I Don't Want To Attack You!

* * *

Ashur paid for lunch. We wandered the streets in search of my ideal type but ended up going around in circles without any success. Afterward, Ashur and I met for at least two hours every day, critiquing the various men in the city.

“That guy’s pores are too visible, don’t you think? If you woke up in the morning and saw those pores next to you, breakfast wouldn’t taste good. Working on an empty stomach can be quite risky, and people can become overly sensitive even about trivial matters. Accumulate these things, and you might become an arsonist.”

“I see your point. I don’t want to go to an underground prison, so he’s not the one.”

*Chuckling*. We sat in our usual outdoor restaurant, sipping iced tea. I was still stuck at the second hurdle in my search for my ideal type. The problem was that both my and Ashur’s criteria were unreasonably high.

“Priest, what do you think of that man? Out of all the men you’ve seen so far, his shoulder line is the most beautiful.”

“When the seamstress has shared a relationship with me, she has always concentrated on my chest, haven’t you noticed?”

“Breasts are important.”

“That’s why he’s disqualified. It might be a bit strange for me to say this, but I think my chest is better.”

“I can’t argue with that.”

Ultimately, today, too, I couldn’t find a man to capture my heart. I had been repeating this process for a week now. The sense of debt to Ashur grew day by day. We mostly met during my after-work hours, and each time, Ashur paid for dinner. He never forgot to drop me off in front of my house before the night grew too dark.

I couldn’t just keep receiving help from him without giving anything in return. From time to time, the desire to do something for him, no matter how small, would surge within me. It happened again at that moment. However, he had everything one could ask for. He had grown up without regrets, and he didn’t have any particular hobby or collection of items.

While crossing the street in the market, I noticed a vivid flower-patterned jade mirror. I was captivated by it and bought the mirror. Ashur naturally tried to pay for it, but I brushed his hand away.

“This is a gift for you, priest.”

Ashur couldn’t accept the mirror right away. His eyes were slightly widened, more than usual. It wasn’t that he disliked it… but Ashur didn’t accept the gift until the end.

“…Please make an offering through the temple.”

And with that, he left me in front of my house and returned to the temple, leaving behind such an absurd message.

* * *

It felt like every nerve in his body was centered around his heart. Ashur knelt before the statues of the five gods and bowed his head. Today, the statues seemed more imposing and enormous than usual, and their shadows weighed down on him as if they were oppressing him.

“I beg for your forgiveness. Please punish this corrupt heart that dared to break the vow.”

The vow of chastity had been broken. It was a feeble excuse to blame it on the blessing of the Agripada deity. Ashur had felt a clear sexual desire for Heather even before he knew about the existence of Agripada. Nothing had changed.

Despite having a separate destiny given by the gods, he had given himself to Heather. At the moment they joined their bodies, he forgot about the existence of the gods and roared like an animal. For that moment, he reveled in the intense pleasure, indulging in the peak of his desires, more thoroughly than anyone else should, especially a priest who should strictly restrain his desires.

Sleeping in Heather’s bed, he even forgot his morning prayers for the first time in ten years. The scent of her body soaked into the bedding and the warmth emanating from her small form made his body and mind feel damp. Ashur didn’t show it, but as soon as he woke up at noon, deep self-reproach came crashing down on him.

His life had revolved around Heather from some point onwards. He spent his entire day waiting for her to come home from work, eagerly checking the time. He even skipped his dinner, eaten at a set time every day, and rushed out of the temple. A voice deep in his mind was lashing out at him, but he pretended not to hear it.

But when she said, “This is a gift for you, Priest,” and handed him a gift she bought herself, his heart thundered loudly like a drumbeat that drowned out the surrounding noise. Ashur’s hand trembled violently. His heart was the first to betray the oath to the gods.

Ashur squeezed every bit of patience he had left to not accept the gift and returned to the temple. Even while praying, instead of the voice of the gods, Heather’s voice tormented him relentlessly.

His body was drenched in sweat when he left the prayer room. He didn’t know how long it had been since he prayed with such fervor. But instead of enlightenment, only intense despair was building up in his chest. It was too late to pull the drowning leg out of the swamp. It had already sunk down to his neck.

