It has been already two weeks since my relationship with Lilliana came to an end.
A lot has happened in the meantime.
At first, I thought she had accepted the end of our relationship since I received no contact from her for three days.
“I was so harsh on her when she was crying… she must have lost her feelings for me.”
Although I felt a little regretful that the memories we had built together would now be gone, it was something I had chosen.
“It’s for the best. Lilliana will gradually forget about me, just like this.”
However, on the fourth day, I realized that my assumption was a mistake. I received a letter from Lilliana, asking to visit the estate.
“…….”
It must have taken great courage for her to reach out. But, unfortunately, I had to refuse.
The next day and the day after that, Lilliana kept asking for a chance to meet, but I remained cold.
And now, here we were.
“Madam, Lady Locke has come again today.”
“What did she say?”
“She repeated her request, asking for an opportunity to speak with you.”
Ha……
Maintaining my usual stern demeanor, I let out a small sigh so that the servant wouldn’t hear.
“I never thought Lilliana would be this persistent.”
It was around the fifth time I ignored her messages that she decided to show up at the estate in person, possibly thinking there was no other way to resolve the situation.
I drew back the curtains and looked outside from where I sat.
In the distance, I could see Lilliana standing small in front of the main gate.
“Her face looks so worn out….”
For about a week now, Lilliana had been coming here persistently, without a hint of defeat.
She didn’t seem to be eating properly, or maybe she was suffering emotionally, as her complexion didn’t look good.
According to the servant, she always said the same thing:
She wanted just one chance to speak with Lady Winder face-to-face.
Of course, I sent her away every time. But she seemed to think this was her last hope… Lilliana had not backed down for an entire week.
And each time she came… it felt like my heart was being torn apart.
“What could she possibly see in me…?”
I had never been kind to her. Even at the end, I only said cruel things.
What part of me did she love so much to the point where she became so attached?
“Lilliana….”
I looked outside again and saw her small figure, dejected. She looked truly pitiful. Fortunately, she wasn’t crying like during our last meeting, but her face was still filled with sadness.
“Madam, may I be so bold as to offer a suggestion?”
At that moment, the servant carefully spoke, as if he had something on his mind.
I gave him a slight nod, signaling my permission. Noticing this, he cautiously began.
“Simply sending Lady Locke away like this each time does not seem to be working. Perhaps it would be better if you spoke to her directly….”
He trailed off, watching my reaction. But it wasn’t hard to understand what he was trying to say.
He was suggesting I end things with her myself, once and for all.
“Yes, he’s right.”
Avoiding a confrontation with her like this wouldn’t change anything.
Lilliana would only grow more exhausted and hurt. I didn’t want that.
“I will go out to meet her myself.”
“Yes, madam.”
I draped a light coat over my shoulders and headed outside. Though my steps were firm, a sense of unease lingered in my heart.
At last, I arrived at the front gate. Through the gilded iron bars, I could see Lilliana’s face.
Her blue eyes, once dull, lit up as soon as she saw me, like someone regaining hope.
“Mother…? Is it really you?”
Lilliana called out to me cautiously, as if worried I might be a figment of her imagination.
“Lilliana.”
I called her name clearly, and only then did she seem to believe I was real.
“Oh, finally… Mother. I was so wrong! I understand why you’re disappointed in me. I’m sorry for deceiving you. But, but… please, just give me one chance to speak with you. Please, I beg you, listen to my story.”
Beyond the closed gate, Lilliana pleaded desperately, her voice trembling with weakness.
She looked so frail, as if she hadn’t eaten or rested properly. It had been a long time since I had seen her up close, and she was in worse shape than I had expected.
“At this rate, she’s going to collapse from exhaustion.”
It seemed it was time to help her move on and return to her former self.
I spoke to her with an unusually firm voice, one I had never used before.
“Enough! I did not come out here to hear this.”
“Mother….”
“Let me make this clear one more time. Stop coming, Lilliana. Nothing will change even if you keep coming.”
“…….”
Hiding my true feelings for her deep within, I looked down at Lilliana with a cold gaze. She bit her lips tightly, as if trying to hold back her tears.
“It’s over.”
At my final words, she couldn’t hold it in any longer and burst into tears. Large drops of tears started streaming down her face, as if her whole world had just collapsed.
“Please don’t say it’s over, Mother… I, I… I can’t live without you… Please, please don’t say it’s over…”
Shaking her head in denial, she wept, her voice cracking as she sobbed.
It was hard to even look at her.
I wanted to hold this pitiful girl, to embrace and comfort her. I wanted to pat her frail back and tell her not to cry.
But what I needed to do for her was neither of those things.
“Don’t cry, Lilliana. You may resent me now, but one day you’ll be grateful for this moment.”
Swallowing the truth I couldn’t say out loud, I pushed her away once again.
“Go home. And don’t ever think of coming to see me again.”
“No, no… please… don’t go…” Her voice, muffled by her sobs, pleaded with me. But I had no choice but to turn away coldly.
My steps back into the mansion felt unusually heavy.
It was not a beautiful ending.
***
Several hours had passed since Vanessa had disappeared from sight.
Despite Vanessa’s words to go back, Lilliana had remained in front of the Winder estate, shedding tears for hours.
Mother, Mother, please forgive me.
Her desperate cries no longer made it out of her mouth. Her body was too exhausted.
‘…I’m so dizzy.’
When was the last time she had cried this much in her life? The headache was unbearable.
‘I should go home…’
She knew it was ridiculous to be standing at the gate of another family’s estate like this. She was well aware that she was causing a scene.
Moreover…
Lilliana reached out her hand slightly. Small droplets landed on her palm.
She had heard the sound of rain, and it seemed that at some point a heavy downpour had started. She had been so consumed by her sorrow that she hadn’t even noticed.
The situation was far from ideal. It was clear she needed to leave this place.
But she simply couldn’t.
Leaving this estate felt like acknowledging that her connection to Vanessa was truly severed.
‘…I can’t bear that.’
Even though she knew that all of this was her fault, Lilliana couldn’t bring herself to let go of that bond.
Suddenly, the image of Vanessa’s back, walking away after saying goodbye, replayed in her mind.
The tears on her cheeks flowed even faster. Whether it was the rain or her tears, she couldn’t tell anymore.
“Mo-mother…” Lilliana wept quietly, her head hung low.
Her tears were washed away by the rain.
If only this sadness could also be washed away by the rain. But there was no sign of that happening.
An endless sense of loss gnawed at her, as if a hole had been punched in her heart. All she could do was cry out loud like a child.
Several minutes passed like that.
Then, all of a sudden, the rain stopped hitting her.
Thinking the weather had cleared up, she raised her head slightly, only to see a surprising figure.
“Lilliana?”
“…Jeremyon?”
“Why are you crying?”
Jeremyon was standing over her, shielding her with a black umbrella, looking down at her with concern.
• ❁ • ❁ • ❁ •By Esraa• ❁ • ❁ • ❁ •
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