I Don't Want To Attack You!

8. The end of blessings

It was said that only the prepared ones seize opportunities, and I was one of the few who were prepared. However, every time I tried to seize an opportunity, it slipped away like water through my fingers.

But then, a real opportunity came in a way I had never imagined.

‘I can learn design at the academy I attend. It’s where Professor Julia Hermis, the designer idol and a living legend whose name itself has become a brand, teaches.’

Hermis. She was the idol of all designers, and her name had become a living legend and a brand. I had decided to climb up to the capital after reading her interview in the newspaper. If her proposal hadn’t sparked my interest, it would be a lie.

However, suddenly, studying abroad? It was unbelievable. It’s not like anyone can just enroll in the academy, and even if you are lucky enough to get admitted, the tuition is unaffordable.

‘Professor Hermis doesn’t hesitate to support talented undergraduates. If the scholarship from the academy is not enough, she uses her own money to admit students, even if it means spending her savings. Well… I know you probably won’t want it, but there’s also a way for me to lend you the tuition. But my interest rate is a bit high, so you can repay it after graduation through marriage.’

I didn’t need to remember the last sentence, so I deleted it from my mind.

My heart thumped at the sudden offer from Lysander. Looking back, I had never properly learned design. I only knew how to observe Yevgeny from behind or read trends by looking at all the showcase windows in the square. Surely, the knowledge I didn’t have would be as vast as the depth of the abyss.

Moreover, the professor was the designer Hermis.

The cunning Lysander read my hesitation in an instant.

“I’ll show your design to Professor Hermis. Even if she’s not my assigned professor, I’m such a lovely talent that all professors cherish me. If they see your potential, you’ll need to pack your bags and go to Failand for an interview within a week.”

Even with Lysander’s decisive words, I could only remain silent. Honestly… if I spoke, it meant hope. When a path I had never imagined appeared, the desire to walk it was like a chimney.

I pressed my face into the pillow and took a deep breath. What should I do, what should I do, what should I do, what should I do!

At that moment, I heard a knock. Without asking who it was, I immediately rushed out and opened the door. And I embraced the guest who came in the middle of the night without hesitation.

Due to the height difference, Ashur stood awkwardly, bending his waist and knees for quite some time. I kept repeating the same words, pressing my face against his shoulder.

“What should I do? What should I do! What am I going to do!”

I felt Ashur extend his arms behind, closing the door. Then, he lifted me effortlessly, and my legs dangled in the air as they naturally wrapped around Ashur’s waist.

Seated on the sofa with me in his arms, Ashur looked directly into my eyes as I raised my head.

“Priest!”

“…”

However, as our golden gazes intertwined, the light-hearted feeling that had arisen suddenly weighed heavily upon me.

If I go to Failand, what about him…?

“Why are you like this?”

With each uncomfortable breath, I felt a tightness at the base of my spine and a pain in my compressed lungs.

The face of the boy wearing a rabbit mask and Ashur’s face overlapped. Can I leave him behind? I stared into Ashur’s glassy eyes.

As we locked eyes in silence, my heart started beating in a rhythm I had never felt before. I moved my hand to lightly squeeze his smooth cheek before my mouth moved before my thoughts.

“Want to kiss?”

Ashur’s eyebrows slightly furrowed. Lowering my gaze and observing his firmly closed lips, I leaned back as if entranced. His breath touched my lips first, then the softness of his lip flesh. It lasted less than a second. My heart pounded roughly, as if it would pierce through my bones.

I gathered my courage and pressed my lips against his again, this time longer than the first. Ashur just watched what I was doing with warm eyes.

“Ah…”

Courageously, I licked his lower lip with the tip of my tongue.

“Um!”

Ashur hugged me tightly, aggressively sucking on my lips. His scent spread, and our bodies leaned back. It was a desperate, passionate kiss without any trace of leisure. He lowered his eyes halfway, meeting my gaze each time, and the heat spread uncontrollably. Soon, the shirt was pulled up, and the exposed chest was vigorously explored by large hands.

“Um… Priest, sir, hah…”

My saliva, voice, and breath were all sucked into his mouth. Ashur, roaring like a beast, swallowed everything. His impatient tongue entered forcefully, stabbing deeply inside, and then pulled out, dragging my tongue along with it.