After taking a bath in cold water and putting on a robe, he sat on the bed.

“Starting tomorrow…”

I should stay only in the temple. I need to tell someone to inform Heather that I’m too busy with temple work and we won’t be able to meet for a while. This was the way to keep some distance.

*Knock, knock, knock.*

But the resolution to put some distance between him and Heather, which didn’t even last a minute, crumbled into pieces as if it had been made of sugar and struck by a sledgehammer.

“Priest…?”

Ashur doubted his eyes. Heather was knocking on his window, just like he had knocked on her window the night before. Even though he knew it was an illusion, he had no choice but to open the window. With a clunk, he pushed the window wide open, letting Heather in along with the summer night’s scent. When she entered his arms, his heart, veins, and all the nerves throughout his body rang loudly, like a deafening beat. The same way the laws of nature couldn’t defy the setting sun and rising moon, Ashur couldn’t resist holding Heather as she pressed into his chest. When she suddenly appeared in the middle of the night, Heather overran Ashur’s confusion.

“Wow! I almost died for real, you know? I don’t know how many times I twisted my ankle… I was miraculously lucky. Maybe it’s because of the temple. I was so lucky.”

Heather kept talking animatedly while being held in Ashur’s arms. Sweat had formed on her forehead. Ashur wiped her sweat away with the sleeve of his robe.

“Why did you come in through the window like that? Please promise me you won’t do this again.”

“I couldn’t go in through the main entrance because I don’t have sanctity.”

“I’ll get an access artifact from the relics distribution center. You can use that.”

“Wow, can you just give that to anyone?”

Ashur furrowed his brows at that. The casual use of “anyone” grated on him. To him, Heather was no longer just “anyone.” Ashur couldn’t find the words to respond when Heather handed him something wrapped in black cloth. Heather then unwrapped it herself, revealing a mirror he had refused to accept.

“Did you come all the way here to give this to me?”

“It seems like you’ve misunderstood. This isn’t a donation to the gods. It’s a gift from me to you.”

Heather took Ashur’s hand and placed the mirror in it, forcefully making him hold it.

“I was wondering what to give you, and I thought something beautiful would be the best choice.”

Ashur couldn’t understand Heather’s words at all. He had never been satisfied with his own appearance. However, if Heather found his face pleasing, then that would be the most useful thing. He felt grateful to his parents who had given him this appearance, which he had never been satisfied with.

Heather’s eyes widened above Ashur’s gaze. She tilted her head back, looking at him and starting to speak in the manner she had practiced deep within her mind, etching each word into her subconscious.

Then, Ashur had a premonition. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to reject Heather. He knew that he would become her servant for life, not living as a priest of the gods, but as her servant. He despised himself. As his emotions surged, his eyes grew hot. But even if he could turn back time, Ashur would have opened the window.

* * *

The previous night, the successful action of climbing to the top floor of the temple left a sense of indescribable pride as Ashur watched Heather’s teary eyes in awe. “Bastard, are you feeling that great?” He thought that occasionally giving surprise gifts wouldn’t be a bad idea.

With that cheerful mood, he went to work the next day. However, as soon as he entered the sewing room, his mood plummeted. Uncontrolled emotions erased his expression.

Reika’s seat was neatly empty. It felt like the ground was crumbling beneath his feet.

In the time it took to reach me, Ben gripped my shoulder so hard that it hurt but then let go.

“They said that Chevanya was selected as the costume designer.”

“Is that so?”

“Now you won’t run into Layka anymore.”

While Ben tried to comfort me, my mood didn’t improve. I just nodded in agreement and walked outside. I sat on a random bench, took off my shoes, and lifted my legs up.

I focused on the front with an unfocused gaze and took out my notebook. I ripped apart the stolen design. It was a design I had agonized over for days, but when I applied a little force, it crumpled up weakly.

“Why can’t anything work out?”

My unfortunate emotions were not independent objects. They came flowing in like spider webs, entangling with other misfortunes and making it even more disgusting.

The stolen design was gone, and the search for my ideal type also repeatedly ended in failure. Where can I find a man with no blemishes and large breasts? It was all a futile effort, just like this design.

I balled up the crumpled paper and threw it away with all my might. But before the paper could hit the ground, someone caught it.

