“Hold it together, hold it together.”
At this rate, the antidote would be complete well before the scheduled poisoning date in the original story.
I murmured to myself as I tried to calm my swirling thoughts.
“With this progress… maybe two years? No, perhaps just one year left.”
After all, Lindo had just mentioned coming up with a new extraction method.
I was lost in contemplation when—
Click.
“Ah!”
The doorknob turned, and there stood Sian, his expression as cold as ice.
I lit up and hurried over to him.
“Xian! You’re here?”
But Sian didn’t come closer, standing rigidly by the door instead. His disheveled appearance suggested he’d come straight from the training grounds.
“Sian, um, is this about what happened earlier…”
“What are you even thinking?”
“Pardon?”
His voice was sharp and distant, much like when we’d first met.
I stopped in my tracks, wide-eyed, as he took a single, deliberate step forward, closing the space between us in an instant.
“Explain. Why did you act that way today?”
If he’d misunderstood, I had intended to soothe him, explain that it was all for his sake and mine.
But the way he spoke, treating me like a frivolous flirt, sparked a small pang of injustice in me.
“Xian, I know I was a little careless as the Empress…”
“Careless enough to meet another man alone at night?”
“Well, that’s…”
“You even went so far as to personally prepare a gift for him. Such attention to detail.”
“I didn’t mean anything by it.”
I replied sullenly, but Sian grabbed a handful of my silver hair, his movements slow and deliberate.
A strange chill ran down my spine, and I trembled slightly.
Misinterpreting my reaction, he frowned deeply and released his grip.
“Xian, I—”
I tried to explain, but a dizzy spell made me grimace involuntarily.
“I see. To you, I must have been just a passing amusement. A pathetic man begging to be tucked into bed, clinging desperately like a fool.”
“No, it’s not like that…”
“A man so pitiful he’s terrified into silence when you raise your voice, who can’t even sleep without you. Did you find it amusing to play with someone like that?”
Why is he suddenly putting himself down? Did he trip and scrape his knee during training or something?
Feeling exasperated, I attempted to gently soothe the runaway lamb before me.
“Of course, there’ve been times I thought you were adorable, Xian. But not in the way that—uh, ahem.”
I cleared my throat awkwardly, intending to clarify my point.
Not in that way!
Unfortunately, the timing of my cough only muddied my words further.
“I see. Then I suppose I was just another man passing through your life. It should’ve been obvious when you disbanded the harem so suddenly.”
“Cough! That’s not what I meant, cough!”
No!
Why now, of all times, cough?!
I wanted to refute him, but my chest was boiling over, and suppressing the cough only made my face damp with tears.
You’re not just “another man,” you idiot!
Frustrated, I pounded my chest, but Sian only looked down at me with an agonizingly pained expression.
“Tell me. Why did you suddenly feel like toying with me? Were you short on the palace budget? Did you need power?”
“It’s not like that!”
The suffocating frustration, like swallowing a million sweet potatoes, finally made me snap. I grabbed him by the collar and shouted.
At that moment—
Drip.
I felt a searing warmth slide down my lips. Ignoring it, I pressed on angrily.
“I told you! All I want is for you to be healthy and for us to get along for a long, long time. That’s all! I couldn’t care less about anyone else. My mind is full of you, Xian!”
Finally, I’d said it. Panting heavily, I felt an odd sense of accomplishment.
But why am I so out of breath?
Clutching my chest, I noticed my hand was damp. I reflexively glanced down—
“Huh?”
My nightgown was soaked with crimson. So was my palm.
And then, the foreboding realization struck.
Tentatively, I wiped my mouth, only to find sticky blood smeared on my fingers.
A chill ran down my spine.
This is bad.
The dose I’d taken earlier must have been stronger than usual, with lingering aftereffects. Normally, one bout of vomiting would suffice, but not this time.
Quickly bowing my head, I wiped the blood from my face with my sleeve and cautiously glanced up at Xian, who stood frozen.
“Um, so, this is…”
“…Were you hiding a terminal illness from me?”
What?
*****
When Xian left the ballroom earlier, he was in a foul mood for several reasons.
That wretched man who dared to insult the Empress. His inability to crush the man on the spot.
