Chapter 8
“You’re about the same age as Lord Cardisel. If you visit together, you could build a good relationship.” I seriously contemplated those words.
“…They won’t kill, will they?”
“Pardon?”
“No. They won’t do that.”
Our Cassel iskind. Very kind. He would never harm anyone.
The squishy cheeks reassured me, but the memory of the scum protagonist’s sprout lingered.
‘I’ll make a beautiful cage. And if you leave your arms open, you won’t be able to leave.’ Is this really a good encounter?
Daisy, who saw me muttering to myself, called me hesitantly. “Ma-Madam?”
I shot her a fierce look as I nodded. She hesitantly stepped back.
“Daisy.”
“Y-Yes!”
“Do you happen to know where Cassel is right now?”
“Lord Cardisel? Well, he hasn’t been seen in the garden lately… Oh, but the maids say he’s been seen in the study occasionally.”
“In the study?”
“Yes. It seems he’s not satisfied with the lessons from the tutors.”
Imagining him flipping through big books with his small hands made me smile.
‘He’s already overflowing with scholarly enthusiasm.
Where else can you find such a perfect child?’
“Truly. How far will our Cassel’s intelligence go? Our child is surely a genius, isn’t he, Daisy?”
“Y-Yes, indeed. A real genius.”
***
Arriving at the Duke’s study, I could see Cassel inside. The thought of seeing him brought a bright smile to my face, but the little boy was nowhere to be seen.
Afraid of disturbing his reading, I tiptoed around like a cat.
After wandering for a while, I spotted a swaying silver hair around the corner.
The child sat on the chair, lips smeared with cake. His chubby legs dangled, and his clear golden eyes sparkled with concentration.
His tiny hand tightly grasped a large book as he turned the pages slowly.
I couldn’t help but gush over his appearance, resembling a little scholar. Then, Cassel’s gaze shifted from the book.
Worried that I might have been caught, I cautiously hid my body.
“I see your hair.”
“Did you see it?”
“Why are you here again?”
He spat out bluntly. Sensing his dissatisfaction, I cautiously approached.
As I got closer, the soft cheeks of the child puffed up. His eyes were filled with displeasure. “Always going to Father first…”
“I didn’t go every time.”
“Liar.”
His scrunched-up eyes and pursed lips were filled with distrust.
“Why would Cassel call Mom a liar?”
“…Because you lied. I don’t like people who aren’t truthful.”
With a disapproving tone, Cassel swiftly turned his head away.
Matching his eye level, I gently grasped the hand holding the book.
“Mom doesn’t quite understand. Could our smart Cassel enlighten her?”
His hand trembled in mine as he hesitantly spoke.
“So, you enjoy spending time with Father?”
“No?”
Definitely not.
Hmph. I almost blurted it out.
I struggled to stop myself from uttering the slip and instead offered a soft smile.
“Isn’t it better to be with Cassel?”
“Another lie.”
In the child’s attitude of disbelief, I felt the need to explain the reason for my visit.
“It’s not a lie. I came to ask if Cassel would like to go to Lord Penzel’s for a visit.”
“Lord Penzel?”
“Yes, Lord Penzel invited Cassel to his son’s birthday. Would you like to go with Mom?”
Cassel hesitated before bringing up another topic.
“…Will you bring a gift?”
“A gift?”
“Yes.”
If it was a gift, then it should be brought. It wouldn’t be polite to attend empty-handed after accepting the invitation.
“Should we bring one?”
His face hardened at that. Lowering his head, he avoided my gaze as if hiding his expression.
Sensing something amiss, I reached out to stroke his hair that cascaded down.
Then, from deep within, Cassel’s voice reached my ears.
“You’ve never brought me a gift.”
His words were tinged with tears. My hand froze in mid-air.
‘Oh…’
Sheriel had never once congratulated Cassel on his birthday.
I intended to apologize for my oversight, but Cassel spoke first.