It was a kiss so overwhelming that I couldn’t breathe. Despite the 15-day grace period not yet passing, we indulged in pleasure, calling each other’s names.

* * *

After that day’s intimacy, subtle changes occurred between us. The pursuit of an ideal type took a back seat, and we started having dinners together whenever we met, getting immersed in endless conversations. When I talked about what happened in the dressing room, Ashur either got angry as if it were his experience or enjoyed it.

Moreover, although it was a new discovery, Ashur had an exceptional ability to empathize. The priest, who seemed indifferent, would cry if I teared up and laugh if I laughed like a fool.

Naturally, we started spending more time kissing. There was no need for anyone to initiate. Just letting our bodies follow the flow of the air, I would find myself lying beneath him, or Ashur beneath me.

Eventually, when the atmosphere heated up, it naturally led to intimacy.

A month passed like that. During this time, two changes occurred for me. One was the news from Lysander that Professor Hermis had shown a positive response to my design. Lysander was excited, predicting that I would be admitted as long as nothing unexpected happened.

And the other one was,

“Priest. I think we don’t need to search for ideal types anymore.”

“What?”

I had developed feelings for Ashur. If it wasn’t Ashur, I didn’t feel any fluttering. I didn’t want kisses from anyone other than Ashur, and it was the same when he took me home at night. So, searching for an ideal type was meaningless.

“Blessing, it seems it can end now.”

Poring had said that my blessing would end if I fell in love. I did fall in love, and the problem was that it eventually became Ashur. Anyway, the conditions were met, so the blessing was supposed to disappear on its own.

The end of my blessing was unrequited love.

“That means…”

“I’ve fallen for someone.”

Now there was only one thing I had to do: detach myself from his life.

The smile disappeared from Ashur’s lips. Moonlight cast a cold light over his head, but a dense shadow darkened his face.

“And I’m leaving for Failand next week. I apologize for saying it suddenly. It was decided in a hurry…”

“What are you talking about?”

Ashur asked in a low voice.

“Exactly as I said. You don’t have to come here every day because of me. It’s really over.”

The end of the blessing that overlapped and continued through unusual coincidences and connections. But when cut, it was not a significant connection. Of course, my heart might not agree.

Ashur looked at me silently. When he decided to go abroad, he seemed indifferent, but now that I told him it was over, the tip of his nose reddened with bitterness.

My heart shook dangerously. I had grown fond of you, and at times, I wanted to ask if it would be okay for me to visit the temple to see you. However, knowing it was selfish, I restrained myself until the end.

It was something I wanted to enjoy alone. It was a doomed fate that had continued for the past 10 years. When I confess all the truths, the betrayal and shock he would have to endure would be unimaginably immense. It would be a moment when the tearful love story that had lasted for almost a decade would be denied in an instant. Ashur, who wanted to end the unfortunate fate that began with me as soon as possible, would not be able to endure having me stick to him.

Even if that were not the case. Really… even if, by some miracle, he confessed that his feelings matched mine… It would be an act I couldn’t do. I was going to Failand across the sea. In a situation where parting was inevitable, I couldn’t demand love from him.

“Take care, Priest. Stay healthy. I’ll write you a letter.”

Ashur stood still in silence, and I entered the house, leaving him behind. Tears that I had been holding back flowed down my cheeks. Although I had taken a step towards my dream, I felt no joy. It was a feeling of my heart being torn apart, not into pieces but crushed underfoot.

The blessing had ended, and love had begun.

* * *

I submitted my resignation in the dressing room. When Mr. Yefgeny offered to triple my salary, I couldn’t help but burst into laughter. I should have quit long ago! All the effort I put into enduring Maretdy’s temper tantrums and enduring his verbal abuse when I complained about the hardship felt like a waste. However, I didn’t have any regrets. It’s all in the past anyway.

“Heather!”

Ben came running down the hallway, pounding the floor with his footsteps. Then, he embraced me in one swift motion and spun me around.

“Studying abroad! It’s kind of a relief, but at the same time, I want to stop you from leaving.”