True, Leah had handled everything with remarkable finesse, even impressing him slightly. Yet his irritation persisted because…
Throughout every moment, I was shaken far more than I should’ve been.
Why?
Because Leah was there. Because he’d felt so many emotions tonight: doubt, jealousy, possessiveness—each one surging to its limit.
It was as if he’d swallowed a roaring inferno whole.
Xian gritted his teeth, training relentlessly in the grounds until his lungs burned. But the fire wouldn’t subside.
“Damn it.”
Clang!
Throwing his sword aside, he finally stormed into the Empress’s Palace.
I need answers. What did you do to me? Why do I feel like I’ll explode every time I think of you with another man?
And why, in the fleeting moments when your violet eyes land on me, does it feel like nothing else in the world matters?
Frustrated beyond words, he quickened his pace, only to scowl fiercely at himself.
This is all your fault.
Why do I have to feel like such a fool?
He shoved open the door to the bedroom.
“Still, there’s not much time left now.”
A soft murmur reached his keen ears.
Time? What time?
“With this progress, maybe two years… no, one year left.”
The wistful tone made it sound like she was counting down to something.
Two years? One year?
A sinking feeling churned in his gut.
Angry at the thought of being left in the dark, Xian stormed inside, triggering the heated argument that followed.
And then—
Drip.
As crimson blood spilled from her lips, Xian’s mind went blank.
“Were you… hiding a terminal illness all this time?”
His voice trembled, his expression unreadable, as all the pieces began to fall into place.
The gift, the antidotes, her peculiar behavior—all of it.
Terminal…
His face hardened, terrifyingly so.
*****
I gaped at him with a foolish expression.
Xian, however, mistook my pale face for shock at being called out so directly. His narrowed eyes gleamed with suspicion.
“So that’s why you suddenly requested the Emperor’s physician to double as the Empress’s personal doctor—because you wanted me to notice your condition.”
…Huh?
“Why you disbanded the harem, stopped drinking and indulging in extravagance, and acted so differently from before. Why you’ve been so obsessed with my health.”
That’s because I’m now Leah, who knows the future.
“Why you changed your approach toward me, treating me with care and kindness, going out of your way to look after me.”
To stop you from taking your own life and to ensure I could live well after our divorce.
“All of that… was because you don’t have much time left, wasn’t it?”
In short, he was asking if my impending death had caused my change of heart.
“And from how you lashed out at Duke Celeste the other day, I assume even he doesn’t know.”
“No, no, Sian, Your Majesty? Please, listen to me—”
It was no use. His face hardened further as he saw my stricken expression, compounded by the anemia from my earlier bout of coughing blood.
Xian’s large hands steadied my wavering body, wrapping around my waist.
His touch was searing. Whether because of how much blood I had lost or his heightened emotions, his warmth felt like an inferno against my freezing skin.
“Xian…”
My voice was frail, even to my own ears. His sculpted features twisted with anguish.
“I’ll… I’ll explain everything,” I stammered.
“Don’t say a word.”
His deep, quiet voice cut through my attempt to speak, silencing me entirely.
Before I realized it, his piercing golden eyes were just inches from mine, their depth swallowing me whole.
Close enough that our breaths mingled.
I froze, trembling faintly. Then his heated palm cupped my pale cheek, his touch both tender and unyielding.
“…Stay still.”
His words sank into me, rich and heavy, wrapping around every nerve in my body like molten gold.
Despite my chilled body, a strange heat began to unfurl from deep inside me, and the conflicting sensations made my head spin.
As I let out a soft groan and swayed on my feet, his arm tightened around my waist, steadying me with an unyielding strength.
“I’ll give you everything you want.”
“W-what do you mean…?”
Confused and dizzy, I blinked at him, overwhelmed by the closeness. Even breathing felt laborious.
“Xian, wait, just for a moment—let’s take a step back—”
“Anything but that.”
“What…?”
Practically enveloped in his arms, I panicked and pressed my hands lightly against his chest to create some space.
He didn’t budge. Tilting his head slightly, he whispered slowly, his words a promise and a command all at once.
“No matter what it takes, I’ll save you.”
With that, he pulled me even closer, eliminating the last sliver of space between us.
His warm breath tickled my ear as he spoke his next words, low and resolute.
“Don’t leave me. Ever.”
