“What’s the point of hiding it when the marital bond is already broken?”
Realizing he had left the paternity test request form behind, Revan returned to the drawing room, his body stiffening.
“Revan doubted the child’s birth because of the different hair color… he hurted us.”
He grasped the doorknob but couldn’t bring himself to open it.
He feared what expression Hilane might have.
When did looking at Hilane start to evoke such emotions?
It was both absurd and sad. Since the day he divorced Hilane, he hadn’t slept properly, and fatigue had built up.
‘I can’t show myself like this.’
Just as he was about to leave again, strange words reached his ears.
“Are you suggesting that Revan might not be the Dowager’s child?”
‘What is this? That I… am not my mother’s child?’
Revan, who had been slowly retreating, quickly left the Largon Palace.
He felt suffocated. His heart pounded so fast he couldn’t count the beats.
He kept repeating to himself that it couldn’t be true, that it wasn’t possible….
From every moment he remembered, his mother had been cold to him.
Especially recently… when he had asked his mother to take care of Aria, her words were strange.
‘Is it your child?’
‘No. The baby has a different father.’
‘It’s fortunate that the child in Aria’s womb won’t resemble Chevelyn.’
‘Why do you dislike Chevelyn so much, Mother?’
It didn’t seem like she said that just because she disliked children.
Revan felt like he was going mad with the sudden information.
Why did the words about not resembling Chevelyn make him feel so uneasy?
‘It really feels… like she isn’t my mother.’
Revan knew the answer better than anyone.
“Sir, are you going home now?”
As he stepped outside, the coachman approached, bowing his head.
Just as Revan was about to get into the carriage, he impulsively ordered a change of direction.
“…Take me to Robenet Harbor. I need to see my mother.”
“Understood, sir.”
He had to know the truth.
* * *
Revan took a ship to the Kingdom of Emik and arrived at Count Louis’s manor.
As he hesitated at the front gate, an old butler came out.
“Marquis?”
“……”
“Why are you here without notice… Please, come in.”
Noticing Revan’s weary appearance, the old butler let him inside.
“Where is my mother?”
“She’s in her room. But she’s not feeling well and has asked not to be disturbed by anyone.”
“She always seems to be ill when I come. Did she tell you to say that on purpose?”
Revan smirked, taking the butler’s words negatively.
“How could you say such a thing… That’s not it….”
“Move aside. I need to see my mother immediately.”
“Sir! Please wait a moment!”
The old butler called after Revan as he climbed the stairs, but he ignored him and went up to the Dowager’s room.
He pounded on the door, and the Dowager, wrapped in a thick shawl, came out.
“…Revan?”
“……”
“What brings you here without notice… Cough!”
She kept coughing, turning her head as if she was genuinely ill.
“Are you… very unwell?”
“No. I’m fine. Come in.”
Despite looking unwell, the Dowager let Revan inside.
Revan, having been served tea by the Dowager, slowly began to speak.
“Mother.”
“?”
“How did you feel after giving birth to me?”
It was absurd. He was asking his mother if she was really his mother.
“…So you know?”
The Dowager’s eyes wavered briefly before she regained her composure.
“They say no secret stays hidden forever. It’s true.”
The Dowager finally spoke with a hollow voice.
“…No. This can’t be.”
He shook his head like a madman.
“There’s no way you’re not my mother!”
“……”
Revan shouted, blood vessels in his eyes bursting.
The unease he felt, the reality he had denied… it was true.
“You lied to me….”
He wasn’t her real child. He wasn’t her biological son.
No secret stays hidden forever.
“It must have been funny. For me to call you mother… to crave your affection, even though I wasn’t your real child….”
“……”
“Should I call you Dowager instead of mother?”
Knowing he had been deceived by her, he felt a deep sense of betrayal.
Why hadn’t she told him sooner? He felt like he had been played.
‘I knew everything, yet I was the last to find out.’
“How could you do this to me!”
The Dowager, with trembling hands, slapped Revan’s cheek.
“…Ha.”
“Get a hold of yourself.”
Revan’s head turned to the left, blood spilling from his mouth.
More painful than the taste of blood, more painful than his stinging cheek, was something else.
“How dare you raise your voice to your mother. You’re just like your foolish father.”
“……”
“I may not be your biological mother, but I didn’t raise you to be like this. Show some basic manners.”
Even after the secret of his birth was revealed, the Dowager remained cold to Revan.
He had thought it was strange.
This person, who looked at him with disdain, had never given him love or interest or anything.
No wonder she left her underage son right after her husband passed away.
In a situation where relatives might take over, Revan had to endure it alone.
Revan collapsed to the floor. Was this really true?
If he wasn’t her biological son, it seemed like being abandoned was destined.
