Ian was looking at me without saying anything. I tried to wait for an answer, positive or negative, but I couldn’t bear it. So I opened my mouth again.
“Is my existence a hindrance to you and an obstacle that you have to pay attention to?”
I didn’t want to be an obstacle to him. The person who changed me after being betrayed and not trusting ‘people’ anymore. He was the one who brought the frog out of the well, who thought he was all grown up, out into the world. If this incident ends safely, I might be able to spend more time with Ian after that as if nothing had happened. A child could be born between him and me and we could start a happy family, and we could bury the past without even thinking about it. But rather than quietly following behind him, I wanted to be a support that we could both rely on. I wanted that kind of relationship, walking with him next to me. I didn’t want to be reduced to someone who had to be protected and protected by Ian. I had no intention of becoming an obstacle in his life. My life is ultimately mine, and this is just a part of my life.
‘So, Ian, answer me.’
“Am I the type of person who cares a lot for you?”
Ian was quietly listening to me. Then he raised his gaze, looked at me once, and then lowered his eyes again. The silence, with no negativity or positivity, felt like an eon. How does Ian look at me? No, what kind of words am I expecting? If Ian said no, would you believe that answer? You probably think Ian lied out of consideration for me. Because of his good nature, he couldn’t say anything he didn’t like. What if the opposite is true? Can I let Ian go? Can we go back to the old days without Ian? Can we forget the empty seat with his family? What kind of answer do I want? Am I cowardly and selfish for leaving the answer to him?
I bit my lip. I find myself laughing at myself for asking such questions in such an urgent situation. You’re a real mess, I… Lawrence.
“If.”
I swallowed my saliva at the sound of Ian’s voice. He had a calm face. He was looking at me with eyes that were not agitated and showed no emotion.
“If I say yes, what will you do? And if I say no, what will you do?”
“…”
“No intelligent woman I know would ask me this question. After all, truth is nothing more than believing in one of the many changing branches of one’s thoughts. But if it were Lawrence who told me this, I would ask the opposite question. ”
Ian rested his chin on his palm and lowered his upper body at an angle. His gaze moved from bottom to top with hesitation.
“Lawrence, don’t you regret meeting me?”
Are you asking if I regret it? I? Why… Ian smiled faintly as he looked at him, unable to hide his incomprehensible feelings.
“Each person makes judgments and decisions within their own perspective. And they look at the results of their actions and words in the past and come up with an answer. They say they shouldn’t have done that, they should have acted differently… Something like this, people are simple and make a lot of consequential judgments.”
“If Laurence is an obstacle to me, if I say so, whose fault is it? Is it mine or someone else’s fault? No one can know. In the end, if I go back and retrace things one by one… We will reach the end, going back to the day we first met, the day we met in the garden.”
Laurence. Ian called my name in a quiet tone, as if admonishing me. As he lowered his head, his hand came up to gently stroke his chin. When our eyes met, I could see his smile.
“If I had sent you away that day without signing the contract… wouldn’t you have gotten caught up in something strange like this? I also feel responsible for getting you involved.”
I bit my lip at Ian’s last words. Bitterness could be felt from the corners of his stiff mouth. It was unfamiliar to him as he had never seen it before. His eyes rolled and met mine again.
“In the end, everyone does not see the same thing and only looks at their own circumstances. So… it’s not your fault, Lawrence. To me, Lawrence is neither an obstacle nor someone I need to protect. We are in the same place. You’re the companion I look up to and one of the few people I rely on.”
I slowly took his hand away and followed his hand holding the teacup with my eyes.
“Our family has a lot of financial resources. Managing force and fighting a battle means taking someone’s life. Taking the lives of the soldiers I command from their families, or taking the lives of the enemy… such a problem. As a result, I am resented by my allies and cursed by my enemies. The Berdian family is that kind of family.”
I lazily leaned back on the chair and followed him out onto the balcony. It was a little late and the sunset was vaguely streaming down. Even though I started moving in the morning, I still felt like I didn’t have enough time. It occurred to me that someone holding a bomb might be moving somewhere.
“I feel a bit sorry for bringing in an innocent person who doesn’t know anything about a family like that. So maybe I’m glad it’s Lawrence.”
“What do you mean?”
In the setting sun, his red eyes seemed to change to the color of burning fire. Ian smiled faintly.
“How many people in the world would have the guts to sign a contract with me by handing over a huge amount of money to someone I had only known for a day?”
Well, looking back, I thought I might have been crazy… but it wasn’t a bad deal if it was an investment for my future. Plus, I met Ian,
“That kind of majesty caught my eye. No one had ever shown me something like that before. I just always bowed my head. What’s more, when I needed something, I wasn’t interested in the person who presented it accurately. Wouldn’t it be strange, especially since she’s such a beautiful girl?”
I sighed as I looked at Ian’s expression as he spoke his words with a sly smile. The serious mood doesn’t last long. Ian rested his chin and looked at me askance.
“If we get married, there may be even more pressure. The long-standing problem of the Berdian family is that the supply of goods has not been smooth. Since no separate laws for the Dominion were enacted, the amount of taxes allocated to the principality cannot be controlled. Because it was the only means of putting pressure on us, the imperial family did not give up authority easily.”
Sunlight slowly penetrated his body, creating an afterimage. He glanced down, looked at the lengthening shadow, and then raised it again. This space was so peaceful that it did not fit the word urgent.
“If the connection with the Ajstain family becomes stronger, even the imperial family will feel that it is dangerous. It is the same as losing their only leash.”
I’ve thought about it. The reason hunting dogs are let loose outside is because they can be leashed at any time. If the reward is not plentiful, but appropriate food is provided, the owner will keep the hunting dog like that until he no longer needs it. But what happens when a hunting dog becomes affluent and thinks he can live without his master? If the dog can let off the leash on its own, the owner will think that the dog can turn around and pick him up at any time. In times of war, the Berdian family’s military power may have been a blessing, but in times of peace, it was the opposite. It’s just an object of control.
“I talked to Viscount Ajstain. I’ve been thinking of a lot of things in case we ever get married… but actually, there was nothing I could think of. So I consulted with Viscount Ajstain. When I asked him about it, he gave me several alternatives.”
“Huh.”
“With grandfather?”
He consulted with grandfather? He didn’t say anything to me, but I narrowed my eyes.
“What advice?”
“It’s simple. It’s the future of the Ajstain family.”
“The future of our family?”
The Viscount is considering forming a divorce between the Ajstain family and the Berdian family.
“The reasons I mentioned earlier were the majority, but you probably recognize that the burden the Ajstain family is carrying is too great.”
“Grandpa said that…”
“For example…”
“The Prince?”
It might be surprising to others to hear, but Ian seemed relaxed, as if the crown prince was nothing more than a stone to him. The structure of power mentioned by Duke Safeldrik came to mind again. According to what he said, the current imperial family was able to maintain itself with the support of two ducal families. Nevertheless, the crown prince is trying to concentrate power in the imperial family. In fact, he even threatened the Berdian family. There is no telling how the situation would have played out if the former Grand Duke Berdian or Ian had drawn his sword.
“So don’t worry too much.”
Ian tilted his teacup with a relaxed expression.
“This will end without anyone getting hurt. I will destroy everything.”
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Translator Note:
Hello there! This is RJR. I hope you liked it <3
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