Chapter 45
The awkwardly tilted pose was quite uncomfortable. Edith was stuck with her elbow pressed into the sofa cushion, unsure of what to do.
She couldn’t bring herself to relax her elbow any further. If the distance between them closed any more, it would become troublesome.
“Adrian, could you please let go of your hand for now?”
Adrian had his hands tightly clasped behind his back. He lay there with his knees bent, leaving no room for Edith to escape, much like a snare.
His long eyelashes twitched slightly.
When he opened his eyes to look at her, they were moist and unfocused. The situation was more comfortable than dealing with him in his sober state; Adrian’s gaze was now dreamily intense.
“Edith.”
“So you’re finally awake.”
“I’ve been waiting.”
“Why did you drink so much?”
“I had dinner with His Majesty at the palace… People at the table kept insisting. It was hard to refuse in that atmosphere.”
His languid speech, slurred by alcohol, carried a dangerous allure. It was a completely different tone from his usual clear, deliberate speech.
It made her want to fulfill the longing he expressed with his entire being. What if their relationship advanced beyond friendship? Imagining this hypothetical scenario flashed before her eyes like a bright light.
It almost seemed like she could hear a devil’s whisper somewhere.
If she didn’t care about others’ opinions, it wouldn’t matter. Developing a good relationship with Adrian would be fine.
How could a plain duckling like her end up with such a handsome man? She’d hear whispers at every party she attended. Despite the jealousy that would follow her, there would come a day when she’d accept it calmly.
She’d also need to consider living at the center of society forever. Her plan was to step out of the spotlight once her urgent debt issues were resolved, but Adrian would need to expand his business centered around the capital, never leaving the periphery.
‘Even so, Adrian is beautiful. Even if I gave him the slightest chance, he’d surely reach out.’
The devil’s voice was now clearly audible.
But had she really been captivated by this man? If asked whether she wanted to hold his hand because she liked him, Edith would find it hard to say yes.
‘Isn’t it more accurate to say I’m captivated by his beauty?’
While she stared at Adrian, struggling with her conflicting emotions, his iris-colored eyebrows fluttered as he drowsily fell asleep. His inability to fight off sleep made her heart race.
Such a sinful man.
Edith quickly shook off the sinful thoughts in her mind and tried to compose herself.
“Adrian, let’s get up for now. Let’s get your arm off me.”
She signaled to his tightly clasped arm.
Adrian, realizing their position, let out a small gasp of realization.
His breath was still dazed. Yet, his embrace remained unrelenting.
“I don’t know… it just felt really good, even in my sleep.”
His grip tightened. Her chest was pressed down.
“Adrian.”
Her chin bumped against his. Despite her efforts to create some space by bracing on her elbows, it was almost futile. Her slipping elbows ended up framing his head instead.
“Edith, aren’t you going to ask why I came here?”
“Why did you come?”
Despite being the one to initiate conversation, he hesitated to answer. His eyes, squinting slightly, seemed to expect her to understand without words.
“I came without a specific reason.”
“Well, what now? This is just going to leave you standing me up.”
“I knew you were away, but I came anyway. Even though I might not get to see you.”
“Adrian…”
“I was carried out at the end of the dinner because I couldn’t walk. Count Viktor was determined to hold me back. Even when His Highness Clyde tried to intervene, it was no use.”
“That crowd again?”
It was like childish behavior of trying to undermine the opponent in a brawl. The intention was likely to embarrass him after getting him drunk.
How could the nobility of this country, who didn’t even bother to hide their shallow motives, act like this? Edith inwardly cursed the thugs who ran wild with their family and power.
“But in my dazed state, I had the carriage turn towards your house.”
Adrian’s words grew slower. His breath lingered warmly against her neck.
“I must have missed you.”
He still didn’t release his hold. He pushed her head down with his body.
Dressed only in a thin silk shirt after removing his outerwear, his chest radiated warmth. His rapidly beating heart was also palpable.
Edith could feel his condition clearly against her flattened cheek.
The sound of his voice came through his chest, a gentle, spring-like resonance.
“I missed you.”
When Adrian’s last words trailed off, his heartbeat fell heavy like a stone. The precarious sound echoed deeply in her ears.
Like a broken clock, Adrian froze in that state.
Though still warm and his ears slightly flushed, his breathing gradually evened out.
He held Edith close even in his drowsy state, occasionally rubbing her crown with his chin as if pleading earnestly.
Perplexed about how to escape his tightly enclosed embrace, she remained leaning on him for a long time.
* * *
‘Let’s see. So the calculations are…’
Edith, with a passionate demeanor, spread out the ledgers on her desk at home and repeatedly did the math.
