I Don't Want To Attack You!

7. Signs of Change

The Agripada Festival of Agriphada. While the adults turned their masks inside out and got drunk on moonlight for a night of love, the children dreamt of secret adventures.

I emptied all the allowance I had saved without my parents knowing. “Edan” spread out silver coins in his palm and pretended to count them one by one.

“Even with a glance, I can see them all. Why bother picking them out one by one? It’s three coins. Correct?”

“It’s because there’s an atmosphere.”

“I’ll freeze to death. Can you really drink special grape wine?”

“Yeah. If a little kid with a pink-furred rabbit mask comes looking for you, don’t be surprised and follow him, because he’s my brother. Instead, you have to wear a unique mask. If, by mistake, you bring someone else and rumors spread, this time, you’ll be really kicked out of town, just like everyone else.”

Edan spoke seriously, and I deeply sympathized with his words. Edan and I, who woke up early due to the taste of alcohol, had countless records of getting caught stealing alcohol behind the backs of the adults. As the surveillance by the adults became stricter, we eventually had to live through a dry spell for a whopping six months. And today is the magical day when everyone hides their faces under masks. It was the perfect day for Edan and I to make a secret deal.

“You know the new plague mask they used when the plague was spreading? I’ll be wearing that. I’ll be the only one wearing the plague mask at the Agripada Festival of Agriphada.”

“Indeed, having a skillful hand is useful in various ways. Alright. I’ll let my younger brother know.”

With an excited heart, I waited for Edan’s younger brother, wearing the reversed plague mask. He had been caught by our parents while stealing wine, completely unaware.

I stood in the center of the square, listening to the music change for the ninth time. When is he coming? My ankles were starting to itch. I could see a little kid with a pink rabbit mask standing far away. There he is! The music, as lively as a refreshing spring day, made my face brighten with a smile. Thanks to the mask, the adults would just consider me as polite if they saw me smiling strangely.

Edan said his brother would approach me first, but I couldn’t wait any longer, so I grabbed the boy’s arm and ran. After running to a place where the music couldn’t be heard, we arrived at the back of the old Agripada temple. I stood the boy in front of an ancient pillar and spoke.

“I don’t know how long I’ve been looking for you.”

“Me?”

The boy with the rabbit mask pointed at his face with his finger and asked. He seemed a bit taken aback. I thought he resembled Edan, who also had a somewhat foolish side.

“Yeah. I’ve been waiting for this moment to meet you since yesterday.”

“At that square?”

“Of course. Why would I stand there listening to boring and dull music?”

“….”

“To meet you.”

Whether Edan’s brother was nervous or not was not important to me. I was only thinking about wanting to drink the special grape wine I had bought with three silver coins.

However, to my surprise, the boy was empty-handed. Did he hide it somewhere? Now that I think about it, the boy didn’t do anything foolish like standing in the middle of the square with a jug of wine. The old Agripada temple, which had become an abandoned hideout due to the newly built grand temple, had many places where children could hide special grape wine.

The golden eyes hidden beneath the pink mask sparkled brighter than the moon. A gaze that seemed to add excitement, like a traveler enchanted by an illusion, stuck with me. The boy spoke calmly, in contrast to the slight trembling of his tightly clenched hands.

“You know who I am.?”

“Is that important?”

The boy took quick, heavy breaths. His chest rose and fell repeatedly. With a thirst in my heart, I waited for the boy to hand over the special grape wine. However, no matter how intensely I stared, the boy seemed unwilling to give me the wine, standing still.

Oh, is it possible…?

Is he asking for more money?

I couldn’t hide my contempt. I had thought he was a naive and straightforward kid, but it seemed he had a mischievous side. After all, if it were Edan, he would have taken the three silver coins given to me without sharing them with his brother. It was precisely this rabbit boy who did the difficult part.

I felt both sorry for this younger brother and a sense of urgency to taste the special grape wine, so I willingly offered a single silver coin that I had saved as an emergency fund.

“….?”

The rabbit boy, who had been gazing at my face as if he had honey smeared on it, finally averted his eyes. However, he didn’t readily take the silver coin. Wasn’t he asking for money? Or maybe he had expected to receive only ten copper, which was just enough to buy one apple candy, and was surprised by the larger amount.

“What are you waiting for, take it.”

I extended my hand as if urging him, and the boy’s pupils dilated noticeably.

