069. Awareness (1)

At Owen’s words, Lucia froze.

Her crimson eyes trembled with ripples of emotion.

“Just like now, so honestly.”

“…Why now?”

“Your eyes were trembling.”

Owen reached out his hand and slowly brushed under her eyes.

As he did, a soft smile spread across his face.

“That’s how I glimpsed your love as well.”

“….”

Her red eyes were filled with confusion, as if she couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

It was understandable.

How could someone who had never experienced love recognize it in an instant?

Even after whispering and pointing it out several times, it still wasn’t enough.

“Lucia.”

With a smile on his face, Owen called her name.

Lucia’s gaze, as if by habit, followed his gentle voice.

He quietly gazed into her two crimson eyes, which were clouded with confusion.

When he held her gaze firmly, he could see her flinch.

“I love you.”

Owen softly murmured, as if reciting the lyrics to a song.

As soon as he finished speaking, raindrops began to fall from the sky.

Plop, plop.

The slow drizzle quickly turned into a heavy downpour, the rain beating down with intensity.

“Ah…”

Owen looked up at the sky and furrowed his brows.

Unpleasant memories began to creep back in.

His chest tightened, and his breathing became labored.

It was an inexplicable reaction.

How could simply being caught in the rain cause him to crumble like this?

He felt powerless.

‘…He must have felt like this.’

But soon, Owen realized why.

He let out a sigh.

As a child, he had been powerless in the face of all those memories and experiences.

A child, broken by the helplessness and self-blame that had enveloped him, would continue to struggle even as an adult.

“Owen.”

Lucia approached him as he stood there, unable to even think about getting out of the rain, barely managing to catch his breath.

His clothes, already damp with sweat, were now soaked through with cold rainwater.

Lucia placed her hand over his drenched clothing.

“Are you okay?”

Her eyes, filled with concern, focused entirely on him.

Along with her gaze, her warmth also reached his body.

The hand that had grasped his arm was now gently resting on his cheek.

“It’s the rain, isn’t it? It was the same yesterday. When the rain started, your breathing became irregular.”

“…Yes.”

Lucia quickly understood the reason for his change.

With no choice but to agree, Owen nodded, and Lucia let out a sigh before pulling him into a tight embrace.

“Let’s go inside. You’ll catch a cold if you stay out in the rain.”

“Okay.”

Though it was unlikely for a Swordmaster like Owen to catch a cold, he nodded quietly.

He knew she was only speaking out of concern, and he couldn’t just brush it off.

“Bring some towels.”

As soon as they entered the building, Lucia called for a maid and asked her to bring towels.

The maid, upon seeing the soaked state of both Owen and Lucia, hurriedly fetched some towels.

“Shall I assist—”

“I’ll take care of it.”

Lucia took the two towels from the maid and dismissed her.

She personally began drying the water off Owen’s body.

Despite being drenched herself, she prioritized him, which felt rather unfamiliar.

“You’ll catch a cold at this rate.”

Unable to stand by any longer, Owen draped the other towel over Lucia’s shoulders.

Then, without warning, he lifted her into his arms.

Supporting her back and legs, he carried her up the stairs toward the bedroom she had been assigned.

“Go wash up and change your clothes. I’ll do the same.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

Lucia quickly added, her voice filled with urgency.

It seemed she was still quite worried about Owen’s strange symptoms whenever it rained.

“Are you worried about me?”

Owen looked at her with a smile.

Perhaps it was because he smiled despite the serious situation that Lucia furrowed her brow.

“Is this really the time to be smiling? You did this yesterday too, and now again….”

“I just… feel happy.”

“….”

“You’re worried about me.”

Owen lifted her hand to his lips, giving it a brief kiss.

Then, looking at her, he continued.

“You once told me that you liked it when you could feel my love for you.”

“…I did.”

“I like it when I see that you’re worried about me.”

Owen murmured softly.

At his words, Lucia furrowed her brow again.

“It’s something I can’t help but worry about. And I’d rather there be nothing to worry about. I don’t want you to be unwell, Owen.”

“I know. I won’t go out of my way to fall ill, so don’t worry.”

He whispered reassuringly as he gently stepped away from her.

“Let’s really go wash up now. We’re getting colder by the minute.”

“…Alright.”

Lucia nodded reluctantly, then called for the maids and went to the bathroom.

Owen, too, left her room and headed to his own.

By the time he arrived, the attendants had already prepared the bath.

Owen slid into the warm water that had already been drawn. The luxurious marble tub was enchanted to maintain its temperature. A faint scent of wood rose, probably from the oils added to the water.

It wasn’t overpowering, but a soft, subtle fragrance that lingered in the air, making Owen relax as he leaned back and closed his eyes.

The attendants skillfully assisted him with his bath. Even though this was the second time they were helping him today, they showed no signs of fatigue as they diligently finished their work.

Perhaps it was because there were people around, but Owen felt much better than he had earlier.

It seemed that being alone in the rain was what affected him the most.

Once he was dressed with the attendants’ help, Lucia walked into his room.

Owen raised an eyebrow, surprised to see her emerge from her bath so quickly. She approached him.

“Nothing happened, right?”

It was clear that her concern stemmed from the earlier incident.

