Trigger Warning: Suicide
Redian quietly gazed at the woman smiling at him. Whenever she grabbed his hand first or gave him a radiant smile when their eyes met, even when she was looking elsewhere…
“Of course.”
He always had the same thought.
If only he could give her his heart.
If only he could devote his soul to her forever.
To you, his everything…
If only he could give her all of himself.
“I will show any loyalty.”
Does she know that he loves even the air that surrounds her and the breeze that brushes past her?
“What are you doing right now?”
“…A spell.”
But instead of saying those words, Redian gently kissed the woman while holding her chin.
“Master told me to open the barrier.”
All those words about wanting to hold her hand, embrace her, and take in her breath and warmth completely…
“I told you to open the barrier, not to do this.”
“To use my magic, I need the power Master gives me.”
“My goodness…”
Hiding behind a playful yet gentle smile.
“No matter what you see in the sea, don’t forget.”
The space around them shifted, revealing the vast Sea of Ananke beyond their shoulders.
“That I am always here waiting for you.”
How many times had he endured for today, how much blood he shed to reclaim this woman, none of that mattered.
“From tonight, Master will be higher than me, so you can kill me with your own hands.”
Monster, deserving of death, deserving to be abandoned. All those curses that were poured onto him disappeared when he faced those red eyes.
“You can give me any punishment.”
He kissed Siani’s slightly curved eyes again.
“Ah, and of course, you can love me all you want.”
Even if it was just to hold back something that was welling up inside of him.
“You make saying ‘come back’ so complicated.” Siani shrugged and laughed. “Okay. I’ll come back.”
“…”
“So don’t cry and wait, my white fox.”
The moment her hand touched his reddened eyes.
“O Lord of the Beginning.”
The waves foamed and roared, turning white before his eyes.
“You’ve finally awakened.”
Before he knew it, Redian was left alone.
“…”
His gaze on the darkened surface of the water was calm as if time had stopped. Until the moisture gathered on his eyelashes finally fell.
“I love you.”
If she heard his voice, Siani would return.
“…No matter who you are.”
No, even if she never returned, it would be okay.
“I always have.”
Because he could just dive into that sea again.
* * *
“What the?” I blinked my eyes open and instinctively muttered. “…I’m supposed to be a goddess.”
I had expected a grand scene but found myself floating in the sea.
How did this happen?
An expanse of waves so vast it was almost dizzyingly blue had unfolded. The image of Redian gradually faded.
He’ll be fine… right? Looking up in anxiety, I saw only clear water.
Until now, Redian had often seemed emotionless, almost cold. When we first met, it felt like blue blood might flow through him. He was always composed. He had that languid gaze of a top predator that couldn’t be hidden.
He looked like he’d cry if you poked him.
But now,
“He’s become quite the crybaby.”
His reddened eyes were so poignant. As someone who’s strong on the outside but soft on the inside, I couldn’t help but be concerned.
“What am I supposed to do here?”
But since I had come this far, I needed to fulfill my mission.
“Raphiel said forgotten memories gather here…”
As my body sank deeper, scenes like from a fairy tale unfolded. And my body, swaying as it let go of all weight, felt very light.
Forgotten memories, forgotten memories.
Ah, so relaxing.
I tried to think, but my mind wouldn’t allow it. The refreshing scent lingering at the tip of my nose and the sound of ripples brushing my ears… It was as if I had returned to a long-missed hometown buried deep in my memories, feeling nothing but comfort. Meanwhile, my body kept sinking deeper into a more secret place.
Huh?
It was then.
“You’ve finally returned.”
I shuddered upon discovering a distinctly shaped water bubble.
“I have waited for you so long.”
Something inside the bubble glowed through the clear water.
Golden hair, red eyes. It felt like a presence dwelling inside that water bubble, or perhaps it was my reflection on the surface. So it was definitely me, yet it also wasn’t me…
“Thousands of years ago, you buried me here and left.”
Despite the unclear words, I instinctively knew it.
“Theia, I am your past.”
It was my old memory that had been discarded in this sea.
“The past you, meaning the one here, created this world, so we can also bring it down again.”
At those words, countless bubbles suddenly appeared. Olivia, Leizi, Lisa. Those small bubbles surrounding me contained the countless lives I had lived.
“For the sin of teaching love to the foolish, you and I have been punished for a very long time.”
As I watched quietly watched the scene,
“After repeating life and death thousands of times, memories were erased and emotions discarded. You probably don’t love anything more, do you?”
My past, trapped in the bubbles, kept speaking to me.
“Now, we can return everything to its place.”
“…”
“We can finally return to a time when neither of us loved something or was being loved.”
Though my mind grew blank, I understood what my past self was saying. Destruction. In other words, the end, the apocalypse.
“It’s time to end everything.”
Suddenly, the surrounding water violently shook.
“Hurry and stab that heart beating inside you.”
I could clearly see my palm gripping a sharp blade.
“Kill that last piece of yourself with your own hands, and we can return to where we belong.”
“What do you mean…”
“It’s simple. If you had killed yourself from the beginning, everything would have ended easily.”
Killing myself with my own hands.
“But Lucifer has prevented that until now.”
In short, the way to break the endless cycle of life was to stab my heart with my own hands. Suicide. But I didn’t do that. Because I believed the words of the angel who appeared before me and tried to survive somehow…
“You were killed for meaningless reasons and probably thought of those deaths as failures.”
Then, another voice broke the silence.
“That’s why you were able to be resurrected through another fragment.”
Despite my will to survive somehow, my death was too unjust and futile. It was those deaths, not my will, that allowed me to live again.
‘Come back to me, Master.’
“Come on, stab your heart.”
I looked at the blue sword in my hand again.
‘I’m always here, waiting in this place.’
“You can finally end it. Hurry!”
Two voices simultaneously confused my ears.
“Let’s return to the wind. You’ve loved too many things.”
But one voice became clearer.
Yes, I can finally end this. As my purpose was to end all of this, I could now escape from here.
“Loving too many things was a sin.”
Becoming a free wind, untied to anything…
Before I knew it, the large bubble seemed ready to swallow me whole.
“I can finally rest.”
It grew larger, covering everything that held me back.
“Come on, hurry! Don’t hesitate and stab your heart.”
My past self shouted desperately. I could feel the emotions of having to watch the things I loved fall and crumble.
Yes, I can finally rest.
Listening to the whispers of my past self, I raised the sword.
Yes, finally, finally!
“Keugh!”
The blade cut through the water and struck directly at the center.
“Aah… why!?”
“I’ve changed my mind.”
At the same time, I felt the bubble before me violently shake.
“Things are completely different now and they were back then.”
What I pierced wasn’t the current me but the past me. The past I had buried here, the memory I could now let go of.
“Why, why…?!”
I felt my past self shouting at my present self.
“Well, just because.”
But things were different now than they were back then. Even if the past Lucifer betrayed me and fell, even if the past I wanted to end everything.
“Living long enough changes things, you know?”
The current Redian was my loyal and adorable ‘Rere,’ and my goal was to survive.
“Somehow, now everything seems quite okay.”
The bubbles burst into white foam and disappeared.
‘Master’.
As the light brightened, I saw Redian reaching out to me.
‘Nia.’
Yes, I wanted to live a little longer because there were things left to do. I needed to kill the arrogant grand duke and make money on the resort island.
“Rere.”
Most importantly, I had to…
“Come here.”
Love what’s mine even more.
Hi, now you can purchase 10 advance chapters in here.
These chapters be feeling like a fever dream these days istg 😭