We just looked into each other’s eyes for a long time. Now, as the cool night breeze envelopes me, the words that flowed from his lips knocked on my heart.
-Because I love you too.
I completely forgot about the sounds of people coming from the ballroom in the distance and the push of lovers squabbling here and there in the garden. What resonated in my head were the words Pervin said to me. Are you saying I love you too? You love me? I wanted to calmly think again, but I couldn’t. Because Pervin’s presence came into my mind and was stirring things up.
“Say that again?”
He suddenly bowed his head to me.
“I love you.”
My heart sank as I heard his repeated confessions. His eyes tightened on me lazily, as if they were squeezing my heart.
“I dropped everything and was honest with you. So, tell me honestly what you think of me.”
His fingers brushed my lips erotically. He looked at me with expectant eyes, as if there was an answer he wanted from me. So he never stopped talking. I couldn’t decide whether his sudden confession was sincere or a one-off remark made in the mood. I barely opened my mouth to answer. As for whether it was love or not, I had no choice but to answer honestly as he wanted.
“I can’t give you the same answer…”
The green eye I was facing shook violently. Seeing the look of despair on his red face for a moment, my heart also dropped. He bowed his head to me as if he was asking this for the last time. Hot lips brushed my forehead and cheek.
“Really?”
“…”
I couldn’t say anything. It was because I was greatly agitated by his desperate eyes. There were a lot of emotions and thoughts floating around in my head, but I couldn’t separate my lips. My heart was swept away by the deep emotions that Pervin showed, and it felt like the whole world stopped. It was difficult to judge whether it was a confession made impulsively because of the atmosphere, or a raw emotion that seemed genuine. However, there was something I couldn’t say. I thought I didn’t love you, but I thought we were just going on in a peaceful relationship, but my heart started pounding. I can’t call it love yet, but I feel like I’m starting to feel excited for you. I saw Pervin biting his lip. His eyes were getting moist, and his expression was rapidly deteriorating, so he added cautiously.
“But I feel good about you. Even after all this, we are a good couple. therefore…”
“Stop, don’t say anything.”
For a moment, everything stopped. The tears welling up in his eyes streamed down his cheeks. Was my answer that shocking? Was I the person who had this much influence on him? A part of his chest felt numb. I raised my hand and wiped away his tears. I could see his body shaking at my touch.
“Don’t do this, it hurts me when you cry.”
The pitiful green eyes stared at me as if they were resentful, then as if they were pleading. He pressed his lips several times, as if he had a lot to say but was struggling to hold it back. Then, with a jerk, he fell away from me. Without anyone saying anything, we left the place and headed to the ballroom. How many minutes did this breathtaking situation, with him leading the way and me following him, last? Suddenly he stopped on the spot. A voice could be heard barely speaking through gritted teeth.
“Irwen, forget everything I said earlier. Because I said that while I was drunk.”
“But…”
“Please.”
He turned his face to me. I could see his disheveled face under the dark moonlight.
“Just forget it, everything. What I said, what I cried, everything.”
* * *
In the end, I returned home without being able to enjoy the prom to the end. After what happened in the garden, both Pervin and I came to our senses and found ourselves in the carriage, and we had come home. Without even knowing what to do, we were already inside the mansion. Mrs. Tilly, whose eyes were swollen from sleep, greeted us. Even though she looked sleepy, she seemed determined to put us in the same room.
“Did you have a good trip? Then how about you two spend the night together tonight?”
“Do we look like we’re in that mood right now?”
Pervin burst into tears and got irritated with Mrs. Tilly for no reason. Mrs. Tilly, who did not know the English language, responded as if she were familiar with this situation.
“It’s been a while since you’ve been out, so it’s nice to spend the night for the first time in a while.”
“That’s not up to me, it’s up to Irwen.”
Why are you pointing arrows at me? She was about to hit him back, but Mrs. Tilly came at her from the side.
“Master, why are you standing so close to me? What happened?”
Pervin clenched his fists at Mrs. Tilly’s words.
“No, nothing happened.”
Pervin’s face turned red again as he glanced at me. He walked quickly and went up to the second floor. Sweet. The sound of the door closing in the quiet mansion was unusually loud. Mrs. Tilly looked at me strangely.