“I’ll write you a letter.”

“Of course. You have to write on the ship and immediately after arriving.”

“I understand.”

“Oh. It’s not really a gift for getting into the academy, but I’ll give you some exciting news. Raika got kicked out of Chevanya’s dressing room in just a week.”

“It’s impressive she lasted a week.”

Ben chuckled and patted my back.

“Also, it seems Mr. Martin has broken up with Miss Chevanya. He was caught having sex with a male seamstress he met in Chevanya’s dressing room. Martin kneeled in front of Raika’s house all night, begging her to come back.”

“Wow. That’s something.”

Raika and Martin were walking the path of destruction as planned. However, I was no longer curious about their fate. I would leave all the unhappiness that tormented me here and go.

With Ben’s help, I moved my belongings from the dressing room to my home. Eight years. It was a place where I had worked for nearly eight years. My belongings hidden all over the dressing room filled a large box, even though I had thrown away everything I could.

Tomorrow, a new life in Failand would begin. Excitement mingled with fear. But even at a young age, I survived in the harsh capital. I am confident that I can navigate my way forward, trusting myself.

It was the end of summer. Before the arrival of autumn, the last monsoon began.

Heavy raindrops covered the world in gray. As I gazed out the window, a face came to mind. Ashur. No, it just came to mind every moment. When eating, walking down the street, and even lying down before sleep.

“Should I secretly come and see you?”

If not today, there would be no chance to see him. Yeah… I would just see his face from a distance without attracting Ashur’s attention.

The moment I made up my mind, my body moved immediately. I turned my raincoat inside out and opened the door.

“Oh, surprise…”

Someone was standing right in front of my house, completely soaked. I shuddered as if I had seen a ghost. The unexpected visitor who surprised me was Ashur.

“Priest?! If you came, you should knock. What are you doing here?”

I hastily pulled Ashur inside. I grabbed every towel in the house and used them to wipe his wet hair and clothes.

“No umbrella… They collect so much in offerings at the temple, yet they don’t even buy an umbrella for you?”

His gaze lingered persistently on my face. For a moment, our eyes were deeply entwined.

“…”

I used the towel I was holding to wipe his entire face. Oh, I almost kissed him.

After my heart, which was pounding loudly, settled down, I pulled the towel back. Ashur’s white cheek had turned red due to the friction.

“Why did you come here?”

I asked, and Ashur’s eyebrows twitched. His lifeless face seemed to regain vitality as if waking up from a dream.

“Oh, this.”

Ashur took out a soaked handkerchief from his pocket. It was the sky-blue handkerchief he had tried to return to me but took back before.

“I’m returning it.”

“You could have kept it…”

“You gave me a mirror. I can’t accept this too.”

“It’s just a piece of spare fabric stitched together. I wasn’t saving it, but since you returned it, I’ll gladly take it.”

It became a memento that could remind me of Ashur. It would be nice to take it out whenever things got tough or when I missed him.

Even though Ashur gave me the handkerchief, he didn’t get up from his seat. However, he wasn’t signaling for me to leave either. A subtle silence lingered between us for a long time. We were aware of each other’s presence, thinking of each other as if we were insane, but we hadn’t exchanged a single word.

The moment I opened my mouth, I felt an impending breakup and was in the midst of preparing myself. I wished this time alone with Ashur could last just one more second.

However, my wish was short-lived. A low murmur from Ashur reached my ears.

“Stay healthy.”

“Thank you. You too, Priest.”

“I hope seamstress and the one you love will be forever happy.”

“Yes…”

“I hope you achieve everything you desire where I’m not.”

“…”

His eyes were filled with tears. His forced smile and words were enough to shatter my heart. Ashur had something more to say; he opened his mouth but closed his eyes. Then, he tried to calm his breath.

“It’s a lie.”

“…”

“I hope seamstress isn’t happy without me.”

His determined eyes were distorted with pain. Although he cursed me with his words, Ashur, who had spoken, seemed more tormented and wounded than me.

“I hope you miss me every day and spend nights soaked in tears of deep regret.”

