4. Leave your chastity to me
[A priest from Arziheum, “I am in heat 365 days a year!” Shocking Confession! What is the true face of the priest known as stoic?]
Basically, humans live with a certain level of self-pity. They cannot objectively view the misfortunes that befall them. I am the saddest, most pitiful, and unjust person in the world.
On the other hand, I am someone who guards against such irrational thinking. Fierce self-pity ironically leads to disregarding the harm inflicted on others, under the pretense of self-protection. Furthermore, I blame my own misfortunes on God.
It’s not that I don’t understand the feeling of being unable to endure without blaming someone, but honestly, it feels a bit ridiculous. It would be much more beneficial for the rest of my life to carefully avoid making the same mistakes after clearly identifying the reasons for my unhappiness.
“But ultimately, my misfortunes are God’s fault.”
I am not at fault. It is entirely due to God, without any need for objective judgment or self-reflection. As a virtuous citizen, I have hardly committed any sins!
I felt a suffocating sense of despair, as if my breathing was being choked. Even as I collapsed on the ground, screaming, the poring was leisurely savoring a peppermint tea.
According to various records written by believers themselves, they claimed to feel a sacred blessing enveloping their souls simply by encountering an angel. However, even though I saw a god with my own eyes, not an angel, instead of awe, I felt nothing but frustration. I wish the reality that confronted me was a lie.
“…I feel like I could die from apologizing to Priest Ashur. I’m already being mocked worldwide.”
-Accept the blessing.
“A blessing that I have to swallow down myself?”
I don’t want to attach the word “blessing” to such a despicable crime. I closed my mouth and shed silent tears.
“It will probably be written in the list of the 100 most pathetic criminals in the world… Even if I die, I’ll be a laughingstock.”
This was not the sacrifice of a martyr. No matter how unjustly I shouted that I did it because God commanded me to, who would listen? There would be no human being willing to see polluted sewage as holy water. That’s why it was even more painful.
I crawled on the floor as if cleaning the bottom of a chair, clutching the legs of the chair where the Poring was sitting.
“Please… Take away this wretched blessing… Take it back. I really can’t do it.”
-Wretched?
“The holy and wise blessing bestowed upon me by the esteemed Poring.”
-No. Go back.
Slurp. The Poring briefly spoke and took a sip of tea. I remained with my forehead pressed against the floor. Trying to persuade the Poring was a futile effort. I had already prayed desperately until blood came from my throat yesterday. The Poring never revoked a blessing once it was given. A stubborn general, unyielding…
Lying flat on the floor, I envisioned my messed-up life and the even more chaotic future ahead.
“…I didn’t live so diligently for this kind of future.”
Even when I let out a long sigh, the frustration that tightly constricted my chest didn’t seem to ease.
-Your back will hurt if you lie on the floor.
Without retorting to the Poring’s remark, I stood up from my spot. When things don’t go as I want, changing the environment instead of staying in one place often helps. I had relieved my worries several times using this method. It might not be helpful now either, but it seemed better to take a walk in the garden than to stay in the stuffy bedroom. I needed to refresh this heavy feeling.
As I opened the bedroom door, the Poring quickly followed along.
“I’m just going to walk around nearby and come back. Okay?”
-I’m also going to walk with you for a bit and come back.
“You must have a lot of free time.”
-Heather, if you became a god, you wouldn’t even last a day before going on strike.
Was the doll elephant I was just fiddling with in my bedroom really a god and not a Poring? I couldn’t hide my sarcasm as I spoke.
“Why are you accompanying me on my walking path if you’re so busy?”
-Heather, humans can possess only one body for one soul, but gods are different.
“…Wow. Is it a demon?”
Hope you enjoy ❤️