“You shouldn’t throw trash on the street.”

“…Lysander.”

He approached after examining the paper I had thrown and then erased the smile at the corner of his mouth.

“It wasn’t garbage; it was a treasure.”

He mumbled under his breath and put it in the back pocket of his pants without minding whether it would be taken by anyone else.

Lysander sat next to me. He examined the paper before pretending to stretch and casually put his arm around my shoulder.

“Pick it up.”

“Sorry.”

Instead, he moved his legs and leaned against me as if snuggling.

“What are you doing here?”

“I’m looking for a man with no blemishes and big breasts.”

He said with a distorted face.

“That’s me.”

“…”

Lysander shifted his body to face me. There was a faint smile on his face.

“What are you going to do after finding such a man?”

“To have my way with him.”

“Alright, I’m ready.”

Lysander didn’t care at all about making crazy statements; instead, he seemed to be more spirited. I examined Lysander from head to toe. He had a rougher appearance compared to Ashur, but he was still a handsome man that anyone wouldn’t easily dismiss. Long legs, balanced buttocks…

“I don’t like you.”

“Why?”

“I don’t like people I know.”

But, ultimately, my heart wasn’t into it. The thought of writhing around with him on a bed made me sick. I felt a strong aversion, as if I had witnessed my parents having sex. In my eyes, Lysander was not just one person but the leader of eleven little devils.

Lysander ran his fingers through my hair.

“You used to be kinder than you are now.”

“Maybe the saying that memories are idealized is correct.”

“Your hair was longer back then.”

“…”

“Sweetie, are you mad at me for leaving without a word?”

“Grrgh…”

I pretended to gag, and Lysander grabbed his chest as if he was truly hurt.

“Aren’t you overreacting a bit too much?”

“Because I haven’t heard that title in a long time, it’s hard to adapt.”

Eight years ago when I first met Lysander, he used to be my hero and sanctuary. As a leader of the little devils, he herded them with a single word of “Gather,” and he had complete control over the chaotic little devils that flocked around me.

Each time, Lysander smiled deeply and gave me a friendly look. As this repeated, I naturally started looking for Lysander first every time I went to Professor Kouchev’s mansion. I became friendly with him at a rapid pace as our inner closeness accumulated.

Moreover, at that time, it had been less than a year since I miraculously found a job at Professor Yevgeny’s wardrobe. I was having a tough time, working my body to the bone, only sleeping for about an hour a day.

To be honest, it was incredibly hard, and I was lonely. So, Lysander’s attention felt even sweeter. From teasing jokes that made people comfortable to secretly stealing snacks for me and even a boring book of humor, he made everything comfortable.

I always lived tense and only by the time I met him did I feel like myself. He was the only one who made me feel like myself, without having to put up a front.

But he left without saying a word. I was the only one who had built up a deep sense of kinship with him. Well, Lysander was the eldest son of the magic researcher, and it was natural for him to be surrounded by people who wanted to talk to him. Lysander and I were in different positions.

My relationship with him was only meant to go this far. I regretted it because I had acted like a fool because I was feeling lonely by myself. I was angry and complained when he didn’t write a single letter for a few days.

However, the pain disappeared as I busied myself with work and life. I had forgotten about the hurt feelings.

So, now I didn’t feel anything for Lysander. No happiness, longing, or resentment. It was just a brief memory.

“I had some circumstances. I went on a week-long trip, thinking I would be back soon, but the servants suddenly took all my belongings. It turns out my parents forced me to study abroad.”

“Who told you that? Why don’t you explain it to me?”

“He’s sulking. I’m so happy to see him again.”

“Shut up with that sweet talk.”

“Should I, honey?”

Maybe it was because I was getting older, but now Lysander’s playful banter was just annoying to me. I was about to get up without responding, but Lysander suddenly grabbed my wrist. When I looked at him, his usual cheerfulness had disappeared, and instead, he was looking at me with serious eyes.

“I need to go back to ‘Faeland’ soon.”

“Sure, it was nice to see you after a long time. Finish your studies abroad successfully and come back.”

“It might sound crazy, but just hear me out.”

“…”

“Do you want to go to Faeland with me?”