Feeling unbearably lonely, Revan knelt down. He wanted to hear that it wasn’t true.
“…Mother, I’m sorry.”
“……”
“Please say it’s not true. Please say you are my mother.”
So, like a child crying out in sorrow, Revan crawled over to the Dowager, clinging to her legs and begging.
The Dowager flinched for a moment but mercilessly pushed Revan’s hands away.
“Then… who gave birth to me?”
In response to his question, the Dowager revealed something unbelievable.
“The day my son died, your father brought you, his hidden illegitimate child.”
“…Illegitimate child?”
“And he asked me to raise you, saying that from now on, you would be my son, ‘Revan.’”
Revan found the weight of the truth he was hearing unbearable.
“Needing an heir for the Marquisate of Rata after my son’s death, I accepted you, but I couldn’t love you.”
The Dowager had pitifully buried her son’s small urn in the ground.
“Do you resent me for that? But what can you do? Even if I could go back, I wouldn’t love you.”
“…Why?”
“Hating you was my only way to breathe. It was the only way I could survive. Can’t you allow me that much?”
The Dowager smiled crookedly.
“I hated you so much. You, who took my son’s place and grew up happily, knowing nothing.”
“…….”
With every breath, she resented Revan, pushed him away, and rejected him.
Otherwise, she felt she was committing a sin against her son who had died first.
“I don’t know who your biological mother is, but I do know one thing.”
The Dowager dredged up the hatred she had kept buried and presented it to him.
Maybe she had been waiting for this day, the day she could exact revenge on her husband’s illegitimate child.
In the darkest place, when he was alone.
Her husband had feared this illegitimate child learning the truth.
But now that her husband was dead, she had no need to hold back.
“The woman in the pendant your father always carried….”
“……”
“She had pink hair like Chevelyn.”
She explained why she had rejected Chevelyn until now.
“She lived as my husband’s mistress and left her mark on the world.”
Speaking as if it disgusted her, the Dowager clicked her tongue and walked past Revan.
“…Who, what?”
Revan was stunned.
The words were even more brutal than the revelation that he wasn’t the Dowager’s biological son.
“Chevelyn… really is my daughter?”
Revan laughed as if he had gone mad. He had to be insane.
“…….”
He clawed at the floor with trembling hands, crying out.
He had wounds, but he couldn’t care for them.
The agony was so intense it was suffocating.
He scratched his choking throat and laughed.
The truth he had firmly believed was not true.
It was even more painful than hearing that Chevelyn might not be his daughter.
‘I am….’
Did he even deserve to cry? After causing this result, was he allowed to cry?
Divorce.
He had thought it wouldn’t matter, but now he realized the weight of the word.
Now that he and Hilane were strangers.
Revan finally understood what Hilane must have felt when she mentioned divorce.
“…Hilane?”
He saw Hilane in front of him.
She said nothing, only approached and gently stroked his cheek.
It was an illusion. After how he had treated her, there was no way Hilane could be this kind.
“…Hilane.”
A lie that he couldn’t reach, that might soon disappear.
But Revan was happy. Since the day they divorced, Hilane had not appeared even in his dreams.
He couldn’t endure the loneliness of being alone.
Seeing Hilane after so long, Revan confessed his suffering.
“What have I done to you?”
“…….”
Naturally, there was no response.
Until the divorce, Revan recalled the things he had done to Hilane….
The hurtful things he had said to her.
‘Hilane. I told you I was tired.’
He distanced himself after hearing that Hilane had an affair and gave birth to Chevelyn.
‘…Is that child really mine?’
He had never believed in Hilane’s innocence.
‘I tried to quietly let it go… and raise Chevelyn as my daughter as before.’
He had questioned her about whose child it was, why she betrayed him.
‘You trusted another woman’s words and hurt me without any trust in me.’
He never listened to her or trusted her for a moment.
‘Aren’t you concerned about Aria?’
He had thought of another woman before considering Hilane’s situation.
‘…You hurt Hilane because of her.’
He postponed Chevelyn’s baptism… and rejected the child.
He showed hostility and spoke cruel words that would leave a permanent scar.
Fragments of his memory mixed and tormented Revan. It felt like his head would burst.
Revan felt so disgusted with himself, he wanted to die.
The illusion of Hilane grew fainter.
“Hilane.”
“…….”
“I’m sorry. You did nothing wrong… it’s all because of me….”
Eventually, Hilane disappeared.
No matter how much he reached out, she did not reappear. Perhaps it was only natural.
Because of what he had done to her.
“You hate me so much… you won’t even allow me this.”
Having no more strength to hold on, Revan closed his eyes, his consciousness fading away.
♡♡♡
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