I Don’t Trust My Twin Sister

Ersia looked at my tired eyes and answered slowly.

“Because my sister is precious.”

Ha! A snort of laughter broke out. Precious? It’s not even funny. Do you slap the back of the head at someone you care about like that? But with a false mask on my face, I suppressed my emotions.

“Thank you for thinking of me as precious, but Ercia, don’t I have my life? Just like you have yours. So can you understand and congratulate your sister for getting married?”

“Oh. But I don’t want to see my sister leave.”

“I fully understand that thought. But one day you too will get married and meet someone special. Ah! Come to think of it, it seems like you had a good relationship with the Marquis of Alpensia until recently, but what do you think of him?”

“Suddenly why…”

“I only wish for one thing. Before I get married and leave, I want you to find happiness first, Ersia.”

I forced my hand out and stroked her hair.

“I don’t want you to shoulder the burden of a family master, nor to suffer for being forced into business. I just want you to be happy. That’s what I want.”

Well, to be precise, it wasn’t wrong. She was my burden, so I hoped she quickly disappeared from my eyes. Because this one thing was true. Her happiness? And what more?

“I don’t have that plan yet. I just want to be with my sister and grandfather. I also think that it would be nice if my family stayed together for a long, long time. Wouldn’t it be great?” she smiled softly. Soft enough to feel like a lie.

“Please understand that I am marrying Ian.”

It didn’t even need to be understood. What was she going to do if I say I’m getting married? But I couldn’t openly express my malice. It was rather me who became annoyed when Ersia started to perfectly keep me in check. It was necessary to pretend to understand Ersia as much as possible, pretend to care for her, and show her a good sister act.

“My lady, the meal is ready.”

“Thank you.”

An attendant came and broke the heavy atmosphere. She replied with a grin, thinking she was appropriate just in time, then she looked at Ercia.

“I’m not leaving right away, and nothing has been decided yet, so don’t worry too much. Let’s finish eating first.”

She got up from her seat and turned her back to her sister. She heard Ersia say something more, but she forced herself to ignore it as she approached the people. Moving to her guidance seat, she slightly tilted her head and glanced at Ersia, who was still looking at her land. My eyes narrowed.

‘What are you thinking?’

Ercia usual attitude and thought patterns were generally easy to read. It was very easy for me to deal with Ersia, who was still immature. But today was different. Not too long ago, they were arguing with each other glancing at each other about her escort knight, but she couldn’t understand Ersia’s attitude when she suddenly told her not to disappear. What was the purpose? What was she thinking when she said that?

“Here you are, Lady Lawrence.”

“Thanks. Would you like to get some for your sister too?”

“All right.”

Taking a sip of warm tea, and turned her eyes away.

‘There won’t be any problem…’

She thought it was a cause for concern.

* * *

It rained. It was a gloomy morning, and the cold added to it, so the movement was slow, but the distance was not too far, so we made our way as safely as possible. The graveyard where my parents were buried was located a little far from the mansion. When others saw it, they may be puzzled, but when thinking about my grandfather at the time, it was understable. He was the one who burned all the things and erased the traces because he couldn’t easily accept the death of his son. He must have been reluctant to keep the couple’s sanctuary close by. As a result, the tomb was located in a shelter where you had to go a long way to reach it.

The wagon, which had been moving slowly, eventually arrived at the shelter. Outside the window, it was very dark and bleak with no one to be found. Ersia and I put on the raincoats we had prepared in advance. When the carriage door opened, we got out of the carriage escorted by a knight holding a black umbrella. Ersia moved along with me. The party moved in a quiet and solemn atmosphere. It hadn’t been like this before, but the air seemed heavier, probably because of the rain. I came to the front of the stairs to go up to the cemetery. I told the knights to take a rest while waiting for my order in line. After instructing Benson to stick with Ersia, he gently bent her neck and looked up at the stairs. It was a fairly long flight of stairs.

When I was young, I didn’t like to climb. Somehow, a bitter laugh came out. After receiving an umbrella from the driver standing next to him, he instructed him to rest and slowly moved his feet. The stairs themselves were not wide, so I moved first, followed by Ercia and Benson. Three knights followed from the back. It was cold and raining, so my body was quite heavy. During the night, thinking about Ersia, he slightly lost sleep, so he seemed to lack stamina. However, I did not want to appear sagging in front of her, so I forced myself to exhale and stepped on the edge of the stairs.

“Whoa…”

After taking a deep breath and catching her breath, she looked at the tombstone in front of her.

Driello Ajstain.

Mercy Ajstain.

I slowly approached and rang my hand at the tombstone where the two were enshrined. A damp, cold feeling ran through my fingertips. The knight who followed me handed over a white lily. A pure and beautiful flower. Thanks to that integrity, I hoped that my parents would sleep peacefully. While reciting a low prayer, he placed a lily one by one in front of the altar for the two of them. After taking a step aside, Ercia also raised the lily and slightly closed her eyes. The knights and Benson had their backs turned away from us at a distance.