“Ah…”

The rabbit boy opened his mouth slightly, as if he had realized something. Then, with a hesitant touch, he took the silver coin. His fingertips were as smooth and rosy as a ripe peach, round and cute. I had only seen his nails, blackened from playing in the dirt, but now I was fascinated by his beautiful nails, which were as exquisite as crescent moons. I wanted to touch those hands at least once.

I had thought that Edan’s younger brother would have fair, royal-like skin as if he were a prince in a fairy tale. I had wondered why he had never shown his brother to me, but maybe he was worried about drawing too much attention from others. The complaints he made about his brother lying in bed and daydreaming all day, without even washing, seemed like a lie to protect his brother from others’ curiosity rather than expressing annoyance.

The rabbit boy grasped the silver coin in his hand and said:

“I know too.”

“….”

“I heard the story that Agripada’s god leads us with unexpected destiny.”

The boy’s young voice sounded pleasant. The pronunciation, clear enunciation, and a subtle resonance when speaking. It was a voice that had no shortage, enchanting the ears. However, it was challenging to accept the content of his words. If he received money, he should hand over the wine, so why was he talking about fate?

“So?”

“Even with just an accidental eye contact, your heart pounds as if it’s being squeezed, and you can’t take your gaze off. You come to realize that it’s the one destiny, the one thing that instinctively will save your life.”

As the boy’s words grew longer, an unknown sense of unease started creeping up my ankles.

“To be honest, when I first heard about the stories regarding Agripada’s god’s destiny, I thought it was overly fanciful and childish.”

“….”

“But, it wasn’t like that.”

“….”

“I realized that destiny had appeared before me like this.”

As the boy spoke, the back of my throat stiffened and I felt sweat forming inside the mask. I moistened my dry lips with saliva and spoke cautiously.

“Uh… I see. But, has your brother ever…”

“I don’t have one.”

“Ah, I see. I asked because I thought you might have one. Since I’m an only child, I thought it would be a remarkable destiny.”

I was embarrassed. The rabbit boy I had brought along was not the delivery boy for the special grape wine. If it got out that Edan and I were conspiring to steal alcohol, adults would surely chase us out of the town this time. Our Priest was a stern man, to say the least.

I’d rather go through a 48-hour fast like last time. Being kicked out of town was not a punishment I could endure with my own mental strength.

Cold sweat began to flow like rain down my back. I suppressed the urge to run away and leave the boy behind by clenching my toes. Fortunately, the boy had no inkling that I had come to buy alcohol. He was wearing a mask, and he was not harboring any strange misunderstandings… Perhaps I could manage it on my own terms.

I concealed my trembling voice with a dry cough.

“When I saw you, it felt like light was pouring out of you. And, uh… Yes, I realized it was the destiny bestowed upon me by Agripada’s god. Of course, you’re just a little guy, a bit smaller than me.”

“Both of my parents are much taller than the average adult. My grandPriest, great-grandPriest, and all the ancestors above were like that too. I was born with the same genes, so unless there’s some change, I’ll grow enough to satisfy you.”

“You…”

The words from my fifteen-year-old self provoked an unbearable awkwardness. Where did this cheeky nickname come from?

“If you don’t believe me, I can introduce you to my parents.”

“What?! Absolutely not!”

I shouted urgently, and there was a moment of silence. Then the rabbit boy asked,

“Why not?”

I had unintentionally tried to stop him, but I didn’t know what to say to him. My eyes moved frantically as I tried to come up with an excuse.

“If you don’t believe me, I’ll introduce you to my parents.”

“But… I don’t want to share the first meeting of destiny with anyone other than us.”

“At least until we become adults.”

Even after saying this, I thought,

Is this complete nonsense? But it seemed like an appropriate comment to shake the heart of the boy who looked much younger than me.

The boy suddenly grabbed my hand and ran somewhere. The place we arrived at was not far from where we had been standing before.

There stood a statue of Agripada’s god in human form. The neglected statue had cracks and erosion in several places, but the dynamic energy, as if it were shooting a giant arrow, was still vivid.

The rabbit boy flicked his fingers and threw the silver coin behind the statue. The coin glistened in the moonlight and eventually disappeared into the darkness. I almost yelled out in impulse, wondering why he dropped money on the ground. However, I couldn’t say anything when I saw the boy quietly clasping his hands.

“My parents always tell me…”

“What do they say?”