“Why were you acting weird? Were you planning to hurt me like this? Or are you here to pretend to be Mom now? You don’t need to. I don’t need it!”
The pain in his voice burst out like a dam breaking. The familiar voice called out to me.
“M-Mom…”
The toddling child had called for Sheriel. But the cold voice pierced the child’s heart.
“Don’t call me Mom. Because I hate it so much, my teeth chatter.”
The child’s trembling hands, as if grasping at a last hope, were desperate.
“It’s my birthday.”
“…So what do you want?”
“Just once would be nice. Just say congratulations.”
“Don’t act like a child.”
With that one statement, the child’s expression crumbled. Tears welled up in his clear golden eyes and streamed down his cheeks.
And just like that time, Cassel was crying. With a face full of hurt, he yelled at me. My hand trembled violently.
“‘Ah. I… I…”
“It’s all unnecessary. I’ll go. You don’t need to come anymore…!”
The end of the child’s sentence dissolved in my embrace. He felt especially small in my arms, and his warmth was strangely comforting.
The flowing tears seemed to tear at my heart more than they wetted my dress.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Cassel…”
Why did my heart feel so heavy?
Even though these were just fragments of memories flooding back. It felt like I was standing there again, unable to console him, feeling sorry for making him cry just because I couldn’t say that one word, “congratulations.” I couldn’t bear my own self-hatred.
“I’m sorry for neglecting you, Cassel. For not cherishing you, for not loving you… I’m so sorry for making you feel lonely.”
Then, I heard a soft murmur from the child in my arms.
“I hate someone like Mom. I really hate her…”
His hand, weakly hitting my shoulder, seemed determined not to let go, as if holding on to something precious.
“I’ll make sure you’re not lonely anymore. I’ll give you the most precious gift on your birthday. A love that cannot be replaced by anything else.”
Mom truly loves Cassel.
His crying gradually subsided. Amidst the fading sobs, a small response mixed in.
“…I hate you. I still hate you.”
Despite the hatred, his hand clutching my dress tightly seemed adamant not to let go.
***
The sound of tapping pens filled the study.
Then, as the clock struck a certain hour, Advisor Litbell sighed and said, as if speaking to himself,
“Hmm. It’s time for the Duchess to arrive. It’s so awkward having to chase her away every day…”
Though he muttered under his breath, the subject of his words was undoubtedly present. Ignoring with one ear and letting out with the other, Erkian, who sat there absentmindedly, was the target.
“What’s with all the noise?”
“Nothing.”
With a cold response, Litbell turned his attention back to the documents. Erkian, who barely glanced at them, watched the ticking of the clock.
Sheriel’s visits had become frequent lately.
Whenever the clock struck the hour, a sharp knocking sound followed, and there stood Sheriel, smiling brightly like the sun. The once icy eyes softened, and a spark of life returned to them, reminding Erkian of when he first saw her.
Sheriel Loperam. The woman who seemed endlessly cold. The woman who even on her wedding day had stared at him as if he were dead.
“Why isn’t she smiling now?”
“Do I have a reason to smile?”
Her words were still etched in his memory. So, he never expected to see that smile again. But now she had changed. Now, she smiled like a flower blooming in spring.
Though he knew she couldn’t possibly like herself. He found himself swayed by that smile, even though he knew he had no right to wish for it.
But as time passed, the steady ticking sound that used to echo incessantly was no longer heard. The silence was unsettling.
He initially thought she might be running late. But Erkian, who had been waiting for some time now, found himself staring at the closed door, tapping his fingers on the desk.
Why wasn’t she coming? If she had grown tired of playing this game…
“How long are you going to keep this up?”
“It’s not like that.”
With a dismissive tone, Litbell returned his focus to the documents. Seeing that, Erkian rose from his seat.
“I’ll be back in a moment.”
“But where are you going?”
“Just stepping out for a bit.”
Litbell’s gaze shifted to the pile of documents with a subtle smirk. Ignoring it, Erkian walked briskly towards the door.