“You two had a fight, right?”
“No, it’s not like that, but…”
“Master, that face is completely sulky. Ever since he was young, when his mind was distorted, he would always distort his pretty face like that.”
Are you sulking? Did she not like him when she answered honestly when he said she loved him? Because he didn’t give me the answer I expected…?
* * *
“After all, you only love me.”
Pervin came into his study, took off his stuffy outer clothes, and roughly unbuttoned his neck. His chest was boiling hot from his frustration, so he opened his shirt all the way. Then he sat down in his chair and roughly ruffled his well-groomed hair. Even though he stroked his sore face several times and tore through his hair, the burning in his heart did not cool down. He was in a very low mood because she cried in front of him because her courageous confession was rejected.
“Even if it was a lie, it would have been nice if I could have heard you say I love you.”
Was it too much of an expectation to have a glimmer of hope? The unplanned kiss with Irwen filled him with feelings of love for Irwen and instilled unfounded confidence in him. Pervin certainly thought so as they shared each other’s warm breath and felt each other’s soft lips. She may not love him as much as he loves her, but Irwen definitely has her own feelings for him. Obviously he was the one who kissed her first. She was so lost in the sweetness of the kiss that she couldn’t make rational decisions, like a fool. She should have expected him to push her away, but she didn’t. It was because she was so excited that she only thought about herself.
“I was foolishly hoping that she would feel the same way.”
Because his own wife was so frank, she did not give him the answer he wanted. Anyway, her crying wasn’t the result she expected. He struggled for a while due to the shame that came over him later.
“Maybe I’m hoping for too much.”
Irwen has certainly changed, but she has not yet changed enough to accept his feelings. He longed for love from his wife, but it seemed she wasn’t ready yet.
“I shouldn’t have kissed you.”
Pervin recovered the source of all this suffering. He went to look for Irwen, and found Duke Sibelom looking for her. He hurriedly looked for Irwen first, with Sibelom coming closer and closer behind him. In the end, he actually did the most primal action that came into his mind. He kissed his wife, Irwen, passionately so that Sibelom could not touch them. Of course, at first she was just pretending to do it. However, she empathized too much with Irwen, who reached her first. All the longing I had been holding back for so long poured out all at once. And once the flood bursts, there is no stopping it, and the desire is still gushing out. His hand had bulged tendons from holding it in from earlier. And my lower body also gained a lot of strength. Irwen’s silent eyes. Her moist lips. That hot skin that was pressed against hers. The more she thought about it all, the more it shimmered before her eyes, the more she couldn’t calm down. He felt like he wanted to give her his heart right away, and he wanted to touch her squeaky lips as many times as he could. But his wife didn’t love him. That’s how she sounded to him, that she couldn’t give the same answer as him.
-Can I possibly love you?
He wanted to hear that she loved him, but never thought he would first hear that she didn’t love him. These were words that shattered his self-esteem and plunged him into a complete abyss. Of course, he didn’t want to hear her say that she loved him from the beginning, but when he actually heard her sincere words, his heart sank as if he was immersed in a swamp. Had he not been able to fully express his feelings to her? Was he being too cold to her when he saw that she had changed since the day she woke up in her bed? Ah, what should he do? Around the time he was struggling with countless regrets and confusion. A woman’s loud voice came through the tightly closed door from outside. She was having such a fun time chatting with the employees, and a brightly smiling voice caught his ear. Unable to bear it, he stood up and went outside. In the distance he could see Mrs. Tilly and Irwen, arm in arm, going to her own room. As soon as he saw Irwen’s back swaying, he slammed the door shut.
“Dangerous…”
Pervin growled, trying hard to suppress a moan. Now, just by hearing a voice or seeing the back, his body automatically reacted. Did they say that those in love were weak? From the beginning of their marriage, he was already a lover of love. However, one more fatal weakness of his has increased. Not only has the control of her mind been taken away from him, it seems that the control of his body has also been taken away from him. He was annoyed at himself for being overly honest. As the subject irritated him as much as Irwen did, he asked her what to do when he became irritated. Would his angry body calm down if he got away from her?
“I guess I’ll have to stay away from Irwen for a while.”