I wasn’t the least bit curious, but it seemed like I should ask to maintain the atmosphere.

“I was born as a child blessed by the god. They say if you genuinely appreciate the god’s blessing, the god will grant everything I desire.”

“Well, that’s quite remarkable.”

“My first prayer in my life. It’s because I’ve received the destiny given by the god. Please don’t separate us and watch over us so we can be together forever.”

“Oh… sure, okay.”

The rabbit boy turned his body toward me. I slightly distanced myself, feeling uncomfortable under his gaze. The boy seemed intoxicated with romanticism, not noticing my reaction.

“By swearing eternal love to Agripada, you can be together even after death.”

“Like marriage vows…”

“Yes?”

“Well, maybe it’s because it’s the god of love, but it’s quite amazing to take responsibility even beyond death.”

I didn’t believe in blessings from the god. Where are the couples who pledged their love before the statue of Agripada’s god? They’re nowhere to be found. Originally, they’d throw a coin on the statue, saying, “Let us be together even after death,” and then they’d watch. If Agripada’s god really watched over all lovers in the world, my parents wouldn’t have regular fights on the moon.

The rabbit boy raised both his hands behind his head. The mask, which was perfectly adhered to his face, loosened for a moment. I was startled and quickly held the mask up to his face.

“What are you doing?”

The boy asked in puzzlement. I wasn’t curious about the boy’s face, or rather, I didn’t want to see it. If we saw each other’s faces here, it would be impossible to turn back. What happened tonight must remain forever in the darkness.

“During the festival of Agripada, you’re supposed to wear a mask until dawn. Let’s save unmasking until tomorrow. We’ll meet here at the same time tomorrow.”

The boy nodded as if he had a profound realization. Then he securely tightened the straps of his mask.

Afterward, I took the boy back to the square before dawn. The square was filled with cheers and music, and lovers adorned with colorful bird feathers ran toward the rabbit boy as soon as they saw him. They forcefully grabbed both of his arms, making him dance against his will. I watched for a moment, then returned home.

The next day, Edan returned the silver coins to me and apologized. It was unfortunate that his younger sibling got caught while stealing the special grape wine, but I got my money back, and the fact that I had purchased the wine remained undiscovered, so I wasn’t too upset.

However, the problem lay elsewhere.

“There’s this guy we’ve never seen before who keeps lurking around our hideout.”

Edan was filled with complaints and grumbled. I casually replied while reading an interview with a designer in a newspaper.

“It seems like someone new moved here.”

“He tried to join our group because he looks like a doll, but he completely ignores me. He’s also short.”

The designer, Humes. It was a name I hadn’t heard before, but if an interview was featured on the front page of a newspaper, it seemed like they were quite famous. Many people started their careers in design, inspired by this designer. However, I was more drawn to the words written in the article’s preface than the designer. They mentioned that as more clothing shops opened, the number of job postings on the square’s bulletin board for extra help increased like mountains. I tore the newspaper and put it inside my pocket.

“Hether, are you even listening to me?”

“Uh, yeah, so you were jealous of that pretty boy, right?”

“Who said anything about jealousy? Trying to seduce someone arrogantly is a recipe for disaster! Ugh, I feel sick just seeing him make a display in front of Agripada’s statue.”

“…”

The sun was gradually setting. It was time to help my mom with dinner preparations. I was about to get up from my seat, but Edan’s words stopped me in my tracks.

“Waiting for destiny or something.”

The statue of Agripada’s god, the pretty boy. The image of those peach-like fingertips I had seen during the festival came to mind.

“Could it be that this is the guy with the same height?”

“You’ve seen him too. It seems like he’s not in his right mind. He comes to our hideout every day without fail.”

“Oh…”

My heart skipped a beat. The boy with whom I had sworn eternal love during the festival was undoubtedly him. I had underestimated the boy’s romanticism. Is it reasonable to wait for someone whose face I don’t even know for over a month? While I understood his fervent romance, I had no desire to be a part of it.

“Edan, do you have a knife?”

“Yeah. You mean a dagger?”

Edan always carried a dagger on his belt. I took the dagger and immediately cut a chunk of hair. Edan was startled and shouted.

“What are you doing?”

“I was going to cut it anyway because it was bothering me. Here, take this and give it to that pretty boy.”

“What?!”

“Tell him it’s from me, the girl you’ve been waiting for, and that I’m dead from an illness.”