I stared at Ersia. What wa she thinking?

“When I was little, I was always on the bed because my body was so heavy and sick, sister.”

I stared blankly at Ersia, who suddenly brought up a story from her past. I thought for a moment about whether I should answer, but Ersia continued her words without waiting for my troubles.

“I wanted to study, I wanted to play, I wanted to hang out with people. But it was impossible for me. But it was okay. I always had my sister.”

My eyes flickered. Why was she suddenly saying that? Was she appealing to my feelings? Has she changed her ways?

“I also remember your childhood days when you couldn’t get out of bed and were sick of playing.”

“So do I. I didn’t think it would be okay to move outside for so long.”

It’s not an incurable disease, so it’s natural.

“Sister.”

Ersia raised her face. With eyes similar to mine, she stared straight into my face, her red lips opening again.

“I hate my sister.”

My eyes twitched.

It was a cold wind. The cold hand that brushed my cheek came back before I knew it and circled around me. My heart, which had been beating weakly, beat as fast as a deer meeting a beast. My fingertips trembled and my lips dried. I didn’t know why, but Ersia’s words that she hated me stabbed a corner of my heart so painfully. Why did my heart hurt so much despite being a younger sister who once betrayed me and hurt me even more?

“I knew. That’s why you must have been coldly driving me.”

I had to answer, but the clogged throat wouldn’t open. My mouth didn’t always do its job when needed.

“I’ll be honest. It’s embarrassing for me to say this all of a sudden, but I think it’s better to say it now because I don’t think it’s going to be undone if I wait any longer.”

She lifted her body and now looked directly at me. Her eyes were glistening. She was clearly expressing her own beliefs.

“Sister Lawrence, I hate you. I hate you very much for taking all the love from me since I was little. I hate the pretense of pitying me and showing sympathy. I hate the fact that only I have to be sick. We were born on the same day and I don’t like the fact that you’re the older sister, and I hate being excluded from doing things that I can do better than my older sister.”

Lawrence clenched her fists tightly. Ersia also placed her slightly clenched fist on her chest and continued her words.

“I don’t know why. I just hate it. I’m jealous, I hate it, I get angry. Yes, maybe it’s simply because you’re the older sister.”

“…so.”

“What does my sister think of me? Doesn’t she hate me too?”

Ha, I sighed and exhaled. It felt like my throat had been pierced. I glanced around. After confirming that our voices would not be heard by others due to the sound of the rain, I looked at Ersia again and spoke my words.

“Uh, I hate it. I hate you too. It’s hateful, troubling, and annoying. It’s like pretending to be angry and pitiful for the fact that you resemble me.”

Only then could I have the smile I wanted to have. A perfect mockery with one corner of the mouth raised at an angle

“And I hate the fact that you hate me just as I hate you.”

“I think that too.”

“I hate that people around me can’t tell me apart from you because we are twins, and I hate having my freedom taken from me because I’m sick. Should I say more? The reason I hate you.”

I would be surprised if she told me what she would do to me in the future, and how nasty she would do to me. I’ll be happy if she didn’t laugh. It was 10 years. During the 10 years I spent supporting my family, Ersia slowly made the family lean. Pretending she wasn’t, pretending she didn’t know, she alienated people and broke contracts. By impersonating me, she ruined my image and even messed up important contracts.

It wasn’t just that Ercia hated me, she really tried to help but it didn’t work out. Why did I try so hard to understand and embrace my sister? I just had to accept the simple and clear fact that Ersia hated me. If I hadn’t tried to ignore her, I might not have been betrayed in vain after ten years. But it was already in the past, and I didn’t want to leave any regrets as long as I was given another chance. Through her medical records, it was already known that Ersia was no longer sick. In addition to that, from the torn dress incident at her coming-of-age ceremony to the fact that she took Beralt as her partner, Ersia was completely in the same boat as Beralt.

So if Ercia said that she hated me, I wouldn’t be shocked and I wouldn’t have to be hurt. But my heart pounded hard. I ignored it and said.

“You and I are alike. And we hate each other. What more do I need to say here?”

Ersia smiled slightly. I laughed too.

It was not a familiar look to each other, but a true face that had been hidden and not revealed for a long time. Ersia lightly brushed her hair that flowed in front of her. I likewise tucked my hair behind her ears.

“Is that why you attached that man?”

“Oh, Benson? You really think I attached that guy to fuck you because I hate you? No, you’re wrong. I didn’t mean to do you any harm out of personal feelings, I simply attached him because he’s suited to escort you.”

“I think it’s an overly unconventional choice for something like that, sister.”

“I admit it. But has he ever been rude to you, disrespectful, or disloyal to his duties?”

“No, there is no such thing.”

“Look. I at least recognize your worth.”

“What value? What value do I have to my sister?”

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Translator Note:

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