If he stayed away from his wife right away the employees would be worried and his wife would misunderstand why he was angry, but it was better. It was better to be misunderstood than to be seen like this.
* * *
After the prom, there was a continuation of coldness. We entered the house in a somewhat stiff atmosphere, and things became more awkward after that. Why was he angry with me? He didn’t say anything and didn’t even face me. And crucially, he didn’t come home often. He would leave the house early in the morning and come home after I had gone to sleep. If this were to happen, all the effort I had put into getting to know him so far would have been in vain, but I also thought that this might be better. Because his wide chest and moist lips kept floating through my mind. Aside from that, I seriously thought about why Pervin was angry. It’s clear that he was upset about what happened at the prom, but I don’t know if it’s something to be that upset about. He asked me to be honest and I told him honestly how I felt, so why did he get angry instead? I, too, am embarrassed by the kiss and the emotions of that day.
“So, why on earth is Pervin so angry?”
While I was working, I honestly asked Mrs. Tilly next to me. We also talked about everything that happened at the prom. The first dance was with Pervin, the emperor asked me to dance and Pervin snatched me away, and then I was left alone, and after a delicious meal, I got bored and went outside and ended up in the rose garden, and I was worried because I got lost. Pervin appeared in . Of course, she didn’t want Mrs. Tilly to make a fuss about it, so she left out the kissing incident. Mrs. Tilly, who was waiting next to me, slowly set down the porcelain kettle. Contrary to my expectation that she would be lost in thought for a long time, she asked me back as if it was obvious.
“Do you really not know why the master is angry?”
“I don’t know. Come to think of it, she said that Mrs. Tilly was Pervin’s nanny when he was young, right? “Has she been this irritable ever since she was little?”
“Absolutely not. Although she was a bit blunt and quiet, she was a very kind and polite master. “He even raised a kitten that lost its mother in his own bed.”
When she heard Mrs. Tilly’s words, she felt even more strange. She doesn’t seem like the type of person to get angry easily, so why is she so angry at me?
* * *
Madame Tilly glanced at Irwen oblivious to her and sighed. How can people change like this? She used to be really quick to notice, but now it seemed like she had lost sight of her. She had been working for the Duke of Carlisle for several decades and had seen Pervin since his childhood, so she could immediately sense the changes in Pervin. He cared about her Irwen, a lot. Compared to Irwen’s previous behavior of appreciating her sharp and nervous attitude, Per Vin’s current attitude was very surprising. The Duke of Carlisle, who rarely expresses his emotions, expresses his emotions in a way that people can feel? It was difficult for the employees to accept that the owner, who usually hid his emotions and had a cold demeanor, turned into such a passionate person, but it was also very encouraging. Duke Pervin, who went to work at the imperial palace every day for important work, would leave after giving this advice to his employees every morning.
“Please take good care of Irwen so that she is not uncomfortable.”
In the past, he went to work just sighing, but this was the first time he left such a long comment about his wife. Something has definitely changed. The Duke of Carlisle’s attitude towards his wife had clearly changed. And during the few days that Pervin had been avoiding Irwen, he gave a glimpse of the background to the people who saw him off in the dark of dawn.
“This is a story I heard from an acquaintance. Two lovers kissed, but the woman rejected the man’s confession. What on earth does this mean?”
The workers, who had been yawning breathlessly, suddenly woke up and the atmosphere suddenly changed into a festive mood. The duke and duchess kissed at the ball? Oh my gosh, it seemed like their long-cherished wish had come to fruition that they had become such good friends. Pervin looked at the workers in confusion. The happy look in the eyes of the users was quite burdensome. He wondered if he had said this to them for no reason, but these people were the loudest people he knew. If they had told Marquis Celestine or the Emperor for no reason, there was a risk that it would spread, but these were people who would keep the secret until their death. Of course, the problem was that I was incredibly quick to notice.
“You finally kissed me!”
“I knew that if I went to the prom, I would catch a vibe and that would happen. After all, people have to ride the mood!”
“You should slow down after the kiss.”
Pervin, who was usually blunt, curled his lips slightly as if his mouth was burning. His handsome face was filled with embarrassment that was usually invisible.
