070. Awareness (2)

Lucia was furious.

There was no other word that could better describe her feelings in that moment.

I was naive and helpless. I mistook the violence, resentment, and insecurities for familial love.

The moment the word “violence” left Owen’s mouth, her mind went blank.

I lived thinking it was all my fault, that I was to blame for the beatings and the harm they inflicted on my people.

As soon as those words followed, Lucia felt something inside her snap.

But what could a child know? Parents are supposed to be right. They say they’re right…

The thought that Owen’s own parents had done such things to him made it impossible to forgive them.

To think that just the sight of rain would make him struggle to breathe…

How much had they pushed him?

I couldn’t do anything else. I had no choice…

And then Owen cried.

He clung to her, begging, his tears streaming down his face.

It didn’t make her happy in the slightest.

The person she had longed for was now at her feet, but all she felt was overwhelming anger and sorrow.

“…Don’t cry.”

Ah, yes.

She was worried about Owen.

He was pitiful, miserable, and heartbreaking.

“Why are you crying? This is your parents’ fault. How dare they…”

Lucia could feel her own tears sliding down her cheeks.

It was beyond her control.

How could she not cry for this man who had suffered so much?

“Don’t cry because of the people who hurt you. Your tears are too precious for them.”

Lucia knelt down willingly to face him.

And then, she asked him directly.

“What did they do to you, Owen? Tell me.”

She was furious.

So angry that she resented Owen’s parents.

She wanted to resurrect them just to kill them again.

“Why does that matter…?”

Owen’s voice trembled.

He likely didn’t want this.

She knew.

Owen was far too kind-hearted.

Though he didn’t realize it, he was far more gentle and compassionate than necessary.

“I’m going to avenge you.”

“They’re already dead.”

“Even in death, there are debts to be paid.”

If she couldn’t bring them back, she’d still find a way to make them pay.

Lucia caressed Owen’s cheek as she asked him again.

“You said they hit you. When? Don’t tell me it was when you were four or five years old?”

Owen remained silent.

Lucia didn’t need any more than that silence to understand.

“So, it was that bad. Worse than I thought. What should I do about this?”

They weren’t even worthy of being called human.

To think they would hit a child as young as four or five…

They deserved to have been reported as child abusers, but back then, Owen would’ve had no power at all.

That made her even angrier.

“To hit a child… I used to think my father was the least suitable person to be a parent, but it seems the world is full of trash.”

Lucia had always thought that the Duke and Duchess of Edelte were unfit to be parents.

Their household was filled with distrust, resentment, and discomfort, rather than love.

But the former Duke and Duchess of Verdun were far worse.

Not only did they withhold love, they actively inflicted violence on their child.

“Your father wasn’t a good person either.”

As she gritted her teeth in anger, Owen quietly added.

“Neither was the Duchess of Edelte.”

“…Before you worry about me, take care of yourself first.”

Lucia usually liked it when Owen showed concern for her.

It made her feel loved, cherished, and cared for.

But today, it made her feel bitter.

Tears threatened to rise to her throat.

“Did they leave any scars?”

“They called for a priest to heal me.”

“How thorough of them.”

“They were ‘wise’ in that regard.”

Owen, who had been breathing unsteadily before, had calmed down.

After she had embraced him, he had gradually become more composed, likely thanks to the warmth of her body.

“That’s not wisdom. It’s garbage.”

“…”

“Tell me. How much did you suffer? How much pain did you endure, and how long did you bear it?”

This man had been alone for so long.

He had endured so much on his own, even becoming numb to the lingering trauma.

Yet, the vivid memories and the involuntary reactions of his body made it clear he had never truly escaped it.

All he could do was endure it in silence.

“Have you just been enduring it all this time?”

Owen didn’t answer.

Lucia felt a deep sadness in the silence that followed.

“…I hate that you’ve had to endure this.”

It made sense why Owen had buried himself in work.

Work was a way to forget, a way to avoid the memories that resurfaced when his mind was idle. And knowing his parents, they likely pressured him as well. They must have demanded perfection, insisting that he become an ideal person, the perfect family head, or a knight. A person raised like that would only know how to force themselves into the mold that had been set for them.

“If you’re struggling, say you’re struggling. If you’re hurting, say you’re hurting. Don’t hold it in.”

Lucia could feel her emotions welling up inside her. It wasn’t like her to feel this way, and that made her realize something. Owen had been right all along.

“You have people around you who care about you.”

She loved him.

She loved him deeply.

“You should have told the people who have been watching over you for so long.”

“…It wasn’t enough to mention.”

“Don’t lie. You didn’t want to worry them, and you were afraid it would hurt too much to even bring it up.”

“…”

Lucia sighed, looking up at Owen with a steady gaze. His black eyes trembled slightly, filled with innocence.