Ashur forced the words out through his unmoving lips. I had a vague idea. Under the rain, without any sign, he came to me. I wondered what emotions he harbored for me…

“After making me fall in love with you, I don’t want seamstress to find another love.”

Tears welled up uncontrollably over his thin cheek. Tears heavier and coarser than the raindrops outside fell incessantly, dampening Ashur’s distorted face. I couldn’t bear it; I felt like I had ruined his entire life. Even though I was weighed down by self-blame, my heart throbbed as if it would shatter.

“I want to cling to you, beg you to take me away. You have to take responsibility. I spend more time thinking about you than praying to my god, so shouldn’t you become my god?”

Trembling, Ashur covered my cheek with his shaky hand. His dry back twitched with each rough breath.

“If that’s the case, you shouldn’t have kissed me. You shouldn’t have come at night to give me gifts. It’s all because of seamstress. Everything is seamstress’s fault.”

As if pouring out muddy emotions, Ashur shakily breathed out. His confession stirred up emotions strong enough to fiercely sweep away my decision. A conflict arose within me; should I throw away everything, even my study abroad, right now? However, my fragile heart was, unexpectedly, firmly held by him.

“…Stand up, stepping on my resentment, and live well, as if to show off.”

“…”

“The wish of the wicked should be shattered.”

Without wiping away the tears that fell endlessly, Ashur pressed his forehead against mine, an earnest confession full of his heart. I could do nothing but nod my head, tightly holding my breath.

* * *

“Honey, another full scholarship?”

Lysander sat down next to me, holding a sandwich. I had gotten so used to Lysander calling me ‘honey’ or ‘dear’ that it had become familiar to the point of being annoying. But there was one thing that I couldn’t get used to. With those huge muscles, how could he sustain himself by eating just one small sandwich each time? The mystery of the human body.

I stood up from my seat, my head spinning. I heard Lysander call out, but I didn’t respond. Today, there was a letter in the mailbox. It was a reply from Ben. As usual, it was about the Evgenei dressing room. It mentioned that Raika and Martin, unable to endure the wounds of their breakup, repeatedly went absent without leave and were eventually fired. Instead, Ben took over Marat’s position as the caretaker. Congratulations were in order.

After writing a reply to Ben, I took out another piece of paper. Although the letter I wrote yesterday had just set sail, I couldn’t bear it any longer.

If I sent it as a special express mail using magic, it would probably arrive at the temple earlier than the letter I sent yesterday.

To Ashur,

Remember we talked about it? That there’s still a secret I haven’t told you?

I wanted to tell you about the time 11 years ago when I went to the Agripada Festival of the Agrifa, held in Bales.

The story of meeting a boy wearing a pink rabbit mask there… Did I mention it?

I have a lot to apologize for to him.

If that child were by my side now, he could fulfill any wish.

Take care, goodbye.

As soon as I received this letter, the image of a man leaping towards me is vividly depicted. What kind of reaction will he have to the truth revealed after 11 years? The contents of the letter I wrote were playful and concise, but deep down, I felt uneasy. I couldn’t sleep until late at night after sending the letter.

When the blue light of dawn seeped into every corner of the bedroom, I opened my eyes. He, who had been missed like the morning, was here. His warm eyes looking at me were sweet like a dream.

“You came very quickly.”

I didn’t have to see to know that he had flown using every means available as soon as he received the letter.

Ashur wiped away the drool from the corner of my mouth with affectionate gestures. He didn’t show any resentful looks or words of blame.

“I came to keep the promise after 11 years.”

He seemed deeply relieved by the fact that I was the fate he believed in and loved. I reached out and hugged him. His warm embrace filled my heart like the sunlight.

Suddenly, a thought crossed my mind.

The reason the Poring appeared to me was not to fulfill the destiny we promised in the Poring statue 11 years ago, I thought.

-<I Don’t Want to Attack You!> End

T/N: Hi guys this long novel has finally come to an en. It not might be what you expected but well. Hope you enjoyed it. It was really long. The chapters consisted of more than 50 pages in word doc.

Thank yoh for reading. Lots of love from TL Bree. Follow Moonlight novels to read more novels. Don’t forget to rate this novel on NU and add comments.

Have a good day!!!