“Once again, this is not my story, this is something I heard somewhere. And, the gist of this story is that the kiss was made but the confession was rejected.”
Butler Alfred asked back as if he didn’t understand.
“You didn’t force the kiss, did you? The man is strange. I kissed him, but why is my confession rejected? Could it be that her lips were not very good at putting her lips together?”
“Alfred, that’s not it.”
Pervin got irritated and added something he didn’t need to say.
“The atmosphere was nice and everything seemed flowing and natural, but when I told him I loved him, he was rejected outright.”
The moment she finished speaking, I thought, “Oops,” and closed her mouth. He didn’t want the workers to know that his feelings for Irwen were burgeoning just yet. He just wanted to keep these feelings to himself for now. Pervin lifted her chin arrogantly, but the Hundred Dan employees had already noticed her for a long time. It was he who always yearned for her love, and she was devastated that her confession was rejected, a scene she had already seen countless times four years ago. She thought she had no hope back then, but things were different now. If my wife back then was like a rose with thorns, my wife now is like a lively lily of the valley. Of course, things have changed in many ways compared to before, and the difference now is that we don’t know where things will end up. Mrs. Tilly suggested to him, carrying her rifle.
“Just because the other person refuses to confess, avoiding it is not the only option. We have to attack it head on.”
“Well, it’s not my story, it’s an acquaintance’s story…”
“Then tell that person this. Unless the other person hates you or hates you, try confronting them again. Those who don’t try have no chance.”
Pervin nodded his head without realizing it.
* * *
Attack Irwen head on. After listening to Mrs. Tilly’s advice, Pervin spent the whole day worrying about how to naturally approach Irwen again. Should he give her flowers? Should he give her a box of jewels? Should he buy a vacation home and give it as a gift? Or give up his territory? No, she said, let’s eat dinner together first, and let’s try talking again during meal time. He pictured Irwen seated at the meal in her flowing dress, her face mesmerized.
‘How long are we going to be like this?’
Just thinking about her bright smile makes his body feel uncontrollable. A bright smile, the charming slightly raised corners of the mouth, that bare skin touching his body… He was going crazy, it wouldn’t subside. If this was going to be the case, it would be better to tell Irwen to wear clothes that hug her body tightly. She thought about this and that, and ended up falling into these idle thoughts even during her meeting. On the outside he looked fine, reviewing documents, but on the inside he was thinking about what he was going to talk about with Irwen this evening. The Emperor, who was flipping through documents next to him, turned his head in that direction.
“Lord Lilias said he would delay his schedule and arrive tomorrow. Are you okay?”
“Yes?”
As Pervin’s eyes widened in surprise, the Emperor added:
“It won’t make any difference if Lord Lilias’ visit comes a few days earlier, right? I was planning to stay at your house anyway.”
“You decided to stay at my house?”
“Look at this guy, he caught a live person. I told you at the ball last time that Lord Lilias had expressed a special wish to stay at your house. You clearly nodded that you were okay.”
Pervin quickly looked away. He couldn’t remember anything about what the Emperor said at the ball. It was clear that he was only concerned about what kind of bastards were approaching Irwen. The Emperor said with a hollow smile.
“I’m sure everything I said just went through one ear. Wow, what have I been so into?”
“Sorry.”
“I was told that I would hold a brief meeting at the imperial palace and go to your house. Anyway, know that and prepare. Because it was Lord Lilias who rejected the requests of numerous nobles and decided to go to your house.”
Pervin bit his lip and was lost in thought. Duke Lilias was the one who cared for Irwen, the illegitimate daughter of the previous Duke, with warm attention. Even after he ascended to the rank of Duke, he seemed to have been in constant contact with Irwen. As Irwen’s only blood relative, he would have to treat him with sincerity, and this would have to be discussed with Irwen. Pervin’s face suddenly flushed as he thought of his wife. Okay, so just avoiding her was his answer. He thought he would give it a try first. Just by looking at her, he brainwashed himself into thinking that although he was caught being sensitive, he could solve it with his own will.
—————————————————————
Translator Note:
Hello there! This is RJR. I hope you liked it <3
If you like my work please support me with Ko-fi or Patreon. Next post will be released on January, 6.
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