“Listen carefully, Owen.”

Holding both of his hands tightly, she chose her words with care.

“Don’t hide anything from me, especially not because you don’t want to worry me.”

“But…”

“I mean it. I hate it when you’re in pain or when you’re struggling.”

Owen slowly nodded. His eyes shifted as if he was still unsure, but Lucia continued.

“You said you wanted to believe in familial love, but you ended up thinking love didn’t exist.”

“Yes.”

“How do you feel now? Has your perspective changed?”

Owen nodded again.

“I love you.”

As always, he was so gentle.

Lucia found it remarkable.

Kindness often comes from someone who has been worn down, yet here he was, someone who had received so little, still giving so much.

“And?”

“What?”

“You said I love you too, Owen.”

“That’s…”

“I love you, Owen.”

His eyes shook fiercely.

Lucia smiled as she watched his face twist in a mixture of surprise, confusion, and happiness.

“So I want you to lean on me. I won’t hurt you like anyone else has.”

Owen still couldn’t find the words, his lips moving silently.

Seeing him like this, Lucia whispered again.

“I love you very much.”

“…”

His eyes continued to tremble, searching her face as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t find the right words.

Lucia smiled brightly and pulled him into her arms again.

As she held him, she could hear his heart pounding loudly.

Thump, thump.

It beat faster and louder than usual, and she repeated her words in a different way.

“Sorry for making you wait so long. But it’s the truth, and you know it better than anyone.”

“…Lucia.”

At last, Owen spoke.

His voice was slow, her name softly leaving his lips.

“Yes, Owen.”

When she answered, he buried his face in her shoulder.

He pressed himself into her, wrapping his arms around her back as he whispered her name again.

“Lucia…”

The way he said it, dragging it out, sounded almost like he was clinging to her.

Lucia gently placed her hand on his hair, stroking the still-damp strands, which were cold to the touch.

“…I love you.”

After some time passed in silence, he finally lifted his head to speak again, his gaze locking with hers.

“Yes, I love you too.”

When she responded with her own confession, his face crumpled.

It was the expression of someone who had longed for this moment but had never expected it.

Even though he had been the one to realize her feelings first, he seemed to treat this moment as if it were a dream.

“I think I understand why you liked it when I worried about you.”

Lucia took his hand and stood up.

They couldn’t stay seated on the floor forever.

When she stood and gently pulled him up, Owen rose to his feet as well.

Lucia led him to the bed, and the two of them sat side by side on the edge.

“I realized the same thing. I don’t usually let myself feel this way about others, but I was hurt, and I cried, and I was angry because of your pain.”

“…”

Owen remained silent, listening to her story.

He stared at her, as if not wanting to miss a single word or moment, still in disbelief but eager to take it all in.

“Owen, I think I love you very much.”

Lucia continued, gazing into his eyes.

She smiled brightly and whispered once again that she loved him.

“I want to have all of you, for all of your life. Even if that means my love is something terrifying, something more than you could imagine. Are you okay with that?”

Her final words were a warning.

Lucia knew herself well.

Her love wasn’t the same as Owen’s.

His love was like the sea, but hers was like a blazing inferno.

He cherished and nurtured with his love, but she possessed and consumed with hers.

“Terrifying? Not at all.”

The words were meant to test him, yet he responded with absolute certainty.

It was strange, his lack of hesitation.

“How can you be so sure? What if I lock you away, never let you out of my sight for the rest of your life?”

She suddenly felt the urge to scare him.

Perhaps it was because she wanted to see just how much he could handle, how far he was willing to go for her.

“What if I tell you to look at no one but me and keep you isolated?”

It was cruel to say such things to someone who had spent so much of his life alone.

With the rain still falling outside, and Owen still trembling from his past, Lucia realized just how selfish and cruel she could be.

Her love, even now, was self-centered.

It was funny to her that even her love was tainted with selfishness.

‘I guess even my love is selfish.’

It was no surprise, given that she was born and raised as an Edelte.

No matter how much she rejected it, she was still an Edelte at her core.

“If that’s what you want, then I’ll do it.”

“…Do you even understand what you’re saying?”

His response left her astonished.

She let out a short, incredulous laugh and asked him again, only for Owen to smile.

A smile, in this situation?

Her brow furrowed, but his next words were even more surprising.

“Because you’ll stay by my side.”

“…”

“So it doesn’t matter, Lucia. As long as I have you, I’ll be fine without anyone else.”

Ah.

Lucia realized something at that moment.

Owen loved her far more deeply than she had imagined.

In his world, she was everything: his salvation, his absolute, his ruler.

She had become the only one in his once-lonely world.

No matter how much she pushed him, how much she tried to dominate and control him, Owen would never leave her.