‘Maybe I should have kept quiet or not mentioned it at all,’ Owen thought to himself, realizing it had caused her to worry.

He regretted saying anything, knowing it would only make her anxious.

“Don’t even think about hiding or running away.”

Lucia suddenly said, her hands cupping his face.

She firmly held his cheeks and stared at him, her eyes sharp as she warned him.

“Tell me the truth. Why do you react that way to the rain?”

Owen glanced at the attendants and gave them a signal. They quickly gathered their things and left the room.

Even as they left, Lucia didn’t let go, continuing her questioning.

“Why are you afraid of the rain? What’s the reason? Why do you feel the need to hide it from me?”

Her voice was pressing, but Owen shook his head slightly in response.

Sighing, Lucia released her hands from his face.

“If that’s the case, I’d appreciate it if you were honest with me. We’re going to be engaged soon. Don’t you think I have a right to know this much?”

She was right.

Their relationship had grown too personal for him to keep hiding things under the pretense of not wanting to worry her.

Owen pondered how to start.

No matter how he told this story, his body would likely react on its own. Still, he had to find the least painful way to explain it.

“I’m not afraid of the rain. It’s just that the rain is a strong trigger for memories. It’s not the main cause of my distress.”

He decided to start with the rain, feeling the need to correct her misunderstanding.

“Then what is it?”

“The rain… reminds me of that day. I was seventeen when my parents died. It was a huge shock to me.”

“Ah…”

“It was a summer day. The rainy season. There was a terrible downpour. They died in a carriage accident. You already know this, don’t you?”

Lucia remained silent, listening intently, unable to find the words to respond.

Seeing her listening quietly, Owen decided to continue, his voice steady for now.

It was still bearable, for the moment.

“My parents were… everything to me. People I could never surpass, who always broke me down.”

But, despite his efforts to stay calm, his breath started to quicken.

Owen struggled to keep his breathing steady as he continued.

“I thought they were deeply in love with each other. They often left me behind to go on trips together, so I naturally assumed their relationship was strong.”

Lucia’s eyes widened in surprise.

It was understandable since this was something she hadn’t known before.

“But I was wrong. And because of that, I found it hard to trust in love anymore. I convinced myself that love couldn’t possibly exist.”

“So…”

“Yes. I thought they loved each other, even though they never showed me any affection. I was foolish enough to believe that.”

His breathing grew heavier.

At the same time, he let out a bitter, self-deprecating laugh.

This wasn’t how he had intended to speak, but somehow, he found himself being harsh toward his own past.

This… this was clearly Owen’s trauma.

“My mother and father seemed like they had a great relationship. I thought we were a real family. But it was all a huge mistake…”

Even through his strained breathing, Owen could feel the bitterness.

All of this was a mockery of himself.

He was throwing stones at his own foolish past.

“I was naive and helpless. I wanted to believe that the violence, the resentment, the feelings of inadequacy, and the blame were all signs of familial love.”

“…What? Wait, Owen.”

Lucia interrupted, her voice urgent.

But once the truth began spilling out, there was no stopping it.

It was like water pouring out of a waterfall, or a tidal wave crashing down.

The emotions kept flooding out.

“I lived thinking that everything was my fault — that the beatings, the imprisonment, the attempts to harm those close to me, were all because of me.”

“Your parents treated you like that?”

“But what could a child do? When parents say you’re wrong, when they say they’re right…”

His chest tightened.

His breathing became labored, and his body trembled.

The wounds that should have long healed ached as if they were fresh.

Owen sank to the floor.

“I… I couldn’t do anything… I was just…”

As his breathing grew more erratic, Owen reached out and clutched the hem of Lucia’s dress.

It was the same desperate gesture he had once made as a child, begging for mercy after being beaten by his mother.

“…Don’t cry.”

Lucia’s voice was thick with emotion.

It wasn’t until she spoke those words that Owen realized he was crying.

“Why are you crying? This isn’t your fault. It’s your parents who were wrong. How could they…”

She, too, was crying.

Tears welled up in her crimson eyes and trickled down her face.

Owen saw her tears but couldn’t find any words to respond.

It was as if his mind had gone blank.

“Don’t cry because of the people who hurt you. Your tears are too precious for them.”

Lucia knelt down in front of Owen, who had collapsed to the floor.

She wrapped her arms around him and whispered softly.

“What did they do to you, Owen? Tell me.”

“Why does it matter…”

The warmth of her embrace seemed to ease his pain just a little.

As Owen managed to speak, Lucia’s voice turned sharp, her red eyes burning with a fierce intensity.

“So I can avenge you.”

“…They’re already dead.”

“Even in death, there are debts to be paid.”

Her hand touched his cheek again.

It was a tender gesture, but her eyes were cold.

“You said they hit you. When? Surely not when you were just a little child, right? Not when you were four or five?”

“…”

“I see. It’s worse than I thought. What should we do about this?”

Though Owen remained silent, Lucia quickly pieced it together.

She frowned deeply, clearly pondering something.

“They hit you when you were a child… I thought my father was the least fit to be a parent, but it seems the world has even worse trash in it.”
TL/N: COMMUNICATION people!! COMMUNICATIONN!!!