’re still just a child, and sometimes… when I look at you, I feel like I just want to grab your hand and run away from everything.’
As she recalled those words, Hilane felt a hand gently brush against her cheek.
Luan was wiping her tears.
“Don’t… cry.”
“My mother truly did love me, more than I ever realized.”
Hilane smiled through her tears and looked at Luan.
“Your mother must have loved you just as much. How could she leave behind a child as precious as you?”
“……”
“You’re so beautiful that even touching you feels like a privilege.”
Luan didn’t pull away when Hilane cupped his cheeks.
“She must have thought of you until her very last moment, her heart aching as she left.”
The day Luan witnessed his mother’s final moments
Recalling the day he had stayed by his mother’s side until the end, Luan shook his head.
“She only told me… to become the Duke of Belzette. Even though I was crying, she didn’t wipe my tears… not like you, Your Grace.”
Hilane thought about the late duchess and why she might have acted that way.
“Maybe… it was because she knew she wouldn’t be there to wipe them away anymore.”
“Really…?”
“She must have been so worried about you being left alone.”
“…….”
“I’m sure of it. You were a child who received so much love. You were someone precious, protected within that love.”
Feeling embarrassed, Luan gently swung his legs and lowered his head.
“Luan. If you’d allow it… Chevelyn and I…”
“…….”
Even now, as she spoke, she was extremely careful with her words.
There was something she had to ask for Luan’s permission on.
“Would it be alright… if we became your family?”
Luan’s answer was simple.
“……Yes.”
And he added one small request.
“Your Grace… could you… give me a lap pillow?”
“Hm?”
“My mother… used to do it a lot. But if it’s too much to ask….”
His voice grew quieter. Hilane understood just how much courage it had taken for him to ask.
“Of course, I can. Come here.”
She patted her lap lightly, and Luan placed his cup on the table before lying down.
“The Duke wanted me to tell you that he’s sorry.”
As she gently ran her fingers through his hair, she passed along Aachen’s message.
“…Because of me, there are bad rumors going around. I don’t like it. If I weren’t here… everything would be fine….”
“A parent’s role is to be a child’s support, no matter what they have to endure.”
“…….”
At her firm yet warm words, Luan sniffled softly.
‘I thought he was always so mature… but I’m relieved.’
Seeing this childlike side of Luan reassured Hilane.
“Luan, do you really hate the academy?”
She was concerned about him leaving for good.
“No. I like learning. The classes are fun.”
As expected, Luan enjoyed studying.
It seemed that gaining knowledge suited him well.
“Hmm… then how about submitting a leave of absence for now? Winter is coming soon.”
“…Okay.”
“Take all the time you need.”
At Hilane’s gentle reassurance, Luan smiled faintly and closed his eyes.
“How was the cocoa?”
“…It was too sweet….”
Luan’s cheeks flushed slightly. The taste of sweetness still lingered in his mouth.
“But it was good.”
“I did put in a little too much chocolate powder. Next time, I’ll make it for you.”
Hilane chuckled, recalling how Aachen had fumbled around in the kitchen.
Her soft laughter, the warmth of her gentle touch…
“Sleep tight, little one.”
Within the lullaby he had longed to hear, Luan slowly drifted to sleep.
***
In his dreams, he found himself back in the small cabin where he had once lived alone with Rose.
Rose was stirring a pot of tomato stew—his favorite dish.
“Mom…?”
“Luan?”
Without hesitation, Luan ran into her arms, hugging her tightly.
Rose, surprised at first, soon embraced him just as tightly.
“…I’ve always worried about you. But now, I think I can finally rest easy.”
Holding back his tears, Luan spoke.
“Mom, I… I found people I want to be my family.”
“I know. I saw everything. But remember, I’ll always be right here by your side….”
Rose whispered softly into his ear.
“No matter where you are, no matter what happens, I’ll always wish for your happiness.”
“…Okay.”
“And when a long, long time has passed, if we meet again… I’ll be waiting right here, so you can find me easily.”
Tears streamed down Luan’s face as he responded.
“I won’t lose my way. I’ll find you.”
“That’s right. I’ll see you then. I love you.”
With that final farewell, the dream faded.
From far away, the sound of small footsteps echoed softly.
***
Support my translation for more and faster updates ♥︎