She carefully examined how much debt she had and compared it with the funds she had arranged.
The imperial loan with its low interest was a great help compared to the high-interest loans from general lenders. Honestly, it was a privilege granted by Clyde, but since there had been precedents where the imperial court provided funds to officials, she accepted it without refusal.
The income from her position as a courtier was also considerable. Thanks to serving the crown prince closely, her salary was among the highest in the palace.
She didn’t think the money she received was excessive compared to the work she did. She knew she played a crucial role in state affairs. If Clyde were to issue another special order to raise her salary, she would gladly accept it.
Calculating her income and expenses, she found a slight surplus.
‘Hmm, not bad.’
Even though most of the taxes collected from the vast green territory were still used to repay the imperial loan interest, her financial situation was definitely better than when she first took office.
She had once secretly inquired with the imperial treasury officer about whether she would need to repay the loan if she left her position. Fortunately, she was told that immediate repayment was not required. The funds were lent on the basis of her personal credit, so she only needed to repay them before she died.
‘Now that I’ve finished these calculations, it feels like a ray of light is shining. I can see the path forward.’
With the modest income from her territory, her salary, and her frugal living, she had managed to save up a bit of money. She was considering starting a small business based on this.
She had no intention of repeating her father’s failed ventures. She wanted to invest minimally and earn a little, aiming for business ideas with a low risk of failure. She was thinking about engaging in fields that had potential for recovery from the past management of the Ketzmoriss family.
‘I can’t keep serving as a courtier forever.’
As she thought about the reasons for these plans, Edith’s pen, which had been moving briskly, suddenly stopped.
‘No more idle thoughts. I need to leave the palace as soon as possible.’
Her halted hand could no longer write.
The time to face the unavoidable was approaching. After deciding on a course of action, she had to execute it quickly.
She recalled the moment Clyde had barged in and scolded her, loudly proclaiming the truth she had been avoiding. It had become difficult to ignore his feelings.
The same fear of the story’s latter developments was present. Edith had to admit her own lack of honesty.
In preparation for a future conflict between the imperial faction and the nobility, she had only been contemplating escape for safety. She hadn’t considered changing or fighting against that moment.
Change is difficult, while escape is easy.
It’s hard to put into practice and easy to make excuses.
One of the excuses was whether someone like Edith, a minor character, could actually alter the overall flow of the story. It seemed unlikely that her efforts would make a difference. Even if she did her best, it seemed logical that a courtier’s fate was to serve the crown prince and eventually die.
Relying on logic, she hadn’t been motivated to make an effort. This was still the case.
‘I would never have become an independence fighter if I had been born at the end of the Qing dynasty.’
A wry smile appeared.
She was the type of person who avoided fear and succumbed to difficulties. It was a common way for ordinary people to live. She was not the protagonist and had no intention of becoming one.
Given this trajectory, it was actually better to stay a courtier for a while longer. It was still too early to wrap up the tangled affairs of finances and relationships.
But Edith hastily calculated the profits and losses.
She decided to escape quite early.
‘Clyde and Adrian. I can’t continue to face them like this. It would be too cruel.’
She had reached the limit of ignoring her emotions. She could no longer act oblivious.
How could she ignore Clyde, who came straightforwardly and honestly? Since he had resolved to go straight, Edith also had to change.
Every time she encountered him, she was asked for answers. Even during the dawn shooting practice, Clyde would periodically target the empty spots in her heart. He tried to slip through the gaps in her mental defenses.
Adrian was the same. Even in his state of inebriation, he found his way to her. The reason was that he missed her.
‘This blatant display makes it difficult. I have to either accept or refuse. I need to make a decision.’
She couldn’t keep shaking the leash of both men.
Peyton also crossed her mind. The 50-point marriage was almost a lost cause, so it wasn’t a major concern.
Managing multiple relationships was absolutely not her preference. She had never wanted to be in a situation of having a foot in two camps. Even though she had been pretending not to notice her feelings, her mind was still uneasy.
After much contemplation, she arrived at this conclusion.
‘If it’s not genuine, it’s useless. Clyde is sincere. And so is Adrian.’
Placing her hand on her chest and reflecting, she realized she didn’t truly like Clyde. He was very attractive and impressive, but she didn’t feel a burst of affection.
It seems that liking someone is a matter of fate. Maybe that fate has not yet arrived for her.
Her heart raced when he approached, and she was captivated by his appearance. But it didn’t seem to be love.
It’s hard to be certain, but that’s likely the case.
So she had no choice but to pack her bags. She needed to leave the palace as soon as possible. It would be right to be honest with those who approach her sincerely.
